girlfriend on family vacation?

[Anonymous]

When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.

.

At least your MIL gives a shit about you and tries to include you.

A couple weeks after I had a baby my MIL dropped off a veggie lasagna to our house which my DH loves but she knows lasagna is the one food I can't stand. She was like I know my son loves this. But my thing is why would you bring something to someone's home that you know one half of the couple hates? Especially when the half of the couple that hates it just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed a whole human out of their vagina. Your son isn't the one recovering from that. He did nothing in terms of having this baby. So if anything the food should be geared towards the person who is actively recovering. That's the equivalent of if my husband had surgery and a family member bought over food for us knowing I loved it but my husband hated. But wait I'm not the one recovering from the surgery my husband is.

I would never dream of going to my in laws house and bringing something over for just my MIL or FIL if I know the other one hates it.

[Anonymous]

Lasagna poster, I remember you posted about that. How angry and apparently still angry you are about it. Entertaining. Now to the point, as a recent girlfriend did prospective MIL pay for your vacation or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lasagna poster, I remember you posted about that. How angry and apparently still angry you are about it. Entertaining. Now to the point, as a recent girlfriend did prospective MIL pay for your vacation or no?

Well why would you bring something to someone's home knowing that the person who just popped out a literal human hates? How hard was it for Mil to find something we both like. That's the one food she knows I hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lasagna poster, I remember you posted about that. How angry and apparently still angry you are about it. Entertaining. Now to the point, as a recent girlfriend did prospective MIL pay for your vacation or no?

And hold up when did I list about it?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need to see him “alone”?

Funny how you say “we” never see him alone. So you and DH are a package deal, and that’s fine, but son needs to visit “alone”?

How very interesting.

I don't think it's that weird for mom and dad to want to see their son together.

Plus 1

Apples and oranges

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lasagna poster, I remember you posted about that. How angry and apparently still angry you are about it. Entertaining. Now to the point, as a recent girlfriend did prospective MIL pay for your vacation or no?

And hold up when did I list about it?!

post*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need to see him “alone”?

Funny how you say “we” never see him alone. So you and DH are a package deal, and that’s fine, but son needs to visit “alone”?

How very interesting.

I don't think it's that weird for mom and dad to want to see their son together.

Plus 1

Apples and oranges

But why does his spouse also have to be excluded? That's his wife his spouse also their DIL. What would they be discussing or talking about that requires their DIL/son's wife to be not invited for?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe this garnered 17 pages of responses. Has OP come back to tell us what she is going to do? (I was one of the early posters who said to invite the GF)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe this garnered 17 pages of responses. Has OP come back to tell us what she is going to do? (I was one of the early posters who said to invite the GF)

Yes, she did very early on. She said she appreciated the advice and said she would include the girlfriend.

The 17 pages are a lot of people generally complaining about MIL's. It has devolved somehow into complaints about the food MIL's offer.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need to see him “alone”?

Funny how you say “we” never see him alone. So you and DH are a package deal, and that’s fine, but son needs to visit “alone”?

How very interesting.

OP and DH are married and have biological offspring(s). The son and his gf are not married and do not have biological offspring(s) together. OP and her DH can ask to spend time along with their unmarried adult DS on a family vacation. For all practical purposes, the gf is just a chick their DS is banging.

There is a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need to see him “alone”?

Funny how you say “we” never see him alone. So you and DH are a package deal, and that’s fine, but son needs to visit “alone”?

How very interesting.

OP and DH are married and have biological offspring(s). The son and his gf are not married and do not have biological offspring(s) together. OP and her DH can ask to spend time along with their unmarried adult DS on a family vacation. For all practical purposes, the gf is just a chick their DS is banging.

There is a difference.

Totally disagree. It's fine to have a family vacation where it's just strictly parent and children when your children are young and all still live in their childhood home. But once the kids turn into adults and start coupling off and becoming serious with their SO especially if they live together the time to exclude a serious SO is out the window. I'm not saying you can't ever see your adult child alone for a meal or dinner out to eat but for vacations yes they should always be welcomed. Most adults aren't gonna wanna use vacation time or vacation with their mom dad and siblings while their SO is excluded.

Again this is 2023 so many many couples decide to wait a while to get married for many practical and good reasons it doesn't mean they aren't serious or they should be excluded. You go by how the couple presents themselves and if they are presenting themselves like they live as married by sharing their daily life together, owning/renting a place together then by all intents and purposes they operate as a unit and that's for no one else to make the determination that they aren't serious or they should be separated. Most 25 year olds aren't gonna wanna just have their live in SO excluded to live out their parent's dream of how things used to be and ignoring the fact they are in a committed relationship.

The parents had years and years of parent/children vacation but that ship sails once they become adults with serious SOs of their own. The kids grow up and the family unit shifts and the dynamic changes. And most likely their child now considers their partner their "nuclear" family.

Also again by asking your child to vacation and EXCLUDE their SO you are essentially asking your child to take away some of their vacation time that could be used towards your child and their partner. Most partners are gonna wanna save up their time to travel together. Most young adults starting off in their career aren't gonna get a lot of vacation time.

I wouldn't be happy if when I owned a home with my then serious bf (now husband) his mom called him up and asked him to come on vacation with just her his dad and siblings and told him explicitly I wasn't invited and if my bf said ok went along with it essentially not only leaving me out but causing us to have a lot less vacation time for us as a couple. We own a home we share a daily life together we are a unit for these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need to see him “alone”?

Funny how you say “we” never see him alone. So you and DH are a package deal, and that’s fine, but son needs to visit “alone”?

How very interesting.

OP and DH are married and have biological offspring(s). The son and his gf are not married and do not have biological offspring(s) together. OP and her DH can ask to spend time along with their unmarried adult DS on a family vacation. For all practical purposes, the gf is just a chick their DS is banging.

There is a difference.

Also it's highly disrespectful to refer to a serious partner of an adult who they live with as "some chic their DS is banging" this isn't some HS gf of 1 month. This is a serious adult relationship. That downplays the seriousness of their relationship.

Clearly the son loves this girl and they live together so he doesn't see her as "some chic he is banging."

I'm curious if instead of being 25 this couple was 45 would you still refer to them as "some girl he is banging?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.

Tell her she is so sweet for offering but your doc wants you to watch blood sugar levels. All docs want that for every patient so its not a lie.

[Anonymous]

Just remember that respect goes both ways so give what you want to receive.