I hate where we live.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Agree - the trolls that try to take over threads are so transparent. They need to die. |
Anonymous
This is true. I have an end goal of leaving when kids graduate but no location picked yet. I don't know where I want to go but it is awful for me to continue here. I'm in another part of the country now that is also highly desirable so it's difficult to know where I'd go next. |
Anonymous
|
I too hate where I live.
I am from rural Michigan and moved to Chicago after college for a change of scenery. Got married to a native Chicagoan. 15 years later I am just done. I hate it here, I hate the leftist crazies, I hate the identical "We Believe" signs in front of the identical houses, I hate having to socially navigate with the other insane parents around here. Every time we visit my home I cry on the way back because I want to stay so badly. My husband won't leave because he's comfortable here and he would feel guilty leaving his parents. My life is passing me by. My best friend from childhood has a lovely lakefront house that cost less than ours with lower taxes and my husband says "Maybe someday." He would never take the initiative to find a new job. We are both in healthcare and could work anywhere. I chose to come here when I was young and stupid. |
Anonymous
If you could move anywhere next month, would you pick rural Michigan? |
Anonymous
|
OP where do you live in Alexandria?
I'm here for now too. Hate it. And before others chime in - no it's not the neighborhood or house. I hate the DMV area. Counting down the days until I can move. Let's be friends. We can talk about how much we hate it here and then brainstorm ways we can get our husbands onboard to move. We can encourage each other to proactively work toward our goals. |
Anonymous
Take responsibility for your life and your decisions. You want to buy a Michigan lake house and move there with your family. Sounds like a pretty good idea. What actual planning have you done? Have you looked at areas and priced out Michigan lake houses? Would the numbers work? How long would it take to sell your current house and how much could you realistically net from the sale? If you have school age kids, where would they be going to school? You say you and your spouse could work anywhere. Have you polished up your resume and actually started applying for jobs near where you would like to live? What kind of income could you expect and if less than now, what sacrifices are you prepared to make? Do you have 12 months worth of liquid savings just in case it's not so easy for your husband or you to find suitable work? If your husband isn't on board,have you also looked at jobs that might be suitable for him? It doesn't sound like you've done anything at all to get him onboard with your plan except complain and whine. That doesn't work. If you literally cry every time you come back from a visit, that's a signal that you need therapy to address some deep rooted emotional issues. You will not be ready to handle the stress of a major move until you can at least stop all the crying. If you want to make things happen in your life, especially against opposition or friction, you have to get better control of yourself first. |
Anonymous
+1 Princeton has a totally different feel from what the DMV has. The housing stock, infrastructure, school system, etc. are altogether different. OP, I completely understand. |
Anonymous
|
The people insisting OP say where "home" is and then attacking it are just gaslighting.
It wouldn't matter if "home" was Baltimore or Hawaii -- if OP wishes she lived there, that's a valid feeling she's entitled to. And OP, I get it -- this is an aspect of marriage that can be so hard. When one partner wants one life choice and the other wants another. And you can't always anticipate these differences in advance because often they are in response to having kids, changes in career, changes in your extended family, and aging. If you'd told me 15 years ago when I met my DH that one day he'd be very attached to living in a city center and I'd be the one longing for a big garden in a less populated area with more quiet, I wouldn't have believed you. When we met, I was the citified careerist and he was the country boy unsure about city life. Now I literally dream about being in the woods with no one around and struggle with the feeling of concrete and buildings and people all around. But he's acclimated and thinks he'd be lonely if we move. It's really hard! No one is right or wrong, but it's tough that when you come to an impasse like this, the person who likes the status quo "wins" more easily because inaction gets them what they want. That's what this is really about. You are the partner advocating for a change, he wants things to stay as they are. Since you can't agree, you stay where you are and he's happy but you aren't. This is such a classic couple problem. I wish you luck in figuring it out. Let me know how if you do! |
Anonymous
I beg to differ and so does this online COL calculator: https://smartasset.com/mortgage/cost-of-living-calculator#HWWQyT6ltN The housing stock in Princeton is much nicer: https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/13-Cleveland-Rd-W_Princeton_NJ_08540_M69594-87559?from=srp-list-card https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/1-Nelson-Ridge-Rd_Princeton_NJ_08540_M58280-22498?from=srp-list-card https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/1-Coventry-Farm-Ln_Princeton_NJ_08540_M65480-13988?from=srp-list-card https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/2-Chelsea-Ct_Princeton_NJ_08540_M66918-06294?from=srp-list-card |
Anonymous
Exactly. It's ridiculous that the woman has to find the new home, find herself a new job, do a thorough finance analysis, find spouse a new job just to get him to consider moving. Total BS. |
Anonymous
OP here, thank you for this. The people saying that Princeton is just as bad as it is in DC are making me think that they haven’t been to Princeton. Princeton is more reasonably priced and traffic isn’t nearly as bad. |
Anonymous
DP. I’m in the same position as the pp. My husband and I also work in healthcare. All of the stuff you are describing literally takes an afternoon. I have to give 90 days notice on my job, and I could have a new job lined up to start 90 days from now tomorrow. I could find one for DH too, and I have found many. I’ve called physician recruiters at specific hospitals where I know there is a job opening, and he hasn’t made time to talk to them. He gives no reason. He says that he will do it, but doesn’t. Eventually, I make up an excuse so that I don’t look crazy and lose my ability to ever work there. Looking for houses is easy and fun. I do this all of the time in my spare time. We don’t *have* to go near my parents either. We have a child with autism and a normal IQ. We could live near a great school for him. There is literally NO REASON to live here other than DH being afraid of change. |
Anonymous
| Make a quarterly trip home to reset for now. It’ll help. You’ve got this. |
Anonymous
It's not ridiculous at all. She's the one who wants to make these changes. But not enough to actually put any real effort into it. She wants it handed to her on a silver platter. |
Anonymous
| Do you know what happens to kids raised in Hicksville? They become hick that get pregnant out of high school and marry their HS sweethear t and go and vote for Trump and Desantis. |