He runs with her 5-6 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Daily for more than a year. And all day?

I don’t know if a one-night stand after he’d been drinking would’ve been worse.

So sorry OP. Did he cut it off with her completely?

[Anonymous]

OP thanks for sharing your story with us. Your story tells me I'm correct in my firm beliefs that 1) couples should prioritize their marriage over their kids and 2) married people need to be circumspect about spending large amounts of personal/intimate (in the broad sense of the word) time with members of the opposite sex. Even the best of intentions can go sideways given time, opportunity, and a marriage that is even a little bit sideways for whatever reason (alcohol, work, kids etc).

Thanks again. I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daily for more than a year. And all day?

I don’t know if a one-night stand after he’d been drinking would’ve been worse.

So sorry OP. Did he cut it off with her completely?

OP. I wonder which would have been worse too. Yes, he cut things off that day, Nov 7 (blocked her phone number, defriended on FB, etc) and wrote her an e-mail:

"I can’t run with you tomorrow. And I can’t run Friday or this weekend or ever again. I have come to believe that though I may have not broken any physical rules in our late night walks back to your car, those were not honorable to my marriage. Even though those walks stopped sometime ago, and our friendship has strengthened without that underlying tone, my wife and my children deserve 100% focus that our runs detract from. I don’t want to talk about it, please."

She wrote back, "Read and understood. Have a nice life."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren't you curious why he reached out to her instead of you? Are you taking any responsibility in the disconnect? Do you now see the signs in hindsight?

It's not your fault he cheated, but you did play some role in the breakdown of your relationship, right? Perhaps if you keep that in mind, you might be able to let go of the anger/need for revenge?

He's an alcoholic. Or are you illiterate? If anyone is to blame, it's him. Nobody else is responsible for HIS actions.

Happily married men don't stray. It takes two to sustain a happy relationship.

You know that is just wrong. Or at least partly. Plenty of men with good wives, good sex lives, and a good home life still stray. They may or may not be happy. But there's something in them that is broken and they're constantly looking to fill that void. Is not always the partner's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daily for more than a year. And all day?

I don’t know if a one-night stand after he’d been drinking would’ve been worse.

So sorry OP. Did he cut it off with her completely?

OP. I wonder which would have been worse too. Yes, he cut things off that day, Nov 7 (blocked her phone number, defriended on FB, etc) and wrote her an e-mail:

"I can’t run with you tomorrow. And I can’t run Friday or this weekend or ever again. I have come to believe that though I may have not broken any physical rules in our late night walks back to your car, those were not honorable to my marriage. Even though those walks stopped sometime ago, and our friendship has strengthened without that underlying tone, my wife and my children deserve 100% focus that our runs detract from. I don’t want to talk about it, please."

She wrote back, "Read and understood. Have a nice life."

Ugh! Something about that response hits a nerve. Almost as if his letter is conveying "what really happened" and she's like, "got it!".

[Anonymous]

Is his AA sponsor a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daily for more than a year. And all day?

I don’t know if a one-night stand after he’d been drinking would’ve been worse.

So sorry OP. Did he cut it off with her completely?

OP. I wonder which would have been worse too. Yes, he cut things off that day, Nov 7 (blocked her phone number, defriended on FB, etc) and wrote her an e-mail:

"I can’t run with you tomorrow. And I can’t run Friday or this weekend or ever again. I have come to believe that though I may have not broken any physical rules in our late night walks back to your car, those were not honorable to my marriage. Even though those walks stopped sometime ago, and our friendship has strengthened without that underlying tone, my wife and my children deserve 100% focus that our runs detract from. I don’t want to talk about it, please."

She wrote back, "Read and understood. Have a nice life."

Ugh! Something about that response hits a nerve. Almost as if his letter is conveying "what really happened" and she's like, "got it!".

Yup. All very fake, really saying, "I got busted, babe."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is his AA sponsor a man?

OP here. Yes, sponsor is a man. Apparently AA doesn’t allow sponsors of the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daily for more than a year. And all day?

I don’t know if a one-night stand after he’d been drinking would’ve been worse.

So sorry OP. Did he cut it off with her completely?

OP. I wonder which would have been worse too. Yes, he cut things off that day, Nov 7 (blocked her phone number, defriended on FB, etc) and wrote her an e-mail:

"I can’t run with you tomorrow. And I can’t run Friday or this weekend or ever again. I have come to believe that though I may have not broken any physical rules in our late night walks back to your car, those were not honorable to my marriage. Even though those walks stopped sometime ago, and our friendship has strengthened without that underlying tone, my wife and my children deserve 100% focus that our runs detract from. I don’t want to talk about it, please."

She wrote back, "Read and understood. Have a nice life."

And she's like, "f off, you chose your wife over me, which was not our implicit agreement."




Ugh! Something about that response hits a nerve. Almost as if his letter is conveying "what really happened" and she's like, "got it!".

Yup. All very fake, really saying, "I got busted, babe."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daily for more than a year. And all day?

I don’t know if a one-night stand after he’d been drinking would’ve been worse.

So sorry OP. Did he cut it off with her completely?

OP. I wonder which would have been worse too. Yes, he cut things off that day, Nov 7 (blocked her phone number, defriended on FB, etc) and wrote her an e-mail:

"I can’t run with you tomorrow. And I can’t run Friday or this weekend or ever again. I have come to believe that though I may have not broken any physical rules in our late night walks back to your car, those were not honorable to my marriage. Even though those walks stopped sometime ago, and our friendship has strengthened without that underlying tone, my wife and my children deserve 100% focus that our runs detract from. I don’t want to talk about it, please."

She wrote back, "Read and understood. Have a nice life."

And she's like, "f off, you chose your wife over me, which was not our implicit agreement."




Ugh! Something about that response hits a nerve. Almost as if his letter is conveying "what really happened" and she's like, "got it!".

Yup. All very fake, really saying, "I got busted, babe."

And she's like, "You got caught. And f off, you chose your wife over me, which was not our arrangement/emotional affair."

[Anonymous]

Man wasn't meant to be monogamous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man wasn't meant to be monogamous.

Then don't enter into a commitment where monogamy is required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daily for more than a year. And all day?

I don’t know if a one-night stand after he’d been drinking would’ve been worse.

So sorry OP. Did he cut it off with her completely?

OP. I wonder which would have been worse too. Yes, he cut things off that day, Nov 7 (blocked her phone number, defriended on FB, etc) and wrote her an e-mail:

"I can’t run with you tomorrow. And I can’t run Friday or this weekend or ever again. I have come to believe that though I may have not broken any physical rules in our late night walks back to your car, those were not honorable to my marriage. Even though those walks stopped sometime ago, and our friendship has strengthened without that underlying tone, my wife and my children deserve 100% focus that our runs detract from. I don’t want to talk about it, please."

She wrote back, "Read and understood. Have a nice life."

Nothing she could have written would have been satisfactory, but this is yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daily for more than a year. And all day?

I don’t know if a one-night stand after he’d been drinking would’ve been worse.

So sorry OP. Did he cut it off with her completely?

OP. I wonder which would have been worse too. Yes, he cut things off that day, Nov 7 (blocked her phone number, defriended on FB, etc) and wrote her an e-mail:

"I can’t run with you tomorrow. And I can’t run Friday or this weekend or ever again. I have come to believe that though I may have not broken any physical rules in our late night walks back to your car, those were not honorable to my marriage. Even though those walks stopped sometime ago, and our friendship has strengthened without that underlying tone, my wife and my children deserve 100% focus that our runs detract from. I don’t want to talk about it, please."

She wrote back, "Read and understood. Have a nice life."

And she's like, "f off, you chose your wife over me, which was not our implicit agreement."




Ugh! Something about that response hits a nerve. Almost as if his letter is conveying "what really happened" and she's like, "got it!".

Yup. All very fake, really saying, "I got busted, babe."

Agree with all of the above. He set out what he wanted her to repeat if ever asked.

He should have just said: "I can’t run with you tomorrow. And I can’t run Friday or this weekend or ever again. Don't ever contact me again. Ever."

All the rest is "cover my ass" desperation.

OP - I am sorry. I don't know if you'll ever know the full story.

[Anonymous]

OP. I’ve been through this, but much less severe (not married, no kids). That being said, it was emotional AND physical. I thought it was just emotional at first.
I applaud him for taking all the right steps including giving you full access to texts and emails etc.

I do agree with others, however. His email to her was too specific - almost “reminding her” (wink wink) about what “actually” went down.

Think about it - if it wasn’t physical the email wouldn’t need to be that specific.
Is there a chance he has a burner phone or a separate / hidden email account?