Was accidentally on a group text...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

+1

Give me a break. There isn’t a single child in our circle of friends that hasn’t or doesn’t act out or get loud and rowdy on occasion (some way more often than others). A kid that is loud is different than a kid that’s misbehaving. Some kids have no volume control but are still kind and otherwise pleasant. That’s just how children and their different personalities are. I find comments like PP come from parents of kids that are naturally quiet and mousey. Congratulations you hit the personality lottery - it has very little to do with your actual parenting.

[Anonymous]

OF COURSE you’ll need to complain about other kids and poor parenting, but do it with your husband or sister or mom. Or even your BFF but in person. On a large group text without double-checking who’s in it? Idiot!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

+1

+2. It’s feedback you can choose to take or not. The fact that none of the other moms called out the rude texter in the group chat means they agree with her (sidebar texts notwithstanding). Do they have a point? Or are they being overly critical? Think about it and decide whether it makes sense to re-evaluate your parenting style, or ignore .

[Anonymous]

I would reply "OMG! [wow face emoji]" and that's it.

Show up for the event, hand her a bag with wine and Advil.

[Anonymous]

OP are you in the DC area? I would be concerned that these women will read this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

+1

Give me a break. There isn’t a single child in our circle of friends that hasn’t or doesn’t act out or get loud and rowdy on occasion (some way more often than others). A kid that is loud is different than a kid that’s misbehaving. Some kids have no volume control but are still kind and otherwise pleasant. That’s just how children and their different personalities are. I find comments like PP come from parents of kids that are naturally quiet and mousey. Congratulations you hit the personality lottery - it has very little to do with your actual parenting.

"Loud" is a euphemism for misbehaving. Some kids can get a bit loud at times but are genuinely pleasant, and those people don't get complained about. "Hyper" that the OP also used is also a euphemism for misbehaving. Parents want to say that their kid is "loud and hyper sometimes" rather than admitting that they don't parent their kids and they misbehave in front of others, and often enough that people aren't surprised but are actually expecting it to reoccur.

[Anonymous]

Such an awful group of women. OP I hope one of them speaks up against the comment made about your child. Can’t believe these are moms themselves. Nobody’s child is perfect and it isn’t their business to be commenting on someone else’s child. Uncouth.

[Anonymous]

If I were that woman I’d want to melt into the face of the earth. Based on her response she really has no shame. Not someone I’d want to be friends with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It is nice that they are including your child. He must be a nightmare. Be glad you have friends and laugh it off.

This, OP. Right now he’s a handful, but they include him. I think it says a lot about how much they like you- meaning they like you a lot. PIA kids usually get sidelined. Be very thankful and really observe your son- work with him on things that clearly drive other people crazy. It will make a better life for both of you.

I think it says a lot that none of the other moms in the group text stood up for you and your kid. No, these people do not like you very much and they are clearly not your friends.

I really don't understand comments like PPs' - are you really so obsessed with your own popularity that you want to be friends with people who are saying things like this about your child?? This isn't high school, and I, personally, would not tolerate this kind of mean girl behavior. It's kind of pathetic if you do.

I agree that it says a lot that nobody defended her, but I don't think it means that they don't like the mom. I think they must like her a lot or they'd exclude her. Clearly they ALL think that about the child, which is the reason that nobody could defend her. The only reason she's being included is because they like the mom. If OP does something bitchy now, they will all just avoid her family entirely.[/

Thank you, PP. Your additions help to clarify my post. I
And, OP, remember this for your own sanity. It’s hard, stressful times for everyone. She may never have said or written something like that before the pandemic. People are suffering right now with a lot. I’ll bet she’s mortified. Trying to get back at her will only hurt you and your son. All the best to you. I’m sure it felt absolutely awful to read that message. Try to see it in a larger context. You might end up feeling a little sorry for her and her current level of negativity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were that woman I’d want to melt into the face of the earth. Based on her response she really has no shame. Not someone I’d want to be friends with.

+1. Her non-apology response was so lame. I don’t think you even need to reply further. Just drop this woman/the whole group unless you think your son really benefits from it. If you do stay in the group, I just would not engage w this particular woman any further. What a clueless jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

+1

+2. It’s feedback you can choose to take or not. The fact that none of the other moms called out the rude texter in the group chat means they agree with her (sidebar texts notwithstanding). Do they have a point? Or are they being overly critical? Think about it and decide whether it makes sense to re-evaluate your parenting style, or ignore .

This. It was rude and inappropriate but a child occasionally acting loud and hyper would not get a whole group’s silent agreement. I would use it to gain insight into something that I might not be as aware of.

[Anonymous]

I mean... the kid must be really loud for a remark like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

Oh take a friggin seat, lady. I'm puzzled you can't see what an obnoxious jerk you're being. I'm not the OP, by the way.

We’ve had a bunch of nosy Boomer aunt types on DCUM lately. All they do is make inferences, judge, and pearl-clutch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In typical DCUM fashion, so many people were quick to basically accuse OP of being a crappy parent. As the parent of a sweet but intense and loud ADHD kid, this is my biggest fear. People have no idea how far you've come and how many years you've put into parenting strategies, therapies, etc., and sometimes they're just not a silver bullet. Parents of NT kids will never understand.

So true. I’m also a parent of “that” kid. When he was little, I thought he was an outlier. Now we have better explanations for his challenges. That text would have been very hurtful to me OP. It’s a good sign the other moms were mortified. Sounds like not everyone experiences your kid that way!

All the special needs moms on this thread have been there. Just remember...kids do well when they can. As they get older, you learn which situations are likely to be successful and how to move towards those. You also find those parents who do get it and hopefully foster some good friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anyone defending that text and suggesting OP take the message as a gift is trash.