dad seeking woman who doesn't have and doesn't want kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am female and was a hard no on kids. Until I hit 40. Then suddenly career is going great, I have more time, more money. Between 40-45 I pulled out all the stops for kids. I was as surprised by what felt biological as anyone.

Did it work out for you, PP?
FWIW, I had a similar attitude but my breaking point came slightly earlier, around 35- 37. So glad it did!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am female and was a hard no on kids. Until I hit 40. Then suddenly career is going great, I have more time, more money. Between 40-45 I pulled out all the stops for kids. I was as surprised by what felt biological as anyone.

Did it work out for you, PP?
FWIW, I had a similar attitude but my breaking point came slightly earlier, around 35- 37. So glad it did!

DP. Women with the money and drive can generate a baby between 40-45, whether through donor egg IVF or a surrogate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an early 40s man dating in DC after divorce and with kids.

Leaving aside whether OP was honest in describing himself (doubtful but possible), a man who does fit that description would find what he’s looking for. It may take some time but it would happen eventually. It doesn’t matter if you would never date him; there are women out there who would.

The generic "rich, attractive guy in this position" would find someone, sure. But there are some specific red flags here about how he doesn't understand that any serious partner of his is going to wind up being stepmom, and also he's uncomfortable with using his money (which is one of the attractive things he has going for him, particularly if he wants to date younger.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an early 40s man dating in DC after divorce and with kids.

Leaving aside whether OP was honest in describing himself (doubtful but possible), a man who does fit that description would find what he’s looking for. It may take some time but it would happen eventually. It doesn’t matter if you would never date him; there are women out there who would.

The generic "rich, attractive guy in this position" would find someone, sure. But there are some specific red flags here about how he doesn't understand that any serious partner of his is going to wind up being stepmom, and also he's uncomfortable with using his money (which is one of the attractive things he has going for him, particularly if he wants to date younger.)

Men who are nervous about being used for their money know at some level that's all they have to offer.

[Anonymous]

Dare to dream, OP. Dare to dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Heh, haven't read this whole thread - but back when I was dating, I actually assumed I would marry someone like OP.

I didn't want kids of my own, didn't want to parent full time, but thought I would be a great part time stepmom - like a fun aunt role. Having kids in my life that I am not primarily responsible for, but that I have a close-ish relationship with.

Anyway too late now because I got married - to someone who doesn't have kids and doesn't want kids - but I can't imagine I am the only one out there. Then again, there are exactly zero people I talked to about this who thought it was either a good idea or really possible once you navigated actual relationships with actual people, so.

That’s not how it works. I have a great relationship with my stepson, but he was late teens when his dad and I started dating and in his last year of college when we married. My friends who are married to men with partial custody are not in a fun aunt role. I’d describe it more like the-love-child-of-the-fall-guy-and-a-MMA-referee. None were the OW. All have kids of their own so they are used to parenting. They just get shafted constantly by either their DH or the stepkids. Surprisingly little friction with the moms. One even took my friend’s kids (her XH’s stepkids) horseback riding pre-Covid because they had never been and her own kids hate it. But the stepkids act out even when there’s no need to do so. One flushed another friend’s jewelry out of curiosity. She had pieces from two decades of travel and living abroad that are irreplaceable, but she was expected to accept his apology and let him work it off through chores.

I’m a childfree by choice younger wife and my stepsons are older than me. I personally wouldn’t have married if my husband had young kids still living at home. What this PP said strikes me as truthful about the perception of women who marry someone with kids. You have the responsibility without the authority and I certainly think it’s a lose lose situation for any woman to marry a man with younger kids.

Ew. i actually dated a guy who had a father who was dating women younger than me and I always felt so bad for the women. I was like "I got the young hot, also wealthy version and you have to sleep with the old, saggy, wrinkly, liver-spotted version for some cash." Anyway, I guess if you're happy, do you.

[Anonymous]

16 pages of comments, but what can any of us really do or say? OP, throw all your criteria out there on a few dating sites and see who responds. That will give you a better idea of what the sample size is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

Hahaha you are delusional to think some amazing child less woman would come into your life, take care of YOUR kids, but not want her own!
Keep dreamin, buddy

Roflmao!

Sorry, but I completely agree. Not going to happen...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

Why would they want to date somebody who has kids?

This. My DH has this delusion that if we broke up, he'd find some good looking young-ish woman (under 35) to be with him. He's 48 and I'm 39. I have told him no young-ish woman wants middle aged dad bod with a toddler and an ex-wife. That's like the LAST thing any single quality woman worth her salt would want. On top of that he's impotent (seriously) so he'd have to find that unicorn woman in her early 30s that neither wants kids and wants to take care of his young child. Smh so delusional

If your DH has money, then yes, he will find one. Actually she will find him.

+1. Am I the only one on here old enough to remember Ann Nicole Smith?

No way that old guy had kids in elementary school. Also did she even get any money from his estate? I think she just battled his son in court and died.

[Anonymous]

OP, why did you divorce? Sounds like you are really difficult and controlling.

[Anonymous]

If I didn’t have kids there is NO WAY I would give up the kid free lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am female and was a hard no on kids. Until I hit 40. Then suddenly career is going great, I have more time, more money. Between 40-45 I pulled out all the stops for kids. I was as surprised by what felt biological as anyone.

Did it work out for you, PP?
FWIW, I had a similar attitude but my breaking point came slightly earlier, around 35- 37. So glad it did!

DP. Women with the money and drive can generate a baby between 40-45, whether through donor egg IVF or a surrogate.

I know plenty of women who have had kids naturally 40-45. It is not impossible. If OP wants not possibility of future kids, it should be 45+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why did you divorce? Sounds like you are really difficult and controlling.

Sounds like you like to jump to conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I didn’t have kids there is NO WAY I would give up the kid free lifestyle.

This exactly. My child-free friends have complete and total freedom and pristine non-kid-friendly homes. Why give that up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I didn’t have kids there is NO WAY I would give up the kid free lifestyle.

This exactly. My child-free friends have complete and total freedom and pristine non-kid-friendly homes. Why give that up?

That's what I would have thought too, but a 40yo friend who's killing it professionally,has no interest in kids, and perfect homes started seriously dating a guy with a baby! the baby mamma has primary custody, so maybe that makes the difference.