Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.
You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.
+1000000
I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.
I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?
If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).
Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.
Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.
If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.
Right. That kind of guy is going scorched earth regardless of your $100k job or not.
+10000000
The 100-200k job isn’t going to do that much for you if you’re divorcing a man like that. A man like that will also try to keep your kids from you. In a situation like that you’re better off just staying married and trying to ignore the DH. Not worth all of that drama and he’s likely busy at work anyway.
This makes no logical sense. With a 100k job, you have a paycheck coming every two weeks. That is vastly different than having no paycheck. In the scenario where funds are dispersed or cut off, the person with the 100k job is in a far better position than the person with no job. This is basic logic.
I guess? I just don’t think it will make a huge difference. Your drop in lifestyle will still be huge.
But it was never really HER lifestle, she was riding his coat tails. After they divorced, they get the lifestyle you earned. That seems fair.
I find it amusing when wealthy stay at home wives act superior. They are not successful, they are sleeping with someone successful. When he tires of them, he will buy a newer companion/decorator/personal assistant.
Then we will see which women are (separate from a man) actually successful adults.
Marriage should be a partnership. I understand that some people do not see it that way, but it is weird to lash out at those who do. No one is riding anyone’s coattails because one person stays home. Generally it is an agreed upon allocation of time.
Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?
When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career
The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.
You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?
+1
My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”
I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.
Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.
I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.
My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.
All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.
You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.
Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.
Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.
You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.
Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.
Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.
Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM
So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.
No, I think that someone who works with kindergarterners all day is not as intellectually challenged as a lawyer or professor. Those jobs are difficult and important and exhausting and require very dedicated, patient, and talented people. But they are not as INTELLECTUALLY challenging.
I'm not sure what your point is. Being INTELLECTUALLY challenged on a daily basis isn't the most important thing in life. Do lawyers and professors also have a good sense of humor? Are they good parents? Are they supportive partners? Are they kind? Do we share similar values? A lot of boxes need to be checked. You seem hyper focused on just one. Do you have anything else to offer than being INTELLECTUALLY challenged at your job?
Listen, I have 3 masters degrees, was making more than my exH, slept with hims for 20 years and had his kids, cooked for a division of high profile guests and planned everything for his life. It didn't prevent him from doing what he did in mid life crisis. And when I relaxed and went SAH, just as I thought we were about to retire. It's totally how HE perceives you, and how his AP makes HIM feel. Not about how much you offered for so many years. Men forget it in no time. I was lucky to walk away with $4mm in settlement (out of $20mm de-fact joint assets that could not be reached without a very expensive divorce, close to $1mm in litigation costs across the countries borders, lasting for 5-7 years that's what I was told).
I was like you and very much regret it.
You were like me? You don't know the first thing about me. Spare me your cautionary tale.
I don't know who you are, but you seemed to share your great career achievements before SAHM. Yes that's true that working women can end up divorced, too. But I would never place myself in such dependent position on another person, if I was to replay the story.
Is your husband ready to put $5mm in a trust solely for you, not divisible in divorce? I am pragmatic, and wouldn't stay home if we already didn't accumulate over $20mm NW. Most of it was liquidated/moved by exH during divorce but I got all illiquid assets/real estate in the US
In your fantasy replay of your life, why didn't you just choose a better husband?
Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?
When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career
The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.
You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?
+1
My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”
I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.
Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.
I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.
My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.
All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.
You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.
Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.
Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.
You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.
Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.
Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.
Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM
So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.
No, I think that someone who works with kindergarterners all day is not as intellectually challenged as a lawyer or professor. Those jobs are difficult and important and exhausting and require very dedicated, patient, and talented people. But they are not as INTELLECTUALLY challenging.
I'm not sure what your point is. Being INTELLECTUALLY challenged on a daily basis isn't the most important thing in life. Do lawyers and professors also have a good sense of humor? Are they good parents? Are they supportive partners? Are they kind? Do we share similar values? A lot of boxes need to be checked. You seem hyper focused on just one. Do you have anything else to offer than being INTELLECTUALLY challenged at your job?
Listen, I have 3 masters degrees, was making more than my exH, slept with hims for 20 years and had his kids, cooked for a division of high profile guests and planned everything for his life. It didn't prevent him from doing what he did in mid life crisis. And when I relaxed and went SAH, just as I thought we were about to retire. It's totally how HE perceives you, and how his AP makes HIM feel. Not about how much you offered for so many years. Men forget it in no time. I was lucky to walk away with $4mm in settlement (out of $20mm de-fact joint assets that could not be reached without a very expensive divorce, close to $1mm in litigation costs across the countries borders, lasting for 5-7 years that's what I was told).
I was like you and very much regret it.
You were like me? You don't know the first thing about me. Spare me your cautionary tale.
I don't know who you are, but you seemed to share your great career achievements before SAHM. Yes that's true that working women can end up divorced, too. But I would never place myself in such dependent position on another person, if I was to replay the story.
Is your husband ready to put $5mm in a trust solely for you, not divisible in divorce? I am pragmatic, and wouldn't stay home if we already didn't accumulate over $20mm NW. Most of it was liquidated/moved by exH during divorce but I got all illiquid assets/real estate in the US
*if I were*
The subjunctive. See. My intellect is still there! Praise Jesus.
Anonymous wrote:Getting back to the original question, for the SAHM with a $2m annual law partner the gravy train can stop on a dime. The law partner can make it hellish to get a good divorce attorney simply by having consultations with them so they can't take your case. He'll be able to afford excellent lawyers and experts who can hide his assets.
If he's smart, he'll be doing this on an ongoing basis. If he decides someone better has come along, he needs to have flexibility to proceed however he'd like. Does he just want a fling, does he want to dump you and move her in as a girlfriend, or does he want to marry her? If he has his ducks in a row legally and financially, he can make the decision based on the other woman and not based on any encumbrances with the original wife.
Not really. The wife just has to hire a forensic accountant and a decent lawyer. It’s not that hard to follow the money I’d he works for an established firm. If he owns his own business, things get trickier.
Totally naive and inexperienced take. This is really bad advice.
Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?
When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career
The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.
You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?
+1
My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”
I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.
Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.
I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.
My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.
All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.
You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.
Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.
Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.
You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.
Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.
Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.
Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM
So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.
No, I think that someone who works with kindergarterners all day is not as intellectually challenged as a lawyer or professor. Those jobs are difficult and important and exhausting and require very dedicated, patient, and talented people. But they are not as INTELLECTUALLY challenging.
I'm not sure what your point is. Being INTELLECTUALLY challenged on a daily basis isn't the most important thing in life. Do lawyers and professors also have a good sense of humor? Are they good parents? Are they supportive partners? Are they kind? Do we share similar values? A lot of boxes need to be checked. You seem hyper focused on just one. Do you have anything else to offer than being INTELLECTUALLY challenged at your job?
Listen, I have 3 masters degrees, was making more than my exH, slept with hims for 20 years and had his kids, cooked for a division of high profile guests and planned everything for his life. It didn't prevent him from doing what he did in mid life crisis. And when I relaxed and went SAH, just as I thought we were about to retire. It's totally how HE perceives you, and how his AP makes HIM feel. Not about how much you offered for so many years. Men forget it in no time. I was lucky to walk away with $4mm in settlement (out of $20mm de-fact joint assets that could not be reached without a very expensive divorce, close to $1mm in litigation costs across the countries borders, lasting for 5-7 years that's what I was told).
I was like you and very much regret it.
You were like me? You don't know the first thing about me. Spare me your cautionary tale.
I don't know who you are, but you seemed to share your great career achievements before SAHM. Yes that's true that working women can end up divorced, too. But I would never place myself in such dependent position on another person, if I was to replay the story.
Is your husband ready to put $5mm in a trust solely for you, not divisible in divorce? I am pragmatic, and wouldn't stay home if we already didn't accumulate over $20mm NW. Most of it was liquidated/moved by exH during divorce but I got all illiquid assets/real estate in the US
In your fantasy replay of your life, why didn't you just choose a better husband?
I am not the PP but if you are the kind of person who can make a useless and intentionally cruel comment like this, I question what sort of values your kids are absorbing from you.
Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?
When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career
The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.
You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?
+1
My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”
I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.
Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.
I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.
My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.
All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.
You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.
Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.
Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.
You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.
Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.
Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.
Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM
So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.
No, I think that someone who works with kindergarterners all day is not as intellectually challenged as a lawyer or professor. Those jobs are difficult and important and exhausting and require very dedicated, patient, and talented people. But they are not as INTELLECTUALLY challenging.
I'm not sure what your point is. Being INTELLECTUALLY challenged on a daily basis isn't the most important thing in life. Do lawyers and professors also have a good sense of humor? Are they good parents? Are they supportive partners? Are they kind? Do we share similar values? A lot of boxes need to be checked. You seem hyper focused on just one. Do you have anything else to offer than being INTELLECTUALLY challenged at your job?
Listen, I have 3 masters degrees, was making more than my exH, slept with hims for 20 years and had his kids, cooked for a division of high profile guests and planned everything for his life. It didn't prevent him from doing what he did in mid life crisis. And when I relaxed and went SAH, just as I thought we were about to retire. It's totally how HE perceives you, and how his AP makes HIM feel. Not about how much you offered for so many years. Men forget it in no time. I was lucky to walk away with $4mm in settlement (out of $20mm de-fact joint assets that could not be reached without a very expensive divorce, close to $1mm in litigation costs across the countries borders, lasting for 5-7 years that's what I was told).
I was like you and very much regret it.
You were like me? You don't know the first thing about me. Spare me your cautionary tale.
I don't know who you are, but you seemed to share your great career achievements before SAHM. Yes that's true that working women can end up divorced, too. But I would never place myself in such dependent position on another person, if I was to replay the story.
Is your husband ready to put $5mm in a trust solely for you, not divisible in divorce? I am pragmatic, and wouldn't stay home if we already didn't accumulate over $20mm NW. Most of it was liquidated/moved by exH during divorce but I got all illiquid assets/real estate in the US
In your fantasy replay of your life, why didn't you just choose a better husband?
I am not the PP but if you are the kind of person who can make a useless and intentionally cruel comment like this, I question what sort of values your kids are absorbing from you.
Oh I'm the mean one, not the one wishing and hoping that someone get knocked down a pegs into the life they really deserve? I missed you calling that person out. There'e plenty of cruelty being thrown around in here. But you seem oblivious to some probably because it's you dishing it out. Check yourself and your own values.
Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?
When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career
The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.
You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?
+1
My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”
I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.
Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.
I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.
My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.
All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.
You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.
Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.
Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.
You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.
Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.
Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.
Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM
So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.
No, I think that someone who works with kindergarterners all day is not as intellectually challenged as a lawyer or professor. Those jobs are difficult and important and exhausting and require very dedicated, patient, and talented people. But they are not as INTELLECTUALLY challenging.
I'm not sure what your point is. Being INTELLECTUALLY challenged on a daily basis isn't the most important thing in life. Do lawyers and professors also have a good sense of humor? Are they good parents? Are they supportive partners? Are they kind? Do we share similar values? A lot of boxes need to be checked. You seem hyper focused on just one. Do you have anything else to offer than being INTELLECTUALLY challenged at your job?
Listen, I have 3 masters degrees, was making more than my exH, slept with hims for 20 years and had his kids, cooked for a division of high profile guests and planned everything for his life. It didn't prevent him from doing what he did in mid life crisis. And when I relaxed and went SAH, just as I thought we were about to retire. It's totally how HE perceives you, and how his AP makes HIM feel. Not about how much you offered for so many years. Men forget it in no time. I was lucky to walk away with $4mm in settlement (out of $20mm de-fact joint assets that could not be reached without a very expensive divorce, close to $1mm in litigation costs across the countries borders, lasting for 5-7 years that's what I was told).
I was like you and very much regret it.
You were like me? You don't know the first thing about me. Spare me your cautionary tale.
I don't know who you are, but you seemed to share your great career achievements before SAHM. Yes that's true that working women can end up divorced, too. But I would never place myself in such dependent position on another person, if I was to replay the story.
Is your husband ready to put $5mm in a trust solely for you, not divisible in divorce? I am pragmatic, and wouldn't stay home if we already didn't accumulate over $20mm NW. Most of it was liquidated/moved by exH during divorce but I got all illiquid assets/real estate in the US
In your fantasy replay of your life, why didn't you just choose a better husband?
I am not the PP but if you are the kind of person who can make a useless and intentionally cruel comment like this, I question what sort of values your kids are absorbing from you.
Oh I'm the mean one, not the one wishing and hoping that someone get knocked down a pegs into the life they really deserve? I missed you calling that person out. There'e plenty of cruelty being thrown around in here. But you seem oblivious to some probably because it's you dishing it out. Check yourself and your own values.
That PP didn’t do that. That’s all in your head. Yes, you are the mean and cruel one.
Frankly I think there are a lot of you in this thread (both SAHM and WOHM, though in your case you are a SAHM) who shouldn’t be near kids at all, given how quickly and casually cruel you are.
I think a couple months back there was an OP who posted that she regretted not "marrying up". Pretty much everyone validated her feelings including me.
This thread has turned into a solid counterargument.
Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?
When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career
The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.
You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?
+1
My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”
I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.
Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.
I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.
My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.
All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.
You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.
Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.
Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.
You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.
Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.
Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.
Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM
So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.
No, I think that someone who works with kindergarterners all day is not as intellectually challenged as a lawyer or professor. Those jobs are difficult and important and exhausting and require very dedicated, patient, and talented people. But they are not as INTELLECTUALLY challenging.
Disagree. There are a lot of things to learn about discipline and reaching kids and figuring out time management and emotions and how to deal with others at work. My work as a mother is much more complex than in my profession.
I have lost all respect for lawyers - really anyone is more intellectual than they are - and a professor is usually intellectual on one or several things and most of that intellectual work comes from research, not teaching because they have TA's for the question/answer.
Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?
When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career
The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.
You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?
+1
My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”
I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.
Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.
I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.
My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.
All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.
You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.
Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.
Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.
You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.
Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.
Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.
Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM
So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.
No, I think that someone who works with kindergarterners all day is not as intellectually challenged as a lawyer or professor. Those jobs are difficult and important and exhausting and require very dedicated, patient, and talented people. But they are not as INTELLECTUALLY challenging.
I'm not sure what your point is. Being INTELLECTUALLY challenged on a daily basis isn't the most important thing in life. Do lawyers and professors also have a good sense of humor? Are they good parents? Are they supportive partners? Are they kind? Do we share similar values? A lot of boxes need to be checked. You seem hyper focused on just one. Do you have anything else to offer than being INTELLECTUALLY challenged at your job?
Listen, I have 3 masters degrees, was making more than my exH, slept with hims for 20 years and had his kids, cooked for a division of high profile guests and planned everything for his life. It didn't prevent him from doing what he did in mid life crisis. And when I relaxed and went SAH, just as I thought we were about to retire. It's totally how HE perceives you, and how his AP makes HIM feel. Not about how much you offered for so many years. Men forget it in no time. I was lucky to walk away with $4mm in settlement (out of $20mm de-fact joint assets that could not be reached without a very expensive divorce, close to $1mm in litigation costs across the countries borders, lasting for 5-7 years that's what I was told).
I was like you and very much regret it.
You were like me? You don't know the first thing about me. Spare me your cautionary tale.
I don't know who you are, but you seemed to share your great career achievements before SAHM. Yes that's true that working women can end up divorced, too. But I would never place myself in such dependent position on another person, if I was to replay the story.
Is your husband ready to put $5mm in a trust solely for you, not divisible in divorce? I am pragmatic, and wouldn't stay home if we already didn't accumulate over $20mm NW. Most of it was liquidated/moved by exH during divorce but I got all illiquid assets/real estate in the US
In your fantasy replay of your life, why didn't you just choose a better husband?
I am not the PP but if you are the kind of person who can make a useless and intentionally cruel comment like this, I question what sort of values your kids are absorbing from you.
Oh I'm the mean one, not the one wishing and hoping that someone get knocked down a pegs into the life they really deserve? I missed you calling that person out. There'e plenty of cruelty being thrown around in here. But you seem oblivious to some probably because it's you dishing it out. Check yourself and your own values.
That PP didn’t do that. That’s all in your head. Yes, you are the mean and cruel one.
Frankly I think there are a lot of you in this thread (both SAHM and WOHM, though in your case you are a SAHM) who shouldn’t be near kids at all, given how quickly and casually cruel you are.
What this thread has illuminated is how many of you can’t handle dissenting opinions and how terrified your young kids must be of you. I can only imagine how you rage at your kids when they defy your world view.
Anonymous wrote:What this thread has illuminated is how many of you can’t handle dissenting opinions and how terrified your young kids must be of you. I can only imagine how you rage at your kids when they defy your world view.
Have we reached the “ i feel sorry for your husbands” stage yet? This thread has truly jumped the shark with the hysterics.
Anonymous wrote:What this thread has illuminated is how many of you can’t handle dissenting opinions and how terrified your young kids must be of you. I can only imagine how you rage at your kids when they defy your world view.
Have we reached the “ i feel sorry for your husbands” stage yet? This thread has truly jumped the shark with the hysterics.
Anonymous wrote:What this thread has illuminated is how many of you can’t handle dissenting opinions and how terrified your young kids must be of you. I can only imagine how you rage at your kids when they defy your world view.
Have we reached the “ i feel sorry for your husbands” stage yet? This thread has truly jumped the shark with the hysterics.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
