I wish society didn't encourage people to put off having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a case of biology vs. economics.

+1

But hasn't that always been the case? And no one was waiting till their 30s to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I hope you support paid family leave and universal affordable childcare, and candidates that push for those policies.[/b]

I do, but in the past, everyone started having kids in their early 20's and none of these things existed.

Because most jobs, including those that didn’t require a college degree, paid a livable wage and included good benefits so one spouse could support a family.

For what it’s worth OP, my parents had me in their 20s and I lost all 4 grandparents by the time I was 23. There are no guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

I think about this too. My mom was 25 when she had me; I was 30 when I had my first. It's only a difference of 5 years but when I think about where she was at 45 and where I'll be, it feels like a huge gap.

But - my parents struggled a lot when they were younger. Now they are happy and it all worked out, but when they were in their late 20s with three small kids, my mom didn't work at all and my dad had a mediocre job. They lived paycheck to paycheck for a long time and rented until I was 6 years old. Compare that to me and H, who waited a few years, got graduate degrees and work experience - we have a SERIOUSLY different life and financial situation than they did. We can afford good childcare, we own our house, we travel. It's hard not to look at my parents now, retired in their 60s with grandkids and plenty of disposable income, and not feel like they did it right; but I'd still probably rather do it my way in the scheme of things.

I agree that we encourage people to wait too much though. When I got pregnant at 29 people acted like I was a teen mom. But I'm very happy that when I'm 50 years old my kids will be out of the house and I can start thinking about my next phase of life (living wherever I want, retiring, traveling, etc.) whereas some of my friends' kids will just be starting middle school D:

[Anonymous]

In the past, none of these things existed because they women generally stayed home or took lesser-paying/lower hours/more flexible jobs than their male counterparts. They are absolutely essential if women want equal pay and equal employment opportunities.

[Anonymous]

I’m in my 30s. I have siblings in their 20s. I didn’t see a lot of “saving for a family” in my twenties. We are lucky that we did have massive salary growth. But some of my friends chose different paths, flitting from job to job following their bliss. I wouldn’t say they are in any better position financially in their 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I hope you support paid family leave and universal affordable childcare, and candidates that push for those policies.[/b]

I do, but in the past, everyone started having kids in their early 20's and none of these things existed.

Because most jobs, including those that didn’t require a college degree, paid a livable wage and included good benefits so one spouse could support a family.

For what it’s worth OP, my parents had me in their 20s and I lost all 4 grandparents by the time I was 23. There are no guarantees in life.

The college degree is a great point too. You could start a good career at 18 in the 60s; now you're 22 at a minimum.

[Anonymous]

Actually that is only the case in urban/high cost areas. The average age of a first time mother is 26. It is really a choice.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As a biologist, I wish more people understood that fertility peaks in your early 20s. Emphasis on early.

However, that is too young for many people to have a stable source of income without depending on a spouse, parents or the government. We should not encourage people to have kids they cannot support.

It's a case of biology vs. economics.

Out parents generation depended on each other and they did it with less. They didn't have to spend money on the latest everything, or the expensive craft beer, etc. They took camping trips and stayed in motels.

Different priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the past, none of these things existed because they women generally stayed home or took lesser-paying/lower hours/more flexible jobs than their male counterparts. They are absolutely essential if women want equal pay and equal employment opportunities.

I think I'd rather know my grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Because you have young kids now and feel you are old and busted, you want all of society to avoid your mistake? There is something seriously wrong with your thinking. I definitely don’t want my DD having kids until she gets to enjoy her own life first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the past, none of these things existed because they women generally stayed home or took lesser-paying/lower hours/more flexible jobs than their male counterparts. They are absolutely essential if women want equal pay and equal employment opportunities.

I think I'd rather know my grandkids.

a) I wouldn't
b) This is a false choice. My grandparents started passing away when I was in my mid thirties. Not to sound horribly cynical but they could have passed away a good decade sooner and still "known" me. I never even lived near them and I saw them once a year. That's not to say I didn't love my grandparents but I sure hope they didn't plan their entire lives around seeing me 1x per year at the holidays for the last decade of their life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually that is only the case in urban/high cost areas. The average age of a first time mother is 26. It is really a choice.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html

I should have added that we live in DC (have since college). Married at 26 and 5 kids by 33. I worked the entire time and neither of us had a grad degree. Now I am 46 and my oldest is a freshman in college. People here act like I am a teen parent. But when I go to parents weekend I am the same age or a bit older than the other parents.

[Anonymous]

I think you had kids at the perfect age. I waited until I was 40 to have kids and kind of regret it, even though at your age I was not in any position to have a kid and wasn’t even married. I definitely think 40 is too old to enjoy grandchildren and I’m worried about being fit and healthy enough when I’m an empty-nester to enjoy that phase of my life. I also envy women who have grown adult daughters and are friends with them and see them a lot. I’m worried about being too old. But it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you have young kids now and feel you are old and busted, you want all of society to avoid your mistake? There is something seriously wrong with your thinking. I definitely don’t want my DD having kids until she gets to enjoy her own life first.

Yeah but if everyone does this, then no one gets to know their grandkids and vice versa. And lots of adults in their 40s-50's end up losing their parents - my own parents were in their 60's when their parents started dying. You have to wonder whether it's worth the trade off. Isn't it really family and relationships that life is all about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you have young kids now and feel you are old and busted, you want all of society to avoid your mistake? There is something seriously wrong with your thinking. I definitely don’t want my DD having kids until she gets to enjoy her own life first.

Yeah but if everyone does this, then no one gets to know their grandkids and vice versa. And lots of adults in their 40s-50's end up losing their parents - my own parents were in their 60's when their parents started dying. You have to wonder whether it's worth the trade off. Isn't it really family and relationships that life is all about?

My life is not about my relationship with my grandparents.