How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

"Mom and Dad liked their time there"

It's weird his friends even knew where you went to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all a subset of American society as a whole. The privileged like to believe that they are the beneficiaries of hard work, when in reality they were born on second or third base into a system that benefits them. They argue that others simply have to work harder to have what they have. Look at the PP attacking other parents for not striving hard in high school to give their own kids legacy preference. But the systems are rigged. It's not a meritocracy. The privileged recognize this privately but don't like it spoken aloud, and they certainly do not like having it pointed out by someone who is not benefitting from the rigged systems. That person is brushed off as a "sore loser" or "rude."

The college admissions process is often the first time that many kids realize that it's not all about merit (and arguably, there is a certain privilege in this being the first dose of reality for those kids). So yeah, some of them are going to be upset and say the quiet part out loud.

The bolded is precisely what is going on in this thread from the legacy parents, including OP.

The kid was being a dick about it.

Legacy provides a small boost. It’s not the only reason why OP’s kid was admitted.

Not according to the large amount of data we now have. You must not be keeping up on the data analytics on legacy admissions. It is an extremely significant boost, one of the most powerful boosts out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom and Dad liked their time there"

It's weird his friends even knew where you went to college.

I'm sure OP and her kid let everyone know where they went to school. These types of people cannot be low key about things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mom and Dad liked their time there"

It's weird his friends even knew where you went to college.

I'm sure OP and her kid let everyone know where they went to school. These types of people cannot be low key about things like that.

Sometimes we know bc the parents wears the shirt while kids are still young. So mom wears a Penn tee shirt and people ask if she went there.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why can’t he be gracious and say something to acknowledge that legacy may have helped? He can shrug and say, “Yeah, I’m sure it helped, even if it’s not enough by itself without the other stuff like grades, etc.”

Congrats to your son, and please realize it’s spur grapes from students who aren’t lucky enough to have a non-merit-based small thumb on the scale. The system isn’t fair and that is what it is. Your son can be kind in this scenario and not take it personally.

Why should he be gracious here? They haven’t done anything that deserves grace.

I’d tell my kid to tell them to F off. That’s the response that comment deserves. Preferably while wearing the sweatshirt of the college that rejected them.

Do you always teach your kid to lie?

How is telling them to F off a lie?

Fine I would tell them to say “yes I got in because my parents were legacies. If your parents weren’t stupid they could have attended the school too and then you would have been a legacy. Sucks for you.”

You want these kids to wear a hairshirt because they had a legacy tip. You telling your kid to wear one because you’re well off?

Your defensiveness is telling. Frankly there is simply too much data out about how much preference legacies get. You can’t lie to the world any more, and you are angry about that. But you refuse to tell your child the truth about his significant admissions preference, and so prefer to teach him to go though life deeply entitled.

Defensiveness? Are you literate? I literally wrote they should say “yes I got in because my parents were legacies”

In fact I would tell them to apply because they have a better shot because they’re legacy even if it isn’t their first choice. And then after they get in I tell them to apply wherever else they want to go instead. I’m sorry you don’t have anything similar to offer your kid. Maybe you should have been more of a striver in high school. Sometimes the consequences of your laziness don’t appear for years I guess.

In any event, I think you’re misreading it because you refuse to believe that some people are perfectly comfortable owing their situation and don’t feel any shame in it. It’s really a simple calculation - their chance of getting in at my alma mater is 5-6x better than elsewhere so it’s an easy call.

I’m not going to feel the need to tell my kids to spare some kid’s feelings who is being a jerk no matter how much you want our kids to beat themselves up over it.

Man, you are a remarkably bad parent. No wonder legacy kids have such bad reputations. It’s eye-opening to see the raw unvarnished thoughts of the legacy parents. The entitlement is unreal.

Entitlement is not the same thing as knowing how to play the game. I'm the legacy parent who laid out the rules and if my kid hadn't gotten in, we certainly wouldn't have called to complain. He had plenty of back-up options - this is just about understanding the odds. He just did what every other legacy kid who liked his parent's alma mater.

But you insist that any person who tells your child that they had a much easier time getting into the college because of legacy is a jerk, when of course that person is only stating truth. You demand that nobody speak the truth of legacy admissions to your child. That is pure, raw entitlement.

I'm actually the parent who said we don't care. You are getting really, really worked up. "pure, raw" blah blah blah

You obviously care deeply, because you are lashing out and labeling teenagers who merely acknowledge reality to your child as “jerks.” It is plainly obvious that you care enormously about making sure your child never hears the truth of legacy admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, just smile and say nothing. Don’t say a word. The silence will make the person realize it was a rude comment. Likely a true comment, but still inappropriate. Sort of like commenting on weight loss or weight gain. True, but inappropriate.

People who get called out on the truth like to fall back on vague claims that something is "rude" or "inappropriate." It's not. It's just the truth.

The truth is they worked really hard in a number of areas and also had the benefit of legacy. Identifying legacy singularly comes off as sour grapes and should be treated as such. People aren’t robots, and having privilege doesn’t mean people have to deal with comments designed to hurt. In your internet world it might be “truth” but in the real world, it’s just being a dick. It’s an important lesson to learn that people can and will be offended by these comments so don’t be surprised.

This, thank you - again, these are just kids. Are they supposed to choose the non-legacy school over the legacy school to get rejected and prove a point to the jerks in their "community"? No thanks.

Of course not…but it is NOT mean when others say the truth aloud. You’re admitting if the same
Kid applied unhooked elsewhere, the chance of admission goes way down. Another kid saying what was already acknowledged privately in your family AND stating the truth isn’t mean.

+1

[Anonymous]

Too bad it was EA. If kid had applied to other schools, maybe even more or as prestigious he could say "yeah, when I got into HYSP, mom and dad were worried I would go there but I chose LegacySchool because they had such a great time there."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom and Dad liked their time there"

It's weird his friends even knew where you went to college.

I’m sure OP and the kid are insufferable about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just smile and say nothing. Don’t say a word. The silence will make the person realize it was a rude comment. Likely a true comment, but still inappropriate. Sort of like commenting on weight loss or weight gain. True, but inappropriate.

People who get called out on the truth like to fall back on vague claims that something is "rude" or "inappropriate." It's not. It's just the truth.

The truth is they worked really hard in a number of areas and also had the benefit of legacy. Identifying legacy singularly comes off as sour grapes and should be treated as such. People aren’t robots, and having privilege doesn’t mean people have to deal with comments designed to hurt. In your internet world it might be “truth” but in the real world, it’s just being a dick. It’s an important lesson to learn that people can and will be offended by these comments so don’t be surprised.

This, thank you - again, these are just kids. Are they supposed to choose the non-legacy school over the legacy school to get rejected and prove a point to the jerks in their "community"? No thanks.

DP. No one is saying that. Far from it, in fact. Of course any kid with a legacy preference can and should use it. But downplaying it by claiming that it really doesn't help when all other stats are equal is disingenuous and inaccurate. You KNOW it's a huge boost--that's why you chose the legacy school. If another kid pointing that out is a jerk, that says more about you than them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just smile and say nothing. Don’t say a word. The silence will make the person realize it was a rude comment. Likely a true comment, but still inappropriate. Sort of like commenting on weight loss or weight gain. True, but inappropriate.

People who get called out on the truth like to fall back on vague claims that something is "rude" or "inappropriate." It's not. It's just the truth.

The truth is they worked really hard in a number of areas and also had the benefit of legacy. Identifying legacy singularly comes off as sour grapes and should be treated as such. People aren’t robots, and having privilege doesn’t mean people have to deal with comments designed to hurt. In your internet world it might be “truth” but in the real world, it’s just being a dick. It’s an important lesson to learn that people can and will be offended by these comments so don’t be surprised.

This, thank you - again, these are just kids. Are they supposed to choose the non-legacy school over the legacy school to get rejected and prove a point to the jerks in their "community"? No thanks.

DP. No one is saying that. Far from it, in fact. Of course any kid with a legacy preference can and should use it. But downplaying it by claiming that it really doesn't help when all other stats are equal is disingenuous and inaccurate. You KNOW it's a huge boost--that's why you chose the legacy school. If another kid pointing that out is a jerk, that says more about you than them.

It’s not a huge boost.

The kid didn’t say “congrats, nice job, guess the legacy + hard work really paid off”. He was a dick about it.

[Anonymous]

the legacy status did help. sorry. if your kid doesn't like encountering this attitude, he should apply to some places regular decision where he doesn't have any family or donor ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just smile and say nothing. Don’t say a word. The silence will make the person realize it was a rude comment. Likely a true comment, but still inappropriate. Sort of like commenting on weight loss or weight gain. True, but inappropriate.

People who get called out on the truth like to fall back on vague claims that something is "rude" or "inappropriate." It's not. It's just the truth.

The truth is they worked really hard in a number of areas and also had the benefit of legacy. Identifying legacy singularly comes off as sour grapes and should be treated as such. People aren’t robots, and having privilege doesn’t mean people have to deal with comments designed to hurt. In your internet world it might be “truth” but in the real world, it’s just being a dick. It’s an important lesson to learn that people can and will be offended by these comments so don’t be surprised.

This, thank you - again, these are just kids. Are they supposed to choose the non-legacy school over the legacy school to get rejected and prove a point to the jerks in their "community"? No thanks.

DP. No one is saying that. Far from it, in fact. Of course any kid with a legacy preference can and should use it. But downplaying it by claiming that it really doesn't help when all other stats are equal is disingenuous and inaccurate. You KNOW it's a huge boost--that's why you chose the legacy school. If another kid pointing that out is a jerk, that says more about you than them.

It’s not a huge boost.

The kid didn’t say “congrats, nice job, guess the legacy + hard work really paid off”. He was a dick about it.

Huge boost? Small boost? None of you get it. In the elite world of college admissions, any boost whatsoever is dispositive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just smile and say nothing. Don’t say a word. The silence will make the person realize it was a rude comment. Likely a true comment, but still inappropriate. Sort of like commenting on weight loss or weight gain. True, but inappropriate.

People who get called out on the truth like to fall back on vague claims that something is "rude" or "inappropriate." It's not. It's just the truth.

The truth is they worked really hard in a number of areas and also had the benefit of legacy. Identifying legacy singularly comes off as sour grapes and should be treated as such. People aren’t robots, and having privilege doesn’t mean people have to deal with comments designed to hurt. In your internet world it might be “truth” but in the real world, it’s just being a dick. It’s an important lesson to learn that people can and will be offended by these comments so don’t be surprised.

This, thank you - again, these are just kids. Are they supposed to choose the non-legacy school over the legacy school to get rejected and prove a point to the jerks in their "community"? No thanks.

DP. No one is saying that. Far from it, in fact. Of course any kid with a legacy preference can and should use it. But downplaying it by claiming that it really doesn't help when all other stats are equal is disingenuous and inaccurate. You KNOW it's a huge boost--that's why you chose the legacy school. If another kid pointing that out is a jerk, that says more about you than them.

It’s not a huge boost.

The kid didn’t say “congrats, nice job, guess the legacy + hard work really paid off”. He was a dick about it.

You keep repeating this, but your repetitive statements on the topic do not magically wash away the piles of publicly available data and analysis on this topic. Legacy is in fact a huge boost, and there is nothing dickish about acknowledging that reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the legacy status did help. sorry. if your kid doesn't like encountering this attitude, he should apply to some places regular decision where he doesn't have any family or donor ties.

Meh it’s about respect. If friend delivered the qualifier in a non bitter way, then sure following with “yeah that’s probably it” is a good way to respond. If friend made bitter snipe, then they can get an appropriate response that bitter snipe deserves. There a lot of nuance in how this conversation goes. No one has to suffer bitter comments from bitter people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just smile and say nothing. Don’t say a word. The silence will make the person realize it was a rude comment. Likely a true comment, but still inappropriate. Sort of like commenting on weight loss or weight gain. True, but inappropriate.

People who get called out on the truth like to fall back on vague claims that something is "rude" or "inappropriate." It's not. It's just the truth.

The truth is they worked really hard in a number of areas and also had the benefit of legacy. Identifying legacy singularly comes off as sour grapes and should be treated as such. People aren’t robots, and having privilege doesn’t mean people have to deal with comments designed to hurt. In your internet world it might be “truth” but in the real world, it’s just being a dick. It’s an important lesson to learn that people can and will be offended by these comments so don’t be surprised.

This, thank you - again, these are just kids. Are they supposed to choose the non-legacy school over the legacy school to get rejected and prove a point to the jerks in their "community"? No thanks.

DP. No one is saying that. Far from it, in fact. Of course any kid with a legacy preference can and should use it. But downplaying it by claiming that it really doesn't help when all other stats are equal is disingenuous and inaccurate. You KNOW it's a huge boost--that's why you chose the legacy school. If another kid pointing that out is a jerk, that says more about you than them.

It’s not a huge boost.

The kid didn’t say “congrats, nice job, guess the legacy + hard work really paid off”. He was a dick about it.

Huge boost? Small boost? None of you get it. In the elite world of college admissions, any boost whatsoever is dispositive.

True, but we do know that legacy is one of the most statistically significant boosts available.