Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

That sounds like an issue with your DH being an entitled ass. I’m a woman and I make more than that in taxes. But I have lots of friends who make around that, and they’re in extremely respectable, challenging jobs. Their husbands definitely see that as a major asset, and weren’t interested in a wife who wasn’t using that part of her brain.

This is so strange to me. I can’t imagine someone respecting someone more because they have an office job. Very few jobs require that much intelligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

People who make millions of dollars a year do not consider 200k jobs as driven or ambitious. Sorry if that hurts your feelings but it’s just the truth. They think those jobs are for mediocre people who can’t hack it in the private sector. “Middle management.”

Come on, don’t you know these people? You know what they’re like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

People who make millions of dollars a year do not consider 200k jobs as driven or ambitious. Sorry if that hurts your feelings but it’s just the truth. They think those jobs are for mediocre people who can’t hack it in the private sector. “Middle management.”

Come on, don’t you know these people? You know what they’re like.

+ 1

Although really in my case DH would regard a 200K job as a hobby, and he’d support it as much as any other hobby of mine but not more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

That sounds like an issue with your DH being an entitled ass. I’m a woman and I make more than that in taxes. But I have lots of friends who make around that, and they’re in extremely respectable, challenging jobs. Their husbands definitely see that as a major asset, and weren’t interested in a wife who wasn’t using that part of her brain.

This is so strange to me. I can’t imagine someone respecting someone more because they have an office job. Very few jobs require that much intelligence.

Idk why repetitive paper pushing from 9-5 in a small cubicle is considered worthy of stimulating someone's neurons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

Then they are seriously delusional and need to get out more. An individual earning 200k is in the global elite and high earning by any measure.

It’s obvious you don’t work when you think someone with a “paltry” income of 200k is merely paper pushing. Get your head out of your ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

People who make millions of dollars a year do not consider 200k jobs as driven or ambitious. Sorry if that hurts your feelings but it’s just the truth. They think those jobs are for mediocre people who can’t hack it in the private sector. “Middle management.”

Come on, don’t you know these people? You know what they’re like.

I’m sure they’re unconcerned by entrenched gender and racial discrimination, as well as rampant nepotism, which allows thoroughly mediocre white men to advance expeditiously while very intentionally excluding women and racial minorities from anything other than token positions of power. I’m uninterested to hear the evaluations of those for whom the deck was unfairly stacked - vastly in their favor - from birth.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure how someone can be on DCUM and as the the OP question. Every week there is a new post, they are all the same. “Help! DH is cheating! Or - DH has changed into an abusive jerk! But I stopped working to care for the kids. Our marriage was great, I never dreamed he would do this, our marriage was great! I can’t leave, how will I support myself and our kids???

Plan accordingly ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how someone can be on DCUM and as the the OP question. Every week there is a new post, they are all the same. “Help! DH is cheating! Or - DH has changed into an abusive jerk! But I stopped working to care for the kids. Our marriage was great, I never dreamed he would do this, our marriage was great! I can’t leave, how will I support myself and our kids???

Plan accordingly ladies.

Exactly, and these are wives of career men who travel, cheat on the abroad, in the office and so on. Wisen up, ladies! A man is not a plan

[Anonymous]

When I started to SAH, DH got a lot of term life insurance for us. His idea was that I would never have to go to work or downsize if something happened to him. He factored in lots of help that would be required in a one parent household etc. He covered the cost of college, medical school, kids weddings, my care etc. As we both have aged, our kids are out of college, and his pension and retirement savings offer ample protection to us, many of these term life insurance have ended because we do not need the protection anymore.

But apart from that? Maybe have a post-nup etc? I don't have any pre or post nup with my DH. These kinds of thoughts didn't even come into our head. Why do women marry and have kids with duds?



Of course,

[Anonymous]

I agree that your DH needs a postnuptial to assure him that after you SAH and he become a pay-piggy that you will not up and leave him for the pool boy or a high school teacher...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

People who make millions of dollars a year do not consider 200k jobs as driven or ambitious. Sorry if that hurts your feelings but it’s just the truth. They think those jobs are for mediocre people who can’t hack it in the private sector. “Middle management.”

Come on, don’t you know these people? You know what they’re like.

I’m sure they’re unconcerned by entrenched gender and racial discrimination, as well as rampant nepotism, which allows thoroughly mediocre white men to advance expeditiously while very intentionally excluding women and racial minorities from anything other than token positions of power. I’m uninterested to hear the evaluations of those for whom the deck was unfairly stacked - vastly in their favor - from birth.

So they would have been great with all their ambition and drive, but alas, it's not their fault. Which is it? I thought all these women were crowing about their huge work achievements that bring them great fulfillment even if they don't pay very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I agree that your DH needs a postnuptial to assure him that after you SAH and he become a pay-piggy that you will not up and leave him for the pool boy or a high school teacher...

So how do you envision that. A contractual requirement to wear a chastity belt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

People who make millions of dollars a year do not consider 200k jobs as driven or ambitious. Sorry if that hurts your feelings but it’s just the truth. They think those jobs are for mediocre people who can’t hack it in the private sector. “Middle management.”

Come on, don’t you know these people? You know what they’re like.

I’m sure they’re unconcerned by entrenched gender and racial discrimination, as well as rampant nepotism, which allows thoroughly mediocre white men to advance expeditiously while very intentionally excluding women and racial minorities from anything other than token positions of power. I’m uninterested to hear the evaluations of those for whom the deck was unfairly stacked - vastly in their favor - from birth.

So they would have been great with all their ambition and drive, but alas, it's not their fault. Which is it? I thought all these women were crowing about their huge work achievements that bring them great fulfillment even if they don't pay very well.

Enjoy your privilege and your generational wealth created through the slave trade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

People who make millions of dollars a year do not consider 200k jobs as driven or ambitious. Sorry if that hurts your feelings but it’s just the truth. They think those jobs are for mediocre people who can’t hack it in the private sector. “Middle management.”

Come on, don’t you know these people? You know what they’re like.

I’m sure they’re unconcerned by entrenched gender and racial discrimination, as well as rampant nepotism, which allows thoroughly mediocre white men to advance expeditiously while very intentionally excluding women and racial minorities from anything other than token positions of power. I’m uninterested to hear the evaluations of those for whom the deck was unfairly stacked - vastly in their favor - from birth.

So they would have been great with all their ambition and drive, but alas, it's not their fault. Which is it? I thought all these women were crowing about their huge work achievements that bring them great fulfillment even if they don't pay very well.

Enjoy your privilege and your generational wealth created through the slave trade.

Ha! My family were all broke as a joke menial laborers nobody had a pot to pee in or pass down. Carry on in your fantasies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.