WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to thank everyone for weighing in with their opinions and ideas. We are slowly transitioning Chanel to Nelly. We will leave Chanel as her first name. We spoke with a child psychologist about Champagne. She actually asked if we minded if she spoke with some of her colleagues about it to brainstorm. She told us that as a parent her personal gut instinct was to protect her child at all costs, so change the name. But as a doctor who saw a little girl attached to her name it would cause a lot of problems. That's what made her conflicted. What she came back with was that we need to "own" the name, and let changing it be Champagne's request/decision. She also cautioned that when people question her name in front of her, we can not say "She's adopted and her birth mother chose her name" or anything like that, because Champagne will see that as us blaming her mother for her getting negative attention. So Dh and I have to really own the name too. So. We have a daughter. And her name is Champagne.

As much as I dislike the name, I was happy to read this! She needs parents who will stand up for her and everything she comes with, including her name!

My next thought would be how to bring up changing the name in a gentle way once she's older. I guess you can handle that when the time comes.

Congrats on your new additions!! I honestly think that after you get used to the names you won't even think about it, kinda like you won't even think about how they are your adopted children. They're just your children and these are their names, no explanation needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to thank everyone for weighing in with their opinions and ideas. We are slowly transitioning Chanel to Nelly. We will leave Chanel as her first name. We spoke with a child psychologist about Champagne. She actually asked if we minded if she spoke with some of her colleagues about it to brainstorm. She told us that as a parent her personal gut instinct was to protect her child at all costs, so change the name. But as a doctor who saw a little girl attached to her name it would cause a lot of problems. That's what made her conflicted. What she came back with was that we need to "own" the name, and let changing it be Champagne's request/decision. She also cautioned that when people question her name in front of her, we can not say "She's adopted and her birth mother chose her name" or anything like that, because Champagne will see that as us blaming her mother for her getting negative attention. So Dh and I have to really own the name too. So. We have a daughter. And her name is Champagne.

As much as I dislike the name, I was happy to read this! She needs parents who will stand up for her and everything she comes with, including her name!

My next thought would be how to bring up changing the name in a gentle way once she's older. I guess you can handle that when the time comes.

Congrats on your new additions!! I honestly think that after you get used to the names you won't even think about it, kinda like you won't even think about how they are your adopted children. They're just your children and these are their names, no explanation needed.

We're not going to bring up changing her name at all. If she brings it up we'll be open to it, but we will not be suggesting the idea in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to thank everyone for weighing in with their opinions and ideas. We are slowly transitioning Chanel to Nelly. We will leave Chanel as her first name. We spoke with a child psychologist about Champagne. She actually asked if we minded if she spoke with some of her colleagues about it to brainstorm. She told us that as a parent her personal gut instinct was to protect her child at all costs, so change the name. But as a doctor who saw a little girl attached to her name it would cause a lot of problems. That's what made her conflicted. What she came back with was that we need to "own" the name, and let changing it be Champagne's request/decision. She also cautioned that when people question her name in front of her, we can not say "She's adopted and her birth mother chose her name" or anything like that, because Champagne will see that as us blaming her mother for her getting negative attention. So Dh and I have to really own the name too. So. We have a daughter. And her name is Champagne.

Good for you for seeking professional help and taking the advice. I hope people will be kind--it is a bit of a shocker of a name! This thread has been a great learning experience for us all.

I wish you and your family the best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to thank everyone for weighing in with their opinions and ideas. We are slowly transitioning Chanel to Nelly. We will leave Chanel as her first name. We spoke with a child psychologist about Champagne. She actually asked if we minded if she spoke with some of her colleagues about it to brainstorm. She told us that as a parent her personal gut instinct was to protect her child at all costs, so change the name. But as a doctor who saw a little girl attached to her name it would cause a lot of problems. That's what made her conflicted. What she came back with was that we need to "own" the name, and let changing it be Champagne's request/decision. She also cautioned that when people question her name in front of her, we can not say "She's adopted and her birth mother chose her name" or anything like that, because Champagne will see that as us blaming her mother for her getting negative attention. So Dh and I have to really own the name too. So. We have a daughter. And her name is Champagne.

I am happy to read this. She needs you to love her unconditionally and everything else beyond that can be taken care of if she feels it needs to be taken care of. Not many people would have gone the route you went and it was certainly not the one of least resistance. I wish you good luck for the future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I haven't read all replies etc but saw the Chanel name, and that you were going for Nelly. Just want to say (and again, I apologize if this has already been said) If you add a "t" (and move the e to an a) it's Chantal, which is a beautiful French name. Not as much of a stretch as Nelly.

But they're not changing the name. They're using Nelly as a nickname for Chanel (take the second syllable and make it a nickname). This is not that different from using Bert as a nickname for Albert, using Shelley as a nickname for Michelle, using Beth as a nickname for Elizabeth, etc.

As for Champaigne, she's old enough to talk to and say that "Champaigne is a long name, would you like something shorter? We think it will be easier. We like the nickname Payne" or see if she has an idea. If not, I love that the parents have decided to own the name. That's a great start to forging a good relationship with their daughter.

[Anonymous]

We adopted my sister at 6 years old and change her name. Before it was changed all the students at the school called her the new name. She was so happy. Change it. In 1 year you will feel weird about even calling her the old name

[Anonymous]

Btw her name was Danae. We changed it to Anaya. She was very very happy about it and never had any problems and always wanted to be called by her new name. Reconsider your decision. Champagne is an alcoholic beverage, not consumable for kids to drink. Think about how this will affect HER (not you) growing up it your type of neighborhood. This is why the child needed to be adopted--- the parents are incompetent. Paige is a nice name that keeps the sound of her name. Amber keeps the "Cham" sound. Maine is a unique name.

[Anonymous]

OP, congrats and good luck. That's cool that you have a daughter... and her name is Champagne! An easy nickname would be Cece.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/225/364656.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to thank everyone for weighing in with their opinions and ideas. We are slowly transitioning Chanel to Nelly. We will leave Chanel as her first name. We spoke with a child psychologist about Champagne. She actually asked if we minded if she spoke with some of her colleagues about it to brainstorm. She told us that as a parent her personal gut instinct was to protect her child at all costs, so change the name. But as a doctor who saw a little girl attached to her name it would cause a lot of problems. That's what made her conflicted. What she came back with was that we need to "own" the name, and let changing it be Champagne's request/decision. She also cautioned that when people question her name in front of her, we can not say "She's adopted and her birth mother chose her name" or anything like that, because Champagne will see that as us blaming her mother for her getting negative attention. So Dh and I have to really own the name too. So. We have a daughter. And her name is Champagne.

💕

[Anonymous]

Good job, OP. 👍

[Anonymous]

I think the therapist's advice is great. But I also think that you could easily introduce the nickname Champ -- just like you are introducing a nickname for her sister -- and it wouldn't have negative connotations re: your opinion on her old name, is a completely natural nickname and is SO much better.

[Anonymous]

I knew a family who adopted a little girl when she was 7 and changed her very “white trash stripper” name to a similar but UMC white girl name (think, “ShayLita to Charlotte”). I thought it was messed up. Hugely messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the therapist's advice is great. But I also think that you could easily introduce the nickname Champ -- just like you are introducing a nickname for her sister -- and it wouldn't have negative connotations re: your opinion on her old name, is a completely natural nickname and is SO much better.

I think a 15 yo may have opinions about this

[Anonymous]

Are freakin kidding? It's her name. Get over it.