BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You either offer your home for a few hours or you offer to pay for a suite for them to get ready in. You sound horrible.

[Anonymous]

This is cheap behavior

What six grown men want to hang out and get dressed at a brothers home the day of a wedding?
Knowing they have a house full - three kids ?

Plan accordingly, spend the money and no your home is not a hotel for him and his groomsmen.

[Anonymous]

This grown man is about to marry and face all kinds of challenging decisions, especially financial, as a husband and he's already starting off, not wanting to pony up a $100 to $200 for a space for he and his boys to get dressed for his wedding. So his plan is to use you and your house. No. Welcome to being an adult and a husband. Also why are you having six groomsman and a wedding $200 is going to break you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I would say yes. But you can certainly say no.

Actually I might say yes or I might buy them another hotel room.

Just BIL, yes.

But this is the best solution. GIFT your BIL another room for this purpose.

I've heard of weaponized incompetence. I guess this is weaponized cheapness

Works like a charm.

Basically you don’t say anything. Ever.

Only with family. Friends catch on really soon and stop inviting you.

Exactly. It’s a repeat game with family.

Forcing your other family member to always pay or host you or fix your issues only works “because they’re family.”
You can set boundaries if things are getting out of hand or there is zero thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are being unreasonable. You either offer your home for a few hours or you offer to pay for a suite for them to get ready in. You sound horrible.

Why can't the groom pay for the hotel room. He sounds like a horrible, entitled jerk expecting his brother rearrange his life in order to save $100 bucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This grown man is about to marry and face all kinds of challenging decisions, especially financial, as a husband and he's already starting off, not wanting to pony up a $100 to $200 for a space for he and his boys to get dressed for his wedding. So his plan is to use you and your house. No. Welcome to being an adult and a husband. Also why are you having six groomsman and a wedding $200 is going to break you?

Exactly. The groom needs to be an adult and not plan a wedding he can't afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s younger brother is getting married here in town. My ILs live in a small one-bedroom condo in a retirement community, so they can’t host. We’re the only family locally and live in a modest-size house with kids at home.

The couple has a hotel block, and the bride and bridal party will be doing hair/makeup and getting dressed in their suite the morning of the wedding. The current plan is for my BIL to leave the suite that morning, and since they don’t want to pay for an additional hotel room for the guys, he’s asked if he and his five groomsmen can hang out at our house and get ready.

My husband’s response was basically “it’s up to you.” 🙄

I’m really not comfortable with this. We don’t have a great setup for six adult men to get ready; they’d either be using our primary bedroom/bath, one of our kids’ rooms, or rotating through the guest bath. I have kids here, and we actually live in this space, and we will all be getting ready, too. It feels like a lot to host a group of guys (some I’ve never even met) for hours on a busy wedding morning.

I adore my BIL and want to be supportive, but this feels invasive and stressful. Am I being unreasonable? Would you say yes, or suggest they get another hotel room?

Pay for a hotel room for them.

Why don't the parents of the groom pay? Why is it the responsibility of the sibling?

Why doesn't the groom pay. He's an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is cheap behavior

What six grown men want to hang out and get dressed at a brothers home the day of a wedding?
Knowing they have a house full - three kids ?

Plan accordingly, spend the money and no your home is not a hotel for him and his groomsmen.

Well-said.

The groom and bride should have factored all this into their wedding planning. Don't have a wedding or wedding party you can't afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s younger brother is getting married here in town. My ILs live in a small one-bedroom condo in a retirement community, so they can’t host. We’re the only family locally and live in a modest-size house with kids at home.

The couple has a hotel block, and the bride and bridal party will be doing hair/makeup and getting dressed in their suite the morning of the wedding. The current plan is for my BIL to leave the suite that morning, and since they don’t want to pay for an additional hotel room for the guys, he’s asked if he and his five groomsmen can hang out at our house and get ready.

My husband’s response was basically “it’s up to you.” 🙄

I’m really not comfortable with this. We don’t have a great setup for six adult men to get ready; they’d either be using our primary bedroom/bath, one of our kids’ rooms, or rotating through the guest bath. I have kids here, and we actually live in this space, and we will all be getting ready, too. It feels like a lot to host a group of guys (some I’ve never even met) for hours on a busy wedding morning.

I adore my BIL and want to be supportive, but this feels invasive and stressful. Am I being unreasonable? Would you say yes, or suggest they get another hotel room?

Wow! Absolutely. I would also make it so very special for my BIL and his groomsmen at my house that they would feel the warmth and hospitality.

But to your point if you think this will be supremely inconvenient for you then as an elder brother and sister-in-law why would you not spring for the hotel room and food for them as a sweet gesture of sibling love and support?

Sweet gesture of sibling love and support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell DH to book a hotel room for them. It's his brother, he can rent him a room for his wedding!

Why can't the brother book his own room for his own wedding?

Why are people so miserly? Should a sibling not help? If the parents cannot host, should a sibling not step in? What a disgusting mindset.

A sibling is not obligated to pay for a sibling's wedding.

The groom should have planned a wedding he can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I would say yes. But you can certainly say no.

Actually I might say yes or I might buy them another hotel room.

Just BIL, yes.

But this is the best solution. GIFT your BIL another room for this purpose.

I've heard of weaponized incompetence. I guess this is weaponized cheapness

Works like a charm.

Basically you don’t say anything. Ever.

Only with family. Friends catch on really soon and stop inviting you.

Exactly. It’s a repeat game with family.

Forcing your other family member to always pay or host you or fix your issues only works “because they’re family.”
You can set boundaries if things are getting out of hand or there is zero thanks.

I feel bad for op. She's probably going to have a lifetime of the groom expecting her and her husband to pay for them.... vacations, meals, drinks, etc .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This grown man is about to marry and face all kinds of challenging decisions, especially financial, as a husband and he's already starting off, not wanting to pony up a $100 to $200 for a space for he and his boys to get dressed for his wedding. So his plan is to use you and your house. No. Welcome to being an adult and a husband. Also why are you having six groomsman and a wedding $200 is going to break you?

And the DH isn't even a groomsmen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I would say yes. But you can certainly say no.

Actually I might say yes or I might buy them another hotel room.

Just BIL, yes.

But this is the best solution. GIFT your BIL another room for this purpose.

I've heard of weaponized incompetence. I guess this is weaponized cheapness

Works like a charm.

Basically you don’t say anything. Ever.

Only with family. Friends catch on really soon and stop inviting you.

Exactly. It’s a repeat game with family.

Forcing your other family member to always pay or host you or fix your issues only works “because they’re family.”
You can set boundaries if things are getting out of hand or there is zero thanks.

I feel bad for op. She's probably going to have a lifetime of the groom expecting her and her husband to pay for them.... vacations, meals, drinks, etc .

It’s giving Uncle Frank from Home Alone

[Anonymous]

I bet OP had to host them anyway and was just "venting" the way the usual doormats here do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell DH to book a hotel room for them. It's his brother, he can rent him a room for his wedding!

Why can't the brother book his own room for his own wedding?

Why are people so miserly? Should a sibling not help? If the parents cannot host, should a sibling not step in? What a disgusting mindset.

A sibling is not obligated to pay for a sibling's wedding.

The groom should have planned a wedding he can afford.

You don't need to fire rapid respond over and over again just to repeat yourself.