I dislike and resent my DD
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Anonymous
| She is such a drain. The constant attention she requires is really taking its toll. Her personality isn't all sunshine and roses either. She rarely shows any affection, and seems most content when she's doing her best to ignore/defy. Between her developmental delays and defiant behavior, she's ruining my life. I don't like spending time with her. I knew beforehand that this what I was in for, she most certainly wouldn't have been born. I know I'm a horrible person, so flame away! |
Anonymous
| *If I knew beforehand, |
Anonymous
| This is why people used to institutionalize their kids. Have you considered this? |
Anonymous
Yes. |
Anonymous
What steps have you taken? Where are you looking? Maybe this is the best plan for you. |
Anonymous
My suggestion would be to consider intensive counseling and treatment for yourself and parenting assistance classes as well. I think you're probably understandably depressed because you don't have the special parenting skills necessary for raising your daughter. That's my first suggestion. If you're not willing to do this and/or take any significant steps to remedy your parenting challenges, then I kindly suggest adoption for your child. Adoption's always iffy, but it would at least maximize your daughter's odds of being placed with loving parents, which, according to your post, are zero at present. |
Anonymous
| I know this is the supportive board, but... I can empathize with some of your sentiments, but saying that your child is ruining your life is the cut-off for me. I have no ability to pity you- only your child. If you're not able to do what is best for your child, which includes loving her, then I agree with the PP that you should look into adoption. |
Anonymous
| Therapy for you. Also, please call Dr Robin Allen and tell her how desperate you are. She is a behaviorist and can help you develop a plan/system to improve your dc's behavior. She will also teach your dc to be more independent so you won't have to do everything for her. |
Anonymous
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It isnt unusual for parents to come on here with these posts and we should all be supportive because OP is being honest and if anyone should understand its parents of kids with SN.
OP you are depressed and you need to help yourself. That is your first priority. No excuses. We can only be supportive if you take that first step. Second, see the behaiviorist. Your DD's behavior isn't set in stone. This is all about getting the right help for the situation. Do it. And things will get better. Ignore the suggestions to institutionalize or put your daughter up for adoption. These are made by parents wjho can't understand how bad things can get and how they can still be greatly addressed. You can do it. Take the first steps. |
Anonymous
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Admitting a problem is the first step to getting help. I have no idea what you're going through, but I respect that you have the courage to express how you feel. I expect many parents on this board have felt the exact same way but couldn't admit it.
Please find someone to help you. |
Anonymous
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My son has an ASD. I adore him. There have been times, though, when I am tired of dealing with his special needs and the therapy schedules and the crap at school and I just didn't like him very much or enjoy being his parent.
It's okay to feel that way The question is what to do next. Therapy is a good suggestion. Daycare/school/respite care/special needs nanny would probably be helpful. It's really easy to get burned out dealing with an SN kid. If you had more help, you'd probably feel less resentful. Summer camp would probably be helpful. You don't say how old she is, but you should at least start planning for her to have some camp time during the summer, as soon as she is old enough. Some camps for special needs last a week and some last a month or so. Hunt them down and make plans. I would suggest is to stop fighting her special needs and find a way to enter into her world and enjoy it. With my kid with ASD, he had an obsession with sharks. One of my favorite memories of his early childhood is going to Sea World Orlando. We spent several hours at the shark exhibit. We went through 28 times. (It has a moving walk-way so you have to go out and then go back through.) He was a happy, charming child that day. Find what makes this child happy and try to go there with her. If that means buying and sorting clothes hangers, then so be it. A few happy days makes a huge difference. Sometimes it's really frustrating to be unable to make your child smile. It made me feel like a failure. My kids and I also play video games together, and go the movies, and swim, and garden, and cook. Find an activity for yourself that helps ground you and gives you some down time. For me, it was running. Having an hour or so to be alone and run helps me stay clear headed during the rest of the day. I run while the kids are sleeping and before my husband goes to work. |
Anonymous
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I want to echo the suggestions for seeking support/therapy for yourself and assistance in learning to manage your DD's challenges. I know what burnout is like and my kids aren't nearly as challenging as others. I also know what it's like to envy and long for those days when you didn't have to deal with all the crap we've got going on. It's okay to acknowlege what you're feeling.
I can't overemphasize the need for regular time for yourself. I've heard great things about Jill's House http://jillshouse.org/ from people who have actually used them. I recently contacted them to see about getting some respite time (and am hoping they're not as expensive as getting a babysitter because then it would be too expensive for us). In the meantime, recognize that there's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, it's how you act that matters. Do the best you can. |
Anonymous
| Hi OP- I've been in the same place as you and I understand what you're going through. I don't know your child's diagnosis but I wanted to add that in addition to some folks' recommendations for behavioral interventions you should really get some medical input on this situation if you haven't already. My child has ASD, and the MDs who are stepping up to the plate in treating this disorder (DAN!s) will do bloodwork and urinalysis to look at deficiencies that when corrected may have a significant impact on your child's behaviors. Defiance has been found to be associated with low cholesterol and intestinal dysbiosis, for example. It is also now established that food sensitivities can lead to significant behavioral disorders. Don't give up hope. Hugs to you! |
Anonymous
I made my suggestion from my perspective as a daughter whose parents didn't and don't want me. Not because there was a special needs issue but because they are emotionally disturbed. They inflicted a great deal of violence on me over the years. Parenting, for them, was not a growing experience. It's only a growing experience if a person chooses to make it so, and has the determination and resources to make it so. Sometimes adoption is in the best interests of the child. Whether that's the case with OP or not, only she knows. |
Anonymous
| How old is the child? |