He runs with her 5-6 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Hi ladies. I'm looking for a little perspective. My husband has been waking up at 5:30am in the morning to run with another (cute blond) woman for the last few months. Sometimes they have a third guy buddy that joins them but it seems like only 20% of the time.

She is a woman he has worked with for a few years together on some freelance projects a few times a month. She knows me, I know her. Not well, but we're friendly. FYI, I'm also fit/trim but running is not my thing especially at their distances (5 - 12 miles regularly).

He's lost about 15 - 20 pounds with all this running, which I think is awesome and he is feeling great and looking great. He is a committed father and really loving husband and I don't think there is any reason to think that anything has happened between him and this woman, yet. However, it seems a bit extreme that he gets up this early 5-6 days, every week to run with her. She's been married four years, no kids. Probably won't have any. I think she's in her late thirties. My husband is in his late forties.

I've talked to him about my insecurities and he's more than loving and reassuring that there is nothing going on. He has said in conversation that he thought she was pretty. She texts him regularly about their running and then there is the occasional, “Happy Birthday, gorgeous!” or “Great run, great weather, great company”. It's hard not to see this stuff when he leaves his phone laying around the kitchen and yes, I pay extra attention when I see her name pop up.

Even though we've had numerous discussions about her and the running, it's still unsettling. Is this setting a stage for an affair? Or am I being paranoid?

[Anonymous]

I......would put this in the category of "no."

Seems perfectly reasonable to say to DH "Look. I know you like running and I know Stacey is a nice person. And I trust you, but I have to be honest it makes me very uncomfortable that you run with her so often. Would you be willing to stop doing that for me? I don't feel good about it, and if you asked me to stop meeting a male friend 5x a week because it made you feel bad I would like to think I'd honor that."

[Anonymous]

No no no no no no.

[Anonymous]

Yep.

[Anonymous]

They are having an affair, it might be emotional at this point but it is an affair. You should not exchange those kinds of emails with anyone other than your spouse.

[Anonymous]

No pp. they're calling each other gorgeous!? Hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I......would put this in the category of "no."

Seems perfectly reasonable to say to DH "Look. I know you like running and I know Stacey is a nice person. And I trust you, but I have to be honest it makes me very uncomfortable that you run with her so often. Would you be willing to stop doing that for me? I don't feel good about it, and if you asked me to stop meeting a male friend 5x a week because it made you feel bad I would like to think I'd honor that."

This is a good phrasing .

[Anonymous]

Nooooooooooooooooo. This would be a no-go for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I......would put this in the category of "no."

Seems perfectly reasonable to say to DH "Look. I know you like running and I know Stacey is a nice person. And I trust you, but I have to be honest it makes me very uncomfortable that you run with her so often. Would you be willing to stop doing that for me? I don't feel good about it, and if you asked me to stop meeting a male friend 5x a week because it made you feel bad I would like to think I'd honor that."

OP here. Thank you. If I ask, he would totally stop running with her but it's a lose/lose situation for me. I'm so happy that he's lost this weight and happy he's getting in such good shape so to ask him to quit seems terrible to do to him but, yea, I think you're right. Maybe he could find something or someone else he could run with.

[Anonymous]

I think it's ok. He's a committed father, loving husband, leaves his phone around and is willing to talk about it. If any of that changes, then maybe I'd get worried.

[Anonymous]

Too much committed time, too much bonding, and I don't think sharing runner's high hormones is a good thing here either.

I don't know how you should approach it. I would think if you tell him again how uncomfortable you are he will stop it himself. It's behavior that's in the danger zone and I think you're 100% reasonable in not liking it.

Hopefully someone else can help with wording.

[Anonymous]

You are confident they are fu@king so just tell him to stop. I hope you never have any male friends.

[Anonymous]

Would she reasonably like him? I am 30 something and have a 40 something work friend (guy) and I am not into the guy in that way at all. Invite her out to do something and with you both and see what its like. Does she have a significant other? I made it a point for my husband to know this work person.

[Anonymous]

The running wouldn't necessarily bother me- I could see myself working out with a guy friend- but the fact that he mentioned he finds her attractive and their texts are a big red flag. The only time I've ever heard men say "hey gorgeous" to a woman is when they are interested, and women find that creepy unless they are also interested.

He may have good intentions at this point but this is one of those things that can slip into an affair while everyone is in denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The running wouldn't necessarily bother me- I could see myself working out with a guy friend- but the fact that he mentioned he finds her attractive and their texts are a big red flag. The only time I've ever heard men say "hey gorgeous" to a woman is when they are interested, and women find that creepy unless they are also interested.

He may have good intentions at this point but this is one of those things that can slip into an affair while everyone is in denial.

OP here again. Just to clarify. Those texts messages I mentioned were from her to him. He doesn't seem to send anything to her like that at all. Mostly generic stuff about the run, the miles, weather, etc.