For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a WOC and wrongly assumed that my kids would have my pigment so I might as well give them my husband’s last name so they feel connected to him too. I have two blond kids somehow; not even my DH has blond hair, so who knows how this happened.

Genes can be sneaky. I am left handed, DH is left handed, MIL and FL were left handed. Our boys? Both righties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you have to be a feminist and keep your name but society can't think your children are bastards or illegitimate so they get dad's name.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop it with the middle name business. It doesn’t count as some kind of feminist statement. No one ever knows or cares what your middle name is u less you are a high school year book editor.

I did not do this personally (my last name as a middle name for my children), but I'm guessing they didn't do it as a feminist statement or because they care about anyone else's approval. Get down off your high horse.

What I do not get are people like OP or PP who feel the need to chime in about this choice. How does it affect you in any way? Why do you care so much that you come on here and snipe? Suggests some issue with you that you need to resolve.

[/quote


It’s an anonymous website. I would never call out my friends on their stupid choices, but I can vent here it’s great. The middle name
Stuff is bull shit. If you are confident in your choice, you won’t care about my opinion. And yes, I’m fact, I am right about this. It’s bull shit feminism to give your kid your father’s last name as their middle name and somehow claim that is a equal to reclaiming a “sir” name. Maybe I’m radical, but I’m so fing tired of all these liberal arts school feminist getting precious about their Daddy’s last name. Why do you care what I care about. I’m also very passionate about my diet soda preferences (diet Barq’s or bust) and no one calls me out for being on a high horse about that stuff. I’m allowed to have an opinion on this. Opinions are totally free and allowed. I also prefer the color blue.

I don't care what you think, frankly, but you do provide a perfect example of what I am talking about. Your sniping is really all about your own issues. You admit you come on here purposely to vent your bile on people you don't know about life choices they make that don't impact you at all. Weird.

I didn't see anyone on this thread mention giving their kids their last name as a middle name as an example of some feminist manifesto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name as their middle, my husbands as their last. So they have both names.

+ 1

DP here. I was not trying to fight patriarchy, because I was not injured by patriarchy within the family. I grew up being encouraged and supported by awesome grandfathers, amazing uncles, a fantastic dad, super supportive brothers and cousins. I married a man who was my champion and a feminist. I just happened to love my very unique first and last name (there is no one else in the world with my first name-last name combination), and so I kept it. It seem natural to pass it on to my own kids as their middle name. My last name is also very recognizable to my fellow expats, so there was that too.

[Anonymous]

17 pages because OP's dad was not nice to her!!

WHY???????????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

[Anonymous]

I didn’t take my husband’s name because it felt weird to me to suddenly have a new name. I just didn’t really see the point. We thought about hyphenating DD’s name but both of our names are mouthfuls so didn’t want to do that. She has DH’s name but to be honest I didn’t put a ton of thought into it. I don’t feel like we need to share a name. I don’t know, it just wasn’t that important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name as their middle, my husbands as their last. So they have both names.

+ 1

DP here. I was not trying to fight patriarchy, because I was not injured by patriarchy within the family. I grew up being encouraged and supported by awesome grandfathers, amazing uncles, a fantastic dad, super supportive brothers and cousins. I married a man who was my champion and a feminist. I just happened to love my very unique first and last name (there is no one else in the world with my first name-last name combination), and so I kept it. It seem natural to pass it on to my own kids as their middle name. My last name is also very recognizable to my fellow expats, so there was that too.

I have a similar situation. Husband and son have classic Irish first and last names. Making my last name my son's middle name gives him a one in the world kind of a name. If you have my last name, you are related to me. It also provides a name link between my son and me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop it with the middle name business. It doesn’t count as some kind of feminist statement. No one ever knows or cares what your middle name is u less you are a high school year book editor.

I did not do this personally (my last name as a middle name for my children), but I'm guessing they didn't do it as a feminist statement or because they care about anyone else's approval. Get down off your high horse.

What I do not get are people like OP or PP who feel the need to chime in about this choice. How does it affect you in any way? Why do you care so much that you come on here and snipe? Suggests some issue with you that you need to resolve.

NP, but it really doesn't. I think it's stupid when families have different last names for everyone because mom kept hers, dad kept his, and then they just made up new ones for the kids. I'm allowed to have that opinion. It doesn't speak to any sort of issue that I need to resolve. I just think people who try to make a big statement with their names are dumb. At the same time I am perfectly happy with my own life. Do you really not understand how that can work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

[Anonymous]

All my children have my maiden name as their middle names. I grew up without a middle name. I am well aware that a middle name is not something one needs or uses often. I changed my name and use my maiden name as my middle name. My children have the same naming convention. Only their father does not but all of us have the same last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop it with the middle name business. It doesn’t count as some kind of feminist statement. No one ever knows or cares what your middle name is u less you are a high school year book editor.

I did not do this personally (my last name as a middle name for my children), but I'm guessing they didn't do it as a feminist statement or because they care about anyone else's approval. Get down off your high horse.

What I do not get are people like OP or PP who feel the need to chime in about this choice. How does it affect you in any way? Why do you care so much that you come on here and snipe? Suggests some issue with you that you need to resolve.

[/quote


It’s an anonymous website. I would never call out my friends on their stupid choices, but I can vent here it’s great. The middle name
Stuff is bull shit. If you are confident in your choice, you won’t care about my opinion. And yes, I’m fact, I am right about this. It’s bull shit feminism to give your kid your father’s last name as their middle name and somehow claim that is a equal to reclaiming a “sir” name. Maybe I’m radical, but I’m so fing tired of all these liberal arts school feminist getting precious about their Daddy’s last name. Why do you care what I care about. I’m also very passionate about my diet soda preferences (diet Barq’s or bust) and no one calls me out for being on a high horse about that stuff. I’m allowed to have an opinion on this. Opinions are totally free and allowed. I also prefer the color blue.

I don't care what you think, frankly, but you do provide a perfect example of what I am talking about. Your sniping is really all about your own issues. You admit you come on here purposely to vent your bile on people you don't know about life choices they make that don't impact you at all. Weird.

I didn't see anyone on this thread mention giving their kids their last name as a middle name as an example of some feminist manifesto.

Say what now? My husband’s last name is HIS NAME, but my last name is MY DADDY’S name? How does that work exactly?

Under your theory it’s super creepy to be obsessed about taking my husband’s DADDY’s name. It feels a little incestuous doesn’t it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

How long ago was this? I'd say probably 1/4 of the moms in my DC neighborhood kept their maiden name. I also did and I can't recall ever being asked to produce a birth certificate to prove maternity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s an anonymous website. I would never call out my friends on their stupid choices, but I can vent here it’s great. The middle name
Stuff is bull shit. If you are confident in your choice, you won’t care about my opinion. And yes, I’m fact, I am right about this. It’s bull shit feminism to give your kid your father’s last name as their middle name and somehow claim that is a equal to reclaiming a “sir” name. Maybe I’m radical, but I’m so fing tired of all these liberal arts school feminist getting precious about their Daddy’s last name. Why do you care what I care about. I’m also very passionate about my diet soda preferences (diet Barq’s or bust) and no one calls me out for being on a high horse about that stuff. I’m allowed to have an opinion on this. Opinions are totally free and allowed. I also prefer the color blue.

Say what now? My husband’s last name is HIS NAME, but my last name is MY DADDY’S name? How does that work exactly?

Under your theory it’s super creepy to be obsessed about taking my husband’s DADDY’s name. It feels a little incestuous doesn’t it...

I actually agree with PP. I am sick of women getting precious about their husband’s daddy’s name. PP, why the obsession with your Father in law??