Siblings kids not invited to wedding

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You sound like a nightmare wedding guest. When you get an invitation, you can accept or decline. That's it. Your fantasies about what wedding dreams should be like are not required. You plan your wedding and other's plan theirs.[/quote]

I am a perfectly fine wedding guest/. I have never brought my children to a wedding, but they have never been banned from a wedding either. My sister wanted my kids to be in her wedding, but I explained to her why that wouldn’t work for me, and she understood.
My own wedding was really nice. A few people brought their kids, but not many. DH’s friend and his wife are kind of odd, and they brought four children plus a flower girl dress for their only girl. We just rolled with it and found some rose petals for her to scatter down the aisle before the wedding party went down. It wasn’t a big deal.

I honestly can understand people like the OP, who really don’t spend a lot of time away from their children.

I don’t understand the “dream wedding” thing, or the wedding reception as something apart from the people who are there to celebrate with you. I’m not trying to take something from anyone, and I’m generally fine with complying with people’s wishes to a point.
I just wanted to understand where people like the OP’s sibling are coming from. [/quote]

NP. The PP who called you a nightmare wedding guest sounds like a jerk. It seemed to me that you just wanted to understand why someone wouldn’t want their family and friends to come to their wedding (by not making it very convenient for those who live far away or have kids to attend). Obviously you cannot accommodate everyone but it would seem in most families that at least immediate family members such as parents and siblings would be accommodated (given that the couple getting married is close to their family of course).

Obviously people have different priorities and different visions for their weddings. And people should have whatever type of wedding they want. *To me* the wedding is about joining two people together and gathering those closest to them to celebrate that. If those closest to you cannot attend because you picked a really remote location that’s $$ or difficult to get to, an inconvenient date/time, excluded kids which makes it hard for parents to come, etc then your idea of your wedding is just a party for you and your spouse—which is totally fine if that’s what you want to do! I guess it just seems like if that’s all it’s about to you then why even have a wedding? Why not just go to the courthouse or something if you don’t care if your family/friends can come?[/quote]

It's not being a "jerk" to not explain to the annoying PP what a "dream wedding" is since she's the one who brought it up in the first place. Nobody is talking about their dreams here rather a wedding where someone doesn't want kids and maybe while they would like to accommodate everyone and their step cousin, budget and venue constraints make that impossible. So choices are made. It's really none of PPs business if she's invited to such an event. Go or don't go.[/quote]


Pp here. I’m not the one who brought this up in the first place. I was initially responding to this post:

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple. [/quote]

This is what I did 20 years ago when my sister got married. At the time I was *shocked* she didn’t want her only niece and nephew to NOT be in/at the wedding (I really was, thank goodness I evolved over time). But, I went solo and it was a blast and [b]my sister and now husband had the wedding of their dreams.[/b] Win-Win[/quote]

I was just wondering what that poster meant when she said that she evolved over time. What did she evolve to? I would also like to evolve. I guess that I was looking to be able to empathize.
I guess that I pretty firmly believe that all people are doing their best and have reasons for doing what they are doing.
Your explanations that this is just totally random doesn’t make sense to me.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You sound like a nightmare wedding guest. When you get an invitation, you can accept or decline. That's it. Your fantasies about what wedding dreams should be like are not required. You plan your wedding and other's plan theirs.[/quote]

I am a perfectly fine wedding guest/. I have never brought my children to a wedding, but they have never been banned from a wedding either. My sister wanted my kids to be in her wedding, but I explained to her why that wouldn’t work for me, and she understood.
My own wedding was really nice. A few people brought their kids, but not many. DH’s friend and his wife are kind of odd, and they brought four children plus a flower girl dress for their only girl. We just rolled with it and found some rose petals for her to scatter down the aisle before the wedding party went down. It wasn’t a big deal.

I honestly can understand people like the OP, who really don’t spend a lot of time away from their children.

I don’t understand the “dream wedding” thing, or the wedding reception as something apart from the people who are there to celebrate with you. I’m not trying to take something from anyone, and I’m generally fine with complying with people’s wishes to a point.
I just wanted to understand where people like the OP’s sibling are coming from. [/quote]

NP. The PP who called you a nightmare wedding guest sounds like a jerk. It seemed to me that you just wanted to understand why someone wouldn’t want their family and friends to come to their wedding (by not making it very convenient for those who live far away or have kids to attend). Obviously you cannot accommodate everyone but it would seem in most families that at least immediate family members such as parents and siblings would be accommodated (given that the couple getting married is close to their family of course).

Obviously people have different priorities and different visions for their weddings. And people should have whatever type of wedding they want. *To me* the wedding is about joining two people together and gathering those closest to them to celebrate that. If those closest to you cannot attend because you picked a really remote location that’s $$ or difficult to get to, an inconvenient date/time, excluded kids which makes it hard for parents to come, etc then your idea of your wedding is just a party for you and your spouse—which is totally fine if that’s what you want to do! I guess it just seems like if that’s all it’s about to you then why even have a wedding? Why not just go to the courthouse or something if you don’t care if your family/friends can come?[/quote]

It's not being a "jerk" to not explain to the annoying PP what a "dream wedding" is since she's the one who brought it up in the first place. Nobody is talking about their dreams here rather a wedding where someone doesn't want kids and maybe while they would like to accommodate everyone and their step cousin, budget and venue constraints make that impossible. So choices are made. It's really none of PPs business if she's invited to such an event. Go or don't go.[/quote]


Pp here. I’m not the one who brought this up in the first place. I was initially responding to this post:

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple. [/quote]

This is what I did 20 years ago when my sister got married. At the time I was *shocked* she didn’t want her only niece and nephew to NOT be in/at the wedding (I really was, thank goodness I evolved over time). But, I went solo and it was a blast and [b]my sister and now husband had the wedding of their dreams.[/b] Win-Win[/quote]

I was just wondering what that poster meant when she said that she evolved over time. What did she evolve to? I would also like to evolve. I guess that I was looking to be able to empathize.
I guess that I pretty firmly believe that all people are doing their best and have reasons for doing what they are doing.
Your explanations that this is just totally random doesn’t make sense to me.


[/quote]

It doesn't make sense to you because you have decided there is a right way and a wrong way to do a wedding. You want to know how anyone can do it wrong and why they bother at all because in your mind it's not a wedding and they should just go the courthouse. The condescension is loud and clear. I have been to lots of weddings and have never been to one where all the friends of the bride and groom bring their entire families. It's just not done, and it's known to get a sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We politely decline most no-kids weddings. I only make an exception if I know there is a real hardship (financial/venue limitations/etc) and then in that case either myself or DH go solo. If it purely because of a pretentious bride or groom, no thank you.

It is not pretentious to not want your wedding ruined crying, tantrum throwing , messy, noisy brats. This is particularly true with parents who think their snowflakes are just too precious for words and everybody just loves them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We politely decline most no-kids weddings. I only make an exception if I know there is a real hardship (financial/venue limitations/etc) and then in that case either myself or DH go solo. If it purely because of a pretentious bride or groom, no thank you.

It is not pretentious to not want your wedding ruined crying, tantrum throwing , messy, noisy brats. This is particularly true with parents who think their snowflakes are just too precious for words and everybody just loves them!

+1

Only parents think their actual kids are adorable - not anyone else's kid. Just because I might be good with my kid, doesn't mean I feel like tolerating anyone else's kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We politely decline most no-kids weddings. I only make an exception if I know there is a real hardship (financial/venue limitations/etc) and then in that case either myself or DH go solo. If it purely because of a pretentious bride or groom, no thank you.

It is not pretentious to not want your wedding ruined crying, tantrum throwing , messy, noisy brats. This is particularly true with parents who think their snowflakes are just too precious for words and everybody just loves them!

I enjoyed the irony of someone using “myself or DH go solo” in a rant about how people who prefer child-free weddings are “pretentious.”

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]

It doesn't make sense to you because you have decided there is a right way and a wrong way to do a wedding. You want to know how anyone can do it wrong and why they bother at all because in your mind it's not a wedding and they should just go the courthouse. The condescension is loud and clear. I have been to lots of weddings and have never been to one where [b]all the friends of the bride and groom bring their entire families[/b]. It's just not done, and it's known to get a sitter.[/quote]

I don’t think anyone was talking about this happening. I think people were saying it’s weird to have a wedding where it’s really inconvenient for family/friends of bride and groom to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We politely decline most no-kids weddings. I only make an exception if I know there is a real hardship (financial/venue limitations/etc) and then in that case either myself or DH go solo. If it purely because of a pretentious bride or groom, no thank you.

It is not pretentious to not want your wedding ruined crying, tantrum throwing , messy, noisy brats. This is particularly true with parents who think their snowflakes are just too precious for words and everybody just loves them!

+1

Only parents think their actual kids are adorable - not anyone else's kid. Just because I might be good with my kid, doesn't mean I feel like tolerating anyone else's kid.

DP. So why are you even pretending the parents are your friends if you don’t like their kids at all?

I don’t think it’s just the no kids thing, but I think weddings have gotten way too self indulgent in general. Like other PPs I’m confused why you’re hosting an event if you don’t have any interest in making it enjoyable for your guests.

Fwiw I’ve attended the occasional kid-free wedding and I always rush my kids out by their bedtimes before they get whiny, but some of the arguments posted here have been pretty unconvincing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We politely decline most no-kids weddings. I only make an exception if I know there is a real hardship (financial/venue limitations/etc) and then in that case either myself or DH go solo. If it purely because of a pretentious bride or groom, no thank you.

It is not pretentious to not want your wedding ruined crying, tantrum throwing , messy, noisy brats. This is particularly true with parents who think their snowflakes are just too precious for words and everybody just loves them!

+1

Only parents think their actual kids are adorable - not anyone else's kid. Just because I might be good with my kid, doesn't mean I feel like tolerating anyone else's kid.

Untrue. I like kids. I like my nephews and nieces. I like my cousins’ kids. I like my friends’ kids.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

It doesn't make sense to you because you have decided there is a right way and a wrong way to do a wedding. You want to know how anyone can do it wrong and why they bother at all because in your mind it's not a wedding and they should just go the courthouse. The condescension is loud and clear. I have been to lots of weddings and have never been to one where [b]all the friends of the bride and groom bring their entire families[/b]. It's just not done, and it's known to get a sitter.[/quote]

I don’t think anyone was talking about this happening. I think people were saying it’s weird to have a wedding where it’s really inconvenient for family/friends of bride and groom to attend.[/quote]

One of the PPs literally said that. Excluding kids doesn't make it "really inconvenient". And that doesn't mean the bride and groom only deserve a courthouse wedding because they can't accommodate or don't want everyone's kids there.

"I guess it just seems like if that’s all it’s about to you then why even have a wedding? Why not just go to the courthouse or something if you don’t care if your family/friends can come?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We politely decline most no-kids weddings. I only make an exception if I know there is a real hardship (financial/venue limitations/etc) and then in that case either myself or DH go solo. If it purely because of a pretentious bride or groom, no thank you.

It is not pretentious to not want your wedding ruined crying, tantrum throwing , messy, noisy brats. This is particularly true with parents who think their snowflakes are just too precious for words and everybody just loves them!

+1

Only parents think their actual kids are adorable - not anyone else's kid. Just because I might be good with my kid, doesn't mean I feel like tolerating anyone else's kid.

DP. So why are you even pretending the parents are your friends if you don’t like their kids at all?

I don’t think it’s just the no kids thing, but I think weddings have gotten way too self indulgent in general. Like other PPs I’m confused why you’re hosting an event if you don’t have any interest in making it enjoyable for your guests.

Fwiw I’ve attended the occasional kid-free wedding and I always rush my kids out by their bedtimes before they get whiny, but some of the arguments posted here have been pretty unconvincing.

Exactly. It’s really not about making the event kid-free or not. Kid-free events can be fun and events w kids can be fun. It’s that a lot of weddings seem to not take guests into consideration at all. It’s weird to invite people to something but to not even think about how or why it might be difficult for them to attend. It’s weird to invite people to something and not consider them at all in the process (whether this is not offering vegetarian meal options when you know some guests are vegetarian, or choosing to have an outdoor wedding when it will be 100 degrees or 30 degrees outside, or whether it’s asking everyone to pay $1000 to fly to some remote location, or telling everyone to wear something that fits a color scheme you have in mind or whatever) it’s inconsiderate and rude. It’s like people lose their minds and their manners when planning a wedding.

[Anonymous]

PP please learn how to use the quotes option. It’s really not that hard.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

It doesn't make sense to you because you have decided there is a right way and a wrong way to do a wedding. You want to know how anyone can do it wrong and why they bother at all because in your mind it's not a wedding and they should just go the courthouse. The condescension is loud and clear. I have been to lots of weddings and have never been to one where [b]all the friends of the bride and groom bring their entire families[/b]. It's just not done, and it's known to get a sitter.[/quote]

I don’t think anyone was talking about this happening. I think people were saying it’s weird to have a wedding where it’s really inconvenient for family/friends of bride and groom to attend.[/quote]

One of the PPs literally said that. Excluding kids doesn't make it "really inconvenient". And that doesn't mean the bride and groom only deserve a courthouse wedding because they can't accommodate or don't want everyone's kids there.

"I guess it just seems like if that’s all it’s about to you then why even have a wedding? Why not just go to the courthouse or something if you don’t care if your family/friends can come?"



[/quote]

That comment wasn’t just about inviting kids or not. It was about having weddings in remote locations that are expensive to travel to, it was about having weddings at inconvenient times/dates, just generally making weddings inconvenient for guests…not just by excluding kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP please learn how to use the quotes option. It’s really not that hard.

Someone screwed it up pages ago. It’s hard to go back through all the responses to correct it now. (You have to delete all the responses which at this point are really long)

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

It doesn't make sense to you because you have decided there is a right way and a wrong way to do a wedding. You want to know how anyone can do it wrong and why they bother at all because in your mind it's not a wedding and they should just go the courthouse. The condescension is loud and clear. I have been to lots of weddings and have never been to one where [b]all the friends of the bride and groom bring their entire families[/b]. It's just not done, and it's known to get a sitter.[/quote]

I don’t think anyone was talking about this happening. I think people were saying it’s weird to have a wedding where it’s really inconvenient for family/friends of bride and groom to attend.[/quote]

One of the PPs literally said that. Excluding kids doesn't make it "really inconvenient". And that doesn't mean the bride and groom only deserve a courthouse wedding because they can't accommodate or don't want everyone's kids there.

"I guess it just seems like if that’s all it’s about to you then why even have a wedding? Why not just go to the courthouse or something if you don’t care if your family/friends can come?"



[/quote]

That comment wasn’t just about inviting kids or not. It was about having weddings in remote locations that are expensive to travel to, it was about having weddings at inconvenient times/dates, just generally making weddings inconvenient for guests…not just by excluding kids.[/quote]

No, they aren't saying that. Even the OP isn't complaining about a real destination wedding. People get real offended if their kids aren't invited to weddings, near or far.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]

That comment wasn’t just about inviting kids or not. It was about having weddings in remote locations that are expensive to travel to, it was about having weddings at inconvenient times/dates, just generally making weddings inconvenient for guests…not just by excluding kids.[/quote]

Does this fix it?