Vent about my wedding last weekend...

[Anonymous]

Was this all a joke?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this all a joke?

I thought it was. Not sure about the "this is the most offensive thread i've ever read in my life" posters, tho.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
No. If your wedding was a joke for you mine was not. There were a lot of traditions that I wish I could integrate and I could not and not having my family was a big deal. The bouquet was part of one of the traditions and the person who took it really hurt my feelings.
Buying another one is not an option since the new bouquet will cost tons of money and it won't carry all the feelings, wishes and blessings the original had.
Hopefully one day I'll look back and laugh at it but for now please respect my feelings.
I feel sad for all the women here that cannot sympathize with another woman. It really hurt me to know that people in this world cannot put themselves in other's shoes. If we cared a little more for others I bet the world would be a little better.
Sorry for my bitterness...

[Anonymous]

OP-- how old are you?

My wedding was certainly not a joke, but I also don't think that every detail-- or even any detail-- was important as long as I came out of it married to the man I love. We planned some things that worked out well, and some that didn't pan out (for instance, we have no pictures because the photographer's camera got lost shortly after).

Weddings-- much like births-- are one day. You have the best intentions for them and they have a way of going off in their own direction. They mean far less than the lives that follow them.

You sound like someone who needs to get perspective about what matters.

I do have sympathy with women who have a real problem. Your problem is a total lack of perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
No. If your wedding was a joke for you mine was not. There were a lot of traditions that I wish I could integrate and I could not and not having my family was a big deal. The bouquet was part of one of the traditions and the person who took it really hurt my feelings.
Buying another one is not an option since the new bouquet will cost tons of money and it won't carry all the feelings, wishes and blessings the original had.
Hopefully one day I'll look back and laugh at it but for now please respect my feelings.
I feel sad for all the women here that cannot sympathize with another woman. It really hurt me to know that people in this world cannot put themselves in other's shoes. If we cared a little more for others I bet the world would be a little better.
Sorry for my bitterness...

I'm still not convinced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I do have sympathy with women who have a real problem. Your problem is a total lack of perspective.

Great point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I do have sympathy with women who have a real problem. Your problem is a total lack of perspective.

Great point.

I have a lot of sympathy for the OP and what she described in her first post. It was the 17 pages that followed that were so comical and entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this all a joke?

Seems like it to me. The OP's distinctive writing style seemed to show up in other responses to keep the thread going. And she is certainly prolific!

It seems like an odd topic for DCUM and that's saying something!

I agree with the PP about the wedding being a means to an end. I know too many people who got so caught up in the wedding they forgot that it meant you would be married. Most of them are now divorced. One had doubts a few days before the wedding, her parents tried to talk her out of the wedding, but she was so focused on the pageant she went ahead. It was a mercifully short marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-- how old are you?

My wedding was certainly not a joke, but I also don't think that every detail-- or even any detail-- was important as long as I came out of it married to the man I love. We planned some things that worked out well, and some that didn't pan out (for instance, we have no pictures because the photographer's camera got lost shortly after).

Weddings-- much like births-- are one day. You have the best intentions for them and they have a way of going off in their own direction. They mean far less than the lives that follow them.

You sound like someone who needs to get perspective about what matters.

I do have sympathy with women who have a real problem. Your problem is a total lack of perspective.

OP again... You should open your mind a little bit. In different cultures the marriage/wedding is a total different event than what it is in the US.
Over here most of people don't understand what an arranged marriage is all about and for that reason you end up not respecting the tradition just as an example. I'm still impressed with the fact that locals have no sympathy or respect for different cultures' traditions even though there are so many immigrants in this area. I thought people would get a little more open minded due to their exposure to the "different". Unfortunately this is not true.
I'm not crying out because the cake was ugly or because the photographer messed up the pictures and humiliated me. A lot of little details went wrong and I don't really care. Those are details and with them or without the wedding would happen anyway.
My pain is because one of the things that really meant something to me in the ceremonial didn't happen as planned. This tradition is held in my family for the past 100+ years and since my parents were not present I held even more value to it. Where I came from we're supposed to have "godparents" to bless our union and to advice the newly wed couple instead of a bridal party (honestly I never understood what a bridal party is for...). I didn't even get a chance to have it since I don't know anybody well enough to delegate such important task for the rest of our lives.
Where I come from the wedding is not a social event like it is here. We have very small and personal weddings with only people that really matter to us. There's no hassle with etiquette like what to say to keep children out of it or how to address the invitations and how to make sure people don't bring "extra" guests. Also our concept or marriage is totally different and I won't even talk about it. I got enough flames already.

Anyway, I only need to vent and I did. Life goes on.

And to the lady that said that the thread was strangely too long I'll tell you one thing:
I'm a teacher and I feel like it's polite to answer all the comments people make about whatever I'm saying so for every comment made about me I took the time to read and answer. When I was learning how to be a teacher a professor once said: Never leave a question/point/comment unanswered. Your job is to explain, to clarify. And I took it for life.
I think that's my main problem.... I should care less. But then I think again and I realize that for caring less we're getting less and less connected to each other. For the same reason we end up hurting people we love and people who have their hands reaching for help.
Honestly, I would rather take the flames and keep caring.

No I didn't need to talk to myself to make it long. Ask our friend Jeff to tell you where the posts came from since he has access to our IP address.

Sorry for the long post.



ps. why do I have to apologize all the time?

[Anonymous]

I thought you were upset about the "stolen" flowers. If your wedding was so small and personal with only people who matter to you why don't you just ask them who might have inadvertently taken your bouquet. Then you can put an end to this bizarre rant and get on with the actual marriage in whatever cultural way you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought you were upset about the "stolen" flowers. If your wedding was so small and personal with only people who matter to you why don't you just ask them who might have inadvertently taken your bouquet. Then you can put an end to this bizarre rant and get on with the actual marriage in whatever cultural way you want.

I did it, and everybody answered me saying they didn't see it. By the way you sound very rude.

[Anonymous]

You keep asking people to be more open minded a lot. But I have to say, you're not that open minded yourself. You live in the USA, and while I think it's important to value old traditions, you choose to live in a county with different traditions. So you can't really expect people here so know your traditions and value them too, respect yes, value-not so much.
If you want to live a life where everyone has your values and to understand your issue with the bouquet, than maybe it's time to go back to your country.
For people here, it's just not a big deal, and you can't get angry for them not understanding.
You are just like all the people you are calling out here for being disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep asking people to be more open minded a lot. But I have to say, you're not that open minded yourself. You live in the USA, and while I think it's important to value old traditions, you choose to live in a county with different traditions. So you can't really expect people here so know your traditions and value them too, respect yes, value-not so much.
If you want to live a life where everyone has your values and to understand your issue with the bouquet, than maybe it's time to go back to your country.
For people here, it's just not a big deal, and you can't get angry for them not understanding.
You are just like all the people you are calling out here for being disrespectful.

She also seems to assume that all Americans hold to the same wedding and/or cultural traditions, which she not-so-subtly implies are not as good as her own. You know, some of us had small, special weddings that were more than just "social events."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep asking people to be more open minded a lot. But I have to say, you're not that open minded yourself. You live in the USA, and while I think it's important to value old traditions, you choose to live in a county with different traditions. So you can't really expect people here so know your traditions and value them too, respect yes, value-not so much.
If you want to live a life where everyone has your values and to understand your issue with the bouquet, than maybe it's time to go back to your country.
For people here, it's just not a big deal, and you can't get angry for them not understanding.
You are just like all the people you are calling out here for being disrespectful.

Where did your great grandparents come from?
8)
I wonder what would US be if every time someone says that we immigrants turn our backs and really go back to our countries.
No, I won't go back just because some of you are selfish and ignorant. I will stay and hold on to my traditions and raise tolerant and caring children. Thanks for the suggestion though.

[Anonymous]

I'm the pp you quoted!

My grandparent are German, born there, lived there, died there. My parents? German. Born there, still living there. Me? German. Born there, came here 5 years ago, fell in love with the country, the people and it's traditions!!!!! So don't you call me ignorant or selfish.
I'm an immigrant, I decided to live here cause I love it here. But ai know while I can hold on to some German traditions, others I can not.
Sure, I can still celebrate Christmas on the 24th, but can I get angry and call everyone in this country irgnorant, selfish, close-minded and disrespectful when they don't?!!
NO!!

You need to learn a lot and grow up!!!!!