Wedding offenses: rank according to badness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it tacky for only beer and wine to be open bar?

Entirely depends on the setting. You're getting married at the Plaza and beer and wine are included but you have to pay for a martini? Yeah, tacky AF. You're 20 years old and getting married in a church basement? Whatever.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Worst: No +1, destination wedding. Couples will often say they don’t want random people at their wedding but offer plus ones for spouses and significant others they’ve never met. Just give all adults a plus one.

Also bad: No open bar — don’t host a party you can’t afford. Along those lines I would add an expectation that gifts cover the per person cost for the wedding.

Neutral: No kids, dry wedding, asking for cash gifts

Isn't a dry wedding worse than no open bar? At least there's alcohol!

No way! I don’t care if I drink or not. I’d prefer it, but if the couple doesnt drink or can’t afford to pay for the alcohol, then a dry wedding is fine. What’s NOT fine is asking your guests to pay for things at YOUR PARTY

I agree. All this shade on dry weddings is awful. Many people don’t drink - for religious or addiction or health reasons. I am delighted to share their big day with them while also being respectful of their culture or individual preferences. Can people *really* not go one night without booze??? (And I drink a lot - so I’m not a teetotaler)

I agree that cash bar is way worse than dry wedding. You don't host a party and then have your guests pay for food/drinks!! The only thing worse is doing a potluck where guests BRING FOOD as well!

What if the people getting married are poor, but they want to share their joy and exchange of vows with friends and loved ones?
The level of snobbery and entitlement on this forum is thru the roof.

You go to the courthouse and pay for the 50 dollar marriage certificate and maybe host a happy hour for locals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it tacky for only beer and wine to be open bar?

I think it’s fine for morning or mid-day receptions. My friends had a brunch wedding where the ceremony was at 10 am and the reception immediately followed. They were mid-20s and on a budget and it was fine.

[Anonymous]

Meh - we charged for cocktails because we didn’t want people to drink so much that they risked getting into a wreck and taking lives of people down the country roads on the way home. If they really needed a drink, then they should pay for it. And we did offer free wine with dinner. Plus, we already had 150 guests and the bill was already quite high. People are not gonna remember that. And if they do, then they are petty. Also, we could not allow children other than the ringbearer and the flower girl, because we were limited to 150 guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh - we charged for cocktails because we didn’t want people to drink so much that they risked getting into a wreck and taking lives of people down the country roads on the way home. If they really needed a drink, then they should pay for it. And we did offer free wine with dinner. Plus, we already had 150 guests and the bill was already quite high. People are not gonna remember that. And if they do, then they are petty. Also, we could not allow children other than the ringbearer and the flower girl, because we were limited to 150 guests.

So you're fine with them taking a life as long as it wasn't your money paying for the alcohol that made the accident happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh - we charged for cocktails because we didn’t want people to drink so much that they risked getting into a wreck and taking lives of people down the country roads on the way home. If they really needed a drink, then they should pay for it. And we did offer free wine with dinner. Plus, we already had 150 guests and the bill was already quite high. People are not gonna remember that. And if they do, then they are petty. Also, we could not allow children other than the ringbearer and the flower girl, because we were limited to 150 guests.

Oh, people remember that you had the cash bar, they are extremely unpopular. If you really felt strongly you would have had a dry wedding. Turns out you couldn't really afford your 150 person wedding, so you cut some massive corners and passed the costs along to your guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Explanations optional.

No-kids weddings
No +1 weddings
Destination weddings
Dry weddings
No open bar weddings
Weddings of couples who ask for cash

1. Great 2. Fine 3. Fine 4. Great 5. Great 6. Fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Explanations optional.

No-kids weddings
No +1 weddings
Destination weddings
Dry weddings
No open bar weddings
Weddings of couples who ask for cash

Its their wedding, you aren't subpoenaed, you can decline if you are so inconvenienced. Just because you want to drive 15 minutes, bring your kids, bring plus ones, get drunk on free booze and gift random sale items, doesn't mean they plan their big day accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh - we charged for cocktails because we didn’t want people to drink so much that they risked getting into a wreck and taking lives of people down the country roads on the way home. If they really needed a drink, then they should pay for it. And we did offer free wine with dinner. Plus, we already had 150 guests and the bill was already quite high. People are not gonna remember that. And if they do, then they are petty. Also, we could not allow children other than the ringbearer and the flower girl, because we were limited to 150 guests.

Wow. I've never seen someone defend cash bars. And so badly.

I've never been invited to one. My parents were invited to one in 2005. They STILL talk about it. Yeah, people absolutely remember your shitty cash bar wedding as probably the worst wedding they've ever been to. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised so many posters are offended by destination weddings. I have never been to one but I thought people typically kept them smaller and didn’t expect everyone to attend. It’s not like you’re required to go, it’s just an invitation.

I don't really get it either, unless all of your friends and family live in the same area, it's going to be a destination wedding for some people even if that destination is your hometown. I'm in DC and almost all of the weddings I have attended have required travel.

I think there's a big difference between traveling to a wedding and a destination wedding. My niece lives in Austin and is getting married next year in...Austin. My SIL referred to it as a destination wedding. Sorry- a destination wedding would be if she is getting married in a completely random place like Cabo.

+1

Exactly! Why do some people want to make the meaning something it is not? It basically means "random place" - more than an hour plane ride, no ties, etc. It does NOT mean "somewhere the rude guest complains about". LOL.

I'd rather go to Cabo on a cheap flight than travel to middle of nowhere Oregon that's like, trains, planes and automobiles into the country to get to the wedding destination. I care primarily about accessibility and ease of travel more than the "connection" to a place. You live in Los Angeles, your families are in New Hampshire and Atlanta and you want to get married in Chicago? Have at it, that's an easy trip for me. You're from rural Maine? Ehhh....

Disagree.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1

SMH

In what world is "free alcohol" the one thing guests look forward to at weddings? You do realize you can get drunk for a pretty low price quite literally any time you want, correct?

alcoholics central around here

+1

I know one family hosting a wedding who had a complete blowout (the bad kind) because one of the parents is an alcoholic. The bride was in tears saying she did not want that parent drunk at her wedding. The alcoholic parent was insisting (you guessed it) on an open bar, hard liquor included, and the rest of the family was against it, because of the alcoholism. It was not pretty. Those of you saying it is "cheap" to not have open bar do not know the whole story, and are being terrible guests, which is the worst offense of all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh - we charged for cocktails because we didn’t want people to drink so much that they risked getting into a wreck and taking lives of people down the country roads on the way home. If they really needed a drink, then they should pay for it. And we did offer free wine with dinner. Plus, we already had 150 guests and the bill was already quite high. People are not gonna remember that. And if they do, then they are petty. Also, we could not allow children other than the ringbearer and the flower girl, because we were limited to 150 guests.

Wow. I've never seen someone defend cash bars. And so badly.

I've never been invited to one. My parents were invited to one in 2005. They STILL talk about it. Yeah, people absolutely remember your shitty cash bar wedding as probably the worst wedding they've ever been to. Sorry.

+1

The worst wedding I ever went to (150+ people) had a cash bar and got low on food at the buffet by the time my table was called. Literally got a tiny piece of meat and a teaspoon of rice. The guy in front of me asked for more and the server said they had to save it for "seconds" for the wedding party/family etc. So freaking tacky.

To this day I think of my friends who hosted this wedding as cheap and ridiculous. Best advice I ever got was when it came to budgeting never reduce what you provide in order to increase the size, have more things for fewer people.

[Anonymous]

What if you gave a +1 for anyone in a relationship (dating or married), but not for single people. And this is to a local close-in DC area wedding where people could just metro or Uber for the night so no need to get a hotel room or travel long distances. Also, there were plenty of people from each friend group so no one would be seated at a table without having close friends there.

This is what I did in my 20s because we had a venue cap and I didn’t think our friends needed to bring a random date to go to a wedding 15 min. outside the city for a few hours on a Sat. night. But now I’m wondering if this was tacky.

FWIW I don’t remember being given a +1 to weddings at all in my 20s when I was single, but there was usually a friend group going so I didn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh - we charged for cocktails because we didn’t want people to drink so much that they risked getting into a wreck and taking lives of people down the country roads on the way home. If they really needed a drink, then they should pay for it. And we did offer free wine with dinner. Plus, we already had 150 guests and the bill was already quite high. People are not gonna remember that. And if they do, then they are petty. Also, we could not allow children other than the ringbearer and the flower girl, because we were limited to 150 guests.

Wow. I've never seen someone defend cash bars. And so badly.

I've never been invited to one. My parents were invited to one in 2005. They STILL talk about it. Yeah, people absolutely remember your shitty cash bar wedding as probably the worst wedding they've ever been to. Sorry.

+1

The worst wedding I ever went to (150+ people) had a cash bar and got low on food at the buffet by the time my table was called. Literally got a tiny piece of meat and a teaspoon of rice. The guy in front of me asked for more and the server said they had to save it for "seconds" for the wedding party/family etc. So freaking tacky.

To this day I think of my friends who hosted this wedding as cheap and ridiculous. Best advice I ever got was when it came to budgeting never reduce what you provide in order to increase the size, have more things for fewer people.

I don’t even really drink and I think cash bars are tacky. If you can’t afford booze then just have a more casual daytime event. That is what a non-drinker friend of mine did (a small, outdoors Sunday brunch type event). If you want the big Saturday night, dress up and drink cocktails wedding then you need to pay for that and not expect your guests to.

And I can’t even believe the venue allowed the bride and groom to host a wedding without enough buffet food. All the venues I looked at had a set per head amount for the buffet (I’m sure based on whatever calculation they had done would be enough for the average guest). So it wasn’t even like we could say we want X amount of this food item and Y amount of that. We ended up going with a plated dinner, but I do appreciate a buffet so long as there is plenty of food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you gave a +1 for anyone in a relationship (dating or married), but not for single people. And this is to a local close-in DC area wedding where people could just metro or Uber for the night so no need to get a hotel room or travel long distances. Also, there were plenty of people from each friend group so no one would be seated at a table without having close friends there.

This is what I did in my 20s because we had a venue cap and I didn’t think our friends needed to bring a random date to go to a wedding 15 min. outside the city for a few hours on a Sat. night. But now I’m wondering if this was tacky.

FWIW I don’t remember being given a +1 to weddings at all in my 20s when I was single, but there was usually a friend group going so I didn’t care.

You did the right thing, OP. No randoms at the wedding.