Siblings kids not invited to wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP wants her kids to experience a wedding and to show them of course, the truth emerges. It's always the greedy ones insisting on taking advantage of others for their own selfish gain and guilt tripping by pretending an 11 month old is the same as a newborn nursing infant. This is why people don't want kids at the wedding. Guests like OP will put their kids front and center on the dance floor, let them cause a scene during the ceremony, demand special food, and just be pains, because aren't the kids just so dang cute all dressed up?

You sound fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Your sibling is getting married 4 hours away, and your in-laws are available to watch your kids. This is honestly about as easy as it gets to go to a wedding as a mother of three young kids.

Nothing like the first post indicated. Op doesn't even need to stay overnight.

Oh come off it. It's like going to NYC from DC for a day trip. Yes, it's doable and is done a lot. But don't pretend it's not kind of a pain to have 8 hours of driving or a 2 flights in a single day. And will need to either be dressed before she leaves or bring clothing to change into in a restroom. Am guessing OP will be leaving the reception early to get back home by a decent hour.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]
You sound like a nightmare wedding guest. When you get an invitation, you can accept or decline. That's it. Your fantasies about what wedding dreams should be like are not required. You plan your wedding and other's plan theirs.[/quote]

I am a perfectly fine wedding guest/. I have never brought my children to a wedding, but they have never been banned from a wedding either. My sister wanted my kids to be in her wedding, but I explained to her why that wouldn’t work for me, and she understood.
My own wedding was really nice. A few people brought their kids, but not many. DH’s friend and his wife are kind of odd, and they brought four children plus a flower girl dress for their only girl. We just rolled with it and found some rose petals for her to scatter down the aisle before the wedding party went down. It wasn’t a big deal.

I honestly can understand people like the OP, who really don’t spend a lot of time away from their children.

I don’t understand the “dream wedding” thing, or the wedding reception as something apart from the people who are there to celebrate with you. I’m not trying to take something from anyone, and I’m generally fine with complying with people’s wishes to a point.
I just wanted to understand where people like the OP’s sibling are coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t bring an 11mo to a wedding ceremony at all, or for most of the reception, even if kids WERE allowed! Likely would not be enjoyable for anyone, including the 11mo.

Thank you. I totally agree with this. Very small kids won’t remember, shouldn’t be expected to remain calm and quiet, and generally get nothing out of it, and divert attention from their parents who often can’t listen to the ceremony. If family wants to meet or see them and the reception allows, that’s a different scenario.

+1

While I’m not personally a fan of “no kids, period” weddings, we didn’t take any of ours to weddings or other important events (even if kids were invited) until they were reasonably old enough to sit quietly. 4ish or older, depending on the event. It would’ve been no fun for the kid, and no fun for us either. We attended things alone and left kids with the other parent, or got a sitter.

For close family weddings (like siblings), we brought our kids to the wedding. That way all the elderly relatives could say hi after the ceremony was over and they would be in all the pictures that the brides wanted. Then we had a babysitter or a grandparent (from the other side of the family) pick them up and put them to bed. I don't believe kids belong at receptions because they run late, there's drinking and dancing. Kid "dancing" is the worst IMO and the kids get out of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and definitely not a troll. Baby will be 11 months so not exclusively nursing. I wanted my children to experience a family wedding but I now realize that this wedding venue / experience is not conducive to that. Destination is a 1 hour flight / 4 hour drive / 3 hour train away. So DH and I will get ILs to stay with our kids at home and then make a day trip for the wedding. Since everything is non traditional, we won’t need a hotel stay for events prior or after. So will just take a day of PTO and attend.

This is closer than any wedding I have ever attended, with or without kids. How does this count as destination unless everyone else in the family lives on the west coast at least?!

Wow, you've never attended a wedding where you live?? Very strange.

I never have either, pp. People tend to get married in their hometown, their fiancé’s hometown, or where they currently live. No one’s like, “I should get married where my best friend from college lives.”

[Anonymous]

For my sibling I guess I would make it work, but anyone else I would just decline. I've only ever been invited to one "no kids" wedding (out of dozens) and we did not attend. It was also a flight away, for DH's cousin that he wasn't that close to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

+1

I have also seen kids ruin weddings because the moms (and dads) refuse to step outside when the kid starts inevitably screaming.

I think the issue is that the bride or groom (for example) may have family that they consider as close as siblings (possibly cousins that are closer than certain siblings), and if those kids are not invited, then it would be offensive to those who were not allowed (if the bride and groom made other exceptions).

Interesting. Some of my favorite memories of my own wedding were of my cousins' little kids dancing. They were adorable and the photos are great. Also my SIL's 3 year old yelling out "mommy!" during the ceremony when she got up to do a reading. I guess some people would think that "ruined" the ceremony, but DH and I thought it was a riot.

We are Catholic and maybe that is a cultural difference.

No, you are just the people who center children and make everything about them. They can be soooooo adooooorable somewhere other than the sister’s wedding.

I dunno. Not a single one of my friends from Catholic school had a childfree wedding. Though then again, Catholics do center children, so I guess you are confirming it is a cultural thing.

Okay. That may be unfortunate phrasing in the current environment, but okay.

My Catholic family had big weddings like you describe. They were full of children. They were also full of alcohol, and meat entrees, and staying out late, and people driving home after drinking, and people getting "tipsy" to the point of being obvious about it. That was all very fine, and it was what was expected in that culture.

I'm not sure the fact that it was what people did in that culture at that time makes any of those characteristics worth side-eying moral superiority about, but maybe I misread you.

I'm fine with childfree weddings. I'm fine with dry weddings. I'm fine with weddings where not even one person is drunk enough to stumble over a chair, or get behind the wheel after one or three glasses of wine. And I'm really pretty okay with not looking down on those weddings. It's just a different context, and people may want something different than I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling is having a weekday, outdoor, daytime, destination wedding and I was just informed that children under 18 are not invited. I thought I may have a special exception since my toddler ages kids are her nieces and nephews, but I’m now expected not to bring them. My sibling is totally clueless about childcare logistics and separation anxiety, so doesn’t realize what a burden this is. How can I politely ask if my kids can attend either the ceremony or reception?

It's her wedding and she doesn't want children to running around, particularly annoying toddlers who cry and make messes. You have the option of not attending or bringing children and hiring a babysitter to take of them while you are at wedding and reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

You want to baby wear to a wedding! Personally. I would rather you not attend. Absolutely gross.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You sound like a nightmare wedding guest. When you get an invitation, you can accept or decline. That's it. Your fantasies about what wedding dreams should be like are not required. You plan your wedding and other's plan theirs.[/quote]

I am a perfectly fine wedding guest/. I have never brought my children to a wedding, but they have never been banned from a wedding either. My sister wanted my kids to be in her wedding, but I explained to her why that wouldn’t work for me, and she understood.
My own wedding was really nice. A few people brought their kids, but not many. DH’s friend and his wife are kind of odd, and they brought four children plus a flower girl dress for their only girl. We just rolled with it and found some rose petals for her to scatter down the aisle before the wedding party went down. It wasn’t a big deal.

I honestly can understand people like the OP, who really don’t spend a lot of time away from their children.

I don’t understand the “dream wedding” thing, or the wedding reception as something apart from the people who are there to celebrate with you. I’m not trying to take something from anyone, and I’m generally fine with complying with people’s wishes to a point.
I just wanted to understand where people like the OP’s sibling are coming from. [/quote]

NP. The PP who called you a nightmare wedding guest sounds like a jerk. It seemed to me that you just wanted to understand why someone wouldn’t want their family and friends to come to their wedding (by not making it very convenient for those who live far away or have kids to attend). Obviously you cannot accommodate everyone but it would seem in most families that at least immediate family members such as parents and siblings would be accommodated (given that the couple getting married is close to their family of course).

Obviously people have different priorities and different visions for their weddings. And people should have whatever type of wedding they want. *To me* the wedding is about joining two people together and gathering those closest to them to celebrate that. If those closest to you cannot attend because you picked a really remote location that’s $$ or difficult to get to, an inconvenient date/time, excluded kids which makes it hard for parents to come, etc then your idea of your wedding is just a party for you and your spouse—which is totally fine if that’s what you want to do! I guess it just seems like if that’s all it’s about to you then why even have a wedding? Why not just go to the courthouse or something if you don’t care if your family/friends can come?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wants her kids to experience a wedding and to show them of course, the truth emerges. It's always the greedy ones insisting on taking advantage of others for their own selfish gain and guilt tripping by pretending an 11 month old is the same as a newborn nursing infant. This is why people don't want kids at the wedding. Guests like OP will put their kids front and center on the dance floor, let them cause a scene during the ceremony, demand special food, and just be pains, because aren't the kids just so dang cute all dressed up?

You sound fun.

Sorry, plan you own special events you and yours can be the stars of if you want "fun".

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You sound like a nightmare wedding guest. When you get an invitation, you can accept or decline. That's it. Your fantasies about what wedding dreams should be like are not required. You plan your wedding and other's plan theirs.[/quote]

I am a perfectly fine wedding guest/. I have never brought my children to a wedding, but they have never been banned from a wedding either. My sister wanted my kids to be in her wedding, but I explained to her why that wouldn’t work for me, and she understood.
My own wedding was really nice. A few people brought their kids, but not many. DH’s friend and his wife are kind of odd, and they brought four children plus a flower girl dress for their only girl. We just rolled with it and found some rose petals for her to scatter down the aisle before the wedding party went down. It wasn’t a big deal.

I honestly can understand people like the OP, who really don’t spend a lot of time away from their children.

I don’t understand the “dream wedding” thing, or the wedding reception as something apart from the people who are there to celebrate with you. I’m not trying to take something from anyone, and I’m generally fine with complying with people’s wishes to a point.
I just wanted to understand where people like the OP’s sibling are coming from. [/quote]

NP. The PP who called you a nightmare wedding guest sounds like a jerk. It seemed to me that you just wanted to understand why someone wouldn’t want their family and friends to come to their wedding (by not making it very convenient for those who live far away or have kids to attend). Obviously you cannot accommodate everyone but it would seem in most families that at least immediate family members such as parents and siblings would be accommodated (given that the couple getting married is close to their family of course).

Obviously people have different priorities and different visions for their weddings. And people should have whatever type of wedding they want. *To me* the wedding is about joining two people together and gathering those closest to them to celebrate that. If those closest to you cannot attend because you picked a really remote location that’s $$ or difficult to get to, an inconvenient date/time, excluded kids which makes it hard for parents to come, etc then your idea of your wedding is just a party for you and your spouse—which is totally fine if that’s what you want to do! I guess it just seems like if that’s all it’s about to you then why even have a wedding? Why not just go to the courthouse or something if you don’t care if your family/friends can come?[/quote]

It's not being a "jerk" to not explain to the annoying PP what a "dream wedding" is since she's the one who brought it up in the first place. Nobody is talking about their dreams here rather a wedding where someone doesn't want kids and maybe while they would like to accommodate everyone and their step cousin, budget and venue constraints make that impossible. So choices are made. It's really none of PPs business if she's invited to such an event. Go or don't go.

[Anonymous]

We politely decline most no-kids weddings. I only make an exception if I know there is a real hardship (financial/venue limitations/etc) and then in that case either myself or DH go solo. If it purely because of a pretentious bride or groom, no thank you.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You sound like a nightmare wedding guest. When you get an invitation, you can accept or decline. That's it. Your fantasies about what wedding dreams should be like are not required. You plan your wedding and other's plan theirs.[/quote]

I am a perfectly fine wedding guest/. I have never brought my children to a wedding, but they have never been banned from a wedding either. My sister wanted my kids to be in her wedding, but I explained to her why that wouldn’t work for me, and she understood.
My own wedding was really nice. A few people brought their kids, but not many. DH’s friend and his wife are kind of odd, and they brought four children plus a flower girl dress for their only girl. We just rolled with it and found some rose petals for her to scatter down the aisle before the wedding party went down. It wasn’t a big deal.

I honestly can understand people like the OP, who really don’t spend a lot of time away from their children.

I don’t understand the “dream wedding” thing, or the wedding reception as something apart from the people who are there to celebrate with you. I’m not trying to take something from anyone, and I’m generally fine with complying with people’s wishes to a point.
I just wanted to understand where people like the OP’s sibling are coming from. [/quote]

NP. The PP who called you a nightmare wedding guest sounds like a jerk. It seemed to me that you just wanted to understand why someone wouldn’t want their family and friends to come to their wedding (by not making it very convenient for those who live far away or have kids to attend). Obviously you cannot accommodate everyone but it would seem in most families that at least immediate family members such as parents and siblings would be accommodated (given that the couple getting married is close to their family of course).

Obviously people have different priorities and different visions for their weddings. And people should have whatever type of wedding they want. *To me* the wedding is about joining two people together and gathering those closest to them to celebrate that. If those closest to you cannot attend because you picked a really remote location that’s $$ or difficult to get to, an inconvenient date/time, excluded kids which makes it hard for parents to come, etc then your idea of your wedding is just a party for you and your spouse—which is totally fine if that’s what you want to do! I guess it just seems like if that’s all it’s about to you then why even have a wedding? Why not just go to the courthouse or something if you don’t care if your family/friends can come?[/quote]

It's not being a "jerk" to not explain to the annoying PP what a "dream wedding" is since she's the one who brought it up in the first place. Nobody is talking about their dreams here rather a wedding where someone doesn't want kids and maybe while they would like to accommodate everyone and their step cousin, budget and venue constraints make that impossible. So choices are made. It's really none of PPs business if she's invited to such an event. Go or don't go.[/quote]

DP but it's your tone that makes you sound like a jerk.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You sound like a nightmare wedding guest. When you get an invitation, you can accept or decline. That's it. Your fantasies about what wedding dreams should be like are not required. You plan your wedding and other's plan theirs.[/quote]

I am a perfectly fine wedding guest/. I have never brought my children to a wedding, but they have never been banned from a wedding either. My sister wanted my kids to be in her wedding, but I explained to her why that wouldn’t work for me, and she understood.
My own wedding was really nice. A few people brought their kids, but not many. DH’s friend and his wife are kind of odd, and they brought four children plus a flower girl dress for their only girl. We just rolled with it and found some rose petals for her to scatter down the aisle before the wedding party went down. It wasn’t a big deal.

I honestly can understand people like the OP, who really don’t spend a lot of time away from their children.

I don’t understand the “dream wedding” thing, or the wedding reception as something apart from the people who are there to celebrate with you. I’m not trying to take something from anyone, and I’m generally fine with complying with people’s wishes to a point.
I just wanted to understand where people like the OP’s sibling are coming from. [/quote]

NP. The PP who called you a nightmare wedding guest sounds like a jerk. It seemed to me that you just wanted to understand why someone wouldn’t want their family and friends to come to their wedding (by not making it very convenient for those who live far away or have kids to attend). Obviously you cannot accommodate everyone but it would seem in most families that at least immediate family members such as parents and siblings would be accommodated (given that the couple getting married is close to their family of course).

Obviously people have different priorities and different visions for their weddings. And people should have whatever type of wedding they want. *To me* the wedding is about joining two people together and gathering those closest to them to celebrate that. If those closest to you cannot attend because you picked a really remote location that’s $$ or difficult to get to, an inconvenient date/time, excluded kids which makes it hard for parents to come, etc then your idea of your wedding is just a party for you and your spouse—which is totally fine if that’s what you want to do! I guess it just seems like if that’s all it’s about to you then why even have a wedding? Why not just go to the courthouse or something if you don’t care if your family/friends can come?[/quote]

It's not being a "jerk" to not explain to the annoying PP what a "dream wedding" is since she's the one who brought it up in the first place. Nobody is talking about their dreams here rather a wedding where someone doesn't want kids and maybe while they would like to accommodate everyone and their step cousin, budget and venue constraints make that impossible. So choices are made. It's really none of PPs business if she's invited to such an event. Go or don't go.[/quote]

DP but it's your tone that makes you sound like a jerk.[/quote]

Cool because I think demanding other people answer your hypothetical is ridiculous and I'm glad my tone conveys that. There are many reasons someone might not want kids at a wedding. If someone can't think of one they aren't trying very hard.