Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Washcloths are gross. Use soap. Wtf. They are just vehicles for mold and germs.

People use both. Wash clothes are not reused. Used and then washed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh at the pearl--clutchers here. You can get yourself clean without a wash cloth, okay? You don't rub a bar of soap in your butt; you rub the soap and lather up and then wash your parts.

Some of you need to unclench.

Their bar of soap is stuck somewhere they can no longer reach.

Reminds me of the old joke:

What's the difference between a nun in a tub and a nun in church?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh at the pearl--clutchers here. You can get yourself clean without a wash cloth, okay? You don't rub a bar of soap in your butt; you rub the soap and lather up and then wash your parts.

Some of you need to unclench.

Their bar of soap is stuck somewhere they can no longer reach.

Reminds me of the old joke:

What's the difference between a nun in a tub and a nun in church?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her....

And rimshot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone with a modicum of manners and kindness knows that it's appropriate to leave a cash tip for the hotel/motel maid. If you didn't know before, you know now.

What is the proper amount of $ to leave?

I don't know. But I can tell you what I try to do.

When I have the cash on me (which is not always these days), I try to leave $5 per day. And I try to leave it each day rather than all on the day I leave because I don't know that the tips will get pooled and I want whomever is working on my room to get it. I write "for housekeeping" on a sheet of the hotel notepaper and leave it on the bed.

I thought it was just fine to leave the tips on the desk in the room. But when I came back the money was always still there. Then someone told me that you should place the money on your pillow. No note needed, and it's taken every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when elbows off the table was a trend. It was the 70s maybe from this jingle? We had to learn about it from a jingle, y'all.

Yeah, this no-elbows-on-the-table thing was taken to a bizarre extreme. And it was never a real rule of etiquette. It's rude to eat while your elbows are on the table -- you don't want to be shoving food in your mouth in that posture. But to put them on the table before eating, between courses, after, or whatever, is perfectly acceptable etiquette.

In a pub, perhaps.

But nothing but your hands and wrists should touch the table in an upscale restaurant or as a guest at someone’s house, particularly if it is a formal meal in their dining room. Lounging with your elbows or arms on the table just isn’t done. It is slovenly.

You know a lot less about etiquette than you think you do. Elbows on the table are fine in an "upscale restaurant" when there is no food on the table. Same with regard to "a formal meal in [a] dining room." Nothing inherently "slovenly" about it until you start eating.

I lived in France for a year and had a discussion with my French classmates about this. Absolutely acceptable in France to have elbows on the table when there is no food. This allows women to show of their rings and bracelets to better advantage.

[Anonymous]

Most of mine were cleaning related. I grew up poor in a home that was never clean. I knew that homes were supposed to be clean and what they should look like from visiting friends, but I just didn't know how to make them look that way. I tried my best and kept my room pretty tidy.

-I had no idea that sheets needed washed more than once every few months.
-I didn't know that most people didn't hang up their wet towels and use them again and again and again until they started smelling sour or like mildew.
-I had no idea that you should dust before vacuuming and that you needed to start top to bottom. I mean, yes, it's common sense but it only kicks in after you trial & error it on your own and then think, wait, this would be easier if I started up high and went down.
-I also didn't know how to vacuum! Mainly because we didn't own one 99% of my childhood. My mom always used a broom on the carpet before the landlord came for their yearly walk-thru and that was that.
-I didn't know how often you were supposed to clean things either. We never had weekly cleaning chores or even monthly cleaning chores. I remember spending the night at my friend's house when I was 10 and when we woke up that Saturday morning, her mom recruited me to help with the weekly cleaning chores and my friend explained that every Saturday she had to do x, y, z before she could play. I remember being SO amazed because everyone pitched in and within an hour, the house was so tidy and smelled great. I tried to get my siblings on board, but their attitude was very "why?" so, I started doing my own weekly routine in just my room.

I cannot stand any clutter now that I'm an adult. Everything has a place. I suppose I'm a bit of a minimalist, but only because any visible dust on items bugs me and reminds me of my dirty childhood home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when elbows off the table was a trend. It was the 70s maybe from this jingle? We had to learn about it from a jingle, y'all.

Yeah, this no-elbows-on-the-table thing was taken to a bizarre extreme. And it was never a real rule of etiquette. It's rude to eat while your elbows are on the table -- you don't want to be shoving food in your mouth in that posture. But to put them on the table before eating, between courses, after, or whatever, is perfectly acceptable etiquette.

In a pub, perhaps.

But nothing but your hands and wrists should touch the table in an upscale restaurant or as a guest at someone’s house, particularly if it is a formal meal in their dining room. Lounging with your elbows or arms on the table just isn’t done. It is slovenly.

You know a lot less about etiquette than you think you do. Elbows on the table are fine in an "upscale restaurant" when there is no food on the table. Same with regard to "a formal meal in [a] dining room." Nothing inherently "slovenly" about it until you start eating.

False. You’re no longer sitting upright resulting in slovenly posture.

Let me guess -- you are one of the people who sends a handwritten thank you note to people who have handed you a gift in person.

Some of y'all really need to learn the actual rules before trying to explain them to other people, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when elbows off the table was a trend. It was the 70s maybe from this jingle? We had to learn about it from a jingle, y'all.

Yeah, this no-elbows-on-the-table thing was taken to a bizarre extreme. And it was never a real rule of etiquette. It's rude to eat while your elbows are on the table -- you don't want to be shoving food in your mouth in that posture. But to put them on the table before eating, between courses, after, or whatever, is perfectly acceptable etiquette.

In a pub, perhaps.

But nothing but your hands and wrists should touch the table in an upscale restaurant or as a guest at someone’s house, particularly if it is a formal meal in their dining room. Lounging with your elbows or arms on the table just isn’t done. It is slovenly.

You know a lot less about etiquette than you think you do. Elbows on the table are fine in an "upscale restaurant" when there is no food on the table. Same with regard to "a formal meal in [a] dining room." Nothing inherently "slovenly" about it until you start eating.

I lived in France for a year and had a discussion with my French classmates about this. Absolutely acceptable in France to have elbows on the table when there is no food. This allows women to show of their rings and bracelets to better advantage.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not specifically an answer to OP’s question but this is related: how do you handle it when you become friends with someone who is missing a kind of basic piece of knowledge. If the person is the same age or older than me, I feel so awkward correcting them or telling them but have also felt like a jerk just letting the person keep doing something stupid, knowing eventually someone is probably going to point it out. Examples—friend who very confidently thought wine ages in the bottle so you should buy it and keep it as long as possible, even saving leftover uncorked wine. Co-worker who really needs to trim nose hair. Friend who, it became clear, does not tip for a lot of things normal people tip for (not on principle—I just don’t think he knows). Just curious—how do you decide whether to say something?

What do you mean? Wine does age in the bottle. That's why people have wine cellars. Of course once it's opened, the clock starts.

Oh god. Almost all wines are aged in a barrel with a very limited aging that can occur in the bottle. White wines are meant to be consumed within 5 years of bottling. Even the very best reds for continued bottle aging are not meant to be aged in the bottle past 20 years. People have wine cellars but they also know what wines go in a cellar and keep track of which ones need to be consumed before they are past their prime.

I think that a lot of people end up not knowing basic information because they are the type of people who say “of course…” and will never know what they don’t know.

See you next tuesday

Wow, you are so clever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not specifically an answer to OP’s question but this is related: how do you handle it when you become friends with someone who is missing a kind of basic piece of knowledge. If the person is the same age or older than me, I feel so awkward correcting them or telling them but have also felt like a jerk just letting the person keep doing something stupid, knowing eventually someone is probably going to point it out. Examples—friend who very confidently thought wine ages in the bottle so you should buy it and keep it as long as possible, even saving leftover uncorked wine. Co-worker who really needs to trim nose hair. Friend who, it became clear, does not tip for a lot of things normal people tip for (not on principle—I just don’t think he knows). Just curious—how do you decide whether to say something?

What do you mean? Wine does age in the bottle. That's why people have wine cellars. Of course once it's opened, the clock starts.

Oh god. Almost all wines are aged in a barrel with a very limited aging that can occur in the bottle. White wines are meant to be consumed within 5 years of bottling. Even the very best reds for continued bottle aging are not meant to be aged in the bottle past 20 years. People have wine cellars but they also know what wines go in a cellar and keep track of which ones need to be consumed before they are past their prime.

I think that a lot of people end up not knowing basic information because they are the type of people who say “of course…” and will never know what they don’t know.

Wishing you a swift recovery from your case of the vapors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when elbows off the table was a trend. It was the 70s maybe from this jingle? We had to learn about it from a jingle, y'all.

Yeah, this no-elbows-on-the-table thing was taken to a bizarre extreme. And it was never a real rule of etiquette. It's rude to eat while your elbows are on the table -- you don't want to be shoving food in your mouth in that posture. But to put them on the table before eating, between courses, after, or whatever, is perfectly acceptable etiquette.

In a pub, perhaps.

But nothing but your hands and wrists should touch the table in an upscale restaurant or as a guest at someone’s house, particularly if it is a formal meal in their dining room. Lounging with your elbows or arms on the table just isn’t done. It is slovenly.

You know a lot less about etiquette than you think you do. Elbows on the table are fine in an "upscale restaurant" when there is no food on the table. Same with regard to "a formal meal in [a] dining room." Nothing inherently "slovenly" about it until you start eating.

I lived in France for a year and had a discussion with my French classmates about this. Absolutely acceptable in France to have elbows on the table when there is no food. This allows women to show of their rings and bracelets to better advantage.

+1

Who cares what the average French do?

Most of them are quite crude and hide it behind snobiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when elbows off the table was a trend. It was the 70s maybe from this jingle? We had to learn about it from a jingle, y'all.

Yeah, this no-elbows-on-the-table thing was taken to a bizarre extreme. And it was never a real rule of etiquette. It's rude to eat while your elbows are on the table -- you don't want to be shoving food in your mouth in that posture. But to put them on the table before eating, between courses, after, or whatever, is perfectly acceptable etiquette.

In a pub, perhaps.

But nothing but your hands and wrists should touch the table in an upscale restaurant or as a guest at someone’s house, particularly if it is a formal meal in their dining room. Lounging with your elbows or arms on the table just isn’t done. It is slovenly.

You know a lot less about etiquette than you think you do. Elbows on the table are fine in an "upscale restaurant" when there is no food on the table. Same with regard to "a formal meal in [a] dining room." Nothing inherently "slovenly" about it until you start eating.

False. You’re no longer sitting upright resulting in slovenly posture.

Let me guess -- you are one of the people who sends a handwritten thank you note to people who have handed you a gift in person.

Some of y'all really need to learn the actual rules before trying to explain them to other people, lol.

“Y’all” is really all I needed to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with no holidays or birthdays due to my mom's religious beliefs. When I stopped believing in that religion as an adult, I had no idea about the traditions around birthday parties for my kids or how to do Thanksgiving/Christmas. I'd never been to a birthday party or holiday celebration.

My in-laws, Google, and social media were awesome at helping me put together parties and celebrations.

I went to HS with a girl who was a Jehovah's Witness. She was SO nice, and we all loved her and it broke our hearts to not be allowed to celebrate her birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I’ve gone through adulthood, I seem to encounter ways of doing things that aren’t even polite or fancy but just the basics that no one in my family of origin seemed to know about. Now I’m wondering what I might be missing as I raise my own child. What did you only find out about as an adult? (And thank you to all of my roommates over the years who helped raise me)

Some of my gaps:

-didn’t grow up using washcloths. We owned them but only because they came in sets of towels. I guess we just smeared soap around. I used to break out a lot and even developed cysts on the back of my thighs from clogged pores until I realized all of my roommates used them but me.

-not washing hands in the kitchen. We washed our hands after the bathroom or after coming in from outside in the laundry room sink. My mom doesn’t even have hand soap in her kitchen. She might rinse meat juices and stuff off her hands but otherwise she doesn’t wash her hands before prepping food. I only learned it was a thing from working at restaurants in high school.

DH’s gaps:

-didn’t grow up using napkins at the table. When I asked what he did if someone ate something messy, he said you’d grab a dish towel and then put it back!

-grew up washing everything all together in one load. Eventually everything looked pilled and gray regardless of original color or fabric. I intervened when we met in grad school because I couldn’t handle watching nice work pants get tossed in with linty towels and cleaning rags.

-didn’t know about mattress pads or pillow covers, so they get sweat-stained and grimy. Changing the sheets at his parents’ is a scary experience.

Washing hands in the kitchen is highly personal preference. Personally I strongly emphasize hand washing and sanitizing and am overall a germaphobe, but **despise** people washing hands in my kitchen sink and do not permit it in my house. The kitchen sink is for food preparation and meal clean-up; hand washing should be done in the powder room or other bathrooms. Why would I want people's hand germs introduced into the kitchen? Also, hand washing splashes water all over the kitchen counter which then needs to be cleaned.

How on earth do you cook? Like you cut up raw meat and then go to the powder room to wash your hands before touching other stuff?

I think this poster means you only wash hands in kitchen sink if you actively are making food in the kitchen or cleaning the kitchen. And I totally agree! It drives me crazy when kids or dh use it to wash hands for no purpose.

Obviously, the purpose is to clean their hands.

Then it should happen in a bathroom, the place for body/hand/face cleaning.

So if they enter the kitchen from outside and need to wash their hands, you prefer them to walk further through the house with their dirty hands, possibly touching other things, rather than use the kitchen sink… because??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I’ve gone through adulthood, I seem to encounter ways of doing things that aren’t even polite or fancy but just the basics that no one in my family of origin seemed to know about. Now I’m wondering what I might be missing as I raise my own child. What did you only find out about as an adult? (And thank you to all of my roommates over the years who helped raise me)

Some of my gaps:

-didn’t grow up using washcloths. We owned them but only because they came in sets of towels. I guess we just smeared soap around. I used to break out a lot and even developed cysts on the back of my thighs from clogged pores until I realized all of my roommates used them but me.

-not washing hands in the kitchen. We washed our hands after the bathroom or after coming in from outside in the laundry room sink. My mom doesn’t even have hand soap in her kitchen. She might rinse meat juices and stuff off her hands but otherwise she doesn’t wash her hands before prepping food. I only learned it was a thing from working at restaurants in high school.

DH’s gaps:

-didn’t grow up using napkins at the table. When I asked what he did if someone ate something messy, he said you’d grab a dish towel and then put it back!

-grew up washing everything all together in one load. Eventually everything looked pilled and gray regardless of original color or fabric. I intervened when we met in grad school because I couldn’t handle watching nice work pants get tossed in with linty towels and cleaning rags.

-didn’t know about mattress pads or pillow covers, so they get sweat-stained and grimy. Changing the sheets at his parents’ is a scary experience.

Washing hands in the kitchen is highly personal preference. Personally I strongly emphasize hand washing and sanitizing and am overall a germaphobe, but **despise** people washing hands in my kitchen sink and do not permit it in my house. The kitchen sink is for food preparation and meal clean-up; hand washing should be done in the powder room or other bathrooms. Why would I want people's hand germs introduced into the kitchen? Also, hand washing splashes water all over the kitchen counter which then needs to be cleaned.

How on earth do you cook? Like you cut up raw meat and then go to the powder room to wash your hands before touching other stuff?

I think this poster means you only wash hands in kitchen sink if you actively are making food in the kitchen or cleaning the kitchen. And I totally agree! It drives me crazy when kids or dh use it to wash hands for no purpose.

Obviously, the purpose is to clean their hands.

Then it should happen in a bathroom, the place for body/hand/face cleaning.

So if they enter the kitchen from outside and need to wash their hands, you prefer them to walk further through the house with their dirty hands, possibly touching other things, rather than use the kitchen sink… because??

You don’t have to touch anything to walk twenty feet to the bathroom.