Spouse wants me to cut contact with my mom

[Anonymous]

I read all your posts. If you love your mom, you need to help your dad get her treatment. She needs to be on bipolar meds.

I don’t believe you should cut her off, but you absolutely need to hold her at arms length. She cannot watch your child.

I love my Dh and would side with him over my family. My Dh is wonderful and always has my best interests at heart. You need to decide if the same is true of yours. Marriage is deeper than blood relations. Your Dh actually seems reasonable and your mom is extremely unreasonable. I bet if you stood your ground, your dad would make changes. I can’t believe he didn’t after your brother went no contact. I’d lose my mind if my child wouldn’t contact me because of something my husband did.

[Anonymous]

She’s crazy, & you want to keep contact with your dad, so you need to make nice.

Quit telling DH about the stupid crap she says.

Don’t let her babysit.

See them occasionally. If DH doesn’t want to accompany you, that’s his choice.

I will say, you seem to be getting something out of this drama, sharing the stories with others, etc. Maybe meet with a therapist to talk some of this through, rather than with other family members, DH, DCUM, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean your mom sounds awful and it’s of course not okay to leave a sleeping baby alone. She should never be alone with the kids again. On cutting her off, I don’t know, I’d get some therapy. Would your DH never seeing her again be sufficient, could you go see your family alone with the kid?

OP here. My mom would never go to therapy. She thinks it’s for weak people with made up problems.

You get the therapy, to learn how to deal with her and to discern what you want your relationship with her to be.

Right. Op YOU are the one who needs to be in therapy. You have a lot of issues from your mom and you need to fix this before it hurts your marriage or your relationship with your child. Also, your child would be very harmed if you all divorced over this issue. This can be saved if you work through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom sounds toxic but it seems you are mainly ashamed of her because of your sensitive husband and well off in laws. Do what makes your life easier. You can't ruin your child's childhood trying to be a referee between your mom and your husband.

OP here. No. We have many issues since my parents divorced and we moved with her and my stepdad.

My mom was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. She called my sisters and I a B and a sl*t growing up.

My in-laws are of well off. She’s just jealous that my MIL have had a real close relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s crazy, & you want to keep contact with your dad, so you need to make nice.

Quit telling DH about the stupid crap she says.

Don’t let her babysit.

See them occasionally. If DH doesn’t want to accompany you, that’s his choice.

I will say, you seem to be getting something out of this drama, sharing the stories with others, etc. Maybe meet with a therapist to talk some of this through, rather than with other family members, DH, DCUM, etc.

OP here. We only know about these issues because my extended family members have contacted myself and my husband to tell us.

My mom has also openly said these things at family events.

[Anonymous]

So your mom said your DH has a small penis because he gave you a nice ring?

Honestly she sounds completely awful and I can understand why he wants to cut her off. Does he like your dad?

[Anonymous]

My dh does not have the right to cut my mother out of my life even though she is unbearable. Not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right. Given all you have described, yes, she deserves to be cut off. She cannot control herself and cannot improve. The fact your brother cut her off is a HUGE red flag.

If ever you choose to keep a relationship with your mother, you must never have her over to annoy your husband (and child, in the future). You go out of your house to meet her somewhere. Your husband deserves a life without your mother in it.

Honestly, if you can see your father without your mother, that would be best.

- BTDT with a less nasty mother whom I cut off briefly then allowed back in, just so I could see my ailing father. We don't live on the same continent, which helps A LOT. She has been equally nasty to my husband and daughter (who is now a teen).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean your mom sounds awful and it’s of course not okay to leave a sleeping baby alone. She should never be alone with the kids again. On cutting her off, I don’t know, I’d get some therapy. Would your DH never seeing her again be sufficient, could you go see your family alone with the kid?

OP here. My mom would never go to therapy. She thinks it’s for weak people with made up problems.

You get the therapy, to learn how to deal with her and to discern what you want your relationship with her to be.

This. Also, to help you learn appropriate boundaries and aspects of all relationships. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, why even start this thread? You hate your mom.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds very controlling.

The prenup means you’re more financially vulnerable than you would otherwise be. Plus he wants to isolate you from your family so you’re without a support system. He controls the money, he wants to control who you talk to as well.

The fact that you have a contentious relationship with your mom that you admit was abusive is a red flag for your marriage. Statistically, you’re more likely to seek out a partner who’s abusive because that feels familiar and comfortable.

I don’t want to minimize the severity of leaving an infant alone. Of course it’s a given that your mom won’t babysit in the future. But going no contact over this incident is batshit insane.

You’ve truly traded one abuser for another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your mom said your DH has a small penis because he gave you a nice ring?

Honestly she sounds completely awful and I can understand why he wants to cut her off. Does he like your dad?

OP here. Yes she insinuated that.

He likes my stepdad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In marriage we are to forsake all others if necessary. Act accordingly.

Why is it necessary in this case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh does not have the right to cut my mother out of my life even though she is unbearable. Not going to happen.

OP here. He didn’t say I have to cut her from my life. He said that he wants her but from our kids lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds very controlling.

The prenup means you’re more financially vulnerable than you would otherwise be. Plus he wants to isolate you from your family so you’re without a support system. He controls the money, he wants to control who you talk to as well.

The fact that you have a contentious relationship with your mom that you admit was abusive is a red flag for your marriage. Statistically, you’re more likely to seek out a partner who’s abusive because that feels familiar and comfortable.

I don’t want to minimize the severity of leaving an infant alone. Of course it’s a given that your mom won’t babysit in the future. But going no contact over this incident is batshit insane.

You’ve truly traded one abuser for another.

Not quite. The husband is not controlling or abusive, and OP's mother has been massively unpleasant for years. Her own son has cut her off. She is said to be untreated bipolar.

All this makes for pretty convincing evidence that OP's mother needs to be either cut off or seen solely to provide access to OP's father.