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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh no. Oh OP, I’m very sorry.

Yes, this was a highly inappropriate relationship, and yes - I think it can be called an affair. There’s some kind of disconnect in your husband - perhaps there’s some denial going on that enabled him to perceive himself as an “honorable husband” because he only let it go so far sexually and kept it simmering at a level he deemed appropriate and unthreatening to your marriage. But the fact that it went on for a year, they saw each other 5-6 times a week and texted constantly, while all the while he knew she wanted to pursue a sexual relationship - and that they had shared a kiss and some inappropriate hugging - yeah, that’s an affair.

It doesn’t sound like your DH is deeply attached to her in the sense that it filled some kind of need for him but he didn’t necessarily check out of your marriage or withdraw from you.
It certainly doesn’t sound like a love connection - but you will need to unpack this with him and get the whole story.

What it tells you is that your DH has the ability to compartmentalize - as long as he kept a particular boundary then he could tell himself he was being that wonderful husband that he portrayed himself to be when you initially confronted him. He probably genuinely wants to be that husband, because he came clean to you and immediately ended their relationship.

[/quote]

OP here. Wow, I think you nailed it. You clearly put into words the situation at hand in a way I could not. The compartmentalizing is hard to imagine but it sounds right. He said this morning that it wasn't until yesterday that he realized that he was actually crossing the line and not just at the edge anymore. He's so upset and said he can't lose me/us. BTW, we do have a wonderful counselor that's been helping me the last 24 hours. She was the one that kicked my butt to go to her house. I'm so glad I did. Next up, she told me to message her husband and let him know (although it's hard to imagine that he didn't overhear us talking in the other room last night).[/quote]

Troll, troll, troll.  No-one finds a counselor in two days that is available 24/7 for advice.  PLEASE.[/quote]

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