asking for money for hosting teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Haven't read through this entire thread, but I think it's how you present this to the other parents.

If you basically say my kid wants to have friends stay at the beach house, we are fine with that and us parents will be there just to make sure the kids don't do anything stupid (but aren't really there in full hosting capacity), but the parents will be out doing their own thing a bunch of the time...it's basically the equivalent of beach week (but without the craziness associated with beach week). You are giving them a free house, but everything else is on the kids to figure out. You don't have to ask for any contribution, but you make it clear to your kid that the group needs to go to the grocery store and buy their food, figure out their own entertainment, etc.

Hate to say it...but if you present as kind of "reluctant" hosts, I think you will still have a ton of appreciative parents letting their kid get access to a beach house for 5 days for free. Definitely, don't ask for anyone to Venmo you money...but again, make it clear to your kid that you also don't plan to do much except be an adult presence.

They are hosting. You need to be clear to parents your intentions. People like you are why I don't allow my kids to go with most other families. You aren't supervising and don't care what they do which to me is you not being there and worthless.

OP is saying they are hosting, which is a different set up.

If you are asking for money, then you are doing this to make money/business and that's also not hosting.

Just be transparent.

I don't get why you have kids or host others if you cannot be bothered parenting/supervising them.

What? How? Maybe you don’t want to shell out thousands out of your own pocket entertaining your kid’s friends. You’re not getting any profit, it’s not a BnB, there’s no business set up.

Thats why I wouldn’t even bother dealing with parents, it’s just a huge hassle related to money supervision, just have the kid deal with the friends. At 17 they should be able to figure things out in their own not have a helicopter parent hovering over every step. They’ll go to college in one year, by that time they should have figured out the basics on doing groceries, planning out a budget, and not being overwhelmed about living on their own.

Obviously others have different parenting styles, don’t send your kid if you don’t agree with the set up.

We always pay when we have the kids with us. As adults, we pay... not an issue for us. You shouldn't be inviting kids if you cannot pay or supervise them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Haven't read through this entire thread, but I think it's how you present this to the other parents.

If you basically say my kid wants to have friends stay at the beach house, we are fine with that and us parents will be there just to make sure the kids don't do anything stupid (but aren't really there in full hosting capacity), but the parents will be out doing their own thing a bunch of the time...it's basically the equivalent of beach week (but without the craziness associated with beach week). You are giving them a free house, but everything else is on the kids to figure out. You don't have to ask for any contribution, but you make it clear to your kid that the group needs to go to the grocery store and buy their food, figure out their own entertainment, etc.

Hate to say it...but if you present as kind of "reluctant" hosts, I think you will still have a ton of appreciative parents letting their kid get access to a beach house for 5 days for free. Definitely, don't ask for anyone to Venmo you money...but again, make it clear to your kid that you also don't plan to do much except be an adult presence.

They are hosting. You need to be clear to parents your intentions. People like you are why I don't allow my kids to go with most other families. You aren't supervising and don't care what they do which to me is you not being there and worthless.

OP is saying they are hosting, which is a different set up.

If you are asking for money, then you are doing this to make money/business and that's also not hosting.

Just be transparent.

I don't get why you have kids or host others if you cannot be bothered parenting/supervising them.

What? How? Maybe you don’t want to shell out thousands out of your own pocket entertaining your kid’s friends. You’re not getting any profit, it’s not a BnB, there’s no business set up.

Thats why I wouldn’t even bother dealing with parents, it’s just a huge hassle related to money supervision, just have the kid deal with the friends. At 17 they should be able to figure things out in their own not have a helicopter parent hovering over every step. They’ll go to college in one year, by that time they should have figured out the basics on doing groceries, planning out a budget, and not being overwhelmed about living on their own.

Obviously others have different parenting styles, don’t send your kid if you don’t agree with the set up.

We always pay when we have the kids with us. As adults, we pay... not an issue for us. You shouldn't be inviting kids if you cannot pay or supervise them.

What supervising of 17 year olds are you doing? You don’t have a vacation home and I doubt your kid is ever getting invited to one. Why do you continue to comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Haven't read through this entire thread, but I think it's how you present this to the other parents.

If you basically say my kid wants to have friends stay at the beach house, we are fine with that and us parents will be there just to make sure the kids don't do anything stupid (but aren't really there in full hosting capacity), but the parents will be out doing their own thing a bunch of the time...it's basically the equivalent of beach week (but without the craziness associated with beach week). You are giving them a free house, but everything else is on the kids to figure out. You don't have to ask for any contribution, but you make it clear to your kid that the group needs to go to the grocery store and buy their food, figure out their own entertainment, etc.

Hate to say it...but if you present as kind of "reluctant" hosts, I think you will still have a ton of appreciative parents letting their kid get access to a beach house for 5 days for free. Definitely, don't ask for anyone to Venmo you money...but again, make it clear to your kid that you also don't plan to do much except be an adult presence.

They are hosting. You need to be clear to parents your intentions. People like you are why I don't allow my kids to go with most other families. You aren't supervising and don't care what they do which to me is you not being there and worthless.

OP is saying they are hosting, which is a different set up.

If you are asking for money, then you are doing this to make money/business and that's also not hosting.

Just be transparent.

I don't get why you have kids or host others if you cannot be bothered parenting/supervising them.

What? How? Maybe you don’t want to shell out thousands out of your own pocket entertaining your kid’s friends. You’re not getting any profit, it’s not a BnB, there’s no business set up.

Thats why I wouldn’t even bother dealing with parents, it’s just a huge hassle related to money supervision, just have the kid deal with the friends. At 17 they should be able to figure things out in their own not have a helicopter parent hovering over every step. They’ll go to college in one year, by that time they should have figured out the basics on doing groceries, planning out a budget, and not being overwhelmed about living on their own.

Obviously others have different parenting styles, don’t send your kid if you don’t agree with the set up.

We always pay when we have the kids with us. As adults, we pay... not an issue for us. You shouldn't be inviting kids if you cannot pay or supervise them.

What supervising of 17 year olds are you doing? You don’t have a vacation home and I doubt your kid is ever getting invited to one. Why do you continue to comment?

Ultra privileged attitude. I think kids should and can have their friends over to the beach house and ask for contributions. Why should only those who can afford to pay for everything get the fun? I really think some of you need to get out of your bubble and realize there are many ways to do this so the 7 boys can have a beach week. I assure you it's no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buttered noodles only for the ones that don’t pay up.

Ridiculous. Some of you should never, ever host and OP seems to be in that group that's clueless as to what "host" means.

You…did understand that the “buttered noodles” reply was sarcasm, right?

NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Even if the son organized it, there’s a moment when the owners of the house make it an official invite and that’s the last time you can ask people to chip in. You can say “that sounds great, Bobby! Make sure all the parents are on board and everyone is okay with contributing $100 for groceries.” You can’t say “that sounds great, Bobby!” and then a month later send Venmo requests.

I mean you can, but it’s less polite.

Are you sure? There doesn't have to be an "official invite" this can all be organized by the kids. My younger teen goes on a group trip every year and there is nothing official about it at all. The dads are friends and coordinate the logistics and that's about it.

Yeah there is, it’s not about the stationary but there’s a point when the owners (parents) say it’s okay and that’s when you need to communicate any expected $.

This can all go through the 17yr olds. The parents don’t even need to talk at all. The kids should just ask his friends for money.

You’re nuts. I wouldn’t send my kid on a 5 day beach vacation with another family without even talking to the parents. Wow.

Because your kid is about 8. At 17 i would have driven myself with friends and there probably wouldn’t even be parents there. A 17 yr old is capable of handling this without you.

Here’s the ultimate checked out parent. That would be a hard no for me.

Cool. Because we know your kids are remotely teens.

I agree with them, and my oldest two are in high school and college. Oops for you. 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Did OP invite or did the boys make the plan and the son said "hey, what do you think if the 7 of us go to the beach house for a week..."

It sounds like the later..? Although it’s unclear. If the later, it’s fine to ask.

The only way it’s tacky is if a family decides to invite a bunch of kids to their vacation home and then asks parent to contribute. That would be weird.

Nuance matters!

Even if the son organized it, there’s a moment when the owners of the house make it an official invite and that’s the last time you can ask people to chip in. You can say “that sounds great, Bobby! Make sure all the parents are on board and everyone is okay with contributing $100 for groceries.” You can’t say “that sounds great, Bobby!” and then a month later send Venmo requests.

I mean you can, but it’s less polite.

Are you sure? There doesn't have to be an "official invite" this can all be organized by the kids. My younger teen goes on a group trip every year and there is nothing official about it at all. The dads are friends and coordinate the logistics and that's about it.

Yeah there is, it’s not about the stationary but there’s a point when the owners (parents) say it’s okay and that’s when you need to communicate any expected $.

This can all go through the 17yr olds. The parents don’t even need to talk at all. The kids should just ask his friends for money.

You’re nuts. I wouldn’t send my kid on a 5 day beach vacation with another family without even talking to the parents. Wow.

Because your kid is about 8. At 17 i would have driven myself with friends and there probably wouldn’t even be parents there. A 17 yr old is capable of handling this without you.

Here’s the ultimate checked out parent. That would be a hard no for me.

Helicopter parenting will just set your kid up for failure... reaching out to the hosts is fine, but thats about it... My friends and I did all kinds of overnight trips on our own and survived - and thived, learning to take care of things without mommy is important

Stay blessed. You live a charmed life.

Why are your kids so untrustworthy? You failed them.

Not the kids untrustworthy. Stay charmed.

It's ok if your kid isn't mature enough to handle it. Some are late bloomers.

Not the quoted PP, but you know these try-hard, pseudo-pithy quips you keep coming back with are actually only showcasing your insecurity, right? Just checking, because it seems like you don’t.

[Anonymous]

I would not be offended if you asked for grocery money. Feeding 8 kids can be a lot.

Especially with grocery prices as they are now.

Or just suck it up. But it’s not tacky.

I would include the request if you do so on the email with all the other logistics. $100 per kid for 5 days - to off costs you encourage. $20
In groceries a day is reasonable.

The tricky part can be the outings but at 17 I’d think they all have electric wallets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely tacky to ask for money, however, I would set expectations from the beginning. Tell the parents that the kids will be eating breakfast at the house daily but they'll probably be doing lunch or dinner outside. That way, you are not on the hook for 3 meals a day and it's reasonable. high schoolers should have their own money for eating out. Nothing fancy, but they should be able to cover a slice of pizza on the boardwalk. Also, if the parents have some good etiquette, none of these kids should be showing up empty handed either. If my kid was invited, I would definitely tell him to buy pizza for everyone in the house once during his stay, and/or I would send him with a hostess gift.

Wtf with the hostess gift! No, I don’t want your cheap scented candles that will go straight into the trash. I want you as a parent to make my life easier accommodating 7 teens for a week. How generous of you to advice your kid to get his own slice of pizza for lunch! Maybe my idea of vacation doesn’t include doing groceries and cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner for ten people. On top of that from my own money. Wow at the insane level of entitlement. Have you hosted a large group for extended time before? If not, just shut up.

Is your name Jeff? No? Then take a seat and zip it. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m always happy to contribute and I think most parents want to. Asking for money is tacky though. If you really want people to contribute, I’d do a grocery list in a Google sheet and ask people to sign up to bring things. It’s annoying to have to buy and pack groceries to send but as a parent, I’d still gladly do it knowing that my kid will be eating there all week.

It’s not about money, choosy beggar, it’s about sharing the effort as a group. I guess you’re the mom that makes Google spreadsheets. To be fair, that’s more embarrassing than asking teens to buy what they want to eat, but you do you. It’s dumb, but don’t let that stop you from doing it next time you’re hosting seven for a week, which will never happen anyways, because as we all know choosy beggar generosity is very limited.

The rest of us sane people will take the teens to the grocery store in the first day, everyone puts in the cart what they want to eat and in the end divide the bill fairly. No need to “gladly” bring groceries from home, no expectation for you to send scented candles and aromatic oils, or to have your kid treat everyone with frozen pizza one of the nights to show their appreciation, or to set up a Google spreadsheet trying to figure out who wants what cereal in the morning.

It’s obvious you’ve never done a hosting like this, so it’s funny how you have all these cumbersome ideas and suggestions on how the host should run her house on top of judging and badmouthing her as tacky. If you want to see low class, cheap, trashy and tacky, look in the mirror.

Every time you type this idiotic catch phrase, you look dumber and dumber. If that’s your goal, please, do continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Yes this 100 percent. I grew up poor and if we got asked for a contribution of $100 or so it would have been a significant factor in deciding if I could do something like this. I am always super mindful of this when making plans/invitations. You need to train your kid to do the same.

Why are these answers so idiotic? If you can’t afford $100 in groceries and you’re 17, go get a JOB! You’ll make that much in one day waiting tables. There’s no shame in being poor, but you can’t afford to also be entitled. Even if you’re not poor, get a job at that age regardless to learn the value of money, how to deal with people and build future workplace skills.

I’m the PP who grew up relatively poor. Yes I had a job, which I used to pay for all optional expenses as soon as I turned 16. I worked as much as I could around studying for my AP classes and trying to maintain my one extracurricular so I would get into a top school. I am very lucky and now an ask for $100 or more would be nothing. But I will never forget what it was like to choose between seeing a movie with my friends and buying prom shoes. Maybe you can’t even imagine that’s the case for anyone you know but there are lots of people feeling the squeeze right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tacky.

One of the joys of owning a vacation home is being a gracious host. Provide food for the home. Expect the teens to go out and pay for their own things outside of the home. Also expect some of them to bring their own snacks.

If a parent asked to contribute I would tell them to send food their child wants to share. I would not accept actual payment.

Agreed. But OP got the cheat code—she inherited the house. So she wants the rep of being the fancy beach house family but wants to charge cover fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Haven't read through this entire thread, but I think it's how you present this to the other parents.

If you basically say my kid wants to have friends stay at the beach house, we are fine with that and us parents will be there just to make sure the kids don't do anything stupid (but aren't really there in full hosting capacity), but the parents will be out doing their own thing a bunch of the time...it's basically the equivalent of beach week (but without the craziness associated with beach week). You are giving them a free house, but everything else is on the kids to figure out. You don't have to ask for any contribution, but you make it clear to your kid that the group needs to go to the grocery store and buy their food, figure out their own entertainment, etc.

Hate to say it...but if you present as kind of "reluctant" hosts, I think you will still have a ton of appreciative parents letting their kid get access to a beach house for 5 days for free. Definitely, don't ask for anyone to Venmo you money...but again, make it clear to your kid that you also don't plan to do much except be an adult presence.

They are hosting. You need to be clear to parents your intentions. People like you are why I don't allow my kids to go with most other families. You aren't supervising and don't care what they do which to me is you not being there and worthless.

OP is saying they are hosting, which is a different set up.

If you are asking for money, then you are doing this to make money/business and that's also not hosting.

Just be transparent.

I don't get why you have kids or host others if you cannot be bothered parenting/supervising them.

What? How? Maybe you don’t want to shell out thousands out of your own pocket entertaining your kid’s friends. You’re not getting any profit, it’s not a BnB, there’s no business set up.

Thats why I wouldn’t even bother dealing with parents, it’s just a huge hassle related to money supervision, just have the kid deal with the friends. At 17 they should be able to figure things out in their own not have a helicopter parent hovering over every step. They’ll go to college in one year, by that time they should have figured out the basics on doing groceries, planning out a budget, and not being overwhelmed about living on their own.

Obviously others have different parenting styles, don’t send your kid if you don’t agree with the set up.

We always pay when we have the kids with us. As adults, we pay... not an issue for us. You shouldn't be inviting kids if you cannot pay or supervise them.

Please do tell what you have paid for "for the kids"? A ski week for 7 friends? Beach week? Flown them to Europe in your PJ?

[Anonymous]

You can have a fancy beach house and still ask for contributions. Why should it limit the kids?

It really is no big deal to ask. And also no big deal to not ask.

[Anonymous]

Those kids (and parents) are lucky to get a free stay in OP's Beach House. Why would OP have to pay for all of the meals for 7!!! 17 year old kids??!! That's a lot of money and if any of the parents think that's ok, they are out of their mind. They should give their kids money to buy snacks and food.