Was accidentally on a group text...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy that this is a grown up woman picking on a kid in front of other grown ups in a way that encourages them to join in and somehow your kid is the villain.

She apologized and I can see you need to try to let this go but man, that rankles.

Honestly, I would reply to her apology with the following: My son may still be learning to control his actions and his volume, but you are an adult woman making fun of a child behind his back to other adults, for laughs.

Omg don’t do this. Stop trying to create clever come backs. OP needs to know these are not her friends and just move on. All these witty slams that people keep posting are petty and only will serve to make the OP seem overly dramatic. In real life replies like this only make you out to be the problem.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, is this behavior -- adults belittling their kid's friends to one another -- normal to you? It's not normal to me.

[Anonymous]

Like, sure, maybe OP should leave this group if she can (if it's not a team sport or something her kid needs to participate in) -- but why on earth shouldn't she "speak truth to power" to the queen bee lady before she goes? If anyone in here should be doing a little self-reflecting, it's not OP and it's not OP's son (who likely is getting therapy or whatever), but this lady who is acting like she's got a burn book and fifteen different colored gel pens wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP here. I replied with Wow - had no idea you felt that way about my kid. And hate finding out this way.

The texter replied - "I'm sorry. Having a bad day and he was really loud last time we were together. Not personal. Must be too much time with family this weekend" with a stressed wine emoji.

So I guess that's that...

This sincere response is better than any of the other suggestions on this thread. Her reply was extremely lame. I expect this woman is a manipulator who is trying to ingratiate herself with the group. Not worth your time, OP.

Also, I’m sure your son is delightful, if loud. I can’t tell you how many of my sons’ friends were shocking with the energy an decibels between two and twelve. At 19 they are all great kids who mostly don’t resemble their young selves (except that they are mostly good to great athletes). No one worth knowing ever trashes a kid on a group text. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I would take those words to heart. The person who sent that text knew she’d find a receptive audience because at least some of the other parents feel the same way about your child. My middle brother was that child. My best friend’s son is that child. It is really hard for you to hear it, but also hard for everyone who has to share a social space with your DS.

+1

This, OP. I also agree with the poster upthread that kids like this can turn out to be amazing in adulthood -- however, that is likely with stellar parenting and support. But people usually have this attitude towards kids when they are a handful AND under-parented, so you might need to self-reflect a bit here.

I'm sure some kids are "under-parented" per certain groups' social norms. But I think it's much more often true that self-righteous moms have no clue what it's like to parent difficult or SN kids, and are judgmental about attributing difficulties to parenting.

Nope. Much of this behavior is created. The kid comes out as difficult, requires more, then the parents don't have the energy/time to dealt with the kid in the right way early on, and then it just builds on itself. Then at some point, it becomes too overwhelming to course correct.

wow so you’re saying my parenting causes my child’s autism and adhd? wow!

[Anonymous]

There are some real a-holes on this thread trying to justify a-hole behavior. OP doesn’t have to do any explaining.

[Anonymous]

Omg the drama that has been invented here is mind boggling

The texter didn’t belittle, pick on, gossip about, bully or any other such nonsense any child via text.

The texter was honest about an obnoxious kid. Every single poster here has had similar conversations about some kid in their circle of friends.

[Anonymous]

Just a reminder that what this adult woman wrote in this group text to a bunch of her friends was:

Unfortunately, [DS's name] will be there, so bring Advil and wine.

My friends and I absolutely don't talk to one another about our kids' schoolmates that way, and I doubt that everyone else's does either. Wut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg the drama that has been invented here is mind boggling

The texter didn’t belittle, pick on, gossip about, bully or any other such nonsense any child via text.

The texter was honest about an obnoxious kid. Every single poster here has had similar conversations about some kid in their circle of friends.

You seem nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg the drama that has been invented here is mind boggling

The texter didn’t belittle, pick on, gossip about, bully or any other such nonsense any child via text.

The texter was honest about an obnoxious kid. Every single poster here has had similar conversations about some kid in their circle of friends.

The only invented drama is from the posters who (with no evidence) impugned OP’s parenting

[Anonymous]

If you are a thirty year old woman who thrills to make jokes about how immature your kid's classmates are to your adult friends, a little bit of self reflection might be in order.

This boy will group up and learn more and his life will probably get easier, but this mom is fully baked and that's the best she will be. And she thinks she's superior!

Anyway, OP, sorry you had to deal with that and your response was spot on. Nice work!

[Anonymous]

You handled it well OP. I hope that when things start to go back to normal you can branch out to other friend groups.

I was in a group where I got the vibe they didn't like my loud energitic kid. (And I took the time to pull him aside when he was acting up, we talked about it at home, we read books that I thought might help about friendship...I put in the work). This week was his birthday, and more recent friends all replied sincerely on social media "I love that kid" "such good energy" "love his spirit"... It may take time, but you will find your people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

Oh take a friggin seat, lady. I'm puzzled you can't see what an obnoxious jerk you're being. I'm not the OP, by the way.