Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one in my family ever used a fork and knife to eat (fork in the left hand, knife in the right). We just ate with forks in our dominant hand, and eating Euro-style is very unnatural and fancy to me.

I didn’t know we’re supposed to send a thank you note after receiving a gift.

I thought meat should always be very, very well done.

This one is me. I work internationally and I always feel very awkward, but I'm too uncoordinated to shift to Euro-style on cutlery.

I grew up using cutlery American style as well. I've always had the sense that European style is more refined, but it feels awkward to me so I don't bother with it. How many people here use American vs. European style?

We use American, like most people do here, but I actually don't think the European style looks more refined. It looks (to me) like you're in too much of a hurry to put your knife down.

I think people are mixing up American vs Continental style cutlery usage. In the American style you cut with the fork in your left hand and then put the knife down, transfer the fork over to your right eat tines up. The Europeans don’t do the fork switch and bring food to mouth tines down, with the knife to assist as necessary.

I think either looks fine; what I notice is how people hold the fork. To me it’s such a tell when people grip their fork with their entire hand and hack at their food. No matter where you work or live, what you drive, or where you went to school, I assume of you hold your fork like that and stab at your food, you probably didn’t grow up a particularly refined household. It’s not that I judge, but I can’t help but notice.

I have a son who does this. He’s been corrected at least 1000 times, he just doesn’t care. He absolutely grew up in a refined household. He has great manners other than at the table. I tried!!!

LOL my brother is like this. I actually didn’t notice he held his fork like a caveman until my DH pointed it out. My sister and I hold our forks the normal, American way. Not sure if brother just doesn’t care, or if our parents were more lax teaching him manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when elbows off the table was a trend. It was the 70s maybe from this jingle? We had to learn about it from a jingle, y'all.

Yeah, this no-elbows-on-the-table thing was taken to a bizarre extreme. And it was never a real rule of etiquette. It's rude to eat while your elbows are on the table -- you don't want to be shoving food in your mouth in that posture. But to put them on the table before eating, between courses, after, or whatever, is perfectly acceptable etiquette.

In a pub, perhaps.

But nothing but your hands and wrists should touch the table in an upscale restaurant or as a guest at someone’s house, particularly if it is a formal meal in their dining room. Lounging with your elbows or arms on the table just isn’t done. It is slovenly.

You know a lot less about etiquette than you think you do. Elbows on the table are fine in an "upscale restaurant" when there is no food on the table. Same with regard to "a formal meal in [a] dining room." Nothing inherently "slovenly" about it until you start eating.

False. You’re no longer sitting upright resulting in slovenly posture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with no holidays or birthdays due to my mom's religious beliefs. When I stopped believing in that religion as an adult, I had no idea about the traditions around birthday parties for my kids or how to do Thanksgiving/Christmas. I'd never been to a birthday party or holiday celebration.

My in-laws, Google, and social media were awesome at helping me put together parties and celebrations.

Yay.

I love picking out the best ideas, recipes, traditions, and ways of doing things from my parents, roommates, friends, Nannies we’ve had, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with no holidays or birthdays due to my mom's religious beliefs. When I stopped believing in that religion as an adult, I had no idea about the traditions around birthday parties for my kids or how to do Thanksgiving/Christmas. I'd never been to a birthday party or holiday celebration.

My in-laws, Google, and social media were awesome at helping me put together parties and celebrations.

I'm guessing you grew up as a Jevovahs Witness.
Sad.

Yes, I did.

[Anonymous]

Not specifically an answer to OP’s question but this is related: how do you handle it when you become friends with someone who is missing a kind of basic piece of knowledge. If the person is the same age or older than me, I feel so awkward correcting them or telling them but have also felt like a jerk just letting the person keep doing something stupid, knowing eventually someone is probably going to point it out. Examples—friend who very confidently thought wine ages in the bottle so you should buy it and keep it as long as possible, even saving leftover uncorked wine. Co-worker who really needs to trim nose hair. Friend who, it became clear, does not tip for a lot of things normal people tip for (not on principle—I just don’t think he knows). Just curious—how do you decide whether to say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not specifically an answer to OP’s question but this is related: how do you handle it when you become friends with someone who is missing a kind of basic piece of knowledge. If the person is the same age or older than me, I feel so awkward correcting them or telling them but have also felt like a jerk just letting the person keep doing something stupid, knowing eventually someone is probably going to point it out. Examples—friend who very confidently thought wine ages in the bottle so you should buy it and keep it as long as possible, even saving leftover uncorked wine. Co-worker who really needs to trim nose hair. Friend who, it became clear, does not tip for a lot of things normal people tip for (not on principle—I just don’t think he knows). Just curious—how do you decide whether to say something?

What do you mean? Wine does age in the bottle. That's why people have wine cellars. Of course once it's opened, the clock starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when elbows off the table was a trend. It was the 70s maybe from this jingle? We had to learn about it from a jingle, y'all.

Yeah, this no-elbows-on-the-table thing was taken to a bizarre extreme. And it was never a real rule of etiquette. It's rude to eat while your elbows are on the table -- you don't want to be shoving food in your mouth in that posture. But to put them on the table before eating, between courses, after, or whatever, is perfectly acceptable etiquette.

In a pub, perhaps.

But nothing but your hands and wrists should touch the table in an upscale restaurant or as a guest at someone’s house, particularly if it is a formal meal in their dining room. Lounging with your elbows or arms on the table just isn’t done. It is slovenly.

You know a lot less about etiquette than you think you do. Elbows on the table are fine in an "upscale restaurant" when there is no food on the table. Same with regard to "a formal meal in [a] dining room." Nothing inherently "slovenly" about it until you start eating.

Forearms on the table - fine. Bent elbows on the table - not fine.

That said, I was brought up to be all fancy pants and no one puts their elbows on the table more than I do. I tend to think that if my elbows shock someone, she needs to live a little.

[Anonymous]

Putting down toilet seat cover each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting down toilet seat cover each time.

Correct. It should be closed entirely.

[Anonymous]

As a designer I understand the overhead light thing and my mom usually didn't use them, but when overhead lights are on dimmers it's really all a wash re: the softness and color.

We never used pillow covers or mattress covers. My spouse is a maniac about bed making so we use them now and I get it.

My spouse also came from a wet wipes family: they're at every toilet. They insist they are necessary. Can't say I use them, but we have them.

We did use washclothes but I don't like them and don't use them as an adult. We do provide them for guests if they want them.

My family taught me nothing about nature or wildlife or how to enjoy it. I didn't know about how to dress for the cold or for the outdoors. Never understood outdoorsy stuff or saw a trail marker. Didn't know female cardinals weren't red. Thought deer were scary and dangerous. Thought there were two animals called a possum and an opossum.

Luckily, I can say we're raising our children with so much we didn't have and we had a lot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not specifically an answer to OP’s question but this is related: how do you handle it when you become friends with someone who is missing a kind of basic piece of knowledge. If the person is the same age or older than me, I feel so awkward correcting them or telling them but have also felt like a jerk just letting the person keep doing something stupid, knowing eventually someone is probably going to point it out. Examples—friend who very confidently thought wine ages in the bottle so you should buy it and keep it as long as possible, even saving leftover uncorked wine. Co-worker who really needs to trim nose hair. Friend who, it became clear, does not tip for a lot of things normal people tip for (not on principle—I just don’t think he knows). Just curious—how do you decide whether to say something?

What do you mean? Wine does age in the bottle. That's why people have wine cellars. Of course once it's opened, the clock starts.

Oh god. Almost all wines are aged in a barrel with a very limited aging that can occur in the bottle. White wines are meant to be consumed within 5 years of bottling. Even the very best reds for continued bottle aging are not meant to be aged in the bottle past 20 years. People have wine cellars but they also know what wines go in a cellar and keep track of which ones need to be consumed before they are past their prime.

I think that a lot of people end up not knowing basic information because they are the type of people who say “of course…” and will never know what they don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not specifically an answer to OP’s question but this is related: how do you handle it when you become friends with someone who is missing a kind of basic piece of knowledge. If the person is the same age or older than me, I feel so awkward correcting them or telling them but have also felt like a jerk just letting the person keep doing something stupid, knowing eventually someone is probably going to point it out. Examples—friend who very confidently thought wine ages in the bottle so you should buy it and keep it as long as possible, even saving leftover uncorked wine. Co-worker who really needs to trim nose hair. Friend who, it became clear, does not tip for a lot of things normal people tip for (not on principle—I just don’t think he knows). Just curious—how do you decide whether to say something?

What do you mean? Wine does age in the bottle. That's why people have wine cellars. Of course once it's opened, the clock starts.

Oh god. Almost all wines are aged in a barrel with a very limited aging that can occur in the bottle. White wines are meant to be consumed within 5 years of bottling. Even the very best reds for continued bottle aging are not meant to be aged in the bottle past 20 years. People have wine cellars but they also know what wines go in a cellar and keep track of which ones need to be consumed before they are past their prime.

I think that a lot of people end up not knowing basic information because they are the type of people who say “of course…” and will never know what they don’t know.

See you next tuesday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not specifically an answer to OP’s question but this is related: how do you handle it when you become friends with someone who is missing a kind of basic piece of knowledge. If the person is the same age or older than me, I feel so awkward correcting them or telling them but have also felt like a jerk just letting the person keep doing something stupid, knowing eventually someone is probably going to point it out. Examples—friend who very confidently thought wine ages in the bottle so you should buy it and keep it as long as possible, even saving leftover uncorked wine. Co-worker who really needs to trim nose hair. Friend who, it became clear, does not tip for a lot of things normal people tip for (not on principle—I just don’t think he knows). Just curious—how do you decide whether to say something?

What do you mean? Wine does age in the bottle. That's why people have wine cellars. Of course once it's opened, the clock starts.

Oh god. Almost all wines are aged in a barrel with a very limited aging that can occur in the bottle. White wines are meant to be consumed within 5 years of bottling. Even the very best reds for continued bottle aging are not meant to be aged in the bottle past 20 years. People have wine cellars but they also know what wines go in a cellar and keep track of which ones need to be consumed before they are past their prime.

I think that a lot of people end up not knowing basic information because they are the type of people who say “of course…” and will never know what they don’t know.

And yet they age. You yourself admit to a 5-20 year window depending on variety. Don't be a try hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not specifically an answer to OP’s question but this is related: how do you handle it when you become friends with someone who is missing a kind of basic piece of knowledge. If the person is the same age or older than me, I feel so awkward correcting them or telling them but have also felt like a jerk just letting the person keep doing something stupid, knowing eventually someone is probably going to point it out. Examples—friend who very confidently thought wine ages in the bottle so you should buy it and keep it as long as possible, even saving leftover uncorked wine. Co-worker who really needs to trim nose hair. Friend who, it became clear, does not tip for a lot of things normal people tip for (not on principle—I just don’t think he knows). Just curious—how do you decide whether to say something?

What do you mean? Wine does age in the bottle. That's why people have wine cellars. Of course once it's opened, the clock starts.

Oh god. Almost all wines are aged in a barrel with a very limited aging that can occur in the bottle. White wines are meant to be consumed within 5 years of bottling. Even the very best reds for continued bottle aging are not meant to be aged in the bottle past 20 years. People have wine cellars but they also know what wines go in a cellar and keep track of which ones need to be consumed before they are past their prime.

I think that a lot of people end up not knowing basic information because they are the type of people who say “of course…” and will never know what they don’t know.

See you next tuesday

You’ll still be an uncultured slob and people will still be laughing at you behind your back.

[Anonymous]

Washcloths are gross. Use soap. Wtf. They are just vehicles for mold and germs.