Siblings kids not invited to wedding

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple. [/quote]

This is what I did 20 years ago when my sister got married. At the time I was *shocked* she didn’t want her only niece and nephew to NOT be in/at the wedding (I really was, thank goodness I evolved over time). But, I went solo and it was a blast and my sister and now husband had the wedding of their dreams. Win-Win[/quote]

I’m always confused by this at a family wedding though. Siblings in law are very much family, at least in our families, with their presence desired at family events.[/quote]

If you're always confused at this again and again, maybe the problem is you? Some parties are adults only. It's very easy to understand after hearing it just once.[/quote]

DP. I guess that I don’t understand the point of having a wedding reception if you don’t care if your family or friends attend. I understand that there is a certain feel that you want everything to have, but what’s it for? What’s the purpose?

[/quote]

Are your family and friends all 5 years old? Plenty of people attend these events and leave the kids at home. You know this. [/quote]

I do. I’m aware that the party isn’t empty, and the couple still gets the vibe that they want.
I just don’t understand what it’s for. Like, why would the vibe be more important than having you sister there, even if she’s kind of weird about leaving her baby. What is it that I’m missing?
I’m not being purposefully obtuse here. I’m an introvert and not big into the social scene. I had a wedding reception because I wanted my friends and family to come to my wedding, and it seemed like we should have a party afterward.
What is the other reason?


[/quote]

As an introvert you should be able to understand that keeping the party small and intimate means your friends and family can't all bring their kids, then the party is 2-3x larger and becomes quite the production. You get to see the people most important to you, the adults, and not necessarily their kids who you may not even know. Some people make exceptions for their nieces and nephews.[/quote]

No. I don’t understand, and you aren’t explaining it well.

Why is it better to have your wedding be “small and intimate” than it is to make sure that your guests are able to come and are comfortable?
What is the point of it all if you don’t care if people can attend?
What does it mean to have your “dream wedding?” What exactly are you dreaming about? [/quote]

WTF? People have preferences. Nobody has to defend their preference or explain to a moron like you why that's better than a huge everyone welcome free for all, if that's what they want. People are different and they are allowed to have presences that.differ than yours. [/quote]

What are you upset about?

I asked what a “dream wedding” was. What does that even mean?
I’m an introvert. My dreams do not consist of parties. I host parties, but I don’t fantasize about them.
I know that people are different. I was just trying to understand. [/quote]

You sound like a nightmare wedding guest. When you get an invitation, you can accept or decline. That's it. Your fantasies about what wedding dreams should be like are not required. You plan your wedding and other's plan theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were the case with my sisters wedding (which was in another state, flight away) I would've stayed home if I were still breastfeeding. DC didn't take a bottle and it would've been a waste of money to fly, stay in a hotel for DH to stay in the room with an angry baby who wouldn't eat for the hours I was away during the wedding.

Were you breastfeeding at 11 months?

No one is exclusively breastfeeding at 11 months, including the OP, who has said so.

Hi. I essentially was. Child was not on solids in a meaningful way. Velcro child-high needs. I was pumping regularly when apart. I could have done an overnight at 11 months but it would have been exhausting for myself and any caregiver. I’d have to opt out or have child very close by.

[Anonymous]

It seems that maybe your sibling just doesn't like you that much, or trust you to control your kids, OP. Maybe you have a history of being overbearing, controlling, manipulative, or selfish.

Which is too bad, because I am sure there are family members that your sibling wants to have bring their kids, but can not because of whomever the selfish parent might be (you or someone else). The rules have to apply to everyone to be fair.

When family members start tantruming about the kid/s seeing great uncle Milton before he dies or whatever - at the wedding - you can remind them that they are free to see great uncle Milton any time at all.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t bring an 11mo to a wedding ceremony at all, or for most of the reception, even if kids WERE allowed! Likely would not be enjoyable for anyone, including the 11mo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were the case with my sisters wedding (which was in another state, flight away) I would've stayed home if I were still breastfeeding. DC didn't take a bottle and it would've been a waste of money to fly, stay in a hotel for DH to stay in the room with an angry baby who wouldn't eat for the hours I was away during the wedding.

Were you breastfeeding at 11 months?

No one is exclusively breastfeeding at 11 months, including the OP, who has said so.

Who are you to determine that? What utter nonsense. Plenty of mothers are still mostly breastfeeding at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were the case with my sisters wedding (which was in another state, flight away) I would've stayed home if I were still breastfeeding. DC didn't take a bottle and it would've been a waste of money to fly, stay in a hotel for DH to stay in the room with an angry baby who wouldn't eat for the hours I was away during the wedding.

Were you breastfeeding at 11 months?

No one is exclusively breastfeeding at 11 months, including the OP, who has said so.

Hi. I essentially was. Child was not on solids in a meaningful way. Velcro child-high needs. I was pumping regularly when apart. I could have done an overnight at 11 months but it would have been exhausting for myself and any caregiver. I’d have to opt out or have child very close by.

Not to be difficult, but this was a one hour flight away from OP. Why are you assuming it would require overnighting, or am I missing something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

Take the in-laws or a trusted friend and can you pump? Both my sister and my SIL got married after I had our 2nd - one when baby was 3mths old and the other when he was 6mths old - both out of state and I was a bridesmaid in both weddings. Took a sitter to one and hired a trusted sitter from a friend who lived nearby with the other. Probably could have brought baby, but didn't want to. It was a chore, but I found a corner, yanked down the top of my strapless dress (both strapless dresses) and pumped for comfort after having pumped here and there to leave milk for baby.

You say baby is "under 1" so I'm guessing they are closer to 1 than not and probably on some sort of solids that can be supplemented with pumped milk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were the case with my sisters wedding (which was in another state, flight away) I would've stayed home if I were still breastfeeding. DC didn't take a bottle and it would've been a waste of money to fly, stay in a hotel for DH to stay in the room with an angry baby who wouldn't eat for the hours I was away during the wedding.

Were you breastfeeding at 11 months?

No one is exclusively breastfeeding at 11 months, including the OP, who has said so.

Who are you to determine that? What utter nonsense. Plenty of mothers are still mostly breastfeeding at that point.

Let’s see. You’re right about the “no one” part. I overstated this.

However, the OP has said exclusively breastfeeding isn’t the case for her. And this is not a wedding that requires an overnight stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t bring an 11mo to a wedding ceremony at all, or for most of the reception, even if kids WERE allowed! Likely would not be enjoyable for anyone, including the 11mo.

X100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t bring an 11mo to a wedding ceremony at all, or for most of the reception, even if kids WERE allowed! Likely would not be enjoyable for anyone, including the 11mo.

Thank you. I totally agree with this. Very small kids won’t remember, shouldn’t be expected to remain calm and quiet, and generally get nothing out of it, and divert attention from their parents who often can’t listen to the ceremony. If family wants to meet or see them and the reception allows, that’s a different scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t bring an 11mo to a wedding ceremony at all, or for most of the reception, even if kids WERE allowed! Likely would not be enjoyable for anyone, including the 11mo.

Some people, perhaps including OP, see a family wedding as a chance to show off their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t bring an 11mo to a wedding ceremony at all, or for most of the reception, even if kids WERE allowed! Likely would not be enjoyable for anyone, including the 11mo.

Some people, perhaps including OP, see a family wedding as a chance to show off their kids.

Exactly. And given the the child is 11 months old, OP has a perfect opportunity in 1 month to plan a big, kid centric event, to show off her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t bring an 11mo to a wedding ceremony at all, or for most of the reception, even if kids WERE allowed! Likely would not be enjoyable for anyone, including the 11mo.

Thank you. I totally agree with this. Very small kids won’t remember, shouldn’t be expected to remain calm and quiet, and generally get nothing out of it, and divert attention from their parents who often can’t listen to the ceremony. If family wants to meet or see them and the reception allows, that’s a different scenario.

+1

While I’m not personally a fan of “no kids, period” weddings, we didn’t take any of ours to weddings or other important events (even if kids were invited) until they were reasonably old enough to sit quietly. 4ish or older, depending on the event. It would’ve been no fun for the kid, and no fun for us either. We attended things alone and left kids with the other parent, or got a sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

+1

I have also seen kids ruin weddings because the moms (and dads) refuse to step outside when the kid starts inevitably screaming.

I think the issue is that the bride or groom (for example) may have family that they consider as close as siblings (possibly cousins that are closer than certain siblings), and if those kids are not invited, then it would be offensive to those who were not allowed (if the bride and groom made other exceptions).

Interesting. Some of my favorite memories of my own wedding were of my cousins' little kids dancing. They were adorable and the photos are great. Also my SIL's 3 year old yelling out "mommy!" during the ceremony when she got up to do a reading. I guess some people would think that "ruined" the ceremony, but DH and I thought it was a riot.

We are Catholic and maybe that is a cultural difference.

No, you are just the people who center children and make everything about them. They can be soooooo adooooorable somewhere other than the sister’s wedding.

I dunno. Not a single one of my friends from Catholic school had a childfree wedding. Though then again, Catholics do center children, so I guess you are confirming it is a cultural thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and definitely not a troll. Baby will be 11 months so not exclusively nursing. I wanted my children to experience a family wedding but I now realize that this wedding venue / experience is not conducive to that. Destination is a 1 hour flight / 4 hour drive / 3 hour train away. So DH and I will get ILs to stay with our kids at home and then make a day trip for the wedding. Since everything is non traditional, we won’t need a hotel stay for events prior or after. So will just take a day of PTO and attend.

This is closer than any wedding I have ever attended, with or without kids. How does this count as destination unless everyone else in the family lives on the west coast at least?!

Wow, you've never attended a wedding where you live?? Very strange.