What's weird about where you are staying - Thanksgiving 2024 edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a twist on this thread. How about clueless house guests? I’m hosting SIL and she arrived over the weekend for an 8 day stay. We have had numerous discussions and conflicts in the past about how disruptive her visits are to the kids sleep. Both kids have sleep disorders and my biggest stressor in life is getting my youngest to sleep and ensuring she gets the maximum sleep possible. My husband and I were looking forward to sleeping in Saturday morning (only day for the next week) and was woken up at 6:40am to giggling and screaming laughter from SIL and daughter together in the next room. SIL seemed confused when husband went in and asked them to be quiet and asking why daughter was awake. My son woke up moments later. I couldn’t fall asleep after that. Daughter was up almost 2 hours earlier than a normal Saturday. And his family wonders why visits are so exhausting!

How old are your kids that you expect them to sleep until 9am or later? 6:40 is a typical waking time for young kids and it sounds like they were staying in their room. I’d be interested to hear your SILs take on this visit.

All three of my kids are professional sleepers at 5, 7, 9. If we let them they'll sleep until 10 every morning.

Then you do not provide age appropriate bedtimes. This does make your poor children good sleepers. It makes them chronically exhausted. Good sleepers sleep 7/8pm to 7/8am.

Umm, the exact times that people go to sleep and wake up do not matter in the least. The amount of time spent asleep matters, but the times of falling asleep and waking up are unimportant.

No, but the kids can't sleep until 10 a.m. since they have to be in school. So, the parents are giving their children a sleep deficit by allowing them to stay up late.

And you need to examine the research on sleep times. Humans have evolved circadian rhythms to go with natural light. Your assertion that sleep/wake times do not matter is absolutely not true.

NP whose elementary kid goes to bed at 8:30 p.m., but who is here to tell you to shut up and go take a nap, because you are obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Arrived at MIL's yesterday, and am here for the whole week. Need a distraction from her fretting over cooking (which I am doing all of) and financial planning (which she only trusts DH around).

I'll start:

- House is freezing. MIL considers setting temp to 65 high, and says it's because kids are from south (California). I grew up in Midwest, BTW. I've been wrapped up in blanket since getting here...MIL nearly fainted when I suggested setting temp to 67.
- MIL insists on hosting dinner. Will no longer let me host, which involves travel, nor SIL who is 15 minutes away. But MIL hates cooking and does not have a full size oven...so getting meal together is lots of coordination and drama.

Where does MIL live? Is it cold outside and she can’t afford to heat her house higher than 65? I can’t quite follow. Most older people have real circulation issues and insist on the house being in the 80s, so you may be a lucky one there. You can always put more layers on.

PNW. MIL is actually very wealthy, hence financial planning stress. It's a weird thing about DH's family. They keep house at 60 and wear jackets inside. It's a favor that house is set at 65, but I'm still freezing. DD is wearing gloves!

Why can't you say it without the intials? Pacific northwest?

New poster here who had no idea what PNW was, didn’t care enough to Google, and is now rolling my eyes at how obnoxious that is!

I moved to the PNW from DMV. People here use PNW all the time without a thought, so I doubt the PP was trying to be obnoxious.

I want to hear more about what happens when people flout the “no snacking” rule at their in-laws’. Does someone DASH the food from your hands? What happens if you say you’re hungry? Does someone say “Too bad!”?

NP and my mom is a no-snacks person.

Buckle up:

1) she will clean the kitchen rapidly
2) she will clean the counters with bleach until it smells like a public pool locker room
3) she will dim all of the lights and literally say “the kitchen is closed”
4) if you walk through the kitchen en route to the other rooms to which it connects (bathroom, exterior door, your guest room), she will remind you the kitchen is closed
5) if you look hungry or weak she will mention how big dinner was and how she never really eats a big meal anymore. And will reiterate that the kitchen is closed.

Then, to really confuse you, she will put snacks out in another room, but you’re expected to take just 1-2 pieces of them, admire the bounty, and stroll away. It’s kind of a test to make sure you aren’t fat. If you give in and eat a bunch, you are fat and bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom proudly told me on Monday that she just finished cooking the turkey so she can re-heat it for us Thursday.

This right here is the kind of wacky I love finding buried in these threads among the house too cold/too hot, garbage police, and nobody is allowed to eat posts!

I’ve been haunted by wondering where the cooked turkey is stored.

On the patio! It's cool enough. I mean people are whining and wearing sweaters INDOORS so it's definitely cool enough for a turkey outdoors. Logic.

Are you in the Midwest? When we used to go to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, my mom would cook all this food a week or so in advance and then leave it in the garage if there wasn’t room in the fridge (and they had two huge refrigerators and a deep freeze….). I don’t think the garage was ever under 40 degrees. When the kids were little, we’d buy our own groceries and cook for them under the guise that they were too picky and needed their own food. We stopped going there for holidays around 7-8 years ago because the old food, cold house, uncomfortable beds, weird rules, etc got to be too much.

My dad has now passed away and my mom is in a small apartment. I was feeling sad that we didn’t have big family travel plans this year and wouldn’t all be together in their big house, but this thread is reminding me of how much we hated going to my parents’ for Thanksgiving! It was never the cozy Hallmark Thanksgiving that I’m picturing in my head—it was the Griswolds.

Your last line made me spit out my coffee with laughter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m hosting so I am the weird one this year I guess.

My mom arrived after visiting my brother and falling down the steps. She keeps showing my DH and kids her bruises…on her butt. DH wants to die of embarrassment, I literally think she revels in his discomfort.

She then pulled her crack apart for me so I could see that her lady bits were bruised. They aren’t but I really didn’t need to view…that. I’m seriously questioning if I can permit our other guests to come Thursday, they might sue us after for IIED.

Er... and why is she bruised down there?

Is this the exhibitionism that comes with her cognitive decline? She might belong in a nursing home.

It’s in my post…she slipped and fell down steps at my brother’s.

No, she’s like this. A nurse for 40 years, she never had a filter because she’s seen approx. 7 million naked people and doesn’t get that most people haven’t.

Uh, my MIL is a nurse and would never in a million years pull her crack apart in front of people.

Lucky you? Like I said, she has not changed. She’s been this embarrassing my entire life so no, it isn’t dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom proudly told me on Monday that she just finished cooking the turkey so she can re-heat it for us Thursday.

I feel your pain. I am looking at a frozen turkey sitting on the counter. It was fully defrosted LAST YEAR and then REFROZEN when a contingent family did not make it up from the twin cities. This is an 18 pounder. Early tomorrow morning, crimes against nature will be committed in order to finish the thawing. This is one of many attempts on our lives that have/will occur this Thanksgiving. I’m going to go eat a snickers bar and have a Bloody Mary. They don’t believe in food allergies or food safety here, but they believe in large supplies of junk food and nobody monitors your drinking. #winnng

RED PLASTIC BIN IN THE FREEZER LADY PLEASE COME BACK

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom proudly told me on Monday that she just finished cooking the turkey so she can re-heat it for us Thursday.

I feel your pain. I am looking at a frozen turkey sitting on the counter. It was fully defrosted LAST YEAR and then REFROZEN when a contingent family did not make it up from the twin cities. This is an 18 pounder. Early tomorrow morning, crimes against nature will be committed in order to finish the thawing. This is one of many attempts on our lives that have/will occur this Thanksgiving. I’m going to go eat a snickers bar and have a Bloody Mary. They don’t believe in food allergies or food safety here, but they believe in large supplies of junk food and nobody monitors your drinking. #winnng

RED PLASTIC BIN IN THE FREEZER LADY PLEASE COME BACK

Pre-cooked turkey poster here, and you beat me. That said, last time she hosted, she left the gas stovetop on for 4 hours and we had to call the fire department non-emergency to make sure it was OK because the smell would not go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL’s house has the fewest outlets, the dullest knives, and the oldest spices ever.

Me again her paprika is literally in this tin.

This is why I come to DCUM. I love this. And the freezing cold house. Amazing.

I'm sorry OP. But thanks for sharing. I only have to deal with my inlaws for about 5 hours tomorrow and I've been annoyed about it. If I had to fly across the country and deal with them for a WEEK SOLID in their house, I'm not sure my marriage would survive...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom proudly told me on Monday that she just finished cooking the turkey so she can re-heat it for us Thursday.

This right here is the kind of wacky I love finding buried in these threads among the house too cold/too hot, garbage police, and nobody is allowed to eat posts!

I’ve been haunted by wondering where the cooked turkey is stored.

On the patio! It's cool enough. I mean people are whining and wearing sweaters INDOORS so it's definitely cool enough for a turkey outdoors. Logic.

Are you in the Midwest? When we used to go to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, my mom would cook all this food a week or so in advance and then leave it in the garage if there wasn’t room in the fridge (and they had two huge refrigerators and a deep freeze….). I don’t think the garage was ever under 40 degrees. When the kids were little, we’d buy our own groceries and cook for them under the guise that they were too picky and needed their own food. We stopped going there for holidays around 7-8 years ago because the old food, cold house, uncomfortable beds, weird rules, etc got to be too much.

My dad has now passed away and my mom is in a small apartment. I was feeling sad that we didn’t have big family travel plans this year and wouldn’t all be together in their big house, but this thread is reminding me of how much we hated going to my parents’ for Thanksgiving! It was never the cozy Hallmark Thanksgiving that I’m picturing in my head—it was the Griswolds.

OMG, my in laws do this. Not just for thanksgiving. MIL makes lunch at like, 5 am, and then she just leaves it on the stove (stove turned off) for 6-8 hours until lunch time. Stews, soups, meatballs, fish, porkchops, it doesn't matter. Then she reheats it until it is lukewarm. DH has asked her many times to put the food in the fridge, which she ignores because she says it will "ruin the flavor" and be "bad for the fridge" to put hot food inside. Last year, pregnant SIL convinced her to put the food in the fridge because of her pregnancy, which MIL grumbled about incessantly.

For thanksgiving, she makes a ton of food, more than anyone can possibly eat. She stores the leftover food in the garage and then brings it out the next day at noon for lunch. Like 24 hours after it was first prepared. Nobody eats it of course, and people come up with the craziest reasons why they can't eat that lobster mac and cheese that was left out overnight. Everyone has told her to refrigerate things and she just shames and berates people for telling her that, so instead we all sit around inventing reasons why we can't eat it. It's our thanksgiving play.

Except not this year! As PP noted, it is sad not to be around the extended hallmark fam, but since we don't have that, it's better to be by ourselves and not in the big group o' crazy awful people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Arrived at MIL's yesterday, and am here for the whole week. Need a distraction from her fretting over cooking (which I am doing all of) and financial planning (which she only trusts DH around).

I'll start:

- House is freezing. MIL considers setting temp to 65 high, and says it's because kids are from south (California). I grew up in Midwest, BTW. I've been wrapped up in blanket since getting here...MIL nearly fainted when I suggested setting temp to 67.
- MIL insists on hosting dinner. Will no longer let me host, which involves travel, nor SIL who is 15 minutes away. But MIL hates cooking and does not have a full size oven...so getting meal together is lots of coordination and drama.

Where does MIL live? Is it cold outside and she can’t afford to heat her house higher than 65? I can’t quite follow. Most older people have real circulation issues and insist on the house being in the 80s, so you may be a lucky one there. You can always put more layers on.

Yeah, I was going to say it's far better to be freezing than to be roasting. I'm usually sweating to death at older people's homes.

[Anonymous]

Last Thanksgiving, I was making PB&J sandwiches for my kids for lunch at IL’s house and I pulled out a jar of jelly from the fridge … expiration date during the Obama administration. And yes it has been opened. It was LIQUID. There was no jelly consistency to it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know the kind of people who spend a lot of money on renovations but make the absolute worst choices that end up making the house a more ugly and less functional place to live? That's my in-laws. Over the past few years, they have:

**Redone the entire den, but left the asbestos ceiling that has a hole and flakes of asbestos falling out of it because rehabbing the asbestos "would have meant we couldn't afford to renovate the den."

**Redid the outdoor patio with slippery indoor tiles that are a super hazard whenever it rains because "they look better. you won't believe how much I had to push the tile salesmen to sell us the tiles, i had to tell him we were going to use them inside! what's it to him where we put the tiles after we buy them??"

**Re-did front and back steps to the house, but refuse to put in a hand-rail because "It would make it look ugly"

**Replaced the 100+ year old solid mahogany wood doors throughout the house with particleboard doors because MIL decided she wanted "white doors." She told us happily, "the renovators took all those old doors away for free!" New doors don't close properly, squeak, paint is already peeling, drafts and sounds carry, etc.

**Re-did the bathrooms. Refused to put in grab bars ("those are for old people!"). No tub, just a shower that already leaks, tiles cracked, the door swells with resultant humidity making it impossible to close.

**Put in a roof deck but didn't put in a staircase to the roof deck because they thought the wrought iron staircase maker their roof guy recommended was "a crook" because he wanted 5k for a custom staircase and they thought they could find a cheaper source. It's been 5 years and no, they have not found a cheaper staircase maker.

I know this thread is supposed to be fun, but as someone who very recently lost a loved one from mesothelioma: Run. And don't let your kids in the house. It is heartbreaking.

I am sorry for your loss, and thank you for the reminder. We have basically stopped going to visit the in-laws because of their flagrant disregard for safety. (and no, it's not dementia. they have always been like that.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom proudly told me on Monday that she just finished cooking the turkey so she can re-heat it for us Thursday.

https://barefootcontessa.com/recipes/make-ahead-roast-turkey

Are you better than Ina?

[Anonymous]

Our ETA is 12:09 p.m. My dad just called, concerned and asking if they were supposed to “hold lunch” for us.

Yes. Yes please wait literally 9 minutes so we can eat after driving 12 hours, paying for gas and a hotel room on the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a twist on this thread. How about clueless house guests? I’m hosting SIL and she arrived over the weekend for an 8 day stay. We have had numerous discussions and conflicts in the past about how disruptive her visits are to the kids sleep. Both kids have sleep disorders and my biggest stressor in life is getting my youngest to sleep and ensuring she gets the maximum sleep possible. My husband and I were looking forward to sleeping in Saturday morning (only day for the next week) and was woken up at 6:40am to giggling and screaming laughter from SIL and daughter together in the next room. SIL seemed confused when husband went in and asked them to be quiet and asking why daughter was awake. My son woke up moments later. I couldn’t fall asleep after that. Daughter was up almost 2 hours earlier than a normal Saturday. And his family wonders why visits are so exhausting!

How old are your kids that you expect them to sleep until 9am or later? 6:40 is a typical waking time for young kids and it sounds like they were staying in their room. I’d be interested to hear your SILs take on this visit.

All three of my kids are professional sleepers at 5, 7, 9. If we let them they'll sleep until 10 every morning.

Then you do not provide age appropriate bedtimes. This does make your poor children good sleepers. It makes them chronically exhausted. Good sleepers sleep 7/8pm to 7/8am.

Umm, the exact times that people go to sleep and wake up do not matter in the least. The amount of time spent asleep matters, but the times of falling asleep and waking up are unimportant.

No, but the kids can't sleep until 10 a.m. since they have to be in school. So, the parents are giving their children a sleep deficit by allowing them to stay up late.

And you need to examine the research on sleep times. Humans have evolved circadian rhythms to go with natural light. Your assertion that sleep/wake times do not matter is absolutely not true.

NP whose elementary kid goes to bed at 8:30 p.m., but who is here to tell you to shut up and go take a nap, because you are obnoxious.

I was a NP also, but just like for any other post on DCUM, if someone posts something that is false, I will respond. Sorry. And I don't need a nap because I go to bed at a reasonable time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom proudly told me on Monday that she just finished cooking the turkey so she can re-heat it for us Thursday.

I feel your pain. I am looking at a frozen turkey sitting on the counter. It was fully defrosted LAST YEAR and then REFROZEN when a contingent family did not make it up from the twin cities. This is an 18 pounder. Early tomorrow morning, crimes against nature will be committed in order to finish the thawing. This is one of many attempts on our lives that have/will occur this Thanksgiving. I’m going to go eat a snickers bar and have a Bloody Mary. They don’t believe in food allergies or food safety here, but they believe in large supplies of junk food and nobody monitors your drinking. #winnng

RED PLASTIC BIN IN THE FREEZER LADY PLEASE COME BACK

Pre-cooked turkey poster here, and you beat me. That said, last time she hosted, she left the gas stovetop on for 4 hours and we had to call the fire department non-emergency to make sure it was OK because the smell would not go away.

It’s not a contest! We are all in this together!