About to Jump Off a Ledge Over Upcoming MIL Visit, Please Talk Me Down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP,

How are you doing?

What plans have you put in place?

What did your husband say when you sat him down and gave him The Talk?

I'm OP, sorry to report no improvement. I was very clear to DH about how I feel about this and how it isn't acceptable. DH cannot let go of his feeling of obligation to his mother, that he cannot say no to her and has to always welcome her into his home. He understands that she is difficult, and that I really suffer when she is here, but he sees the problem as me and not her. Apparently I should simply be able to control my feelings better and just not be annoyed or upset over anything if those feelings are not convenient for him. I feel worse now than before I spoke to him. I guess she has finally succeeded in breaking up our family, and I hate her so much for it.

[Anonymous]

So sorry to hear this OP.

I have a MIL from another culture and after DD was born she turned into a monster. Trying to act like she was in charge, telling me how to care for my baby, despite not really knowing what DD needed (I was breastfeeding, MIL has no experience in this). Honestly, I was mean to her. I lost it with her a few times. I had a lot of trouble dealing with her and unfortunately things with DH were not great either.

Although I hate that I lost my temper with her, I think it was helpful in setting limits. It conveyed to her that I am not a doormat.

Frankly, the whole situation created so much anxiety for me that it was hard for me to see beyond that. Taking an anti-depressant helped a lot and helped me ignore some of the small stuff. But it sounds like you are dealing with some bigger stuff and feeling really stuck. You need to be willing to draw a line with your DH and right now you can't because divorce is scary (totally fair!). But the status quo is not sustainable. Getting mental health care might help you get unstuck and figure out a way to cope or make a change.

[Anonymous]

DP.

OP, if your husband does not protect you, you are left with the two options mentioned ad nauseum by the previous posters:

1. You tell her that you cannot host her now, and from now one it will be 1 week, 2x year.

2. You move to an Airbnb. That will drive home the message, too.

Although you get more respect if you don't eschew the confrontation. The immediate PP's similar experience gives you a rough idea of how it would work out.

Your health is more important than not upsetting MIL. Good luck, OP.