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Siblings kids not invited to wedding
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Anonymous
| My sibling is having a weekday, outdoor, daytime, destination wedding and I was just informed that children under 18 are not invited. I thought I may have a special exception since my toddler ages kids are her nieces and nephews, but I’m now expected not to bring them. My sibling is totally clueless about childcare logistics and separation anxiety, so doesn’t realize what a burden this is. How can I politely ask if my kids can attend either the ceremony or reception? |
Anonymous
| Normally I would say, just leave your kids with a sitter, but I noticed that this is a destination wedding. Yikes! Depending upon where the destination is, I might be nervous hiring an unknown sitter in a foreign locale. Is the wedding in the States or abroad? Do you have to fly? Since they are toddlers, they won't feel sad about missing the wedding, but I would feel annoyed about paying airfare for them AND a sitter. Could you attend the destination wedding and leave your spouse at home with the kids? Could spouse's parents babysit the kids for the weekend? |
Anonymous
| You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple. |
Anonymous
But if you are a single parent, you may have to let your sister you won’t be able to make it after all. Which is fine too. It’s her discretion who she wants at her wedding. You don’t want to be the only parent with little kids there — I recently attended a non-kid except for bridal party wedding with my toddlers (who were flower children) and it was gruelling and stressful reorganizing their schedule so they could be smiling and good company got a decidedly not child friendly schedule. You also miss half the events because of taking the kids out to play during the “boring” bits. This is not a dig at the married couple btw — they are wonderful friends and I was happy to do anything to make their day exactly how they wanted it — just an observation that OP won’t that have much fun if she was able to bring her kids. |
Anonymous
| Destination weddings are selfish. Requiring your brother or sister to leave their kids home is doubly so. |
Anonymous
| We didn’t have a destination wedding per se but no one lives near us so it was the same issue. Many people brought sitters and we arranged for some also. We rented another small room so that the kids could eat together and play or watch movies. |
Anonymous
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It’s your sibling. Either you have the kind of relationship where you can ask about this or you don’t.
If it’s a no, don’t feel bad about not going. |
Anonymous
| You can ask but at the end of the day, childfree weddings are common so wouldn’t be too upset. We were in a similar situation and had MIL come to our home to babysit and we just went 2 nights. If that’s not an option (or something similar like someone flying with you), spouse stays home with kids. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask. |
Anonymous
You’re not being unreasonable to ask. |
Anonymous
They don't want your baby there. It might make noise and ruin their ceremony. |
Anonymous
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Destination weddings are the worst, for all kinds of reasons not even mentioned by the OP. They are the height of selfishness and self absorption. If you want to have a wedding someplace else, just elope.
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Anonymous
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With a siblng, I'd ask
If your in-laws can watch the kids, why not have them do so? |
Anonymous
I would plan on bringing the friend or Inlaws. I would tell your sister of those plans. |
Anonymous
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Is it a destination your family would enjoy for a short vacation? If so, and you can afford it, bring spouse any/or in-laws and go to the wedding and festivities without kids. Then, have a short family vacation for a day or two before or after. I wouldn’t bring the kids to the wedding festivities.
No kids means no kids. As PP said, if you go and yours are the only kids, you and they will be miserable and you’ll be focusing on them and not the ceremony. As another poster said, sometimes babies fuss and even if you step out, it’s an unwelcome distraction to the wedding. I can’t stand destination weddings for multiple reasons. |