Guy I’m dating matched with a friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also OP. Also he did chat with my friend via Tinder, not just swipe. So I'm just not feeling it anymore.

Yeah. Forget it. If he was a decent guy who was into you he wouldn’t be on the apps. One or both of those are not true.

They didn't have the "let's be exclusive and get off the apps" conversation yet though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A guy I’ve been dating for a month (multiple dates per week, and having sex) recently connected with a friend of mine on a dating app. We haven’t discussed exclusivity, but I’m a bit turned off by it. We have a great time together and both claimed we were looking for something serious. Why the hunt for others? I don’t even feel like this warrants a discussion, because I prefer to just be with guys who want to settle down and see similar potential in things. Am I being reasonable?

Maybe if you didn't immediately start putting out he might have gotten a different idea.

This. You ruined it for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Has he been balls deep in her yet? Curious minds want to know.

[Anonymous]

OP is nuts. The fact that he's still dating doesn't mean he isn't serious about finding a serious relationship. It just means that after only ONE MONTH of dating you, he isn't yet convinced you're that person. That's entirely reasonable. If he were convinced, you'd probably be here posting about he's love bombing you. Try thinking more clearly and not getting caught up in ridiculous games. If you want to be exclusive now, you need to say so and you need to be chill enough to not dump him if he says he's not ready yet because, again, you've only been dating for one month.

[Anonymous]

I would feel bad about this too if I really liked him.
I learned recently after watching a 30 y/o dating that I need to take risks in today’s dating market.

This woman met a guy she liked a lot, she’s always been in relationships so she focused on him only, they had sex on the second date. She knew he was dating at least one other person (she saw pictures on IG). She said yes whenever he invited her on a date and when he didn’t, she initiated and invited him on dates. She almost lost her mind during the whole time knowing they were not exclusive, and he was a bit aloof but they ended up becoming exclusive. It took about four months. Although she’s very happy now with this guy, she wishes she had gone on dates with other people at the beginning as it would have spared her a lot of agony.


The lesson for me is to enjoy dating without pressure. I’m not someone who will have sex on the third date but as I get older, I might not get these opportunities anymore, so if I like someone (I’m picky) and there is good chemistry then I might go for it without any regrets.

I figure men need time to process the fact that they want to br exclusive with someone. You can have fun, be patient, and perhaps get the guy, or self-eliminate and let another person play the game you don’t want to play.

[Anonymous]

It's OK to drop him since you don't feel it anymore. Your rationale is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

You sound immature. You like him enough to go on multiple dates and have sex and claim you want something serious but haven’t got the balls to actually talk to him directly about your relationship and then you’re mad? Please grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also OP. Also he did chat with my friend via Tinder, not just swipe. So I'm just not feeling it anymore.

As a guy, I assume every woman I'm dating in the initial stages is also chatting with, and meeting, lots of other guys. I can't afford to get all butthurt about women chatting with and meeting other people.

I agree, as a woman.

There are two types of daters. One type likes to focus all attention on one person to get to know them and decide if they are worth pursuing long-term. The other type prefers to date around until it is obvious that one of the people they are dating is worth pursuing long-term. He is one type, and you are the other. There is nothing wrong with either type.

I don't know why you would bolt without at least asking him about it first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is nuts. The fact that he's still dating doesn't mean he isn't serious about finding a serious relationship. It just means that after only ONE MONTH of dating you, he isn't yet convinced you're that person. That's entirely reasonable. If he were convinced, you'd probably be here posting about he's love bombing you. Try thinking more clearly and not getting caught up in ridiculous games. If you want to be exclusive now, you need to say so and you need to be chill enough to not dump him if he says he's not ready yet because, again, you've only been dating for one month.

100% this. OP, do you know for sure he is 'the one' for you yet? Probably not. Calm down.

(Though obviously your friend shouldn't go out with him due to girl code)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that him dating others wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but if I found out he was having sex with others while also in a sexual relationship with me that would definitely be a deal breaker.

But you would have had a conversation prior to having sex right? Letting him know that you did not want to be in a sexual relationship with someone that was having sex with anyone else. Because again, how is the other person supposed to know this if it is not said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also OP. Also he did chat with my friend via Tinder, not just swipe. So I'm just not feeling it anymore.

As a guy, I assume every woman I'm dating in the initial stages is also chatting with, and meeting, lots of other guys. I can't afford to get all butthurt about women chatting with and meeting other people.

I agree, as a woman.

There are two types of daters. One type likes to focus all attention on one person to get to know them and decide if they are worth pursuing long-term. The other type prefers to date around until it is obvious that one of the people they are dating is worth pursuing long-term. He is one type, and you are the other. There is nothing wrong with either type.

I don't know why you would bolt without at least asking him about it first.

It’s obvious that some people are happier dating the kind of person that doesn’t have other options. Couldn’t be me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that him dating others wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but if I found out he was having sex with others while also in a sexual relationship with me that would definitely be a deal breaker.

But you would have had a conversation prior to having sex right? Letting him know that you did not want to be in a sexual relationship with someone that was having sex with anyone else. Because again, how is the other person supposed to know this if it is not said.

She can have a conversation with him and they can both agree to be sexually exclusive, but it doesn’t mean he will follow the rule.
but it’s not gara te

[Anonymous]

You didn't discuss exclusivity so you are in the wrong for being upset.

[Anonymous]

Ignore all these posters who say you haven’t had the exclusivity talk. If a guy is sleeping with you and is into you, he will not be cruising the apps. Lose this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound immature. You like him enough to go on multiple dates and have sex and claim you want something serious but haven’t got the balls to actually talk to him directly about your relationship and then you’re mad? Please grow up.

Lol, this describes 99.9% of women.