I wish society didn't encourage people to put off having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like there has always been a progression based on the technology/invention/economics - in colonial times people had kids at like, what, 16 yrs old, then with the introduction of "modern" conveniences it was more like 18 yrs iat the turn of the century, and then by the 20th it was in the early 20s.
Here we are into the 21st century and people are having their first kids at 40 yrs old.

That's not true. In 1890, the average age of a first marriage for men was 26 years, and the average age of marriage for women was 22 years. That wasn't far off from what it was in colonial America. People assume that teens were routinely having babies in the past, but men had to be able to support a wife before they could marry. Probably more men and women never married at all because they couldn't afford to. Also, effective birth control wasn't widely available, so women had little control over how early and how many kids they had. And since life expectancy was shorter, people didn't necessarily know their grandparents for any longer.

Now, a high school degree is the bare minimum to be able to get a job, and college or professional training is almost always required to get a job that pays decently. When people need more education, they delay marriage. When raising kids is more expensive (people tend to frown on making your kids work, and child labor is mostly prohibited), people delay having kids and have fewer of them.

If people really cared about encouraging couples to have children, they'd support a stronger safety net, affordable quality child care, universal health care, free college, etc. Mostly, the people lamenting that women aren't having enough babies don't support those things. And listen to anyone crying about how they shouldn't have to pay for someone else's choice to have kids, or bitching about welfare for teen mothers. You want to treat it like a purely individual choice that you are responsible for, but then the rational choice is to have fewer children later. Want different outcomes? Create different incentives.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Plenty of people have kids without having good stable employment or even being married. 40 percent of kids are born out of wedlock.

I think the bad jobs situation is leading to the disintegration of traditional family structures rather than just resulting in people not having kids. At least for most people.

[Anonymous]

These sort of posts always read remarkably inexperienced and naive. Live more, judge less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every person who reproduces, men too, in their forties actively and willfully ignores the health risks and repercussions (mother and child) of doing so. As does every woman over the age of 35 who gets pregnant. That doesn’t mean they aren’t going to do it, it just requires a very special type of arrogance to do so.

Goodness. Someone needs to get laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every person who reproduces, men too, in their forties actively and willfully ignores the health risks and repercussions (mother and child) of doing so. As does every woman over the age of 35 who gets pregnant. That doesn’t mean they aren’t going to do it, it just requires a very special type of arrogance to do so.

Sorry you had your kids in you twenties and missed out on a bunch of fun. But excuse me while I have my cake and eat it too!

+1. And Miss High and Mighty is suggesting that people who have kids after 35(!) are “arrogant” ? Self awareness much? I assume that some young guy who didn’t know any better married her at 24 and knocked her up at 25, and now she thinks that she’s superior because of this. It’s not exactly a huge personal accomplishment, so get over yourself, lady.

There is a lot of evidence that it’s risky, I’m not making that up. So, for well educated people who generally trust scientific evidence, it is A KNOWN risk factor to put off having kids. Willfully ignore these stats seems very arrogant to me. You are saying, “yeah, all the science is saying it’s a bad idea, but I’ll do it anyway, because I’m just THAT awesome!” And no, I don’t need to get laid nor did I have kids in my 20s nor did I get knocked up. I just Do not understand why well-educated people who can understand basic reproductive science, time, economics, etc. wait around until their junk essentially goes bad to have kids. Unless you get really unlucky, finding a good partner, establishing a career, saving money, getting a graduate degree, AND having fun is all completely doable in your 20s. There is no good reason to wait until your forties to start having children. To me, it is unfair to your children - they have increased health risks, as do you, and you will be firmly middle aged before they hit middle school. Ask anyone who had old parents growing up, it kind of sucks. And it’s completely avoidable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every person who reproduces, men too, in their forties actively and willfully ignores the health risks and repercussions (mother and child) of doing so. As does every woman over the age of 35 who gets pregnant. That doesn’t mean they aren’t going to do it, it just requires a very special type of arrogance to do so.

Sorry you had your kids in you twenties and missed out on a bunch of fun. But excuse me while I have my cake and eat it too!

+1. And Miss High and Mighty is suggesting that people who have kids after 35(!) are “arrogant” ? Self awareness much? I assume that some young guy who didn’t know any better married her at 24 and knocked her up at 25, and now she thinks that she’s superior because of this. It’s not exactly a huge personal accomplishment, so get over yourself, lady.

There is a lot of evidence that it’s risky, I’m not making that up. So, for well educated people who generally trust scientific evidence, it is A KNOWN risk factor to put off having kids. Willfully ignore these stats seems very arrogant to me. You are saying, “yeah, all the science is saying it’s a bad idea, but I’ll do it anyway, because I’m just THAT awesome!” And no, I don’t need to get laid nor did I have kids in my 20s nor did I get knocked up. I just Do not understand why well-educated people who can understand basic reproductive science, time, economics, etc. wait around until their junk essentially goes bad to have kids. Unless you get really unlucky, finding a good partner, establishing a career, saving money, getting a graduate degree, AND having fun is all completely doable in your 20s. There is no good reason to wait until your forties to start having children. To me, it is unfair to your children - they have increased health risks, as do you, and you will be firmly middle aged before they hit middle school. Ask anyone who had old parents growing up, it kind of sucks. And it’s completely avoidable.

You are misinterpreting science to support your own assumptions. Let pregnant women make these decisions with their doctors and their partners. Go take a deep breath and stop reading junk science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every person who reproduces, men too, in their forties actively and willfully ignores the health risks and repercussions (mother and child) of doing so. As does every woman over the age of 35 who gets pregnant. That doesn’t mean they aren’t going to do it, it just requires a very special type of arrogance to do so.

Sorry you had your kids in you twenties and missed out on a bunch of fun. But excuse me while I have my cake and eat it too!

+1. And Miss High and Mighty is suggesting that people who have kids after 35(!) are “arrogant” ? Self awareness much? I assume that some young guy who didn’t know any better married her at 24 and knocked her up at 25, and now she thinks that she’s superior because of this. It’s not exactly a huge personal accomplishment, so get over yourself, lady.

There is a lot of evidence that it’s risky, I’m not making that up. So, for well educated people who generally trust scientific evidence, it is A KNOWN risk factor to put off having kids. Willfully ignore these stats seems very arrogant to me. You are saying, “yeah, all the science is saying it’s a bad idea, but I’ll do it anyway, because I’m just THAT awesome!” And no, I don’t need to get laid nor did I have kids in my 20s nor did I get knocked up. I just Do not understand why well-educated people who can understand basic reproductive science, time, economics, etc. wait around until their junk essentially goes bad to have kids. Unless you get really unlucky, finding a good partner, establishing a career, saving money, getting a graduate degree, AND having fun is all completely doable in your 20s. There is no good reason to wait until your forties to start having children. To me, it is unfair to your children - they have increased health risks, as do you, and you will be firmly middle aged before they hit middle school. Ask anyone who had old parents growing up, it kind of sucks. And it’s completely avoidable.

It’s called your 30s

Having kids in your 20s is dumb. You should be focused on your career, having fun and saving money for a house/paying off any loans.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, my 73 year old father still skiis and works full time, and my 71 year old mother walks miles and also leads an active life. They had me later than was average for their generation. I never thought it was an issue/gave it a second thought.

I got pregnant at 36 and 40 naturally and quickly. We did do extensive genetic testing with #2 (due this summer) and everything has checked out. I think the pressure to have kids early is part of the widespread repression of women at all stages of their lives. You live your life, let me live mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, my 73 year old father still skiis and works full time, and my 71 year old mother walks miles and also leads an active life. They had me later than was average for their generation. I never thought it was an issue/gave it a second thought.

I got pregnant at 36 and 40 naturally and quickly. We did do extensive genetic testing with #2 (due this summer) and everything has checked out. I think the pressure to have kids early is part of the widespread repression of women at all stages of their lives. You live your life, let me live mine.

This. It’s why conservatives and religious groups promote young marriages and kids early. They don’t want women out there living their own life and becoming too independent. Having kids in your 20s limits your freedom and ability to support yourself. Since there isn’t paid leave in the US, it means you need to quit your job unless you don’t mind leaving a tiny baby to go to work. It’s a good setup for men having most of the power in our society.

[Anonymous]

Oh society made me feel weird enough about being an older new parent. Thankfully I have an excellent close knit circle of supportive loving humans in this life to counter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every person who reproduces, men too, in their forties actively and willfully ignores the health risks and repercussions (mother and child) of doing so. As does every woman over the age of 35 who gets pregnant. That doesn’t mean they aren’t going to do it, it just requires a very special type of arrogance to do so.

Sorry you had your kids in you twenties and missed out on a bunch of fun. But excuse me while I have my cake and eat it too!

+1. And Miss High and Mighty is suggesting that people who have kids after 35(!) are “arrogant” ? Self awareness much? I assume that some young guy who didn’t know any better married her at 24 and knocked her up at 25, and now she thinks that she’s superior because of this. It’s not exactly a huge personal accomplishment, so get over yourself, lady.

There is a lot of evidence that it’s risky, I’m not making that up. So, for well educated people who generally trust scientific evidence, it is A KNOWN risk factor to put off having kids. Willfully ignore these stats seems very arrogant to me. You are saying, “yeah, all the science is saying it’s a bad idea, but I’ll do it anyway, because I’m just THAT awesome!” And no, I don’t need to get laid nor did I have kids in my 20s nor did I get knocked up. I just Do not understand why well-educated people who can understand basic reproductive science, time, economics, etc. wait around until their junk essentially goes bad to have kids. Unless you get really unlucky, finding a good partner, establishing a career, saving money, getting a graduate degree, AND having fun is all completely doable in your 20s. There is no good reason to wait until your forties to start having children. To me, it is unfair to your children - they have increased health risks, as do you, and you will be firmly middle aged before they hit middle school. Ask anyone who had old parents growing up, it kind of sucks. And it’s completely avoidable.

if you want to go all natural and scientific - for as long as your junks is able to make make kids it’s suppaoed to be making kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every person who reproduces, men too, in their forties actively and willfully ignores the health risks and repercussions (mother and child) of doing so. As does every woman over the age of 35 who gets pregnant. That doesn’t mean they aren’t going to do it, it just requires a very special type of arrogance to do so.

Goodness. Someone needs to get laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you have young kids now and feel you are old and busted, you want all of society to avoid your mistake? There is something seriously wrong with your thinking. I definitely don’t want my DD having kids until she gets to enjoy her own life first.

Yeah but if everyone does this, then no one gets to know their grandkids and vice versa. And lots of adults in their 40s-50's end up losing their parents - my own parents were in their 60's when their parents started dying. You have to wonder whether it's worth the trade off. Isn't it really family and relationships that life is all about?

I dunno, people are living longer these days and are healthier at older ages. Some people suggest the healthiest boomers could potentially live up to 120. My dad in particular is freaking out about saving enough for retirement because his grandmother lived until 100 between those genes, modern medicine and his pretty healthy, active lifestyle, he'll probably live for a while.

Yeah — I’m not seeing that. I’m seeing people in their 40’s and 50’s dropping like flies from terrible cancers . Our environment is filled with carcinogenic crap thanks to capitalism and I don’t see this abating anytime soon.

Dropping like flies? Sounds like you need to call the experts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every person who reproduces, men too, in their forties actively and willfully ignores the health risks and repercussions (mother and child) of doing so. As does every woman over the age of 35 who gets pregnant. That doesn’t mean they aren’t going to do it, it just requires a very special type of arrogance to do so.

I know several cases of younger parents who had children with Down’s Syndrome, etc. Age isn’t the only factor, so one could argue that anyone choosing to procreate is arrogant. FWIW I had children at 42 and 44, and my husband is 6 years older. Both are healthy. There are many other examples like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you have young kids now and feel you are old and busted, you want all of society to avoid your mistake? There is something seriously wrong with your thinking. I definitely don’t want my DD having kids until she gets to enjoy her own life first.

Yeah but if everyone does this, then no one gets to know their grandkids and vice versa. And lots of adults in their 40s-50's end up losing their parents - my own parents were in their 60's when their parents started dying. You have to wonder whether it's worth the trade off. Isn't it really family and relationships that life is all about?

I dunno, people are living longer these days and are healthier at older ages. Some people suggest the healthiest boomers could potentially live up to 120. My dad in particular is freaking out about saving enough for retirement because his grandmother lived until 100 between those genes, modern medicine and his pretty healthy, active lifestyle, he'll probably live for a while.

Yeah — I’m not seeing that. I’m seeing people in their 40’s and 50’s dropping like flies from terrible cancers . Our environment is filled with carcinogenic crap thanks to capitalism and I don’t see this abating anytime soon.

Dropping like flies? Sounds like you need to call the experts

I don’t think that most people in this age group are “dropping like flies.” I think that this PP once posted on a job thread that someone shouldn’t go back to school in their 50s because all of PPs friends were dying by that age and therefore we should all expect to too.