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[quote=Anonymous]i get it. i have a 4 year old and an almost 1 year old.

i remind myself that there is no counterfactual to life as a parent. i can't see the alternate version of myself who is childless in her late 30s. however, knowing that i always wanted kids i can only imagine that if i was childless after 5 years of marriage and nearing 40 it wouldn't be by design and i would be terribly sad. i am often frustrated, even angry and annoyed about one thing or another...house isn't clean enough, DH doesn't do as much as i'd like. still, i don't cry myself to sleep or have breakdowns b/c i feel a sense of loss. this is a stage of life. i would love to travel more but with good health i can hope that santorini, rome and ghana will be there in 5 years (and kids left with grandparents). if i were childless not by choice, i couldn't say i'll have kids in 5 years with the same degree of confidence.

i know women who have been married for 5 or 6 years, who are nearing 40 and don't have children. i have single friends who i've known since we were teens and know they wanted to be a mother but their biological clock is winding down. i can tell you for those who do want to be parents but can't, they are in pain. I acknowledge my stress and allow myself to feel but perspective really does help me focus on the positive things of having kids.

this week i told my sister that vanessa bryant is living my worst nightmare. for all the stress of parenting i can't tell you how much messy toys and my husband playing loudly with the kids meant to me.

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