He runs with her 5-6 days a week.

[Anonymous]

I'm a female runner and have had male and female running buddies. Running buddies are a weird category of "friends." On the one hand, many runners will run with whomever is a good fit (same pace as you, you don't annoy each other, easy conversation). It's no big deal and many running friends never make the cross-over into other aspects of your life. However, there is something about running that opens up conversations in a way that's hard to explain, especially when you've been running together for a while and tend to do long runs each time. There is a level of familiarity amongst running buddies that may seem strange to those who don't run. I've met some of my best friends running and we sorted through all sorts of difficult things while logging miles - divorces, illness, problems at work. But - an important caveat - these running buddies were all female. My male running buddies stayed running buddies/acquaintances and our conversations were typical water-cooler talk or stuff about our kids.

One aspect of the OP that gave me pause was the "gorgeous" comment. I wouldn't be comfortable with any woman saying that to my DH, regardless of the context, because that's what someone says when they are trying to flirt. Everything else sounds like standard interactions between running buddies - texts about the run, weather, etc. The other issue I see is the frequency: 5-6 days per week with the same person is a LOT. Most of the runners I know do a combination of solo runs and group/buddy runs. Sounds like OP's DH does every single run with just this woman.

If it were my DH, I wouldn't necessarily like it and would probably say something to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re questioning his intentions, and reading his texts, something is wrong in your marriage. How’s the sex?

OP here. I suppose that's easy to say but our marriage is great. Sex is great. Friends often comment about how wonderful our relationship seems to be. My insecurities stem from my mom having an affair when I was young. I never imagined she could do this to us and it made me skeptical of every relationship I've ever had. He has been amazingly supportive with this weakness of mine. He has more patience than I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that she is a woman who really likes male attention. Nothing good can come from this.

My guess is he’s a man who wants to bang a fit woman ten years younger than him (and probably also younger than OP).

All the more reason to shut this shit down, OP. (I'm sure you're lovely, but why have the temptation?)

[Anonymous]

Doesn't matter if she calls everyone "Gorgeous". Fact is, this bothers you.
Show up on their runs. Check out her reaction and the texts to your husband that will certainly follow. Will tell you if she resents you being there and if so, you know she's viewing your husband as more than a jogging buddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re questioning his intentions, and reading his texts, something is wrong in your marriage. How’s the sex?

OP here. I suppose that's easy to say but our marriage is great. Sex is great. Friends often comment about how wonderful our relationship seems to be. My insecurities stem from my mom having an affair when I was young. I never imagined she could do this to us and it made me skeptical of every relationship I've ever had. He has been amazingly supportive with this weakness of mine. He has more patience than I would.

Have you been to therapy to work through this on your own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't matter if she calls everyone "Gorgeous". Fact is, this bothers you.
Show up on their runs. Check out her reaction and the texts to your husband that will certainly follow. Will tell you if she resents you being there and if so, you know she's viewing your husband as more than a jogging buddy.

This

[Anonymous]

I have major creeps reading your OP. Shades of Ganesh "Remy" Ramsaran. His running buddy was his wife's best friend. He's serving time for his wife's murder.

https://www.google.com/search?q=Ganesh+%22Remy%22+Ramsaran&rlz=1C1SQJL_enUS762US762&oq=Ganesh+%22Remy%22+Ramsaran&aqs=chrome..69i57.2605j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Read it. Learn from it. Nip it NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have major creeps reading your OP. Shades of Ganesh "Remy" Ramsaran. His running buddy was his wife's best friend. He's serving time for his wife's murder.

https://www.google.com/search?q=Ganesh+%22Remy%22+Ramsaran&rlz=1C1SQJL_enUS762US762&oq=Ganesh+%22Remy%22+Ramsaran&aqs=chrome..69i57.2605j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Read it. Learn from it. Nip it NOW.

This is QUITE the leap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The running wouldn't necessarily bother me- I could see myself working out with a guy friend- but the fact that he mentioned he finds her attractive and their texts are a big red flag. The only time I've ever heard men say "hey gorgeous" to a woman is when they are interested, and women find that creepy unless they are also interested.

He may have good intentions at this point but this is one of those things that can slip into an affair while everyone is in denial.

OP here again. Just to clarify. Those texts messages I mentioned were from her to him. He doesn't seem to send anything to her like that at all. Mostly generic stuff about the run, the miles, weather, etc.

Here's what's happening. The young woman is sort of feeling him out for relationship possibility. It's kind of a grooming thing. She'll just stay friends with him and see where it leads. Worst case scenario for her is she has a running partner. Or she has plausible deniability that she's not hitting on him because what she is saying is not clearly over the line in a sexual way.

He may not have any attention of an affair. But, you really need to point out to him that the way he is playing this is a bit unfair to both the runner friend and to you. He is using this girl runner friend to feed his own ego. He is not being fair to you because he is demonstrating that he doesn't view it as his responsibility to set clear boundaries for the behavior of others around him (again the plausible deniability). It is his job to say, "Hey running friend, I really enjoy running with you but calling me gorgeous makes me uncomfortable given that I am happily married. Thanks."

This, to me, also makes him vulnerable to sexual harassment charges, or it could be considered her harassing him depending on the facts of their freelance project work together.

You should talk to him about it in this sense, not in the sense of "I think you are/aren't having/heading to an emotional/sexual affair."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have major creeps reading your OP. Shades of Ganesh "Remy" Ramsaran. His running buddy was his wife's best friend. He's serving time for his wife's murder.

https://www.google.com/search?q=Ganesh+%22Remy%22+Ramsaran&rlz=1C1SQJL_enUS762US762&oq=Ganesh+%22Remy%22+Ramsaran&aqs=chrome..69i57.2605j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Read it. Learn from it. Nip it NOW.

This is QUITE the leap!

[Anonymous]

Big red flags. Do not be a doormat and ignore your instinct. This is a big "HELL NO." I agree with PP that she is making a move on your DH. Be proactive. Cut this b*tch out of both of your lives, I would say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The running wouldn't necessarily bother me- I could see myself working out with a guy friend- but the fact that he mentioned he finds her attractive and their texts are a big red flag. The only time I've ever heard men say "hey gorgeous" to a woman is when they are interested, and women find that creepy unless they are also interested.

He may have good intentions at this point but this is one of those things that can slip into an affair while everyone is in denial.

OP here again. Just to clarify. Those texts messages I mentioned were from her to him. He doesn't seem to send anything to her like that at all. Mostly generic stuff about the run, the miles, weather, etc.

Here's what's happening. The young woman is sort of feeling him out for relationship possibility. It's kind of a grooming thing. She'll just stay friends with him and see where it leads. Worst case scenario for her is she has a running partner. Or she has plausible deniability that she's not hitting on him because what she is saying is not clearly over the line in a sexual way.

He may not have any attention of an affair. But, you really need to point out to him that the way he is playing this is a bit unfair to both the runner friend and to you. He is using this girl runner friend to feed his own ego. He is not being fair to you because he is demonstrating that he doesn't view it as his responsibility to set clear boundaries for the behavior of others around him (again the plausible deniability). It is his job to say, "Hey running friend, I really enjoy running with you but calling me gorgeous makes me uncomfortable given that I am happily married. Thanks."

This, to me, also makes him vulnerable to sexual harassment charges, or it could be considered her harassing him depending on the facts of their freelance project work together.

You should talk to him about it in this sense, not in the sense of "I think you are/aren't having/heading to an emotional/sexual affair."

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The running wouldn't necessarily bother me- I could see myself working out with a guy friend- but the fact that he mentioned he finds her attractive and their texts are a big red flag. The only time I've ever heard men say "hey gorgeous" to a woman is when they are interested, and women find that creepy unless they are also interested.

He may have good intentions at this point but this is one of those things that can slip into an affair while everyone is in denial.

I agree with this. I work out early in the morning 5 days a week and it helps a lot to work out with someone else so I go to classes at the gym. So it's not a red flag for him to be running with her every day. But the texts are troubling and I would be nervous, too. Grown ups are responsible for recognizing what are appropriate boundaries. But what you should do about it, I'm not sure? But I would be nervous.

[Anonymous]

My husband has a female friend at work who he talks to often, has lunch with often, etc. She's much younger, and is beautiful. I have no problem with it.

But if I ever saw a text from her that called him gorgeous, I would flip my s**t.

Probably nothing is happening, but she definitely wants HIM to want HER. And he probably likes the attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's ok. He's a committed father, loving husband, leaves his phone around and is willing to talk about it. If any of that changes, then maybe I'd get worried.

I agree. It sure doesn’t seem like he’s hiding anything and it’s really easy to check if he’s been truthful. Presumably he wears a GPS watch and tracks all his runs! So I’m willing to bet he can back up his truthfulness to you. I would be concerned if they started hanging out a lot more outside of running, or if he hid his phone. As far as the gorgeous remark, I can understand why you would interpret it as flirty, but some people just talk to others that way. I don’t think I’d be super concerned.

I am a runner and while I don’t run with anyone else that often (barely ever, even other women), I do know a LOT of other runners who run with opposite gender friends, often one on one, and there aren’t any issues. I think you’re overreacting a little and just generally being insecure. It’s also hard for non-runners to understand.