Siblings kids not invited to wedding

[Anonymous]

If you don’t have a spouse or family to babysit, I’d just opt out. I understand why people don’t want kids there, but the childcare aspect is a burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable. Leave the kids with the spouse at home. Or leave the kids at the hotel with the spouse for a few hours. I will never understand people who have no trouble sending their kids to daycare or school or who will go out to dinner and leave their kids with the babysitter but insist that for some reason their kids cannot be apart from them for a few hours for a wedding.

My oldest is 5 and I’ve never spent a night away. That’s often what a wedding like this entails. It’s not really the same.

Oh, dear God. Helicopter mom in training.

+1. Your poor spouse.

[Anonymous]

If this were the case with my sisters wedding (which was in another state, flight away) I would've stayed home if I were still breastfeeding. DC didn't take a bottle and it would've been a waste of money to fly, stay in a hotel for DH to stay in the room with an angry baby who wouldn't eat for the hours I was away during the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, give it a rest. The thread is over. OP admitted that the “infant” is 11 mos and the wedding is a 1-hour flight away/not a destination wedding.

Is your name Jeff? No? Then take a seat.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this were the case with my sisters wedding (which was in another state, flight away) I would've stayed home if I were still breastfeeding. DC didn't take a bottle and it would've been a waste of money to fly, stay in a hotel for DH to stay in the room with an angry baby who wouldn't eat for the hours I was away during the wedding.

Were you breastfeeding at 11 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a spouse or family to babysit, I’d just opt out. I understand why people don’t want kids there, but the childcare aspect is a burden.

While I agree with you in theory (I would likely politely decline a childc free wedding because the childcare arrangements would be too much of a hassle) OP has since explained that the wedding is only a few hours away and her in laws are available to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were the case with my sisters wedding (which was in another state, flight away) I would've stayed home if I were still breastfeeding. DC didn't take a bottle and it would've been a waste of money to fly, stay in a hotel for DH to stay in the room with an angry baby who wouldn't eat for the hours I was away during the wedding.

Were you breastfeeding at 11 months?

No one is exclusively breastfeeding at 11 months, including the OP, who has said so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a spouse or family to babysit, I’d just opt out. I understand why people don’t want kids there, but the childcare aspect is a burden.

But… she does have family to babysit. She said so.

The OP’s first post said she hoped she would be the exception to the no-kid rule. She set up the post to make it appear as though the wedding was far away, and as though her baby was an infant who was nursing exclusively. Neither of those are true. Credit to the OP for acknowledging this later in the thread.

In any case, OP has found a solution, and the bride and groom will be able to have their wedding without two toddlers and an 11 MO in a sling. Kudos to OP for working it out so she can attend and also respect her sister’s wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

I have been a many childfree weddings where someone was wearing an infant.
It really isn’t a big deal. It’s not anything I’ve ever heard of anyone being offended about either.

There is no way that bringing the baby is going to be more annoying than the brides sister pumping in the bathroom.

Yes, it is going to be more annoying. And most nice wedding venues (unless they’re getting married on a beach or something) have an individual bathroom or small private room somewhere in the facility that can be arranged in advance for the sister to pump.

Next excuse?

It’s not an “excuse.” It’s my own personal lived experience.
OP has since revealed that the infant is 11 months old, which is different.
But seeing someone wearing a 2-3 month old is not annoying at all.
Seeing someone pumping in the ladies room or looking for a suitable place to pump is “slightly” annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable. Leave the kids with the spouse at home. Or leave the kids at the hotel with the spouse for a few hours. I will never understand people who have no trouble sending their kids to daycare or school or who will go out to dinner and leave their kids with the babysitter but insist that for some reason their kids cannot be apart from them for a few hours for a wedding.

My oldest is 5 and I’ve never spent a night away. That’s often what a wedding like this entails. It’s not really the same.

Oh, dear God. Helicopter mom in training.

+1. Your poor spouse.

Thank you both! We’re both going away to a kid free wedding overnight next month.
3 little kids with COVID for a significant stretch, I said we hadn’t done it not that we never would. It is a little daunting at this point, and not the same as regular babysitting. That was my only point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling is having a weekday, outdoor, daytime, destination wedding and I was just informed that children under 18 are not invited. I thought I may have a special exception since my toddler ages kids are her nieces and nephews, but I’m now expected not to bring them. My sibling is totally clueless about childcare logistics and separation anxiety, so doesn’t realize what a burden this is. How can I politely ask if my kids can attend either the ceremony or reception?

So your sibling who has a child is getting married
I thought that someone was wanting to exclude a sibling from a wedding
I think you should honor your siblings wishes
With regard to the separation anxiety, I would say that your kid would be a nightmare at the wedding. I would not want to bring such a handful to a wedding

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple. [/quote]

This is what I did 20 years ago when my sister got married. At the time I was *shocked* she didn’t want her only niece and nephew to NOT be in/at the wedding (I really was, thank goodness I evolved over time). But, I went solo and it was a blast and my sister and now husband had the wedding of their dreams. Win-Win[/quote]

I’m always confused by this at a family wedding though. Siblings in law are very much family, at least in our families, with their presence desired at family events.[/quote]

If you're always confused at this again and again, maybe the problem is you? Some parties are adults only. It's very easy to understand after hearing it just once.[/quote]

DP. I guess that I don’t understand the point of having a wedding reception if you don’t care if your family or friends attend. I understand that there is a certain feel that you want everything to have, but what’s it for? What’s the purpose?

[/quote]

Are your family and friends all 5 years old? Plenty of people attend these events and leave the kids at home. You know this. [/quote]

I do. I’m aware that the party isn’t empty, and the couple still gets the vibe that they want.
I just don’t understand what it’s for. Like, why would the vibe be more important than having you sister there, even if she’s kind of weird about leaving her baby. What is it that I’m missing?
I’m not being purposefully obtuse here. I’m an introvert and not big into the social scene. I had a wedding reception because I wanted my friends and family to come to my wedding, and it seemed like we should have a party afterward.
What is the other reason?


[/quote]

As an introvert you should be able to understand that keeping the party small and intimate means your friends and family can't all bring their kids, then the party is 2-3x larger and becomes quite the production. You get to see the people most important to you, the adults, and not necessarily their kids who you may not even know. Some people make exceptions for their nieces and nephews.[/quote]

No. I don’t understand, and you aren’t explaining it well.

Why is it better to have your wedding be “small and intimate” than it is to make sure that your guests are able to come and are comfortable?
What is the point of it all if you don’t care if people can attend?
What does it mean to have your “dream wedding?” What exactly are you dreaming about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is commenting on the destination wedding having a breakfast reception?

It's a breakfast reception, or it's a "wedding breakfast" a la Edith Wharton? Maybe there'll be Roman punch!

I'm kinda of curious to see what OP decides. I'm assuming the sister going for fast and affordable, which I fully support, but the logistics make me think a day trip for OP only is the way to go, and dad stays home with the kids. Knowing kids, the odds are excellent that someone will be sick anyway.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple. [/quote]

This is what I did 20 years ago when my sister got married. At the time I was *shocked* she didn’t want her only niece and nephew to NOT be in/at the wedding (I really was, thank goodness I evolved over time). But, I went solo and it was a blast and my sister and now husband had the wedding of their dreams. Win-Win[/quote]

I’m always confused by this at a family wedding though. Siblings in law are very much family, at least in our families, with their presence desired at family events.[/quote]

If you're always confused at this again and again, maybe the problem is you? Some parties are adults only. It's very easy to understand after hearing it just once.[/quote]

DP. I guess that I don’t understand the point of having a wedding reception if you don’t care if your family or friends attend. I understand that there is a certain feel that you want everything to have, but what’s it for? What’s the purpose?

[/quote]

Are your family and friends all 5 years old? Plenty of people attend these events and leave the kids at home. You know this. [/quote]

I do. I’m aware that the party isn’t empty, and the couple still gets the vibe that they want.
I just don’t understand what it’s for. Like, why would the vibe be more important than having you sister there, even if she’s kind of weird about leaving her baby. What is it that I’m missing?
I’m not being purposefully obtuse here. I’m an introvert and not big into the social scene. I had a wedding reception because I wanted my friends and family to come to my wedding, and it seemed like we should have a party afterward.
What is the other reason?


[/quote]

As an introvert you should be able to understand that keeping the party small and intimate means your friends and family can't all bring their kids, then the party is 2-3x larger and becomes quite the production. You get to see the people most important to you, the adults, and not necessarily their kids who you may not even know. Some people make exceptions for their nieces and nephews.[/quote]

No. I don’t understand, and you aren’t explaining it well.

Why is it better to have your wedding be “small and intimate” than it is to make sure that your guests are able to come and are comfortable?
What is the point of it all if you don’t care if people can attend?
What does it mean to have your “dream wedding?” What exactly are you dreaming about? [/quote]

WTF? People have preferences. Nobody has to defend their preference or explain to a moron like you why that's better than a huge everyone welcome free for all, if that's what they want. People are different and they are allowed to have presences that.differ than yours.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple. [/quote]

This is what I did 20 years ago when my sister got married. At the time I was *shocked* she didn’t want her only niece and nephew to NOT be in/at the wedding (I really was, thank goodness I evolved over time). But, I went solo and it was a blast and my sister and now husband had the wedding of their dreams. Win-Win[/quote]

I’m always confused by this at a family wedding though. Siblings in law are very much family, at least in our families, with their presence desired at family events.[/quote]

If you're always confused at this again and again, maybe the problem is you? Some parties are adults only. It's very easy to understand after hearing it just once.[/quote]

DP. I guess that I don’t understand the point of having a wedding reception if you don’t care if your family or friends attend. I understand that there is a certain feel that you want everything to have, but what’s it for? What’s the purpose?

[/quote]

Are your family and friends all 5 years old? Plenty of people attend these events and leave the kids at home. You know this. [/quote]

I do. I’m aware that the party isn’t empty, and the couple still gets the vibe that they want.
I just don’t understand what it’s for. Like, why would the vibe be more important than having you sister there, even if she’s kind of weird about leaving her baby. What is it that I’m missing?
I’m not being purposefully obtuse here. I’m an introvert and not big into the social scene. I had a wedding reception because I wanted my friends and family to come to my wedding, and it seemed like we should have a party afterward.
What is the other reason?


[/quote]

As an introvert you should be able to understand that keeping the party small and intimate means your friends and family can't all bring their kids, then the party is 2-3x larger and becomes quite the production. You get to see the people most important to you, the adults, and not necessarily their kids who you may not even know. Some people make exceptions for their nieces and nephews.[/quote]

No. I don’t understand, and you aren’t explaining it well.

Why is it better to have your wedding be “small and intimate” than it is to make sure that your guests are able to come and are comfortable?
What is the point of it all if you don’t care if people can attend?
What does it mean to have your “dream wedding?” What exactly are you dreaming about? [/quote]

WTF? People have preferences. Nobody has to defend their preference or explain to a moron like you why that's better than a huge everyone welcome free for all, if that's what they want. People are different and they are allowed to have presences that.differ than yours. [/quote]

What are you upset about?

I asked what a “dream wedding” was. What does that even mean?
I’m an introvert. My dreams do not consist of parties. I host parties, but I don’t fantasize about them.
I know that people are different. I was just trying to understand.