Anyone else have zero ‘free time’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you busy doing?

I know people who have no free time because they are full time professionals with an additional small business and four children who travel a lot, and I know people who are SAH parents with extensive PTA and volunteer obligations, drive every carpool, participate in every activity, and host endless parties for elaborate social events (Flag Day, half birthdays, team dinners, etc...) and feel compelled to clean and renovate and bake a lot. I also know people who work two jobs, have a kid or two, and spend all their time sleeping, working, making dinner or grocery shopping, and might get to go to church or watch a tv show once a week.

The first two types could absolutely reclaim free time in different ways. The third really doesn't have a lot of good options.

But even the 3rd is often filled with really inefficient people. Like my neighbor who claims she has NO TIME but insists on going to Costco on Saturdays. I order my groceries online and pick them up at Harris Teeter - it’s free and fast. I do not wait in line to pay or to exit a parking lot. I have a friend that buys gifts for nieces and nephews- but she buys them in person or has them shipped to her and then wraps them and goes to the post office to mail them - it’s a choice. She could just ship it directly to the kid.

It doesn’t bother me if people make the choice that their kids only eat homemade baked goods or only wear thrifted clothes or whatever time consuming hobby they disguise as a necessary, non-negotiable life’s choice. It bothers me when they complain about not having any free time and fail to recognize the choices they make. They do have free time, they just choose to spend it baking or going to thrift stores.

[Anonymous]

I get free time at work. I quit doing the working part time but with a full time amount of work to do BS that I did for years. Now I work full time with a full time amount of work to do. I take a full hour for lunch every day, chat with co-workers, take care of a few personal things, etc. I used to have 5 hours of work every day and 4 hours to get it done. Now I have 6 hours of work every day and 8-9 hours to get it done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you busy doing?

I know people who have no free time because they are full time professionals with an additional small business and four children who travel a lot, and I know people who are SAH parents with extensive PTA and volunteer obligations, drive every carpool, participate in every activity, and host endless parties for elaborate social events (Flag Day, half birthdays, team dinners, etc...) and feel compelled to clean and renovate and bake a lot. I also know people who work two jobs, have a kid or two, and spend all their time sleeping, working, making dinner or grocery shopping, and might get to go to church or watch a tv show once a week.

The first two types could absolutely reclaim free time in different ways. The third really doesn't have a lot of good options.

But even the 3rd is often filled with really inefficient people. Like my neighbor who claims she has NO TIME but insists on going to Costco on Saturdays. I order my groceries online and pick them up at Harris Teeter - it’s free and fast. I do not wait in line to pay or to exit a parking lot. I have a friend that buys gifts for nieces and nephews- but she buys them in person or has them shipped to her and then wraps them and goes to the post office to mail them - it’s a choice. She could just ship it directly to the kid.

It doesn’t bother me if people make the choice that their kids only eat homemade baked goods or only wear thrifted clothes or whatever time consuming hobby they disguise as a necessary, non-negotiable life’s choice. It bothers me when they complain about not having any free time and fail to recognize the choices they make. They do have free time, they just choose to spend it baking or going to thrift stores.

I get what you're saying and that may be true for your neighbor but your post is really ignorant of the fact that some people are actually poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you busy doing?

I know people who have no free time because they are full time professionals with an additional small business and four children who travel a lot, and I know people who are SAH parents with extensive PTA and volunteer obligations, drive every carpool, participate in every activity, and host endless parties for elaborate social events (Flag Day, half birthdays, team dinners, etc...) and feel compelled to clean and renovate and bake a lot. I also know people who work two jobs, have a kid or two, and spend all their time sleeping, working, making dinner or grocery shopping, and might get to go to church or watch a tv show once a week.

The first two types could absolutely reclaim free time in different ways. The third really doesn't have a lot of good options.

But even the 3rd is often filled with really inefficient people. Like my neighbor who claims she has NO TIME but insists on going to Costco on Saturdays. I order my groceries online and pick them up at Harris Teeter - it’s free and fast. I do not wait in line to pay or to exit a parking lot. I have a friend that buys gifts for nieces and nephews- but she buys them in person or has them shipped to her and then wraps them and goes to the post office to mail them - it’s a choice. She could just ship it directly to the kid.

It doesn’t bother me if people make the choice that their kids only eat homemade baked goods or only wear thrifted clothes or whatever time consuming hobby they disguise as a necessary, non-negotiable life’s choice. It bothers me when they complain about not having any free time and fail to recognize the choices they make. They do have free time, they just choose to spend it baking or going to thrift stores.

I get what you're saying and that may be true for your neighbor but your post is really ignorant of the fact that some people are actually poor.

I am not talking about people who have no free time because they rely on their bus to get to their 3 jobs. I am talking about moms in Arlington who drive luxury SUVs, work a standard corporate job, and complain about being “sooo busy” due to situations they created themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am either working, parenting or doing admin relating to life and parenting at the moment at pretty much all times of day and night except when sleeping. Is this normal? I don’t remember my parents having as much to do as this.

I would like to ‘rise up’ in some way but not sure to whom exactly I would be protesting 😂

Didn't you post this during your free time?

[Anonymous]

I have limited free time, and admit that much of my "free time" is spent taking care of my family, driving to or watching their activities for example. Its not exactly free time, but it is leisure time, im just spending it doing things i wouldnt do if i didnt have kids, like sitting on the sideline at soccer games or playing in the pool with my kids. Can you start viewing that stuff as your free time? It may help at least psychologically.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are a single parent, your spouse/other parent should be stepping up here. Don't be a mommy martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am either working, parenting or doing admin relating to life and parenting at the moment at pretty much all times of day and night except when sleeping. Is this normal? I don’t remember my parents having as much to do as this.

I would like to ‘rise up’ in some way but not sure to whom exactly I would be protesting 😂

Didn't you post this during your free time?

op - I actually posted this while semi listening to a meeting.
I work at a co where we are billed hourly and judged on our billable utilization. I am in meetings 90% of the day. My kids are in multiple activities (which they love and gets them off ipad). I am on dcum generally when I feel like I might die of boredom during one of our interminable meetings and bc i need advice - clearly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are a single parent, your spouse/other parent should be stepping up here. Don't be a mommy martyr.

he does! he does all the house stuff, tax stuff, he invests our money market accounts and keeps an eye on stocks, he also does pick ups and drop offs and dinners and makes lunches and takes to dr appts. I do all the kidmin and buying of clothes and household stuff and organizing of travel and a lot of the admin around pickups and stuff.
I already say no to huge numbers of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, absolutely the younger your kids are the harder it is.

But second, I haven't felt overwhelmed, almost ever, since my kids were 8 and 5. We are a two working parent household with a teen and a tween.

I think it is about choices. I don't feel the need to do anything if I don't think it is the highest priority for my family. That means that we say no to a lot of stuff- no PTA, only attend meetings and events related school where I truly believe there is information conveyed that impacts my kids and that I need to know (which means almost none). We worked hard to make sure my kids were age-appropriately self-sufficient (not as a way to reduce our workload, but because we think it is good parenting). As a result, I haven't packed a lunch, made breakfast, or done kids laundry in years[b]. We are not involved in homework at all. All four members of the household split "chores" around the house. We have also developed a strong "village"- so carpooling happens easily, which means less driving around.

Ninety percent of the time, I have at least two hours of "free time" every day before I go to sleep at 10:00.

I'm not trying to be smug. My sincere advice is to take a hard look at all the things you do that take up your time and consider what would happen if you just...didn't do it.

further explain??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, absolutely the younger your kids are the harder it is.

But second, I haven't felt overwhelmed, almost ever, since my kids were 8 and 5. We are a two working parent household with a teen and a tween.

I think it is about choices. I don't feel the need to do anything if I don't think it is the highest priority for my family. That means that we say no to a lot of stuff- no PTA, only attend meetings and events related school where I truly believe there is information conveyed that impacts my kids and that I need to know (which means almost none). We worked hard to make sure my kids were age-appropriately self-sufficient (not as a way to reduce our workload, but because we think it is good parenting). As a result, I haven't packed a lunch, made breakfast, or done kids laundry in years. We are not involved in homework at all. All four members of the household split "chores" around the house. We have also developed a strong "village"- so carpooling happens easily, which means less driving around.

Ninety percent of the time, I have at least two hours of "free time" every day before I go to sleep at 10:00.

I'm not trying to be smug. My sincere advice is to take a hard look at all the things you do that take up your time and consider what would happen if you just...didn't do it.

PP, you are my hero!

Not mine. The laundry I am on board with. But there are very few breakfasts and lunches a an 8yo and 5yo can make for themselves which are not super processed.

Waiting for PP to tell us her kids make their meals out of nothing but raw fruits, veggies and hardboiled eggs…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, absolutely the younger your kids are the harder it is.

But second, I haven't felt overwhelmed, almost ever, since my kids were 8 and 5. We are a two working parent household with a teen and a tween.

I think it is about choices. I don't feel the need to do anything if I don't think it is the highest priority for my family. That means that we say no to a lot of stuff- no PTA, only attend meetings and events related school where I truly believe there is information conveyed that impacts my kids and that I need to know (which means almost none). We worked hard to make sure my kids were age-appropriately self-sufficient (not as a way to reduce our workload, but because we think it is good parenting). As a result, I haven't packed a lunch, made breakfast, or done kids laundry in years[b]. We are not involved in homework at all. All four members of the household split "chores" around the house. We have also developed a strong "village"- so carpooling happens easily, which means less driving around.

Ninety percent of the time, I have at least two hours of "free time" every day before I go to sleep at 10:00.

I'm not trying to be smug. My sincere advice is to take a hard look at all the things you do that take up your time and consider what would happen if you just...didn't do it.

further explain??

Hi.

My children started packing their own lunch and making their own breakfast daily in third grade. They also make their own breakfasts in the morning. They started doing their own laundry when they started middle sixth grade or so.

This does require that I do some prep work on the weekends. I grocery shop for ingredients that are easy for them to put together (sandwiches, cut up veggies with pita and hummus etc, grab-and-go fruit, and a side like pretzels or nuts or something). I also will make a batch of "healthy" muffins or a bread, or throw together an egg bake with veggies. My kids assemble and prepare both breakfast and lunch for themselves every morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, absolutely the younger your kids are the harder it is.

But second, I haven't felt overwhelmed, almost ever, since my kids were 8 and 5. We are a two working parent household with a teen and a tween.

I think it is about choices. I don't feel the need to do anything if I don't think it is the highest priority for my family. That means that we say no to a lot of stuff- no PTA, only attend meetings and events related school where I truly believe there is information conveyed that impacts my kids and that I need to know (which means almost none). We worked hard to make sure my kids were age-appropriately self-sufficient (not as a way to reduce our workload, but because we think it is good parenting). As a result, I haven't packed a lunch, made breakfast, or done kids laundry in years. We are not involved in homework at all. All four members of the household split "chores" around the house. We have also developed a strong "village"- so carpooling happens easily, which means less driving around.

Ninety percent of the time, I have at least two hours of "free time" every day before I go to sleep at 10:00.

I'm not trying to be smug. My sincere advice is to take a hard look at all the things you do that take up your time and consider what would happen if you just...didn't do it.

PP, you are my hero!

Not mine. The laundry I am on board with. But there are very few breakfasts and lunches a an 8yo and 5yo can make for themselves which are not super processed.

Waiting for PP to tell us her kids make their meals out of nothing but raw fruits, veggies and hardboiled eggs…

Didn’t she say her kids are a teen and a tween (not 8 and 5)?

[Anonymous]

I don’t have much free time. My kids are 5 and 7. I work out of the house with a 45 min - 1 hour commute. My DH is hybrid. I mention this because I think some people who WAH get more free time by doing chore type stuff during work hours when the kids are out of the house. I also volunteer a lot so in a sense I have taken kid stuff on as my hobby. I tend to get time to myself early in the morning or after bedtime but as my kids get older that after bedtime window is closing. I could be way better about taking nights or parts of a weekend to do what I want - this is a good reminder!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, absolutely the younger your kids are the harder it is.

But second, I haven't felt overwhelmed, almost ever, since my kids were 8 and 5. We are a two working parent household with a teen and a tween.

I think it is about choices. I don't feel the need to do anything if I don't think it is the highest priority for my family. That means that we say no to a lot of stuff- no PTA, only attend meetings and events related school where I truly believe there is information conveyed that impacts my kids and that I need to know (which means almost none). We worked hard to make sure my kids were age-appropriately self-sufficient (not as a way to reduce our workload, but because we think it is good parenting). As a result, I haven't packed a lunch, made breakfast, or done kids laundry in years. We are not involved in homework at all. All four members of the household split "chores" around the house. We have also developed a strong "village"- so carpooling happens easily, which means less driving around.

Ninety percent of the time, I have at least two hours of "free time" every day before I go to sleep at 10:00.

I'm not trying to be smug. My sincere advice is to take a hard look at all the things you do that take up your time and consider what would happen if you just...didn't do it.

What does the 5 year old make for breakfast?