Location sharing with spouse

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I wonder what the Venn diagram is for "couples who maintain separate bank accounts" and "couples who are opposed to sharing location information with each other."

I'll bet there is a lot of overlap.

My DH and I have always maintained separate checking accounts, though our investment accounts are joint. We’ve never been interested in monitoring each other’s discretionary expenditures.

I think it’s beyond bizarre that people have a problem enabling Find My Friends for their spouse and kids, unless they are doing something shady or have a spouse that misuses the technology.

And we do the opposite. Join account, but unless one of us was off thru hiking the Appalachian Trail (the real way, not the Mark Sanford way) I can't imagine needing location sharing.

For all the people who say, "But what if I need spouse to pick up groceries/kid/whatever?" don't you still have to actually make said request after determining location? In which case, what's the point?

If they aren't anywhere near the grocery, you don't make the request.

[Anonymous]

This thread would have gone in a completely different direction is the OP was a man wanting his wife to turn on her location sharing and being suspicious when she didn't immediately get on board. His insistence that she needed to do this or else she was hiding something would have been looked at very differently.

Peoples views on this are determined by their own biases and would be very easy to shift, just by changing the sex of the people involved.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

How do you go through someone's phone? I don't have my husband's password nor he mine.

Of course I have my H's password and he has mine, why wouldn't he. How would he unlock it when he is using it.

For privacy?

Having someone's password doesn't mean you're violating their privacy. It's not hard.

But it does mean they could. I prefer to take that option off the table.

So you would rather be married to someone that you don't trust enough to share your password with than the reverse? Interesting. I'd rather be married to someone I trust enough to share my password with because I know they'd never use it to violate my privacy. But you do what you need to in order to protect yourself I guess.

I trust him and he trusts me. It's why there's no need to share passwords.

At Least put a list of your passwords in a file
Somewhere in case one of you dies. I can speak from experience, it's a NIGHTMARE trying to deal with an estate if you can't log into any of the electronics or websites.

Write them down somewhere or your loved ones will end up in an administrative hell if you die unexpectedly.

We have a list of shared financial information and access. No need for the phone password.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I think people now feel entitled to instant gratification/instant information in the world we live in. Why not text? Why not deal with the uncertainty of timing? Why not spend the time and find your phone if you need a phone near you and just use your husbands? Why does everyone need instant information all the freaking time? No, I’m not cheating but also no, I don’t share location or look up people location either.

We're fighting off the need for instant gratification in these Fallen Times by texting rather than using location sharing on an app? Your decision-making on where to draw the line is fascinating.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

How do you go through someone's phone? I don't have my husband's password nor he mine.

Of course I have my H's password and he has mine, why wouldn't he. How would he unlock it when he is using it.

For privacy?

Having someone's password doesn't mean you're violating their privacy. It's not hard.

But it does mean they could. I prefer to take that option off the table.

So you would rather be married to someone that you don't trust enough to share your password with than the reverse? Interesting. I'd rather be married to someone I trust enough to share my password with because I know they'd never use it to violate my privacy. But you do what you need to in order to protect yourself I guess.

I trust him and he trusts me. It's why there's no need to share passwords.

Sigh. I don't have my husband's password to his phone so that I can read his texts and emails. I have it so that when I don't have my phone but his is nearby, I can use that to take a video of our dogs being silly. My husband doesn't have the password to my phone so he can snoop in my private affairs but so he can change the music while I'm driving and the car is hooked up to my phone.

It's really hard to tell if you actually don't get it or if you're just being argumentative. I'm going with the latter because the former makes me concerned about the intelligence level on DCUM, which no doubt has been waning for years but may make it so bad that Reddit becomes the better option.

That's great if it works for you, but neither of those reasons are reason for me to share my password. They both seem pretty trifling.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I can only think of suspect reasons NOT to share. A controlling spouse you are hiding from, some kind of unhealthy boundary issues in your relationship you haven't addressed, laziness, doing things you shouldn't be doing or aren't willing to share.

And at its very core, it's a safety issue.

Honestly, if you have children, especially kids who are driving age, and you don't have "find my" or life 360 with your whole family, why not?

Somehow, dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without "Life 360." God, it even sounds like some dystopian invention.

I honestly just don't understand how you can twist it so negatively.

For people with normal healthy boundaries and relationships, "find my iPhone" is not abusive. Or dystopian! They are helpful from a safety and convenience perspective.

For you to go there says more about you than it does about the software.

I disagree, I think it says more about how much of ourselves we've sacrificed to tech companies in the name of "convenience" and "safety."

Fine, but that has nothing to do with sharing your location with your spouse.

If you want to use Door Dash, you're agreeing to share your location with tech companies. Same with a million other apps. That is a completely different issue than sharing it with your family.

I don't use DoorDash because I think these delivery services are ruining the restaurant industry. I either cook or I get my ass off the sofa and go to a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it would never occur to me to track my spouse. Like WTAF.

+1

Just no. Absolutely not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread would have gone in a completely different direction is the OP was a man wanting his wife to turn on her location sharing and being suspicious when she didn't immediately get on board. His insistence that she needed to do this or else she was hiding something would have been looked at very differently.

Peoples views on this are determined by their own biases and would be very easy to shift, just by changing the sex of the people involved.

No it wouldn't. Pps are still being critical of the women replying who say they don't want theirs on. Not everything is a "what if genders were reversed" situation.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

I find this so odd given that I have kids. Why wouldn't you want your spouse (or your child) to know where you are? Do you literally just leave the house and say I'll be back in 4 hours but I'm not telling you where I'm going?

If your spouse wants to know they can ask, rather than spy on you.

Mileage varies. Before we shared locations, I really disliked when I'd be driving and I had to fish out my phone because my wife was calling to ask how long until I'd be home. I much prefer that she's able to just see my location without me having to interact with that particular process.

OP here. This is *exactly* why I wanted him to share it! I don’t understand what he doesn’t get about this.

I said, when I text you to find out where you are, “I feel like I am bothering you.” And he said, “you’re not and don’t I always pick up/respond promptly?” And I said “yes which is why I didn’t think this would be a big deal to you.” I thought it was an exchange of information to make life simpler and easier. I really didn’t think he was out doing shady stuff but now I am at least suspicious.

To the posters asking, I do have his passcode and he did end up sharing the location with me.

Didn't you say you disabled it?

He sent it again and convinced me not to. So it’s on now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it would never occur to me to track my spouse. Like WTAF.

+1

Just no. Absolutely not okay.

Of course, it's ok. Both my DH and I do it willingly. We have nothing to hide. Why are you hiding stuff from the person you share your home and life with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it would never occur to me to track my spouse. Like WTAF.

+1

Just no. Absolutely not okay.

Of course, it's ok. Both my DH and I do it willingly. We have nothing to hide. Why are you hiding stuff from the person you share your home and life with?

Because it’s harder to hide your affair if you have tracking turned on, which is why I have it off, as does AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it would never occur to me to track my spouse. Like WTAF.

+1

Just no. Absolutely not okay.

Of course, it's ok. Both my DH and I do it willingly. We have nothing to hide. Why are you hiding stuff from the person you share your home and life with?

Because it’s harder to hide your affair if you have tracking turned on, which is why I have it off, as does AP.

Gecause it's harder to hide your affair if you have tracking turned off and you can't see where your spouse is or when they are on their way home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I think people now feel entitled to instant gratification/instant information in the world we live in. Why not text? Why not deal with the uncertainty of timing? Why not spend the time and find your phone if you need a phone near you and just use your husbands? Why does everyone need instant information all the freaking time? No, I’m not cheating but also no, I don’t share location or look up people location either.

We're fighting off the need for instant gratification in these Fallen Times by texting rather than using location sharing on an app? Your decision-making on where to draw the line is fascinating.

It’s hilarious to me where people draw the line to be independent people flourishing away from their spouse.

In other news, Microsoft just announced that it will send your location in the next Teams update to your employer.

Employer =/= husband

You don't seem to be able to have a discussion without strawman arguments.

Not the PP but you don't know seem to know what a strawman is, and the Teams item was irrelevant to the point they made, just a piece of information.

What’s the strawman? Some people are okay with their employer, government, and tech companies knowing their location but not their spouse.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty obvious 99% of us are cool with location sharing with spouses and one freak show lady isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty obvious 99% of us are cool with location sharing with spouses and one freak show lady isn't.

You may be a lot of things, but I'm betting cool isn't one of them.