Stay at home mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s worried that you’ll be a SAHM forever. Unless one spouse is making a really high income or you have family money it’s going to be tight to run a household with 3 kids.

OP here.
My mom was a SAHM. My dad was just middle class. They made it work.

You can't really be this naive. Time are very different from when your parent were raising kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a PP who said that the "debate" is really not something related to the real life experiences of 99% of families. And if you add in the need for the potential SAHM to have family money or having hit the Lotto jackpot, it's even closer to zero.

The problem comes when somebody doesn't do the math and isn't willing to face the reality that you can't actually live a UMC life on one UMC salary in a major city and put 3 kids through college, especially if you didn't come from money and have to make your own down payment on a house and pay off student loans.

The other problem comes when things fall apart and the woman then claims she gave up her career to be a SAHM. 7/10 the women who agree to be a SAHM were NEVER going to earn enough money to support themselves at the level that their high earning spouse did. There just aren't that many women who enter marriage with the same earning power as their husband. I have a law degree from a T14 law school. I don't think even one of the male students in my class married a woman with the potential to earn what he could. The wives were all artists, school teachers, non-profit administrators, or just had random office assistant jobs. I only know of one marriage between two law students.

You’re forgetting to say that 7/10 men who have children and must do 50% of the caregiving and household work, would also not earn nearly as much as they do if they have a spouse doing all of that work for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a PP who said that the "debate" is really not something related to the real life experiences of 99% of families. And if you add in the need for the potential SAHM to have family money or having hit the Lotto jackpot, it's even closer to zero.

The problem comes when somebody doesn't do the math and isn't willing to face the reality that you can't actually live a UMC life on one UMC salary in a major city and put 3 kids through college, especially if you didn't come from money and have to make your own down payment on a house and pay off student loans.

The other problem comes when things fall apart and the woman then claims she gave up her career to be a SAHM. 7/10 the women who agree to be a SAHM were NEVER going to earn enough money to support themselves at the level that their high earning spouse did. There just aren't that many women who enter marriage with the same earning power as their husband. I have a law degree from a T14 law school. I don't think even one of the male students in my class married a woman with the potential to earn what he could. The wives were all artists, school teachers, non-profit administrators, or just had random office assistant jobs. I only know of one marriage between two law students.

This is unfortunately true. I know some successful men with high earning jobs and they do have educated, successful wives. Even then, their salary is !200-400k and they would never be able to support their current lifestyle without the DH.

Maybe this is another example of taking past each other. Some women are willing to trade an upper middle class lifestyle for a middle class lifestyle if it comes with the luxury of staying home with their children. (You may not see it as a luxury. They do.) They are willing to be downwardly mobile. Some individuals choose academic careers with middle class salaries rather than much more lucrative industry careers. A surprising number of people are willing to live minimum wage lives in order to pursue artistic endeavors.

[Anonymous]

You’re forgetting to say that 7/10 men who have children and must do 50% of the caregiving and household work, would also not earn nearly as much as they do if they have a spouse doing all of that work for them.

Most of this work can and should be outsourced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a PP who said that the "debate" is really not something related to the real life experiences of 99% of families. And if you add in the need for the potential SAHM to have family money or having hit the Lotto jackpot, it's even closer to zero.

The problem comes when somebody doesn't do the math and isn't willing to face the reality that you can't actually live a UMC life on one UMC salary in a major city and put 3 kids through college, especially if you didn't come from money and have to make your own down payment on a house and pay off student loans.

The other problem comes when things fall apart and the woman then claims she gave up her career to be a SAHM. 7/10 the women who agree to be a SAHM were NEVER going to earn enough money to support themselves at the level that their high earning spouse did. There just aren't that many women who enter marriage with the same earning power as their husband. I have a law degree from a T14 law school. I don't think even one of the male students in my class married a woman with the potential to earn what he could. The wives were all artists, school teachers, non-profit administrators, or just had random office assistant jobs. I only know of one marriage between two law students.

Who did the women marry? Aren’t the top law school classes the majority female now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let my DH know on our second date. He was thrilled because he wanted a SAHM wife but women here tend to be so career-oriented he was afraid to scare them off. Ultimately, you are choosing a more traditional marriage (and someone with similar traditional views) than an egalitarian one. There’s pros and cons to both, but similar views lead to a happier, more stable marriage. I would encourage you to make your views known early on in a new relationship.

Hopefully you didn't waste your parents or your money going to college to just to stay home. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let my DH know on our second date. He was thrilled because he wanted a SAHM wife but women here tend to be so career-oriented he was afraid to scare them off. Ultimately, you are choosing a more traditional marriage (and someone with similar traditional views) than an egalitarian one. There’s pros and cons to both, but similar views lead to a happier, more stable marriage. I would encourage you to make your views known early on in a new relationship.

Hopefully you didn't waste your parents or your money going to college to just to stay home. Yikes.

I have a masters degree and have been home for 20 years. Why does that matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s worried that you’ll be a SAHM forever. Unless one spouse is making a really high income or you have family money it’s going to be tight to run a household with 3 kids.

OP here.
My mom was a SAHM. My dad was just middle class. They made it work.

You can't really be this naive. Time are very different from when your parent were raising kids.

DP. There are lots of people doing this today as we speak. I know many of them. They are just considered to be poor by DCUM standards. But I personally don’t think their lives are all that immiserated in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are men who want this but they might not be attractive to you in other ways.

Men are generally turned off by laziness. It’s a lot to take on the sole breadwinner role in this economy.

Raising your own children IS NOT LAZINESS!!!!! Dear lord

[Anonymous]

Find someone whose mother was also a SAHM and whose parents are happily married. If the parents don’t raise their boys to respect or understand the unpaid work that women do in the home, well—-? Personally I think men from families with higher wealth levels, moderately conservative politics and moderate religiousness also increase the likelihood of this. Also men who are originally from other cultures, but really do your research on that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find someone whose mother was also a SAHM and whose parents are happily married. If the parents don’t raise their boys to respect or understand the unpaid work that women do in the home, well—-? Personally I think men from families with higher wealth levels, moderately conservative politics and moderate religiousness also increase the likelihood of this. Also men who are originally from other cultures, but really do your research on that one.

Make sure the boy doesn’t have college debt though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a PP who said that the "debate" is really not something related to the real life experiences of 99% of families. And if you add in the need for the potential SAHM to have family money or having hit the Lotto jackpot, it's even closer to zero.

The problem comes when somebody doesn't do the math and isn't willing to face the reality that you can't actually live a UMC life on one UMC salary in a major city and put 3 kids through college, especially if you didn't come from money and have to make your own down payment on a house and pay off student loans.

The other problem comes when things fall apart and the woman then claims she gave up her career to be a SAHM. 7/10 the women who agree to be a SAHM were NEVER going to earn enough money to support themselves at the level that their high earning spouse did. There just aren't that many women who enter marriage with the same earning power as their husband. I have a law degree from a T14 law school. I don't think even one of the male students in my class married a woman with the potential to earn what he could. The wives were all artists, school teachers, non-profit administrators, or just had random office assistant jobs. I only know of one marriage between two law students.

If you graduated in the last 15 years or so, the majority of your T14 law school class were women. Did any of them have the same earning power as their husbands?

[Anonymous]

Such a puzzling post. Did the male graduates deliberately look for wives without the same earning potential? If so, why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s worried that you’ll be a SAHM forever. Unless one spouse is making a really high income or you have family money it’s going to be tight to run a household with 3 kids.

OP here.
My mom was a SAHM. My dad was just middle class. They made it work.

You can't really be this naive. Time are very different from when your parent were raising kids.

True. Cost of living is higher, marriages are disposable and social/governmental security network is shrinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a PP who said that the "debate" is really not something related to the real life experiences of 99% of families. And if you add in the need for the potential SAHM to have family money or having hit the Lotto jackpot, it's even closer to zero.

The problem comes when somebody doesn't do the math and isn't willing to face the reality that you can't actually live a UMC life on one UMC salary in a major city and put 3 kids through college, especially if you didn't come from money and have to make your own down payment on a house and pay off student loans.

The other problem comes when things fall apart and the woman then claims she gave up her career to be a SAHM. 7/10 the women who agree to be a SAHM were NEVER going to earn enough money to support themselves at the level that their high earning spouse did. There just aren't that many women who enter marriage with the same earning power as their husband. I have a law degree from a T14 law school. I don't think even one of the male students in my class married a woman with the potential to earn what he could. The wives were all artists, school teachers, non-profit administrators, or just had random office assistant jobs. I only know of one marriage between two law students.

You’re forgetting to say that 7/10 men who have children and must do 50% of the caregiving and household work, would also not earn nearly as much as they do if they have a spouse doing all of that work for them.

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