No kids weddings rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So why exactly is OP upset? Because someone else decided that they wanted to have a kid free wedding but is having a kid free party by having a reception without kids and not just skipping the entire wedding/reception.

I understand why OP is upset. To me, if you're having a child-free wedding and/or a wedding requiring travel, you're also stating that if people can't make it under those circumstances, there will be no hard feelings if people decline the invitation. OP, however, feels that she can't decline the invitation without there being drama.

Guests who complain about the location or pressure the bride to include kids are out-of-line, but people who create obstacles for you to attend their wedding, such as cost, destination, no kids, or whatever, and then get upset when you decline the invitation are also out-of-line. OP, would your brother and SIL be upset if you RSVP for yourself, but let them know that your DH needs to stay home to watch the kids?

It’s OP’s husband’s sister getting married. And don’t be ridiculous. Really, the hill you’d want your relationship with your sibling or sibling-in-law to die on is that your kids aren’t invited to their wddding. Get.over.yourself.

Why is any of it a hill to die on, though? OP's DH should go, and OP should decide whether she wants to get a sitter for her kids or stay home with them and decline the invitation. The SIL is being ridiculous if she is throwing a child-free destination wedding, but views it as the death of the relationship with her brother and OP if OP doesn't attend. SIL and her husband-to-be should absolutely have the wedding that they want, but there should be no hard feelings if OP can't make the logistics work out for her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So why exactly is OP upset? Because someone else decided that they wanted to have a kid free wedding but is having a kid free party by having a reception without kids and not just skipping the entire wedding/reception.

I understand why OP is upset. To me, if you're having a child-free wedding and/or a wedding requiring travel, you're also stating that if people can't make it under those circumstances, there will be no hard feelings if people decline the invitation. OP, however, feels that she can't decline the invitation without there being drama.

Guests who complain about the location or pressure the bride to include kids are out-of-line, but people who create obstacles for you to attend their wedding, such as cost, destination, no kids, or whatever, and then get upset when you decline the invitation are also out-of-line. OP, would your brother and SIL be upset if you RSVP for yourself, but let them know that your DH needs to stay home to watch the kids?

That is exactly what they are doing, DH is going solo. So it is not much of a problem other then the fact that OP wants to go but doesn't want to get a babysitter for the kids at the destination. It does not sound like it is a cost thing but an inconvenience thing. They would all make the trek for the wedding if they kids could attend, but they can't.

[Anonymous]

Now that is so obvious that OP is a troll...thanks for an entertaining thread, OP!

It has to be a troll. Because no one is THAT massively hypocritical, right? "My SIL is rude because she doesn't include family...and oh BTW I eloped?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
That is exactly what they are doing, DH is going solo. So it is not much of a problem other then the fact that OP wants to go but doesn't want to get a babysitter for the kids at the destination. It does not sound like it is a cost thing but an inconvenience thing. They would all make the trek for the wedding if they kids could attend, but they can't.

Okay. I don't see why there's any drama, then. If OP's DH RSVPed for just himself, and OP is not getting any grief from her MIL or SIL for not going, then the whole thing should be no big deal. I assumed that the SIL or MIL was having some sort of tantrum.

Child-free weddings are NBD for me, since I just decline them if they aren't going to work for my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That is exactly what they are doing, DH is going solo. So it is not much of a problem other then the fact that OP wants to go but doesn't want to get a babysitter for the kids at the destination. It does not sound like it is a cost thing but an inconvenience thing. They would all make the trek for the wedding if they kids could attend, but they can't.

Okay. I don't see why there's any drama, then. If OP's DH RSVPed for just himself, and OP is not getting any grief from her MIL or SIL for not going, then the whole thing should be no big deal. I assumed that the SIL or MIL was having some sort of tantrum.

Child-free weddings are NBD for me, since I just decline them if they aren't going to work for my family.

OP is the only one causing drama. She’s b*tching on an anonymous board, bagging about how cute everyone thinks her kids are, complains about child free weddings that should be about family despite eloping herself, and complains about “dumping” her kids on her parents in order to go to the wedding. She also seems to have an issue with her future SIL having friends, who I’m guessing have better jobs or something than OP because OP is worried about SILs need to impress them.

My guess is future SIL is beautiful, has a great career, and OP is very threatened by her. She’s using her children as a buffer because it’s something SIL doesn’t have that everyone else will comment on and “adore”.

But then again, I love to think about the pathology behind a lot of these posts!

[Anonymous]

When weddings cost $200 or so per guest, and family and friends list is in the 100-200 or more people, it's entirely understandable that those paying the bills will hesitate to include kids. there's a big difference between paying $400 to include John and Mary in your wedding for $400 and adding their kids in for $1000 total. And then multiply that by number of families coming. In fact, same thing holds true for wedding invitees with adult kids --- and their signifiant others - and their kids.

[Anonymous]

It's entirely up to the bride & groom. Their call.

Certainly I'm not going if kids aren't allowed. My call.

Planning weddings is hard. They can make decisions that shape their day as they choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That is exactly what they are doing, DH is going solo. So it is not much of a problem other then the fact that OP wants to go but doesn't want to get a babysitter for the kids at the destination. It does not sound like it is a cost thing but an inconvenience thing. They would all make the trek for the wedding if they kids could attend, but they can't.

Okay. I don't see why there's any drama, then. If OP's DH RSVPed for just himself, and OP is not getting any grief from her MIL or SIL for not going, then the whole thing should be no big deal. I assumed that the SIL or MIL was having some sort of tantrum.

Child-free weddings are NBD for me, since I just decline them if they aren't going to work for my family.

"I wish people would get over themselves and invite kids to their weddings. The past 2 weddings we’ve been invited to are kid-free, both family - DH’s cousin and sister. We have to travel for both of them. We decided to just send DH to his cousin’s, and we will suck it up for his sister’s and have my parents watch our 9, 6 & 3 year old. I know “it’s their wedding they can do whatever they want” but I don’t get it - no ring bearer or flower girls, no cute kids on the dance floor. Weddings are supposed to be about family coming together. Okay. Rant over. "

The OPs post.

She is the one ranting about no kids at weddings. They have found work arounds, send DH to the cousins wedding and have family members watch the kids for the other wedding. Then she goes on to complain about how cute kids are at weddings and weddings being about family. Later posts show that OP complained to DH and DH said to let it go and that he was not going to ask his brother (she mentions that the SIL is the issue) about the kids. Then, 15 pages later, the OP says that she eloped because she doesn't like being the center of attention.

So it is not a funding issue, the entire family is going to the wedding location.

It is not a baby sitting concern, her parents (not attending the wedding) will watch their Grand kids. Grand kids get special time with Grandma and Grandpa, the horror.

It is that the OP is annoyed that her kids don't get to go to the wedding.

After the OP eloped and deprived everyone in her family, including any kids, the opportunity to celebrate as a family.

You have to admit, it takes a certain amount of balls and a complete lack of self awareness to take this position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That is exactly what they are doing, DH is going solo. So it is not much of a problem other then the fact that OP wants to go but doesn't want to get a babysitter for the kids at the destination. It does not sound like it is a cost thing but an inconvenience thing. They would all make the trek for the wedding if they kids could attend, but they can't.

Okay. I don't see why there's any drama, then. If OP's DH RSVPed for just himself, and OP is not getting any grief from her MIL or SIL for not going, then the whole thing should be no big deal. I assumed that the SIL or MIL was having some sort of tantrum.

Child-free weddings are NBD for me, since I just decline them if they aren't going to work for my family.

"I wish people would get over themselves and invite kids to their weddings. The past 2 weddings we’ve been invited to are kid-free, both family - DH’s cousin and sister. We have to travel for both of them. We decided to just send DH to his cousin’s, and we will suck it up for his sister’s and have my parents watch our 9, 6 & 3 year old. I know “it’s their wedding they can do whatever they want” but I don’t get it - no ring bearer or flower girls, no cute kids on the dance floor. Weddings are supposed to be about family coming together. Okay. Rant over. "

The OPs post.

She is the one ranting about no kids at weddings. They have found work arounds, send DH to the cousins wedding and have family members watch the kids for the other wedding. Then she goes on to complain about how cute kids are at weddings and weddings being about family. Later posts show that OP complained to DH and DH said to let it go and that he was not going to ask his brother (she mentions that the SIL is the issue) about the kids. Then, 15 pages later, the OP says that she eloped because she doesn't like being the center of attention.

So it is not a funding issue, the entire family is going to the wedding location.

It is not a baby sitting concern, her parents (not attending the wedding) will watch their Grand kids. Grand kids get special time with Grandma and Grandpa, the horror.

It is that the OP is annoyed that her kids don't get to go to the wedding.

After the OP eloped and deprived everyone in her family, including any kids, the opportunity to celebrate as a family.

You have to admit, it takes a certain amount of balls and a complete lack of self awareness to take this position.

Five stars. DCUM gold!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually laughing out loud at my desk to return to this thread this morning and learn that OP ELOPED!

(Also willing to bet no one thinks her kids are that cute at weddings, but that's another issue).

Was coming to say this, too. I don’t care what people say out loud about OP’s kids (it has to be nice or else you’re an asshole), I’d bet the farm that many in their heads were thinking “get that kid out from underfoot” or “ok we’ve admired your kids enough, it’s adult time now” or something along those lines.

And then posts like this show that there are aholes on both sides of this debate.

OP is full of herself, but if you see a kid at a wedding and get bent you are just as bad. They usually ARE cute and having fun and making family memories that will last forever. Some of my best childhood memories are the weddings I was able to attend (aunts and uncles).

People will plan a wedding, you will decide if you want to attend or not and try to show up and be happy and not be a sourpuss about ANYTHING, kids being there or kids being absent. I just can't with how mean everyone has to be about weddings, its really ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually laughing out loud at my desk to return to this thread this morning and learn that OP ELOPED!

(Also willing to bet no one thinks her kids are that cute at weddings, but that's another issue).

Was coming to say this, too. I don’t care what people say out loud about OP’s kids (it has to be nice or else you’re an asshole), I’d bet the farm that many in their heads were thinking “get that kid out from underfoot” or “ok we’ve admired your kids enough, it’s adult time now” or something along those lines.

And then posts like this show that there are aholes on both sides of this debate.

OP is full of herself, but if you see a kid at a wedding and get bent you are just as bad. They usually ARE cute and having fun and making family memories that will last forever. Some of my best childhood memories are the weddings I was able to attend (aunts and uncles).

People will plan a wedding, you will decide if you want to attend or not and try to show up and be happy and not be a sourpuss about ANYTHING, kids being there or kids being absent. I just can't with how mean everyone has to be about weddings, its really ridiculous.

No one is getting bent about the kids being there; they just aren't nearly as cute as the parents think they are (which is almost always true in pretty much any context). And when they are running around on the dance floor, it can be a bit dangerous for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would get over themselves and invite kids to their weddings. The past 2 weddings we’ve been invited to are kid-free, both family - DH’s cousin and sister. We have to travel for both of them. We decided to just send DH to his cousin’s, and we will suck it up for his sister’s and have my parents watch our 9, 6 & 3 year old. I know “it’s their wedding they can do whatever they want” but I don’t get it - no ring bearer or flower girls, no cute kids on the dance floor. Weddings are supposed to be about family coming together. Okay. Rant over.

I wish people would get over themselves and stop thinking that they get to dictate who people invite to their own wedding. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually laughing out loud at my desk to return to this thread this morning and learn that OP ELOPED!

(Also willing to bet no one thinks her kids are that cute at weddings, but that's another issue).

Was coming to say this, too. I don’t care what people say out loud about OP’s kids (it has to be nice or else you’re an asshole), I’d bet the farm that many in their heads were thinking “get that kid out from underfoot” or “ok we’ve admired your kids enough, it’s adult time now” or something along those lines.

And then posts like this show that there are aholes on both sides of this debate.

OP is full of herself, but if you see a kid at a wedding and get bent you are just as bad. They usually ARE cute and having fun and making family memories that will last forever. Some of my best childhood memories are the weddings I was able to attend (aunts and uncles).

People will plan a wedding, you will decide if you want to attend or not and try to show up and be happy and not be a sourpuss about ANYTHING, kids being there or kids being absent. I just can't with how mean everyone has to be about weddings, its really ridiculous.

No one is getting bent about the kids being there; they just aren't nearly as cute as the parents think they are (which is almost always true in pretty much any context). And when they are running around on the dance floor, it can be a bit dangerous for the kids.

Oh for god's sake. Show me the CDC list of children terribly injured at wedding dance parties please. You're being just as bad as OP. Family generally thinks the children they love are cute. If you don't, what do you gain by making sure the parents know you think their kids are ugly? That is not the spirit one should bring to any party, wedding or not.

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t read all of this but I have a funny story. Last summer my two teenage daughters were asked by the bride’s family to come to the venue to babysit some kids upstairs in a game room type place while the wedding went on downstairs. The guests were going to pay them. One family checked in on their kid periodically and then paid my daughter at the end of the night. Later, about 30 minutes after the wedding was over, my other daughter called and was scared. She said the wedding was over and in fact the staff was almost done cleaning for that night and was turning out the lights. She looked for the parents and they were no where. I called the venue and got the manager. The guests were so drunk, they left their crying baby at the wedding and left. They had to be called and I came down there. When the mom arrived, hammered, she tried to carry her baby down the stairs and he fell back over her arm but my kid caught him. It was so bad and they never paid my daughter for the 8 hours of babysitting that night!! I did contact the mother of the bride later and she paid her about two months later. Never again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually laughing out loud at my desk to return to this thread this morning and learn that OP ELOPED!

(Also willing to bet no one thinks her kids are that cute at weddings, but that's another issue).

Was coming to say this, too. I don’t care what people say out loud about OP’s kids (it has to be nice or else you’re an asshole), I’d bet the farm that many in their heads were thinking “get that kid out from underfoot” or “ok we’ve admired your kids enough, it’s adult time now” or something along those lines.

And then posts like this show that there are aholes on both sides of this debate.

OP is full of herself, but if you see a kid at a wedding and get bent you are just as bad. They usually ARE cute and having fun and making family memories that will last forever. Some of my best childhood memories are the weddings I was able to attend (aunts and uncles).

People will plan a wedding, you will decide if you want to attend or not and try to show up and be happy and not be a sourpuss about ANYTHING, kids being there or kids being absent. I just can't with how mean everyone has to be about weddings, its really ridiculous.

No one is getting bent about the kids being there; they just aren't nearly as cute as the parents think they are (which is almost always true in pretty much any context). And when they are running around on the dance floor, it can be a bit dangerous for the kids.

Oh for god's sake. Show me the CDC list of children terribly injured at wedding dance parties please. You're being just as bad as OP. Family generally thinks the children they love are cute. If you don't, what do you gain by making sure the parents know you think their kids are ugly? That is not the spirit one should bring to any party, wedding or not.

Let me try again. I never said kids in weddings are ugly, but you can read so you already know that. "Children are so cute in weddings!!!" is not a reason that people should have kids at weddings despite not wanting kids at their wedding, which is what OP is arguing. I had an adults-only wedding with the exception of my niece and nephew, who were the flower girl and ring bearer. *I* thought they were cute as hell, and while most of our guests smiled when they walked down the aisle, I bet very few of them thought twice about them or could pick them out of a lineup. Even though my family might think they [and now my son] are the cutest kids on earth, objectively they are not. I have never once left a wedding and thought, "ya know what just MADE that wedding? The adorable flower girl!" OP is acting like kids being adorable in weddings is justification for being MAD that her kids are not invited to weddings, and that is absurd. They just aren't THAT CUTE to make it some weird requirement.

And I'm sure that many children are not terribly injured at weddings, even though some are small enough to get trampled on a fun dance floor, because those children have parents. Parents who have to spend their night supervising their kids instead of letting loose and having fun. Which is why bringing kids to weddings is a pain.