Nowhere for child to sit at birthday party/bullying issues.

[Anonymous]

This is an example of how I am amazed that men rule the world when little boys are such a weepy, wild mess.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just pull your kid out of this school, OP? You clearly dislike these people from saying they are all redshirted to accusing the parents of being insensitive compared to your friends. You have taken a nonevent, minus the fact that your son is a bit of a diva, and made it into a huge deal and tied it to what I assume is real bullying. This is not helpful for your DS, or yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just pull your kid out of this school, OP? You clearly dislike these people from saying they are all redshirted to accusing the parents of being insensitive compared to your friends. You have taken a nonevent, minus the fact that your son is a bit of a diva, and made it into a huge deal and tied it to what I assume is real bullying. This is not helpful for your DS, or yourself.

Her kid is only in kindergarten. She needs to place blame somewhere. I have two boys and they have plenty of friends who were born the year prior who are in their grade. They were mostly summer or fall birthdays. There is no difference.

Op and her child both seem socially awkward. She is raising a wimp. Buck up, lady.

[Anonymous]

Your boy is only 5. Shake it off. It sounds like he was already over stimulated from the party and the chair mismatch was too much on him as he was overwhelmed. It’s hard for 5 year olds. He’ll get better with time. Probably just remove yourselves and go or eat elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an example of how I am amazed that men rule the world when little boys are such a weepy, wild mess.

When my DD did CYO soccer and it was still co-ed in K and 1st grade I had the same thought. I’d never seen so many screaming, crying boys in one place before I watched them play children’s soccer.

Back on topic: OP, your kid may be neurodiverse, and that’s ok, and you may be out of your depth socially, and that’s ok, too. Now you have the information you need to regroup and go in with a new attitude next time. As weird as you might feel, most parents didn’t notice and aren’t even going to think about it past today.

Maybe DH can go to the next party instead so your DS can feel like he’s getting a fresh start. And if you know redshirting is common for privates in your area, you can try public or parochial next year.

[Anonymous]

OP, it probably felt worse to you than it was. I can sympathize. But take comfort that most people probably didn't notice much. I think the suggestions to just take your son for fresh air if you sense he is breaking down is a good one.

I greatly dislike the responses from PPs saying mean things about your son. He is five. Anyone who has called him a wimp or given the "buck up" line is an asshat. That whole attitude is why so many of the other boys are crazed lunatics. How about those parents try to raise better boys who aren't so out of control. I'm tired of the boys will be boys crap excuse for boys behaving badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest here, I think you have major social anxiety and either your kid has the same tendencies, or he’s mirroring your behavior.

It’s clear from the way you got flustered and are upset with the other parents that this “no seats left” thing was sort of a catastrophe. But that’s in your head (and now your kid’s). It’s very likely that no one offered their seat because nobody understood what was happening or why you were both upset.

You both need to be able to roll with stuff. We’re not always the center of attention or the belle of the ball. You can eat pizza standing up. Or wait for someone else to finish and move. Not a big deal.

We all have a deep reaction to other kids being less than nice to ours, but sometimes that happens. You need to be able to control yourself enough to show your kid that it’s not the end of the world, even if it sucks a little bit in the moment.

+1
Also at that age, your son is old enough to be dropped off. If you wanted to stay, you need to stay on the sidelines more. Use the time to chat with these parents and make friends. Your ds is so used to and expecting you to helicopter that he has not had to learn how to navigate social situations himself, and he’s old enough that he should. You criticize the kid for taking your son’s seat, the mom for doing nothing, etc, but they’re in the right - these kids need to figure this out on their own. Your ds sounds a little socially stunted from having you micromanage everything. Depending on when he turns 6, I’d bet he could benefit from another year of k, potentially starting over at a new school with you stepping back a bit. Use your energy to chat with the parents and meet them, not hover

[Anonymous]

5 is still really young, so your sons behavior seems normal to me for a tired and overwhelmed kid. As has been said, your mistake was in expecting people to notice and address the issue in the midst of the already chaotic scene. I would have actively re-arranged seating or just put his plate on the floor and sat with him. Most parents are checked out at these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest here, I think you have major social anxiety and either your kid has the same tendencies, or he’s mirroring your behavior.

It’s clear from the way you got flustered and are upset with the other parents that this “no seats left” thing was sort of a catastrophe. But that’s in your head (and now your kid’s). It’s very likely that no one offered their seat because nobody understood what was happening or why you were both upset.

You both need to be able to roll with stuff. We’re not always the center of attention or the belle of the ball. You can eat pizza standing up. Or wait for someone else to finish and move. Not a big deal.

We all have a deep reaction to other kids being less than nice to ours, but sometimes that happens. You need to be able to control yourself enough to show your kid that it’s not the end of the world, even if it sucks a little bit in the moment.

+1
Also at that age, your son is old enough to be dropped off. If you wanted to stay, you need to stay on the sidelines more. Use the time to chat with these parents and make friends. Your ds is so used to and expecting you to helicopter that he has not had to learn how to navigate social situations himself, and he’s old enough that he should. You criticize the kid for taking your son’s seat, the mom for doing nothing, etc, but they’re in the right - these kids need to figure this out on their own. Your ds sounds a little socially stunted from having you micromanage everything. Depending on when he turns 6, I’d bet he could benefit from another year of k, potentially starting over at a new school with you stepping back a bit. Use your energy to chat with the parents and meet them, not hover

This might be a leap. Overcrowded parties need an adult to step in and manage the situation. Often it’s way too many people in a small room and party attendant not able to pass out food and do crowd control at the same time.

[Anonymous]

The bullying at school is a separate issue. Change schools.

You are creating drama over nothing. You find another place to feed your child. The parents should not have sat in seats for kids but maybe they had health or other issues that they needed to sit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it probably felt worse to you than it was. I can sympathize. But take comfort that most people probably didn't notice much. I think the suggestions to just take your son for fresh air if you sense he is breaking down is a good one.

I greatly dislike the responses from PPs saying mean things about your son. He is five. Anyone who has called him a wimp or given the "buck up" line is an asshat. That whole attitude is why so many of the other boys are crazed lunatics. How about those parents try to raise better boys who aren't so out of control. I'm tired of the boys will be boys crap excuse for boys behaving badly.

+1

He's 5! It sounds like the biggest issue is he's with a bunch of almost 7 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Switch to public. Less redshirting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest here, I think you have major social anxiety and either your kid has the same tendencies, or he’s mirroring your behavior.

It’s clear from the way you got flustered and are upset with the other parents that this “no seats left” thing was sort of a catastrophe. But that’s in your head (and now your kid’s). It’s very likely that no one offered their seat because nobody understood what was happening or why you were both upset.

You both need to be able to roll with stuff. We’re not always the center of attention or the belle of the ball. You can eat pizza standing up. Or wait for someone else to finish and move. Not a big deal.

We all have a deep reaction to other kids being less than nice to ours, but sometimes that happens. You need to be able to control yourself enough to show your kid that it’s not the end of the world, even if it sucks a little bit in the moment.

+1
Also at that age, your son is old enough to be dropped off. If you wanted to stay, you need to stay on the sidelines more. Use the time to chat with these parents and make friends. Your ds is so used to and expecting you to helicopter that he has not had to learn how to navigate social situations himself, and he’s old enough that he should. You criticize the kid for taking your son’s seat, the mom for doing nothing, etc, but they’re in the right - these kids need to figure this out on their own. Your ds sounds a little socially stunted from having you micromanage everything. Depending on when he turns 6, I’d bet he could benefit from another year of k, potentially starting over at a new school with you stepping back a bit. Use your energy to chat with the parents and meet them, not hover

It’s pretty clear her son is not old enough to be dropped off. I don’t say that to be rude but he struggles with social-emotional connection with his peers and emotional regulation. I can only imagine how stressful this would’ve been without his mom, even if her anxiety did perhaps compound what they were both going through. He is not old enough or mature enough get to be dropped off but op has gotten really good advice from moms of similar kids that she’s receptive to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest here, I think you have major social anxiety and either your kid has the same tendencies, or he’s mirroring your behavior.

It’s clear from the way you got flustered and are upset with the other parents that this “no seats left” thing was sort of a catastrophe. But that’s in your head (and now your kid’s). It’s very likely that no one offered their seat because nobody understood what was happening or why you were both upset.

You both need to be able to roll with stuff. We’re not always the center of attention or the belle of the ball. You can eat pizza standing up. Or wait for someone else to finish and move. Not a big deal.

We all have a deep reaction to other kids being less than nice to ours, but sometimes that happens. You need to be able to control yourself enough to show your kid that it’s not the end of the world, even if it sucks a little bit in the moment.

+1. Your child could’ve just sat through in the first chair, taken the second one, or both you or your child could’ve asked for a third. “Excuse me, is there a chair?” “Excuse me, can I borrow this chair?”

If your child acts and reads the world the way you do, chances are he will have more conflict with his peers than his peers have with each other. You were upset because the moms were on their phone, the kids were older, they weren’t proactively helping you, your old friends would. If your child is going to other kids upset that they’re older, they’re not proactively helping, they’re not the other kids he connects better with, and they’re too busy playing tag to notice him, they’re going to find him annoying.

Sometimes kids want space from each other. That is ok. However, instead of asking for space, they do things like run away or push another kid away. That’s not bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it probably felt worse to you than it was. I can sympathize. But take comfort that most people probably didn't notice much. I think the suggestions to just take your son for fresh air if you sense he is breaking down is a good one.

I greatly dislike the responses from PPs saying mean things about your son. He is five. Anyone who has called him a wimp or given the "buck up" line is an asshat. That whole attitude is why so many of the other boys are crazed lunatics. How about those parents try to raise better boys who aren't so out of control. I'm tired of the boys will be boys crap excuse for boys behaving badly.

+1

He's 5! It sounds like the biggest issue is he's with a bunch of almost 7 year olds.

OPs kid is almost 6 just like kids who are 6 are going on 7. It’s January there aren’t kids who just turned 5. Let’s not exaggerate ages. And it doesn’t sound like the ages fully explain what happened ag this party. OP and her son both lack coping skills and OP should have modeled those skills better so that the kid didn’t flip out over the chair. This didn’t have to be such a big deal.