Why can't folks that send their kids to average colleges ever admit it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This place is so out of touch and bourgeois.

Most people don't graduate from any college, period. The majority of those that do tend to graduate from no-name schools that few have heard of out of their city.

Places that most DCUMers look "down" on, like average SEC schools, are actually well above average.

Nearly 100% of upper-middle class kids earn a bachelors degree. I don't watch COPS on tv and think at least my kids aren't that bad -- I compare my kids to the peers in our socio-economic class and social circle.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.

+100000. Or couldn't get into an Ivy.

This is exactly the reason though - as 17 pages of arguing has showed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.[/quote]

Obviously. Crazy that it took 18 pages before someone just admitted this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is an "average" college?

I'm guessing the ones not in the top 40 listed in the other thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.

"Fit," don't forget fit. This is the usually the giveaway.

[Anonymous]

Op - - they can't admit it because they previously worked very hard to assure their child would be labeled "gifted"

Yeah, but we do enjoy when "the gifted" end up pretty average

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This place is so out of touch and bourgeois.

Most people don't graduate from any college, period. The majority of those that do tend to graduate from no-name schools that few have heard of out of their city.

Places that most DCUMers look "down" on, like average SEC schools, are actually well above average.

Nearly 100% of upper-middle class kids earn a bachelors degree. I don't watch COPS on tv and think at least my kids aren't that bad -- I compare my kids to the peers in our socio-economic class and social circle.

This is classic DCUM.

Most people are not upper-middle class. So why did you use this as a qualifier? Are the 70-80 percent of the country who are not upper/upper-middle class irrelevant?

To 80 percent of the country, Ole Miss and LSU are pretty good schools. Places like Michigan and UVA are elite. When you look down on schools like this, you only reveal yourself to be an effete bourgeois who is completely out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.

"Fit," don't forget fit. This is the usually the giveaway.

Yep -- fit is another big one. Or that JMU or Mason or whatever offer that super specific major in 14th century French literature that their child has always yearned of and would you believe that despite charging 70k per yr UPenn would NOT let her create such a major and to follow her passions, well, that right there is why we said NO THANK YOU to a Penn degree.

PP hit it on the head though. It is a lot "easier" mentally to stay positive about why JMU is better -- be it fit or finances or whatever -- than to admit that the snowflake that you have bragged about since birth just cannot make the cut for an Ivy/Stanford/MIT/etc. Frankly when a parent starts talking about how an Ivy isn't worth it financially; they didn't even like their Stanford experience; it doesn't matter where you go to school anyway; I work with all state school grads and we're all rich so what does it matter etc. and then start singing the praises of VCU or Maryland or wherever, I just go into "smile and nod" mode. I respect it far more when parents can say -- well he applied to the Ivys and didn't get in, so he is headed to Wherever bc that has a decent engineering program. Yet it's a RARE parent that can admit this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.

"Fit," don't forget fit. This is the usually the giveaway.

Yep -- fit is another big one. Or that JMU or Mason or whatever offer that super specific major in 14th century French literature that their child has always yearned of and would you believe that despite charging 70k per yr UPenn would NOT let her create such a major and to follow her passions, well, that right there is why we said NO THANK YOU to a Penn degree.

PP hit it on the head though. It is a lot "easier" mentally to stay positive about why JMU is better -- be it fit or finances or whatever -- than to admit that the snowflake that you have bragged about since birth just cannot make the cut for an Ivy/Stanford/MIT/etc. Frankly when a parent starts talking about how an Ivy isn't worth it financially; they didn't even like their Stanford experience; it doesn't matter where you go to school anyway; I work with all state school grads and we're all rich so what does it matter etc. and then start singing the praises of VCU or Maryland or wherever, I just go into "smile and nod" mode. I respect it far more when parents can say -- well he applied to the Ivys and didn't get in, so he is headed to Wherever bc that has a decent engineering program. Yet it's a RARE parent that can admit this.

Well, this is a bit unfair. The acceptance rate at those places, and UChicago, is like 8%. Perfect grades, near perfect test scores etc. etc. won't get you in anymore. Most of us have had to lower our expectations. (not as low a JMU though ).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.[/quote]

Obviously. Crazy that it took 18 pages before someone just admitted this.

This. For many families, college admissions is the FIRST time that their kid hasn't been the best. Many of these kids whose parents post here have gone thru school with straight As since pre-k; teachers have always loved their kid and talked about how they are such a star student, leader etc; they've been elected team captains and student body president without that much struggle -just hard work. They and their parents have an air about themselves being from SUCH a good school district in SUCH a good area like the DMV and coming from SUCH a great, supportive, wealthy-ish family. Then comes college admissions. There are about 35k high schools in America - public and private combined. Which means there are 35k valedictorians, student body presidents and many many team captains in every sport under the sun. And there are 8 ivys, each with an undergrad class of 2000 or sometimes less. You do the math . . . .

And yet even in their 40s-50s, most parents DO NOT have the ability to admit that their kid just was NOT the best out of that pool, even though they may be the best in Herdon or Bethesda or wherever. So then the excuse making starts and PP is right -- parents start latching onto finances; fit; etc. Even though we ALL know that had Harvard (or even Cornell) come through, they woud have spent the money and/or found that the fit was just right. It's a psychology thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.[/quote]

Obviously. Crazy that it took 18 pages before someone just admitted this.

I agree with this, but I do think this human need to NOT admit inadequacy has grown by leaps and bounds in recent years. Maybe it has to do with the special snowflake parenting that is fashionable now, maybe it's something else -- I don't know. But I went to college in the early 90s -- as did my sister, cousins, friends etc. All of us tried for the ivy league schools/MIT/Stanford/Chicago and even back then, most did not make it. Yet I vividly recall my parents, aunts/uncles, friends' parents being pretty open about it -- i.e. Jason is headed to Rutgers, Stanford was his top choice but he didn't get in. It wasn't said to be mean or put the kid down, just honest. None of the excuse making of -- oh well what does a Stanford degree even get you; I went to Glassboro State and I'm doing great so why even bother with Stanford; Stanford just wasn't the right fit, he really can't live in those Spanish architecture dorms for 4 yrs or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious whether OP has been back. So, OP is the purpose of the specific college to provide your snowflake with an education or provide you with bragging rights?

Frankly, I would be happy and supportive of my child regarding a school that is the right "fit" regardless of its "middling" reputation. Likewise, if my child decided college was not for them and wished to pursue a trade, I would support that too.

I feel sorry for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.[/quote]

Obviously. Crazy that it took 18 pages before someone just admitted this.

Sure, but this really depends on whether you see going to a lesser college a defeat, failure on inadequacy. Look, I've got a kid at a top 10 college, one at a large state U and another graduated from a small LAC few have heard of. In my eyes each of my children is a success, and I'm confident they'll all do well in life. No sense of failure here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, loving and supporting one's children is so embarrassing. Funny. I went to Harvard and I work with people who went to state schools as well as people who went to other Ivies. They're all smart and good at what we do. You find smart people everywhere. You find a higher proportion of them at higher ranked schools, sure, but so what. That tells you nothing about an individual who went to a non-top school. If my kids go to average schools and are happy and doing well and find something they like, are good at, and can support themselves with, you bet I'll be proud.

Sorry to hear that.

Oh you're an idiot. I work at a very competitive place to get a job and make a 1 percenter income. Just like the state u people who work with me.