girlfriend on family vacation?

[Anonymous]

Why are we assuming that GF wants to go with them? Its equally likely for her to decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.

.

At least your MIL gives a shit about you and tries to include you.

A couple weeks after I had a baby my MIL dropped off a veggie lasagna to our house which my DH loves but she knows lasagna is the one food I can't stand. She was like I know my son loves this. But my thing is why would you bring something to someone's home that you know one half of the couple hates? Especially when the half of the couple that hates it just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed a whole human out of their vagina. Your son isn't the one recovering from that. He did nothing in terms of having this baby. So if anything the food should be geared towards the person who is actively recovering. That's the equivalent of if my husband had surgery and a family member bought over food for us knowing I loved it but my husband hated. But wait I'm not the one recovering from the surgery my husband is.

I would never dream of going to my in laws house and bringing something over for just my MIL or FIL if I know the other one hates it.

She could've brought lasagna for him and something for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.

.

At least your MIL gives a shit about you and tries to include you.

A couple weeks after I had a baby my MIL dropped off a veggie lasagna to our house which my DH loves but she knows lasagna is the one food I can't stand. She was like I know my son loves this. But my thing is why would you bring something to someone's home that you know one half of the couple hates? Especially when the half of the couple that hates it just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed a whole human out of their vagina. Your son isn't the one recovering from that. He did nothing in terms of having this baby. So if anything the food should be geared towards the person who is actively recovering. That's the equivalent of if my husband had surgery and a family member bought over food for us knowing I loved it but my husband hated. But wait I'm not the one recovering from the surgery my husband is.

I would never dream of going to my in laws house and bringing something over for just my MIL or FIL if I know the other one hates it.

She could've brought lasagna for him and something for you.

Right exactly! She didn't bring anything for me. It's so odd to visit a couple who just had a baby and bring over/cook something you know one of the members of the couple hates. Especially when it's close family like your DIL the mother of your grandchild. Or she could have made it even easier on herself and cooked only one thing that we BOTH like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Son is 25, not 15. The days of nuclear family vacation are over. If you push for it to just be him, you should prepare for him not to come at all, and for it to cause tension in the future as you are setting an expectation.

It would behoove you to start thinking of what kind of mother in law you plan to be. Wives tend to tip the scale when it comes to where holidays are spent, when grandparents visit the kids, etc. Being inclusive and welcoming of your son’s partner will save you a lot of Christmas tears in the next 30 years.

This, especially bolded part. It’s part of healthy letting go.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe some PPs are actually trying to make the argument that the OP is taking away vacation time from the couple by not inviting the gf. I'm sorry but this is his own MOTHER. And this is a GF (not a wife or a fiance) of a year. I think as the mother she has every right to ask for some of her own son's vacation time. The GF has to realize that they have been together a year and her BF has lots of long standing relationships that started before she came into the picture that needs to be respected as well. If the gf thinks by a mother asking her son to vacation together as a family is taking away from vacation time that she feels is "rightfully" owed solely to her than she is sadly mistaken. She isn't automatically owed all of her boyfriend's vacation time.

What if the GF requested OP's son to take a vacation just the two of them then we could say well she is taking away from vacation time that her bf could be using with his family.

Which I think would be the stronger argument because right now at the stage they are all mother and immediate family should come before gf not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some PPs are actually trying to make the argument that the OP is taking away vacation time from the couple by not inviting the gf. I'm sorry but this is his own MOTHER. And this is a GF (not a wife or a fiance) of a year. I think as the mother she has every right to ask for some of her own son's vacation time. The GF has to realize that they have been together a year and her BF has lots of long standing relationships that started before she came into the picture that needs to be respected as well. If the gf thinks by a mother asking her son to vacation together as a family is taking away from vacation time that she feels is "rightfully" owed solely to her than she is sadly mistaken. She isn't automatically owed all of her boyfriend's vacation time.

What if the GF requested OP's son to take a vacation just the two of them then we could say well she is taking away from vacation time that her bf could be using with his family.

Which I think would be the stronger argument because right now at the stage they are all mother and immediate family should come before gf not the other way around.

Wow. No. At 25, I didn’t owe my mother any of my vacation time. I was living with my bf now husband and we did all our vacations together at that age and stage of life. My bf and our relationship was my priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.

.

At least your MIL gives a shit about you and tries to include you.

A couple weeks after I had a baby my MIL dropped off a veggie lasagna to our house which my DH loves but she knows lasagna is the one food I can't stand. She was like I know my son loves this. But my thing is why would you bring something to someone's home that you know one half of the couple hates? Especially when the half of the couple that hates it just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed a whole human out of their vagina. Your son isn't the one recovering from that. He did nothing in terms of having this baby. So if anything the food should be geared towards the person who is actively recovering. That's the equivalent of if my husband had surgery and a family member bought over food for us knowing I loved it but my husband hated. But wait I'm not the one recovering from the surgery my husband is.

I would never dream of going to my in laws house and bringing something over for just my MIL or FIL if I know the other one hates it.

She could've brought lasagna for him and something for you.

Right exactly! She didn't bring anything for me. It's so odd to visit a couple who just had a baby and bring over/cook something you know one of the members of the couple hates. Especially when it's close family like your DIL the mother of your grandchild. Or she could have made it even easier on herself and cooked only one thing that we BOTH like.

She was afraid her son wouldn’t get cooked food because you are recovering. She doesn’t care about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.

.

At least your MIL gives a shit about you and tries to include you.

A couple weeks after I had a baby my MIL dropped off a veggie lasagna to our house which my DH loves but she knows lasagna is the one food I can't stand. She was like I know my son loves this. But my thing is why would you bring something to someone's home that you know one half of the couple hates? Especially when the half of the couple that hates it just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed a whole human out of their vagina. Your son isn't the one recovering from that. He did nothing in terms of having this baby. So if anything the food should be geared towards the person who is actively recovering. That's the equivalent of if my husband had surgery and a family member bought over food for us knowing I loved it but my husband hated. But wait I'm not the one recovering from the surgery my husband is.

I would never dream of going to my in laws house and bringing something over for just my MIL or FIL if I know the other one hates it.

She could've brought lasagna for him and something for you.

Right exactly! She didn't bring anything for me. It's so odd to visit a couple who just had a baby and bring over/cook something you know one of the members of the couple hates. Especially when it's close family like your DIL the mother of your grandchild. Or she could have made it even easier on herself and cooked only one thing that we BOTH like.

She was afraid her son wouldn’t get cooked food because you are recovering. She doesn’t care about you. [/quote

Yes because her grown ass son doesn't have arms and legs that work and he is a 5 year old man child who can't cook for himself. He isn't the one who pushed a whole human out of him and recovering. Feeling sorry and worried for the dad shouldn't be the concern right now. Oh poor poor baby you can't be coddled and cooked for because your wife just literally carried and pushed his child out of her damn body.

So clearly my MIL is a pill who doesn't care about me. Which is why I pay her no kind now. I dropped the rope completely with her since that incident because her mask slipped off and she exposed her true colors. Since she only cares about DH she is solely his responsibility Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, etc..are all on him.

I refuse to waste time on people who don't give a shit about me.

[Anonymous]

Enough lasagna lady. We get it. Move the F on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:simple answer. NOPE. They aren't married. Problem solved

Well then don't be surprised when son declines the offer.

+1

They are living together, for me (and majority of people) that is a committed relationship and is treated the same as being married.

But it's not the same at all. They haven't made the commitment. So why would they get the benefits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:simple answer. NOPE. They aren't married. Problem solved

Well then don't be surprised when son declines the offer.

+1

They are living together, for me (and majority of people) that is a committed relationship and is treated the same as being married.

But it's not the same at all. They haven't made the commitment. So why would they get the benefits?

Sure they aren't married yet but it doesn't mean their relationship isn't serious. I would argue that sharing a home together is serious in it's own right.

Also it's 2023 what about people who never get married? Should they forever be shunned from all family vacations? What about couples who are clearly established and have been living together 5 years? 10 years or 20 years?

It's funny for such a progressive forum where we are very accepting of the LGBTQ+ community we are still very backwards in terms of accepting non married couples.

Also years ago people typically lived in their family home up until they got married because it was socially unacceptable to life together outside of marriage so that's why it was more acceptable to pull the but you're not married card because the person still lived with their family now that we progressed as a society and people can be committed to each other and move in together it's more nuanced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.

.

At least your MIL gives a shit about you and tries to include you.

A couple weeks after I had a baby my MIL dropped off a veggie lasagna to our house which my DH loves but she knows lasagna is the one food I can't stand. She was like I know my son loves this. But my thing is why would you bring something to someone's home that you know one half of the couple hates? Especially when the half of the couple that hates it just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed a whole human out of their vagina. Your son isn't the one recovering from that. He did nothing in terms of having this baby. So if anything the food should be geared towards the person who is actively recovering. That's the equivalent of if my husband had surgery and a family member bought over food for us knowing I loved it but my husband hated. But wait I'm not the one recovering from the surgery my husband is.

I would never dream of going to my in laws house and bringing something over for just my MIL or FIL if I know the other one hates it.

Girl, if you have any hope of living a happy life you're going to have to let this lasagna thing go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.

.

At least your MIL gives a shit about you and tries to include you.

A couple weeks after I had a baby my MIL dropped off a veggie lasagna to our house which my DH loves but she knows lasagna is the one food I can't stand. She was like I know my son loves this. But my thing is why would you bring something to someone's home that you know one half of the couple hates? Especially when the half of the couple that hates it just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed a whole human out of their vagina. Your son isn't the one recovering from that. He did nothing in terms of having this baby. So if anything the food should be geared towards the person who is actively recovering. That's the equivalent of if my husband had surgery and a family member bought over food for us knowing I loved it but my husband hated. But wait I'm not the one recovering from the surgery my husband is.

I would never dream of going to my in laws house and bringing something over for just my MIL or FIL if I know the other one hates it.

Girl, if you have any hope of living a happy life you're going to have to let this lasagna thing go.

Disagree. Dropping the rope is so freeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some PPs are actually trying to make the argument that the OP is taking away vacation time from the couple by not inviting the gf. I'm sorry but this is his own MOTHER. And this is a GF (not a wife or a fiance) of a year. I think as the mother she has every right to ask for some of her own son's vacation time. The GF has to realize that they have been together a year and her BF has lots of long standing relationships that started before she came into the picture that needs to be respected as well. If the gf thinks by a mother asking her son to vacation together as a family is taking away from vacation time that she feels is "rightfully" owed solely to her than she is sadly mistaken. She isn't automatically owed all of her boyfriend's vacation time.

What if the GF requested OP's son to take a vacation just the two of them then we could say well she is taking away from vacation time that her bf could be using with his family.

Which I think would be the stronger argument because right now at the stage they are all mother and immediate family should come before gf not the other way around.

Ha no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some PPs are actually trying to make the argument that the OP is taking away vacation time from the couple by not inviting the gf. I'm sorry but this is his own MOTHER. And this is a GF (not a wife or a fiance) of a year. I think as the mother she has every right to ask for some of her own son's vacation time. The GF has to realize that they have been together a year and her BF has lots of long standing relationships that started before she came into the picture that needs to be respected as well. If the gf thinks by a mother asking her son to vacation together as a family is taking away from vacation time that she feels is "rightfully" owed solely to her than she is sadly mistaken. She isn't automatically owed all of her boyfriend's vacation time.

What if the GF requested OP's son to take a vacation just the two of them then we could say well she is taking away from vacation time that her bf could be using with his family.

Which I think would be the stronger argument because right now at the stage they are all mother and immediate family should come before gf not the other way around.

Ha no.

So you think a girlfriend of one year is equal to a mother?