My teen daughter is overweight but does not care
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Anonymous
| She is a happy kid so I don't want to ruin her bliss but she is getting fatter each year despite healthy eating (but probably some additional snacking at school). Her temperament is kind of mellow so she is not very active even when she is engaged in a sport (would do a minimum required just to participate). Any suggestions? I am afraid that by the time she reaches adulthood she will have a serious weight problem! |
Anonymous
| I bet she cares but losing weight is overwhelming so she doesn't know where to begin. Try to encourage her to eat healthfully, go for walks with her, maybe even join a gym together? |
Anonymous
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What do you look like, Mom? Not being snarky -- serious question.
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Anonymous
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Weight watchers. Seriously. Healthiest way to lose weight and track exercise.
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Anonymous
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How about if her doctor talks to her about it? Have you done tests to see if she has a metabolic issue?
Do you allow soda and candy? I would try to provide low cal frozen desserts in lieu of other sweets. |
Anonymous
I am fit, size 4. |
Anonymous
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I don't allow soda or cookies but do have chocolate and ice cream (no every day).
The actual issue is that she does not care, does not see a problem and if I say something, she usually retorts that she is not obese and is healthy... And spends so much time on the computer it's ridiculous. Hard to take her off or interested in anything. I like the idea of gym or exercise together. But how to motivate her? She would probably resist... |
Anonymous
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Honestly, OP, if she doesn't care and is otherwise doing pretty great in life, you're setting yourself up for a bone of contention here.
What about solo activities like bike riding? I used to do that as a slightly overweight kid not because it was exercise, but to escape for a bit. I'm all about bribes sometimes. Go for a ride in the mornings before or after school X number of days, and then X happens. |
Anonymous
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Btw a doctor did not say anything at her checkup (she was on a chubby side herself)... I guess she is not heavy enough for a doc to worry out loud. Maybe I should have brought this up myself (that was not the reason for the visit).
I am just surprised that at this age she does not seem concerned. most girls at her age are maybe on the other side of that spectrum (maybe too obsessed with being thin). |
Anonymous
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I say lay off completely. She knows how much she weighs and there is literally nothing you can do, it has to come from her. If you tell her to change her diet or exercise or comment in any way she will get the message "my mom thinks I'm fat."
That kind of pressure can also spark anorexia which is a far more dangerous condition. I know several girls who went from chubby to very, very sick with anorexia. You need to be mindful of this. Honestly, this is your baggage, not hers. She'e fine, she doesn't care. You are focused on her weight because, I suspect, you are focused on your own weight and you want her to be as thin as you. She sees this as your issue and it is creating conflict. Telling her over and over again that she needs to lose weight (I'm sure you think the message isn't that explicit when you couch it as eating healthy or exercising, but that is almost certainly the message she is receiving) could backfire in a host of ways. You can't win this, she is her own person. Accept her as she ie. |
Anonymous
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Would she go walking or biking with you? Maybe make it a family or mother/daughter thing?
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Anonymous
| I'm 9:59 and just saw your last post. if the doctor isn't concerned, you absolutely have to let this go. Trust me, if your DD's weight was a problem, her doctor would mention it. The doctor's weight has nothing to do with this. Again, I think this is your baggage and could do damage. |
Anonymous
| I think encouraging physical activity is as important as encouraging good hygiene and eating healthy. |
Anonymous
| I'm with 9:59 on this. |
Anonymous
| When you say that she is overweight, does her BMI indicate that she is overweight or is she just chubbier than you think looks good? |