I had a 5 year affair with a gorgeous woman who’s 17 years younger (and I’m not rich) - AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the responses and no desire to do so, but one thing to remember:

What's "gorgeous" to a 50 year old man is different than what's gorgeous to men her own age. Meaning, when you are 50, any average looking 30 year old is hot.

Yes, let's continue to tear down a woman because of her looks.

Oh wow, that wasn't my intention. 50 year old women are attractive too. All else being equal, younger people are more sexually attractive than older, goes for men too. Being 20 years younger is a novelty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the makings of a classic DCUM thread. It involves a man cheating, so that means the OW gets attacked for her height, looks, body shape, job, self-esteem, etc.

There's no way anyone will believe that a regular, decent-looking woman may date a married man older than her. It's unfathomable that the woman hasn't found an ideal partner her age, and that the older man may be worth dating.

Just ignore the threads we see where a woman in her 30s posts how she's still single and alone and can't find a suitable mate. Also ignore threads where people come out against fat-shaming, body-shaming of women, ,etc.

I agree on first point but the second point is not accurate in OP's case. He stated that the woman was not interested in getting married, and she is the one who broke it off. This was a fling for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the makings of a classic DCUM thread. It involves a man cheating, so that means the OW gets attacked for her height, looks, body shape, job, self-esteem, etc.

There's no way anyone will believe that a regular, decent-looking woman may date a married man older than her. It's unfathomable that the woman hasn't found an ideal partner her age, and that the older man may be worth dating.

Just ignore the threads we see where a woman in her 30s posts how she's still single and alone and can't find a suitable mate. Also ignore threads where people come out against fat-shaming, body-shaming of women, ,etc.

That’s not dating. That’s sex outside someone’s marriage and a secret relationship.

Correct, no SANE women with self-esteem would “date” a married man. Let’s face it, there aren’t usually dates just sex hookups. And she isn’t free to call or take him to meet her family or have holidays with him. And she’s got a whopping 2.5% chance he makes a real go if it with her by divorcing his wife.

[Anonymous]

Shared pathology of the secret sex relationship:

The married man can’t hack it in the real world. Feels underappreciated by his job and his insufficiently grateful wife and kids. Angry, but doesn’t know how to process it, and too chicken to show it. Pursues affair to feel appreciated and excited about life again. The shared fantasy gives him an escape from his suffocating mundane existence. He deserves better! But the OW better adhere to the script or she’s going to get a smack down. No expensive anything; no shared life together and no future. “Relationship” totally on the man’s terms and on the man’s schedule. “I’m the man here, dammit.” Cannot deal with the reasonable thoughts, feelings and needs of the OW (or of his own wife for that matter).

The OW believes the man loves her, or at least likes her and doesn’t despise her. He sends her flirty texts during the day. It’s so special; it’s their little secret. He must care about her if he spends so much time texting and anticipating their next interlude. She thinks maybe this will actually go somewhere. He complains about his wife. He says she won’t even have sex with him! Seems to OW there is hope there. She doesn’t actually like the cheap meals or being kept in the shadows. But he keeps coming back to her and she wants to trust him. The fantasy that he actually gives a sh- about her is less painful than facing the reality that he has NO intention of ever doing right by her and that he’s just using her to regulate his own unsettling emotions and to feel better about his own disappointing existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shared pathology of the secret sex relationship:

The married man can’t hack it in the real world. Feels underappreciated by his job and his insufficiently grateful wife and kids. Angry, but doesn’t know how to process it, and too chicken to show it. Pursues affair to feel appreciated and excited about life again. The shared fantasy gives him an escape from his suffocating mundane existence. He deserves better! But the OW better adhere to the script or she’s going to get a smack down. No expensive anything; no shared life together and no future. “Relationship” totally on the man’s terms and on the man’s schedule. “I’m the man here, dammit.” Cannot deal with the reasonable thoughts, feelings and needs of the OW (or of his own wife for that matter).

The OW believes the man loves her, or at least likes her and doesn’t despise her. He sends her flirty texts during the day. It’s so special; it’s their little secret. He must care about her if he spends so much time texting and anticipating their next interlude. She thinks maybe this will actually go somewhere. He complains about his wife. He says she won’t even have sex with him! Seems to OW there is hope there. She doesn’t actually like the cheap meals or being kept in the shadows. But he keeps coming back to her and she wants to trust him. The fantasy that he actually gives a sh- about her is less painful than facing the reality that he has NO intention of ever doing right by her and that he’s just using her to regulate his own unsettling emotions and to feel better about his own disappointing existence.

You guys actually crack me up. You like to paint the cheating persons as some mentally ill, really f’d up people. The stats today show that 20% of married people cheat and half of all marriages fail. That’s a lot of really screwed up people in this country. You all post like your lives and marriages are perfect yet the stats say otherwise. Could it be possible that some people just enjoy exciting sex and they can’t get it at home so seek it elsewhere? Are you scared that these people may otherwise be perfectly normal. There’s not necessarily a diagnosis or script for every person who cheats...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shared pathology of the secret sex relationship:

The married man can’t hack it in the real world. Feels underappreciated by his job and his insufficiently grateful wife and kids. Angry, but doesn’t know how to process it, and too chicken to show it. Pursues affair to feel appreciated and excited about life again. The shared fantasy gives him an escape from his suffocating mundane existence. He deserves better! But the OW better adhere to the script or she’s going to get a smack down. No expensive anything; no shared life together and no future. “Relationship” totally on the man’s terms and on the man’s schedule. “I’m the man here, dammit.” Cannot deal with the reasonable thoughts, feelings and needs of the OW (or of his own wife for that matter).

The OW believes the man loves her, or at least likes her and doesn’t despise her. He sends her flirty texts during the day. It’s so special; it’s their little secret. He must care about her if he spends so much time texting and anticipating their next interlude. She thinks maybe this will actually go somewhere. He complains about his wife. He says she won’t even have sex with him! Seems to OW there is hope there. She doesn’t actually like the cheap meals or being kept in the shadows. But he keeps coming back to her and she wants to trust him. The fantasy that he actually gives a sh- about her is less painful than facing the reality that he has NO intention of ever doing right by her and that he’s just using her to regulate his own unsettling emotions and to feel better about his own disappointing existence.

You guys actually crack me up. You like to paint the cheating persons as some mentally ill, really f’d up people. The stats today show that 20% of married people cheat and half of all marriages fail. That’s a lot of really screwed up people in this country. You all post like your lives and marriages are perfect yet the stats say otherwise. Could it be possible that some people just enjoy exciting sex and they can’t get it at home so seek it elsewhere? Are you scared that these people may otherwise be perfectly normal. There’s not necessarily a diagnosis or script for every person who cheats...

OP fetishizes his ethnic affair partner. Another poster smugly shares how his affair partner is impressed by the cheap meals he provides when his own wife expects and receives the finer things at home. Other posters refer to women being used as a three dollar f- and chuck. Perhaps you view this behavior as normalized (as in, occurring with frequency), but it is hardly normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shared pathology of the secret sex relationship:

The married man can’t hack it in the real world. Feels underappreciated by his job and his insufficiently grateful wife and kids. Angry, but doesn’t know how to process it, and too chicken to show it. Pursues affair to feel appreciated and excited about life again. The shared fantasy gives him an escape from his suffocating mundane existence. He deserves better! But the OW better adhere to the script or she’s going to get a smack down. No expensive anything; no shared life together and no future. “Relationship” totally on the man’s terms and on the man’s schedule. “I’m the man here, dammit.” Cannot deal with the reasonable thoughts, feelings and needs of the OW (or of his own wife for that matter).

The OW believes the man loves her, or at least likes her and doesn’t despise her. He sends her flirty texts during the day. It’s so special; it’s their little secret. He must care about her if he spends so much time texting and anticipating their next interlude. She thinks maybe this will actually go somewhere. He complains about his wife. He says she won’t even have sex with him! Seems to OW there is hope there. She doesn’t actually like the cheap meals or being kept in the shadows. But he keeps coming back to her and she wants to trust him. The fantasy that he actually gives a sh- about her is less painful than facing the reality that he has NO intention of ever doing right by her and that he’s just using her to regulate his own unsettling emotions and to feel better about his own disappointing existence.

Textbook. Whether OW is married or single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shared pathology of the secret sex relationship:

The married man can’t hack it in the real world. Feels underappreciated by his job and his insufficiently grateful wife and kids. Angry, but doesn’t know how to process it, and too chicken to show it. Pursues affair to feel appreciated and excited about life again. The shared fantasy gives him an escape from his suffocating mundane existence. He deserves better! But the OW better adhere to the script or she’s going to get a smack down. No expensive anything; no shared life together and no future. “Relationship” totally on the man’s terms and on the man’s schedule. “I’m the man here, dammit.” Cannot deal with the reasonable thoughts, feelings and needs of the OW (or of his own wife for that matter).

The OW believes the man loves her, or at least likes her and doesn’t despise her. He sends her flirty texts during the day. It’s so special; it’s their little secret. He must care about her if he spends so much time texting and anticipating their next interlude. She thinks maybe this will actually go somewhere. He complains about his wife. He says she won’t even have sex with him! Seems to OW there is hope there. She doesn’t actually like the cheap meals or being kept in the shadows. But he keeps coming back to her and she wants to trust him. The fantasy that he actually gives a sh- about her is less painful than facing the reality that he has NO intention of ever doing right by her and that he’s just using her to regulate his own unsettling emotions and to feel better about his own disappointing existence.

Written by a scorned wife.

Here's the man's actual script: haven't had exciting sex for a while. Whose that attractive woman actually showing an interest in me? Wow! Testosterone surge. Thinking with penis. Shouldn't do it, but....oh what the heck, it won't hurt anyone if I don't get caught

[Anonymous]

^^ Nope. I wrote that in assessment of the responses posted by the cheating men in this thread. They are scornful of women. You are admittedly very self-centered, so wouldn’t be surprising if you are scornful of women as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shared pathology of the secret sex relationship:

The married man can’t hack it in the real world. Feels underappreciated by his job and his insufficiently grateful wife and kids. Angry, but doesn’t know how to process it, and too chicken to show it. Pursues affair to feel appreciated and excited about life again. The shared fantasy gives him an escape from his suffocating mundane existence. He deserves better! But the OW better adhere to the script or she’s going to get a smack down. No expensive anything; no shared life together and no future. “Relationship” totally on the man’s terms and on the man’s schedule. “I’m the man here, dammit.” Cannot deal with the reasonable thoughts, feelings and needs of the OW (or of his own wife for that matter).

The OW believes the man loves her, or at least likes her and doesn’t despise her. He sends her flirty texts during the day. It’s so special; it’s their little secret. He must care about her if he spends so much time texting and anticipating their next interlude. She thinks maybe this will actually go somewhere. He complains about his wife. He says she won’t even have sex with him! Seems to OW there is hope there. She doesn’t actually like the cheap meals or being kept in the shadows. But he keeps coming back to her and she wants to trust him. The fantasy that he actually gives a sh- about her is less painful than facing the reality that he has NO intention of ever doing right by her and that he’s just using her to regulate his own unsettling emotions and to feel better about his own disappointing existence.

Op here: yup

Written by a scorned wife.

Here's the man's actual script: haven't had exciting sex for a while. Whose that attractive woman actually showing an interest in me? Wow! Testosterone surge. Thinking with penis. Shouldn't do it, but....oh what the heck, it won't hurt anyone if I don't get caught

[Anonymous]

^^ OP thank you for agreeing with my post.

- The person who posted about the pathology of secret affairs.

[Anonymous]

I disagree, I met my wife when I was 30 and she was 23. She pursued me heavily and we began an affair. Best thing that ever happened to me. I went from a very meh marriage to living my best life, going on 10 years now. She's wonderful

Eh - she’s definitely not “wonderful.” No wonderful woman (or person) would heavily pursue a married man. She actually lacks integrity and empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP thank you for agreeing with my post.

- The person who posted about the pathology of secret affairs.

Well, you tried it.

I’m not cheated on, but I don’t know how common it is for the cheater cheater pumpkin eater to hate/scorn the other woman. I mean maybe but it comes across as wishful thinking and not a broadly acknowledged truism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP thank you for agreeing with my post.

- The person who posted about the pathology of secret affairs.

Well, you tried it.

I’m not cheated on, but I don’t know how common it is for the cheater cheater pumpkin eater to hate/scorn the other woman. I mean maybe but it comes across as wishful thinking and not a broadly acknowledged truism.

The cheating men in this thread referred to the other women as midget (short in stature), Shakira (ethnic), impressed by cheap ethnic eateries and cheap wine (gullible/low class), and three dollar f- and chuck (self explanatory). Not wishful thinking; this is what the cheating men themselves wrote in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL Op you are delusional. A woman willing to date a married man is NO prize.

Quite the opposite!

I disagree, I met my wife when I was 30 and she was 23. She pursued me heavily and we began an affair. Best thing that ever happened to me. I went from a very meh marriage to living my best life, going on 10 years now. She's wonderful

You'll lose her the same way you got her.