Do you spank your kids?

[Anonymous]

I was beat as a child (beat, not spanked) with switches, belts, over the lap, etc. whenever I did or said something my mom didn't like. I was smacked across the face (the most humiliating feeling of all), grabbed, shoved, you name it.

Some would call this child abuse, but almost every kid I knew at the time got the same treatment, oftentimes worse. What I remember more than anything is not the physical abuse, but all the emotional and psychological abuse, and neglect I endured. If I had to prioritize, the beatings make the bottom of the list of what negatively impacted me the most.

I always find these threads interesting because so many people are quick to deny spankings, etc. feel proud that they successfully use other sources of discipline, but what has never been discussed (at least that I have seen) is the emotional and psychological abuse that I'm sure most of us have or will impose on our kids -- in one form of another without even realizing -- which in my opinion, is just as much, if not more, damaging.

Btw, DH and I do not want or see spanking as part of our arsenal of discipline strategies, although we have swatted on the hand or handled a little too roughly out of pure frustration. We always feel guilty afterwards because we both recognize that those moments are less about discipline and more about our inability to keep our cool. Thankfully this rarely happens.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

I'm not saying it is just as harmful. I'm saying that I assumed people spanked their kids because they didn't know any better. Now that people know better, why are they still doing it? (PS I am also amazed that people still smoke or drink while pregnant or drive without seatbelts)

There's nothing to "know better" regarding spanking. Used carefully and correctly, it's very effective.

I could not disagree more.

Why? Have you tried it and found that it wasn't useful in your case?

No, it is not necessary or useful and there are many other ways to teach your children right from wrong.

How would you know?

Because I was spanked as a child, and it wasn't necessary or useful. In turn, I do NOT spank my children because I am aware of other ways to teach them right from wrong besides spanking.

You're not supposed to enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

I'm not saying it is just as harmful. I'm saying that I assumed people spanked their kids because they didn't know any better. Now that people know better, why are they still doing it? (PS I am also amazed that people still smoke or drink while pregnant or drive without seatbelts)

There's nothing to "know better" regarding spanking. Used carefully and correctly, it's very effective.

I could not disagree more.

Why? Have you tried it and found that it wasn't useful in your case?

I'm another PP, but yes I did it twice, and it made me feel terrible, and made my child cry. It didn't work at all. And there has been a slew of research - good research that shows it does not work. If it works so well, why do you have to keep spanking? If it worked, wouldn't you only have to do it once?

With any sort of discipline, you have to be consistent. If you feel terrible and are not willing to actually impose it, it will not work. It works for us because our kids know that we will not hesitate to use it, and yes, they do cry. That's OK sometimes. It works well, but like any other punishment, it's not 100%. I'm sure people give more than one timeout, too. In my estimation, using spanking, or the possibility of a spanking, keeps the overall level of punishment way, way down in a house. It's an effective deterrent in a way that other punishments are not.

I felt terrible about doing it because it was wrong.

[Anonymous]

I understand now. The people posting that agree with spanking are white Republicans from the South who are born again Christians.

http://fivethirtyeight.com/datalab/americans-opinions-on-spanking-vary-by-party-race-region-and-religion/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was beat as a child (beat, not spanked) with switches, belts, over the lap, etc. whenever I did or said something my mom didn't like. I was smacked across the face (the most humiliating feeling of all), grabbed, shoved, you name it.

Some would call this child abuse, but almost every kid I knew at the time got the same treatment, oftentimes worse. What I remember more than anything is not the physical abuse, but all the emotional and psychological abuse, and neglect I endured. If I had to prioritize, the beatings make the bottom of the list of what negatively impacted me the most.

I always find these threads interesting because so many people are quick to deny spankings, etc. feel proud that they successfully use other sources of discipline, but what has never been discussed (at least that I have seen) is the emotional and psychological abuse that I'm sure most of us have or will impose on our kids -- in one form of another without even realizing -- which in my opinion, is just as much, if not more, damaging.

Btw, DH and I do not want or see spanking as part of our arsenal of discipline strategies, although we have swatted on the hand or handled a little too roughly out of pure frustration. We always feel guilty afterwards because we both recognize that those moments are less about discipline and more about our inability to keep our cool. Thankfully this rarely happens.

I agree with you, PP. I was also slapped as a teen numerous times, which was humiliating, but the emotional/mental abuse has a much more lasting impact to me than anything else.

That's why I don't see spanking on the bottom to a 5 yr old the same as what I endured. This type of spanking is not the same as abuse. I think most people would consider spanking a 15 yr old completely inappropriate, but I'm thinking that most people on this thread who spank their kids aren't talking about 10+ yrs older kids, but 4 to 10 yr aged kids (?). I don't think spanking a child under 4 is right.

[Anonymous]

Any kind of abuse - physical, emotional, psychological - of a child or another adult is wrong. No matter what rationale you use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was beat as a child (beat, not spanked) with switches, belts, over the lap, etc. whenever I did or said something my mom didn't like. I was smacked across the face (the most humiliating feeling of all), grabbed, shoved, you name it.

Some would call this child abuse, but almost every kid I knew at the time got the same treatment, oftentimes worse. What I remember more than anything is not the physical abuse, but all the emotional and psychological abuse, and neglect I endured. If I had to prioritize, the beatings make the bottom of the list of what negatively impacted me the most.

I always find these threads interesting because so many people are quick to deny spankings, etc. feel proud that they successfully use other sources of discipline, but what has never been discussed (at least that I have seen) is the emotional and psychological abuse that I'm sure most of us have or will impose on our kids -- in one form of another without even realizing -- which in my opinion, is just as much, if not more, damaging.

Btw, DH and I do not want or see spanking as part of our arsenal of discipline strategies, although we have swatted on the hand or handled a little too roughly out of pure frustration. We always feel guilty afterwards because we both recognize that those moments are less about discipline and more about our inability to keep our cool. Thankfully this rarely happens.
I believe that the way you were raised is the right way, this generation is doomed. No respect and yes respect is beaten into people not coddled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was beat as a child (beat, not spanked) with switches, belts, over the lap, etc. whenever I did or said something my mom didn't like. I was smacked across the face (the most humiliating feeling of all), grabbed, shoved, you name it.

Some would call this child abuse, but almost every kid I knew at the time got the same treatment, oftentimes worse. What I remember more than anything is not the physical abuse, but all the emotional and psychological abuse, and neglect I endured. If I had to prioritize, the beatings make the bottom of the list of what negatively impacted me the most.

I always find these threads interesting because so many people are quick to deny spankings, etc. feel proud that they successfully use other sources of discipline, but what has never been discussed (at least that I have seen) is the emotional and psychological abuse that I'm sure most of us have or will impose on our kids -- in one form of another without even realizing -- which in my opinion, is just as much, if not more, damaging.

Btw, DH and I do not want or see spanking as part of our arsenal of discipline strategies, although we have swatted on the hand or handled a little too roughly out of pure frustration. We always feel guilty afterwards because we both recognize that those moments are less about discipline and more about our inability to keep our cool. Thankfully this rarely happens.

I believe that the way you were raised is the right way, this generation is doomed. No respect and yes respect is beaten into people not coddled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was beat as a child (beat, not spanked) with switches, belts, over the lap, etc. whenever I did or said something my mom didn't like. I was smacked across the face (the most humiliating feeling of all), grabbed, shoved, you name it.

Some would call this child abuse, but almost every kid I knew at the time got the same treatment, oftentimes worse. What I remember more than anything is not the physical abuse, but all the emotional and psychological abuse, and neglect I endured. If I had to prioritize, the beatings make the bottom of the list of what negatively impacted me the most.

I always find these threads interesting because so many people are quick to deny spankings, etc. feel proud that they successfully use other sources of discipline, but what has never been discussed (at least that I have seen) is the emotional and psychological abuse that I'm sure most of us have or will impose on our kids -- in one form of another without even realizing -- which in my opinion, is just as much, if not more, damaging.

Btw, DH and I do not want or see spanking as part of our arsenal of discipline strategies, although we have swatted on the hand or handled a little too roughly out of pure frustration. We always feel guilty afterwards because we both recognize that those moments are less about discipline and more about our inability to keep our cool. Thankfully this rarely happens.

I believe that the way you were raised is the right way, this generation is doomed. No respect and yes respect is beaten into people not coddled

I hope this is just one crazy person posting over and over again. If not, I truly feel for your children if you think that there is no other way for a child to respect their parent than to beat them. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was beat as a child (beat, not spanked) with switches, belts, over the lap, etc. whenever I did or said something my mom didn't like. I was smacked across the face (the most humiliating feeling of all), grabbed, shoved, you name it.

Some would call this child abuse, but almost every kid I knew at the time got the same treatment, oftentimes worse. What I remember more than anything is not the physical abuse, but all the emotional and psychological abuse, and neglect I endured. If I had to prioritize, the beatings make the bottom of the list of what negatively impacted me the most.

I always find these threads interesting because so many people are quick to deny spankings, etc. feel proud that they successfully use other sources of discipline, but what has never been discussed (at least that I have seen) is the emotional and psychological abuse that I'm sure most of us have or will impose on our kids -- in one form of another without even realizing -- which in my opinion, is just as much, if not more, damaging.

Btw, DH and I do not want or see spanking as part of our arsenal of discipline strategies, although we have swatted on the hand or handled a little too roughly out of pure frustration. We always feel guilty afterwards because we both recognize that those moments are less about discipline and more about our inability to keep our cool. Thankfully this rarely happens.

I believe that the way you were raised is the right way, this generation is doomed. No respect and yes respect is beaten into people not coddled

I hope this is just one crazy person posting over and over again. If not, I truly feel for your children if you think that there is no other way for a child to respect their parent than to beat them. Wow.

I'm someone who spanks, and has said as much on this thread, explaining my reasoning. I don't think that this was a serious response, or that respect is "beaten" into people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was beat as a child (beat, not spanked) with switches, belts, over the lap, etc. whenever I did or said something my mom didn't like. I was smacked across the face (the most humiliating feeling of all), grabbed, shoved, you name it.

Some would call this child abuse, but almost every kid I knew at the time got the same treatment, oftentimes worse. What I remember more than anything is not the physical abuse, but all the emotional and psychological abuse, and neglect I endured. If I had to prioritize, the beatings make the bottom of the list of what negatively impacted me the most.

I always find these threads interesting because so many people are quick to deny spankings, etc. feel proud that they successfully use other sources of discipline, but what has never been discussed (at least that I have seen) is the emotional and psychological abuse that I'm sure most of us have or will impose on our kids -- in one form of another without even realizing -- which in my opinion, is just as much, if not more, damaging.

Btw, DH and I do not want or see spanking as part of our arsenal of discipline strategies, although we have swatted on the hand or handled a little too roughly out of pure frustration. We always feel guilty afterwards because we both recognize that those moments are less about discipline and more about our inability to keep our cool. Thankfully this rarely happens.
I believe that the way you were raised is the right way, this generation is doomed. No respect and yes respect is beaten into people not coddled

I guess you didn't read the part where I wrote that I was also emotionally and psychologically abused.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who don't think the "lay over my lap" then give hugs and kisses method is sadistic, I have seen blog posts of HUSBANDS doing this to their WIVES when they were "bad" and the wives thinking this was ok. Now I see why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who don't think the "lay over my lap" then give hugs and kisses method is sadistic, I have seen blog posts of HUSBANDS doing this to their WIVES when they were "bad" and the wives thinking this was ok. Now I see why.

I think they were playing a game. What married people do in their spare time for their kicks is their own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who don't think the "lay over my lap" then give hugs and kisses method is sadistic, I have seen blog posts of HUSBANDS doing this to their WIVES when they were "bad" and the wives thinking this was ok. Now I see why.

I think they were playing a game. What married people do in their spare time for their kicks is their own business.

No, no this was not a sexual role playing thing. This was a punishment thing. I had never heard of it in my life until someone shared the blog post. Then, I came to find out this was not a one-off thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who don't think the "lay over my lap" then give hugs and kisses method is sadistic, I have seen blog posts of HUSBANDS doing this to their WIVES when they were "bad" and the wives thinking this was ok. Now I see why.

I think they were playing a game. What married people do in their spare time for their kicks is their own business.

No, no this was not a sexual role playing thing. This was a punishment thing. I had never heard of it in my life until someone shared the blog post. Then, I came to find out this was not a one-off thing.

You're being duped. It's an sm game for them. The point is to pretend that it's not.