He runs with her 5-6 days a week.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely say this was cheating, even if it was mostly emotional. So sorry, op.

[Anonymous]

Sorry if I missed it, can someone tell me what her husband is like? I'd guess she's either married to a beta she doesn't love or an alpha that travels a lot for work? Seems she's lacking a proper spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If not for the texts, I'd probably say "don't worry about it." I can see her being happy to have a running buddy for safety purposes. It's hard to find a good running buddy who's at your same pace, same distance and lives nearby and has the same schedule.

But I think it's possible she's making a play for him.

Kinda agree. I ran for years with a male friend for years (me married, him not). I enjoyed the company and meeting someone was my incentive to get out there early morning.

However, the language of the texts would strike me as flirty. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If not for the texts, I'd probably say "don't worry about it." I can see her being happy to have a running buddy for safety purposes. It's hard to find a good running buddy who's at your same pace, same distance and lives nearby and has the same schedule.

But I think it's possible she's making a play for him.

Kinda agree. I ran for years with a male friend for years (me married, him not). I enjoyed the company and meeting someone was my incentive to get out there early morning.

However, the language of the texts would strike me as flirty. Good luck.

Sorry sent this before reading update. Absolutely therapy for you alone and for both as a couple. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no. Oh OP, I’m very sorry.

Yes, this was a highly inappropriate relationship, and yes - I think it can be called an affair. There’s some kind of disconnect in your husband - perhaps there’s some denial going on that enabled him to perceive himself as an “honorable husband” because he only let it go so far sexually and kept it simmering at a level he deemed appropriate and unthreatening to your marriage. But the fact that it went on for a year, they saw each other 5-6 times a week and texted constantly, while all the while he knew she wanted to pursue a sexual relationship - and that they had shared a kiss and some inappropriate hugging - yeah, that’s an affair.

It doesn’t sound like your DH is deeply attached to her in the sense that it filled some kind of need for him but he didn’t necessarily check out of your marriage or withdraw from you.
It certainly doesn’t sound like a love connection - but you will need to unpack this with him and get the whole story.

What it tells you is that your DH has the ability to compartmentalize - as long as he kept a particular boundary then he could tell himself he was being that wonderful husband that he portrayed himself to be when you initially confronted him. He probably genuinely wants to be that husband, because he came clean to you and immediately ended their relationship.

OP here. Wow, I think you nailed it. You clearly put into words the situation at hand in a way I could not. The compartmentalizing is hard to imagine but it sounds right. He said this morning that it wasn't until yesterday that he realized that he was actually crossing the line and not just at the edge anymore. He's so upset and said he can't lose me/us. BTW, we do have a wonderful counselor that's been helping me the last 24 hours. She was the one that kicked my butt to go to her house. I'm so glad I did. Next up, she told me to message her husband and let him know (although it's hard to imagine that he didn't overhear us talking in the other room last night).

Troll, troll, troll. No-one finds a counselor in two days that is available 24/7 for advice. PLEASE.

[Anonymous]

Not just a troll, but a lame troll who sounds like she could write Jesusy romance novels for women who have never watched an R rated movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost my husband this way -- I was too passive in the face of an obvious red flag -- he and a coworker worked out early mornings, several days a week. Now they are married with a kid. Good luck, OP.

This. I saw a neighbor going down this path. His wife was disabled and he had an "exercise buddy" who happened to be very attractive. I tried to be friendly and walk with them, but he wasn't interested in walking with someone as out of shape as he was, lol.

[Anonymous]

It's just weird...unless the dude has $$$, why would another woman be coming after him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just weird...unless the dude has $$$, why would another woman be coming after him?

He's obviously fit and maybe she needs the exact same thing he needs.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I have a "running husband." I don't view him romantically AT ALL. He is a funny running friend that runs my pace. We send each other texts. We make jokes with each other. But, I know that he loves his wife and he knows I love my husband. Plus, in general...running dudes=not cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the responses but my reaction is hell to the no. Boundaries, people. A married man shouldn't be getting up to run with another woman 6 days a week - even if it starts innocently enough, it's the beginning of an intimacy that could likely go in the wrong direction - and I'd be salty as hell if some woman were texting my husband and calling him gorgeous. Also, how much texting can one do about running?!

I know I'm old-fashioned but I strongly believe married people should not be bonding with people of the opposite sex. Work wives/husbands, running buddies, my new BFF is Jane's dad because we both like roller derby and ice fishing. Nope. Nope. Nope.

BTW my husband would feel the same if I got up every day to run with some guy.

This. I'm not a prude, but I think opposite sex bonding is dangerous. There has to be very clear boundaries.

The problem is that bother people in the relationship have to hold that view.

[Anonymous]

My co-worker who is a personal trainer started working out very early in the morning with the gym manager 4 times a week and before long they were having an affair. Gym manager's wife found out and they moved to NC. Exercising releases feel good hormones and when you start experiencing this with someone over a continued period of time then it can easily lead to an innocent friendship turning into something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My co-worker who is a personal trainer started working out very early in the morning with the gym manager 4 times a week and before long they were having an affair. Gym manager's wife found out and they moved to NC. Exercising releases feel good hormones and when you start experiencing this with someone over a continued period of time then it can easily lead to an innocent friendship turning into something else.

I don't think it has anything to do with exercise and hormones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My co-worker who is a personal trainer started working out very early in the morning with the gym manager 4 times a week and before long they were having an affair. Gym manager's wife found out and they moved to NC. Exercising releases feel good hormones and when you start experiencing this with someone over a continued period of time then it can easily lead to an innocent friendship turning into something else.

I don't think it has anything to do with exercise and hormones.

So why do marriage counselors ask couples to work out together as one of the ways to bring them closer if they are drifting apart.

Check out #3

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/5-reasons-why-couples-who-sweat-together-stay-together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I have a "running husband." I don't view him romantically AT ALL. He is a funny running friend that runs my pace. We send each other texts. We make jokes with each other. But, I know that he loves his wife and he knows I love my husband. Plus, in general...running dudes=not cute.

WTF? Are you kidding?
Not fat, true.
Not out of shape, true.