What's weird about where you are staying - Thanksgiving 2024 edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Arrived at MIL's yesterday, and am here for the whole week. Need a distraction from her fretting over cooking (which I am doing all of) and financial planning (which she only trusts DH around).

I'll start:

- House is freezing. MIL considers setting temp to 65 high, and says it's because kids are from south (California). I grew up in Midwest, BTW. I've been wrapped up in blanket since getting here...MIL nearly fainted when I suggested setting temp to 67.
- MIL insists on hosting dinner. Will no longer let me host, which involves travel, nor SIL who is 15 minutes away. But MIL hates cooking and does not have a full size oven...so getting meal together is lots of coordination and drama.

Alternate worlds. We arrived and house is 80, but don’t change the thermostat! And MIL here also doesn’t cook so will go out for Thanksgiving but means next 2 1/2 days, no food in house. Thank goodness for these posts years ago they educated me about car coolers and hidden room food so we survive (they don’t like to keep food in house because will go bad). I am not sure what they think we eat, but for years now they don’t ask, we don’t say and all works out. But anyone new watching this would be very confused.

I remember a thread from years ago offering the OP ways to hide food. What kind of food are you hiding? Is it sandwiches? I'm guessing food you don't have to heat?

Gift basket from Harry and David that you "won" in a raffle at the office!!!

It was me! I “won”! Now it’s a well-worn tradition that I just bring one “because we all enjoyed it so much that first year.” Haha, always fed now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, we are in Florida for Thanksgiving, no one is cold, house is nice, no need to worry about the meals BUT...MIL invited her nieces and nephews who DH cannot stand and she forgot to tell him about that. Until last night. Until we were already in the house. He is beyond livid. Yes the house is pretty big for everyone but he doesn't want to be in the same room with them. He insists we get another place to stay and just show up for dinner. I am having so much fun with this drama.

We need to know why DH hates his cousins. 🍿

Former addicts (meth, alcohol, you name it - they've done in). Apparently they are on the road to recovery, AA, rehabs. According to MIL, "they didn't have an easy life". According to DH, "that's such BS". Doesn't want our kids to be near them.

I’m sorry, that sounds awful.

It is awful. I already told MIL "what were you thinking about inviting a bunch of addicts to a house with young children?" She responded with "you can't pick your family." They are her sister's kids, she somehow feels responsible for them. They are all in their 30s and 40s, how much responsibility can a 76-yo woman possibly take upon herself? Once an addict, always an addict.

With young children especially, she should have given you the information before you decided to go. I’m very much for reconciliation and grace, but it sounds like new, fragile sobriety, and I think opting out with young kids is valid.

It is nearly impossible to find a place that doesn't cost an arm and a leg at the last minute. The more I think about it, the more I want to take the kids, get a rental car and start driving back to DC. She is obviously within her rights to host whoever she wants but this is her only son, her only grandkids, she should've known better.

Sorry... what exactly are you afraid of? I don't get it. If they whip out their meth, yeah, you should leave. But this is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m hosting so I am the weird one this year I guess.

My mom arrived after visiting my brother and falling down the steps. She keeps showing my DH and kids her bruises…on her butt. DH wants to die of embarrassment, I literally think she revels in his discomfort.

She then pulled her crack apart for me so I could see that her lady bits were bruised. They aren’t but I really didn’t need to view…that. I’m seriously questioning if I can permit our other guests to come Thursday, they might sue us after for IIED.

Er... and why is she bruised down there?

Is this the exhibitionism that comes with her cognitive decline? She might belong in a nursing home.

It’s in my post…she slipped and fell down steps at my brother’s.

No, she’s like this. A nurse for 40 years, she never had a filter because she’s seen approx. 7 million naked people and doesn’t get that most people haven’t.

Uh, my MIL is a nurse and would never in a million years pull her crack apart in front of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a twist on this thread. How about clueless house guests? I’m hosting SIL and she arrived over the weekend for an 8 day stay. We have had numerous discussions and conflicts in the past about how disruptive her visits are to the kids sleep. Both kids have sleep disorders and my biggest stressor in life is getting my youngest to sleep and ensuring she gets the maximum sleep possible. My husband and I were looking forward to sleeping in Saturday morning (only day for the next week) and was woken up at 6:40am to giggling and screaming laughter from SIL and daughter together in the next room. SIL seemed confused when husband went in and asked them to be quiet and asking why daughter was awake. My son woke up moments later. I couldn’t fall asleep after that. Daughter was up almost 2 hours earlier than a normal Saturday. And his family wonders why visits are so exhausting!

How old are your kids that you expect them to sleep until 9am or later? 6:40 is a typical waking time for young kids and it sounds like they were staying in their room. I’d be interested to hear your SILs take on this visit.

All three of my kids are professional sleepers at 5, 7, 9. If we let them they'll sleep until 10 every morning.

Bedtime?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, some of us like to factor in our effect on the environment and keep the temperatures low for that reason. My husband and I keep our house temperature lower to use less fossil fuel energy. Yes, we know it’s a small effect we can have overall, but we are trying to do our part, even if it is small.

My mom says stuff like this when it’s convenient. It’s Greta Thunberg cosplay. The truth is that she is too overwhelmed to figure out how to replace drafty doors and windows or add more insulation, “doesn’t believe” in efficient bulbs or newer hot water heaters, and thinks replacement windows are ugly, and believes that a cold laundry room=second fridge, so she uses an ungodly amount of natural gas to heat the house to just above 60.

It could easily be cut by 75% if she’d make the house more energy efficient.

But then she also wouldn’t have the fun of penning everyone into the one tiny warm room or keeping us docile by slowing our heart rates down.

New hot water heat is not energy efficient. On demand tankless is.
You could just suggest she add interior vinyl storm windows, very easy to install with pressure fit. Much cheaper than new windows.
If she really wants to be energy efficient, create zones for heating/air cooling within the house. Seriously, why should a laundry room that is seldom occupied be heated like the rest of the house?
-architect, Passive House trained, LEED certified

On demand tankless might be "efficient", but it also takes forever to get hot water. Literally more than a minute of running the water in the kitchen sink to get hot water.

Not a lot different than the time it takes for my kitchen faucet to start pumping out hot water - 50 gallon gas water heater, 3 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Arrived at MIL's yesterday, and am here for the whole week. Need a distraction from her fretting over cooking (which I am doing all of) and financial planning (which she only trusts DH around).

I'll start:

- House is freezing. MIL considers setting temp to 65 high, and says it's because kids are from south (California). I grew up in Midwest, BTW. I've been wrapped up in blanket since getting here...MIL nearly fainted when I suggested setting temp to 67.
- MIL insists on hosting dinner. Will no longer let me host, which involves travel, nor SIL who is 15 minutes away. But MIL hates cooking and does not have a full size oven...so getting meal together is lots of coordination and drama.

Where does MIL live? Is it cold outside and she can’t afford to heat her house higher than 65? I can’t quite follow. Most older people have real circulation issues and insist on the house being in the 80s, so you may be a lucky one there. You can always put more layers on.

PNW. MIL is actually very wealthy, hence financial planning stress. It's a weird thing about DH's family. They keep house at 60 and wear jackets inside. It's a favor that house is set at 65, but I'm still freezing. DD is wearing gloves!

Why can't you say it without the intials? Pacific northwest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Arrived at MIL's yesterday, and am here for the whole week. Need a distraction from her fretting over cooking (which I am doing all of) and financial planning (which she only trusts DH around).

I'll start:

- House is freezing. MIL considers setting temp to 65 high, and says it's because kids are from south (California). I grew up in Midwest, BTW. I've been wrapped up in blanket since getting here...MIL nearly fainted when I suggested setting temp to 67.
- MIL insists on hosting dinner. Will no longer let me host, which involves travel, nor SIL who is 15 minutes away. But MIL hates cooking and does not have a full size oven...so getting meal together is lots of coordination and drama.

Where does MIL live? Is it cold outside and she can’t afford to heat her house higher than 65? I can’t quite follow. Most older people have real circulation issues and insist on the house being in the 80s, so you may be a lucky one there. You can always put more layers on.

PNW. MIL is actually very wealthy, hence financial planning stress. It's a weird thing about DH's family. They keep house at 60 and wear jackets inside. It's a favor that house is set at 65, but I'm still freezing. DD is wearing gloves!

Why can't you say it without the intials? Pacific northwest?

New poster here who had no idea what PNW was, didn’t care enough to Google, and is now rolling my eyes at how obnoxious that is!

[Anonymous]

MIL has been seeing a new "health guru" who had her download an app called Trash Panda. You use the app to scan the barcodes on food items and the app will tell you all the problematic ingredients. All of our snacks and most of our other food items now have sticky notes on them listing the 'bad stuff' and TRASH written on them.

She doesn't Trash Panda her wine, though. She tsked me for letting DD go get Chick-fil-a last night with her friends, but MIL's dinner last night was a half a block of cheese and a bottle of wine. I think my kid will survive some fast food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re driving to my in laws today. It promises to be a disastrous thanksgiving. My son is meeting us tomorrow, and hopefully he’s up to helping out. My MIL refused to cater thanksgiving 6 weeks ago when we still had the option, and now there will be no caregiver for my ill FIL on thanksgiving day, so now she wants to cater.

It’s too late to cater - and we bought a turkey. And all the fixings to bring with us. So I will be cooking (hopefully with my sons help), while my husband is on urinal duty and caring for FIL. My husband usually cooks the turkey. Wish me luck.

Oh, and the oven is on the fritz.

Lots of people cook Thanksgiving dinner and the turkey is the easiest piece. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL refuses to buy foods that the kids like and then makes us feel terrible because our kids are bad eaters. I’m not talking about sugared cereal (gasp!) or spaghetti-os level “kid food.” She made beef stew last night and tonight we are having fish because she got a good deal at the store (and because SHE likes that). The house is a museum and no games of any kind left over from Ds and three sibs. I’m not even sure they were allowed to sleep in the house as children (I know the dog wasn’t).

What is wrong with beef stew and fish? This is basic human food, not anything weird or unusual for kids.

Grandma is trying to deprogram the pickiness of her grandchildren, which has been enabled by their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re driving to my in laws today. It promises to be a disastrous thanksgiving. My son is meeting us tomorrow, and hopefully he’s up to helping out. My MIL refused to cater thanksgiving 6 weeks ago when we still had the option, and now there will be no caregiver for my ill FIL on thanksgiving day, so now she wants to cater.

It’s too late to cater - and we bought a turkey. And all the fixings to bring with us. So I will be cooking (hopefully with my sons help), while my husband is on urinal duty and caring for FIL. My husband usually cooks the turkey. Wish me luck.

Oh, and the oven is on the fritz.

Lots of people cook Thanksgiving dinner and the turkey is the easiest piece. Get over it.

NP. Plus, why did you get a whole turkey? You should have gotten a breast and some legs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a twist on this thread. How about clueless house guests? I’m hosting SIL and she arrived over the weekend for an 8 day stay. We have had numerous discussions and conflicts in the past about how disruptive her visits are to the kids sleep. Both kids have sleep disorders and my biggest stressor in life is getting my youngest to sleep and ensuring she gets the maximum sleep possible. My husband and I were looking forward to sleeping in Saturday morning (only day for the next week) and was woken up at 6:40am to giggling and screaming laughter from SIL and daughter together in the next room. SIL seemed confused when husband went in and asked them to be quiet and asking why daughter was awake. My son woke up moments later. I couldn’t fall asleep after that. Daughter was up almost 2 hours earlier than a normal Saturday. And his family wonders why visits are so exhausting!

How old are your kids that you expect them to sleep until 9am or later? 6:40 is a typical waking time for young kids and it sounds like they were staying in their room. I’d be interested to hear your SILs take on this visit.

All three of my kids are professional sleepers at 5, 7, 9. If we let them they'll sleep until 10 every morning.

Then you do not provide age appropriate bedtimes. This does make your poor children good sleepers. It makes them chronically exhausted. Good sleepers sleep 7/8pm to 7/8am.

What? Not that PP but my ES kids don’t go to sleep at 7 pm, wtf. They have activities, homework, dinner.

No elementary aged child should be awake (or at least up) after 8:30 p.m. Our country is full of people who are sleep deprived and kids' behavior and attention has gotten terrible as parents stopped believing in bed times. If you have over scheduled your kids, time to re-examine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom proudly told me on Monday that she just finished cooking the turkey so she can re-heat it for us Thursday.

This right here is the kind of wacky I love finding buried in these threads among the house too cold/too hot, garbage police, and nobody is allowed to eat posts!

I’ve been haunted by wondering where the cooked turkey is stored.

On the patio! It's cool enough. I mean people are whining and wearing sweaters INDOORS so it's definitely cool enough for a turkey outdoors. Logic.

You must be somewhere civilized. The raccoons on my block would have opened that cooler and had a Patio Turkey feast.

Wait…tell us there’s a cooler? It’s not just a naked cooked turkey sitting out there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a twist on this thread. How about clueless house guests? I’m hosting SIL and she arrived over the weekend for an 8 day stay. We have had numerous discussions and conflicts in the past about how disruptive her visits are to the kids sleep. Both kids have sleep disorders and my biggest stressor in life is getting my youngest to sleep and ensuring she gets the maximum sleep possible. My husband and I were looking forward to sleeping in Saturday morning (only day for the next week) and was woken up at 6:40am to giggling and screaming laughter from SIL and daughter together in the next room. SIL seemed confused when husband went in and asked them to be quiet and asking why daughter was awake. My son woke up moments later. I couldn’t fall asleep after that. Daughter was up almost 2 hours earlier than a normal Saturday. And his family wonders why visits are so exhausting!

How old are your kids that you expect them to sleep until 9am or later? 6:40 is a typical waking time for young kids and it sounds like they were staying in their room. I’d be interested to hear your SILs take on this visit.

All three of my kids are professional sleepers at 5, 7, 9. If we let them they'll sleep until 10 every morning.

Then you do not provide age appropriate bedtimes. This does make your poor children good sleepers. It makes them chronically exhausted. Good sleepers sleep 7/8pm to 7/8am.

Umm, the exact times that people go to sleep and wake up do not matter in the least. The amount of time spent asleep matters, but the times of falling asleep and waking up are unimportant.

No, but the kids can't sleep until 10 a.m. since they have to be in school. So, the parents are giving their children a sleep deficit by allowing them to stay up late.

And you need to examine the research on sleep times. Humans have evolved circadian rhythms to go with natural light. Your assertion that sleep/wake times do not matter is absolutely not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Arrived at MIL's yesterday, and am here for the whole week. Need a distraction from her fretting over cooking (which I am doing all of) and financial planning (which she only trusts DH around).

I'll start:

- House is freezing. MIL considers setting temp to 65 high, and says it's because kids are from south (California). I grew up in Midwest, BTW. I've been wrapped up in blanket since getting here...MIL nearly fainted when I suggested setting temp to 67.
- MIL insists on hosting dinner. Will no longer let me host, which involves travel, nor SIL who is 15 minutes away. But MIL hates cooking and does not have a full size oven...so getting meal together is lots of coordination and drama.

Where does MIL live? Is it cold outside and she can’t afford to heat her house higher than 65? I can’t quite follow. Most older people have real circulation issues and insist on the house being in the 80s, so you may be a lucky one there. You can always put more layers on.

PNW. MIL is actually very wealthy, hence financial planning stress. It's a weird thing about DH's family. They keep house at 60 and wear jackets inside. It's a favor that house is set at 65, but I'm still freezing. DD is wearing gloves!

Why can't you say it without the intials? Pacific northwest?

New poster here who had no idea what PNW was, didn’t care enough to Google, and is now rolling my eyes at how obnoxious that is!

I moved to the PNW from DMV. People here use PNW all the time without a thought, so I doubt the PP was trying to be obnoxious.

I want to hear more about what happens when people flout the “no snacking” rule at their in-laws’. Does someone DASH the food from your hands? What happens if you say you’re hungry? Does someone say “Too bad!”?