Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

OMG, I must be superwoman! I do all the above plus I am also a working mom.
But good for you, PP.

And you win the competition! Even though you're the only ones who actually look at life as a competition! So... congratulations, or something?

I guess that may be one difference. I do think it's better to have a healthy family, a good career, volunteer, maintain friendships and keep up with exercise that just doing some of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Oh, that's rich. Because there have NEVER been threads like that, ever!

This is a great thread, precisely because it lets us SAHMs talk about why we love being SAHMs. It was one of the happiest threads I can recall reading, until the usual bitters barged in. I'm perplexed as to why you WOHMs wandered over in the first place. Was it the "stay at home mom" in the title that triggered you, and you simply couldn't stop that finger from clicking on it? It's like you guys have an itch that you just have to scratch, and the only way you can is by seeking out all mentions of SAHMs and then dumping on them. Insecure? Very much so.

And really, please tell us you're not serious that there haven't been multiple (usually, weekly) threads whose sole purpose is to bring WOHMs together to "gloat" about why they love their jobs and why they'd NEVER want to SAHMs. Because, you know - we can all read for ourselves.

Why do you need a thread to let SAHMs talk about what they love about puttering around the house and not having to answer to a boss? It's patently obvious that SAHMs do it because they prefer hands on kid raising seven days a week and domestic life to working for pay. End of thread.

[Anonymous]

I would be so bored. I wish that weren't the case, but it is. I'm easily able to manage the household with my husband AND work. We purposely bought a house that is small (requires less work) and is a short commute to our jobs. The person that sacrifices the most so I can work is my husband. He is required to do an equal share at home. If I stayed at home I'd basically just turn into unpaid help and childcare. I'm contributing a good 50k towards retirement each year and we are able to live off my salary. As long as I'm happy and my kids and husband are happy I will continue working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Of course it is, but let's not be thick here. My kids pediatrician is a mom, and her work as a physician is contributing to society in a way that is different Han her raising her own kids.

This is a ridiculous argument. I am a woh, but can think of many ways that sah moms in my community have benefitted my kids, not just their own—by volunteering at school, planning the big fundraiser, and leading a Brownie troop,

Anyone arguing that being a sah or being a woh has more intrinsic value just looks overly defensive and foolish.

If you are truly happy with your own choices, why post about how much better (or more “valuable”) that makes you than someone else? That is the territory of the insecure.

All those volunteer activities can and are done by both SAH and WOH moms (and dads).

If you are not a troll, you have zero self awareness, zero. You might benefit from counseling to address your pathological resentment (jealousy) of sah moms.

Personally, I don’t know any woh moms leading after school Brownie or volunteering at the school three times a week. I certainly don’t have time for it, and I work a 40 hour week as a government attorney. My guess is you don’t do these things either,

I used to lead a Brownie troop. I also work on the administration and finance committee of my church. I do volunteer at school, but not three times a week. I like to let the SAHMs who can find childcare help out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not bored at all. I was bored at work, not at home.

Me too. And to the PP, I have a masters degree and had a successful career before staying home.

It's a lot more challenging to maintain a career, full time, once you have children.

Annnd... no one said it wasn't. It's so funny how you WOHMs swoop in any time you sense a chance to one-up. But what's funnier is that no one is bothering to compete with you. Because we're happy with our lives the way they are. So knock yourselves out, telling anyone who will listen what a "challenging" life you lead.

Great. Feel free to opt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Of course it is, but let's not be thick here. My kids pediatrician is a mom, and her work as a physician is contributing to society in a way that is different Han her raising her own kids.

This is a ridiculous argument. I am a woh, but can think of many ways that sah moms in my community have benefitted my kids, not just their own—by volunteering at school, planning the big fundraiser, and leading a Brownie troop,

Anyone arguing that being a sah or being a woh has more intrinsic value just looks overly defensive and foolish.

If you are truly happy with your own choices, why post about how much better (or more “valuable”) that makes you than someone else? That is the territory of the insecure.

All those volunteer activities can and are done by both SAH and WOH moms (and dads).

If you are not a troll, you have zero self awareness, zero. You might benefit from counseling to address your pathological resentment (jealousy) of sah moms.

Personally, I don’t know any woh moms leading after school Brownie or volunteering at the school three times a week. I certainly don’t have time for it, and I work a 40 hour week as a government attorney. My guess is you don’t do these things either,

I used to lead a Brownie troop. I also work on the administration and finance committee of my church. I do volunteer at school, but not three times a week. I like to let the SAHMs who can find childcare help out

This isn't anything to brag about. Volunteering = unpaid labor. I hate seeing SAHMs volunteer because it means they are doing so much work at home and for the charity for $0 pay. How many men do you think would willingly sign up for that? We need to STOP doing unpaid work for men. Half of these charities have highpaid execs and are pretty much businesses anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

That is pretty pathetic that you even admit yours is a marriage based on bean counting. And that neither of you would "ever let the other SAH." Wow. How awful, to compete not only at work, but also in your marriage. Sad for your kids, too.

At least I'm not in denial. Many SAHMs think they are equal partners, when really, their husbands pick the vacation destination or the next car, and let their wives worry about the details. What can a SAHM do if her husband decides to stay for a couple of days of vacation after a business trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Seriously! I agree completely. Besides which, we hear all the time from these DCUM WOHMs how they vastly prefer working to SAH. Doesn't bother me or affect me one iota.

If you're totally secure that you are using your intellectual ability and won't regret the time at home, it shouldn't bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Well, speaking only for myself, I would say that's partially true. That is, when I had children, I had zero desire to continue working as my focus was on my children. I like to put all my energies into one thing and do that one thing very well, rather than spread myself thin trying to be all things to all people. So, that's what I did - and I absolutely loved being home with my kids. Now that they're older, I'm feeling more of that "professional drive" you mentioned. Which is why I now work PT; just the right balance for me at this time in my life. Perhaps when they're in college, I'll ramp up to FT - or not. That's the beauty of making choices which work for you and your family at different stages of life.

You don't have a strong professional drive if you're happy working PT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Of course it is, but let's not be thick here. My kids pediatrician is a mom, and her work as a physician is contributing to society in a way that is different Han her raising her own kids.

This is a ridiculous argument. I am a woh, but can think of many ways that sah moms in my community have benefitted my kids, not just their own—by volunteering at school, planning the big fundraiser, and leading a Brownie troop,

Anyone arguing that being a sah or being a woh has more intrinsic value just looks overly defensive and foolish.

If you are truly happy with your own choices, why post about how much better (or more “valuable”) that makes you than someone else? That is the territory of the insecure.

All those volunteer activities can and are done by both SAH and WOH moms (and dads).

If you are not a troll, you have zero self awareness, zero. You might benefit from counseling to address your pathological resentment (jealousy) of sah moms.

Personally, I don’t know any woh moms leading after school Brownie or volunteering at the school three times a week. I certainly don’t have time for it, and I work a 40 hour week as a government attorney. My guess is you don’t do these things either,

I used to lead a Brownie troop. I also work on the administration and finance committee of my church. I do volunteer at school, but not three times a week. I like to let the SAHMs who can find childcare help out

Gold medal for you, does that help your blatant insecurity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a WOHM, but I wouldn't be bored being a SAHM at all. If you're doing it right, you wouldn't be bored. And I mean park trips, museum trips, library story times, music classes, lots of sensory play and outdoor play.

We all know good and bad SAHMs and WOHMs, lets not generalize. Some people are better suited to one versus the other.

What about once your youngest child is in full day school?

Whenever I hear this question (not the PP, btw), I know there's got to be jealousy at play. Otherwise, why on earth would you care what we do once our children are in school?

I don't care what you do when you have children too young for school, either, but it's not jealousy, it's asking honestly how you plan to fill those extra 32 hours a week. I've never SAH, I can't imagine what I would do with all that free time. I guess life just slows way down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

I can’t image very many would respond at all. I have lots of friends who WOH. I’m amazed at their ability to juggle so much.

The only time I judge a WOHM is when she she spends 50+ hours a week away from her kids. I would say the same about a SAHM who was never with her kids. And I will admit to feeling strongly that babies and young children need to be with their mothers. When men carry a baby for nine months and are able to breastfeed, I’ll feel differently. Everything about the way we are designed makes it clear that it is not natural or healthy for a mother to spend hours and hours away from her baby.

I had 50 hours of childcare per week for more than 10 years. I used about 47 of them regularly. When you don't have any family to give you a break and have a demanding career, it's necessary. My relationships with my now teens is just fine, and unlike you, didn't feel that I needed to cut back on my career.

The only appropriate response to this is: Holy shit.

Why? I am raising wonderful children and we are a close family. Plus both of us parents managed to maintain our careers full steam. To me, that's success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

See, inferences like these are what make people think that stay at home moms aren't very smart. How exactly does your statement follow from hers, logically?

Not the PP, but you must be joking. The question is absolutely relevant, especially if we're to entertain the first statement, that SAHMs "don't have a strong professional drive."

I realize that it must be difficult to process the second question because it clearly hit a nerve (especially if you're the mom who had 50 hours/week of childcare). But try reading slowly. I know you can do it!

God, you're stupid. You didn't read about logical fallacy, did you? The drive to become a mother is biological; working in no way interferes with the desire to be a mother. Educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

DP, but my husband thinks it's great. We meet for lunch all the time and he gets a lot of time off for himself. Why would he be jealous?

How can he possibly get a lot of time off for himself? Do you mean he works 40 or 50 hours a week, and then takes nights and weekends away from family?