What American "cultural" things you don't do or allow your kids to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why out of all things, the preventing dating/sex thing is the biggest problem. Who wants their teen kids having sex? Most UMC white parents do not. So why judge immigrants for not letting their kids date?

Because it’s simply not preventable. You can talk to your kids about how you “forbid” it all day long. It’s much more predictive to make sure your kids know hot to be smart and safe about it if/when they may choose to engage in sex. Unless you lock your kids in the house and never let them out, they will find a way if they want to.

My husband grew up in another culture. There was a little bit of dating in high school but most people here would consider it very, very innocent. Then in college people generally paired up. It’s not this absurd thing to expect high school kids not to date.

Yes teenagers tell their parents everything and always tell the truth. I’m sure your husband is being 100% truthful about his teenage years as well. And yes, it is absurd to expect high school kids not to date. It’s normal and it’s healthy.

Umm why do you think my husband would lie to me about this? He had a dating life before marriage so there’s literally no reason to lie about being a teen in particular.

How provincial are you that you only think that YOUR culture is the norm and that teenagers are the same everywhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

Wow.

Why would you live here if you don't like or trust any "American" families or American cultural traditions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

I have a neighbor with this viewpoint.

All of her kids, including the high schoolers, date.

The college kids have serious relationships.

[Anonymous]

Head back to your own country then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

Wow.

Why would you live here if you don't like or trust any "American" families or American cultural traditions?

They like American money and social mobility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would hate to think my kids weren’t having sex in college. What a waste!

My kids are both in healthy monogamous relationships and I would be sad if they missed out on this very important part of life at an age when it is so vital and fun.

Exactly! OP do you want your kids to be miserable? Do you hate sex and find it a chore or for making babies only?

LOL. I would be whole-heartedly behind the American obsession with wanting their kids to have premarital sex, IF - it made Americans good at sex, it made Americans have healthy sexually active marriages (most don't have), if it would save their marriages and if they liked their spouse.

But with 50% divorce rates...what did all the premarital hooking up gain you?

The 50% divorce rate includes serial divorcees on their second, third and fourth marriages.

The actual divorce rate of first marriages is much lower than 50%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

I have a neighbor with this viewpoint.

All of her kids, including the high schoolers, date.

The college kids have serious relationships.

They are fully assimilated. Their backwards old country parents will never understand them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Motorcycles
Tattoos
Drinking and driving
Private plane trips (yes a few moco kids have died in private planes)
AP classes

Ummmm since when is drinking and driving an american thing? It’s definitely illegal here and it’s not like anyone is promoting this behavior.

Two of my American kids did summers in western European countries, and they were shocked how much European teens drink compared to US teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Motorcycles
Tattoos
Drinking and driving
Private plane trips (yes a few moco kids have died in private planes)
AP classes

Ummmm since when is drinking and driving an american thing? It’s definitely illegal here and it’s not like anyone is promoting this behavior.

Well, you can look up the statistics and it’s the United States that as at the top of the drinking and driving incidents in the world.

We give our kids unlimited Uber so that they never ever have to think about whether they can afford it.

It's because we are the top at car ownership, especially teen car ownership.

Nearly every non urban US teen has their own car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach Week. Absolutely not.

That's not even an American thing. It's a very local thing. I remember describing Beach Week when I got to college and people were shocked.

Yep.

It is a very mid atlantic thing for rich families.

The rest of the country does not do beach week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

This whole thread is very bizarre and truly divorced from reality.

What is bizarre? It is considered ok for American kids to fornicate from their teen years by their parents. Around the world it is not the norm. From an immigrant perspective - there is no need for our children to follow this practice. But, if they do? There is something legally that can be done by the parents only as long as they are minors, but otherwise what can you do? Maybe cut them off from the family or something. I mean in many families there will be consequences.

On the other hand - It is ok for American kids to not love Math. Around the world, it is a cause for great concern for parents if their kid is not proficient in Math. It is just the way things are. Maybe American parents do not see the value in getting upset over Math. And if that is the case - isn't that their choice and cultural preference?

Allowing teens to fornicate with parental approval is a french and nordic country western European thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

Wow.

Why would you live here if you don't like or trust any "American" families or American cultural traditions?

My parents were like this and I guess I can explain it to you as an observer. In a lot of countries/cultures, you don’t befriend everyone. You befriend people who are your caste, from your region, your religion, your socioeconomic level, etc. These aren’t laws set in stone, it’s just the way things are. So when people come to America they naturally gravitate to their own “kind.”

My parents are not going to socialize with “Americans” just like they are not going to socialize with someone from their own country who is on a different social strata. It’s not personal. They simply decline to navigate social differences if they don’t have to.

I don’t know why so many of you are offended by this. People who immigrate go through enough crap, they don’t have to force themselves to befriend you. Their children will assimilate because they grow up in this culture.

And this is my personal experience, Americans tend to be very stingy and guarded. They lack the warmth and generosity you experience in my parents’ culture. Look at this forum for myriad examples. It’s a lot less complicated to make friends in other cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

Wow.

Why would you live here if you don't like or trust any "American" families or American cultural traditions?

My parents were like this and I guess I can explain it to you as an observer. In a lot of countries/cultures, you don’t befriend everyone. You befriend people who are your caste, from your region, your religion, your socioeconomic level, etc. These aren’t laws set in stone, it’s just the way things are. So when people come to America they naturally gravitate to their own “kind.”

My parents are not going to socialize with “Americans” just like they are not going to socialize with someone from their own country who is on a different social strata. It’s not personal. They simply decline to navigate social differences if they don’t have to.

I don’t know why so many of you are offended by this. People who immigrate go through enough crap, they don’t have to force themselves to befriend you. Their children will assimilate because they grow up in this culture.

And this is my personal experience, Americans tend to be very stingy and guarded. They lack the warmth and generosity you experience in my parents’ culture. Look at this forum for myriad examples. It’s a lot less complicated to make friends in other cultures.

“It’s a lot less complicated to make friends in my home country, and Americans are stingy,” says person from nation with a disgustingly immobile caste system that’s heavily based on colorism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not show up at a potluck with a bottle of soda or a small amount food. I come from a culture where everyone comes with huge amounts of food to share at a potluck, and they don't take their own leftovers back.

The poor hostess cleaning up all the food that has been left out all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are some things that we do that is different from most American families. Hopefully, kids are watching this and will follow these traditions.

- We are a no-shoes indoors family.
- We wear masks when we are unwell.
- We don't make our babies sleep in a seperate room from the parents.
- Postpartum care of new moms and their babies is the responsibility of the family. And people do budget money for this.

This all sounds like really commin American family things, except for the mask thing.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.