In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. She started the thread with a vague complaint about being excluded and then when it was clear nobody sympathized with her she came up with a very sympathetic story that is completely at odds with her "generally gets along" narrative and has nothing to do with her original reasons for not wanting the kids to participate.

It's an attempt at rehabilitation-- not real.

If I were OP's in laws I wouldn't want to spend time with her either. She sounds nuts.

There are some falsehoods being told here. Story is going off the rails.

Well, if she is making this whole thing up I salute her for keeping me intrigued for a couple of days. (Although I did notice that having to hike to a pay phone in the "they left me in the stables" story seems a little weird if this has been going on for only about 10 years--didn't everyone have a cell phone by 2005?)

This story happened either right before or right after we had gotten married. I avoided this whole issue from then on. It's only cropped up again bc of the kids ages.

I had to get up the courage to call my husband bc I couldn't believe what had happened and was trying not to get angry at him. The parents weren't there, but a sibling of my husbands was. Relationship has never recovered. I despise them.

You despise them? I thought everything was ok other than this one issue?

The sibling that was there. Yes, I do. Luckily they do not live anywhere near here, and don't come back at holidays, so the distance makes it easy. I never mentioned it to his parents.

And before anyone asks why, the reason I never mentioned it was I thought it would look petty, and they would have had some bs answer. They wouldn't have actually acknowledged how rude it was. This is the sort of thing people don't understand bc equestrian love to walk-through fields, muddy, raining no matter. Abd truthfully, since i was in good boots and coat for the conditions, it wasnt a bid deal. Two miles doesnt take that long to walk. I waited in the barn longer than it tokm, thunking they woukd come back and be loke, just kidding, hop on.

Part of me was fearful they would have said something outrageous, like, "sorry you had to go to the convenience store to make a call, how gross. "

[Anonymous]

I am thinking this is a completely made up post.

Kudos to OP for keeping me entertained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am thinking this is a completely made up post.

Kudos to OP for keeping me entertained.

It might as well be. I am aware it does not sound real.

At this point the stroy is sort of irrelevant because I have been able to think more clearly about my reasons for feeling uncomfortable and am resolved.

Glad to entertain. There is plenty of non-entertaining in law drama out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am thinking this is a completely made up post.

Kudos to OP for keeping me entertained.

Agree but I'm feeling like if it's going to be fake it should be more interesting. Where's the naughty vicar copping a feel before the Saturday meet? Where's the handsome stable boy who swept the poor pony-leasing, EBay tack-shopping heroine off of her feet? The rogue horse nobody but OP could take?

16 pages and all we got was a soggy walk and a bowl of soup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. She started the thread with a vague complaint about being excluded and then when it was clear nobody sympathized with her she came up with a very sympathetic story that is completely at odds with her "generally gets along" narrative and has nothing to do with her original reasons for not wanting the kids to participate.

It's an attempt at rehabilitation-- not real.

If I were OP's in laws I wouldn't want to spend time with her either. She sounds nuts.

There are some falsehoods being told here. Story is going off the rails.

Well, if she is making this whole thing up I salute her for keeping me intrigued for a couple of days. (Although I did notice that having to hike to a pay phone in the "they left me in the stables" story seems a little weird if this has been going on for only about 10 years--didn't everyone have a cell phone by 2005?)

didn't she say 14 years at one point? so this could have been even earlier. Were the in-laws even there for this diss? but yeah, how you don't call your spouse for a rescue right away, I don't get.

Barns have phones. True fact.

Omg, it was raining people!! I did not take my phone, I did take a small keyhole wallet with one card and $15, thank god.. Someone else had dropped us off there and drove away. Yes, stupid of me to not take a phone. But WTF it was a bad call on my part, and if I had made any kind of fuss about it, they would have been sooooooo quick to point out that it really was my fault.

This barn CLEARLY did not have a phone or I would have used it!!!

You remember the wallet and the exact money amount you were carrying. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am thinking this is a completely made up post.

Kudos to OP for keeping me entertained.

Agree but I'm feeling like if it's going to be fake it should be more interesting. Where's the naughty vicar copping a feel before the Saturday meet? Where's the handsome stable boy who swept the poor pony-leasing, EBay tack-shopping heroine off of her feet? The rogue horse nobody but OP could take?

16 pages and all we got was a soggy walk and a bowl of soup.

Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. She started the thread with a vague complaint about being excluded and then when it was clear nobody sympathized with her she came up with a very sympathetic story that is completely at odds with her "generally gets along" narrative and has nothing to do with her original reasons for not wanting the kids to participate.

It's an attempt at rehabilitation-- not real.

If I were OP's in laws I wouldn't want to spend time with her either. She sounds nuts.

There are some falsehoods being told here. Story is going off the rails.

Well, if she is making this whole thing up I salute her for keeping me intrigued for a couple of days. (Although I did notice that having to hike to a pay phone in the "they left me in the stables" story seems a little weird if this has been going on for only about 10 years--didn't everyone have a cell phone by 2005?)

This story happened either right before or right after we had gotten married. I avoided this whole issue from then on. It's only cropped up again bc of the kids ages.

I had to get up the courage to call my husband bc I couldn't believe what had happened and was trying not to get angry at him. The parents weren't there, but a sibling of my husbands was. Relationship has never recovered. I despise them.

Wait a minute- now are you saying that your husband's parent's were not present for the snub?? I thought them snubbing you was the whole source of your problem with them, and now they were not even present??

[Anonymous]

This entire situation sounds belittling ((to you). I would give up this extremely haughty atmosphere and just withdraw myself as well as children from the activity. If it is that elitist, you are simply enabling them to raise your children to behave in exactly the same manner.[


uote=Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't need to know the name of the sport but it's hard to tell what the real issue is because you haven't adequately identified what the issues are. If your ILs have otherwise been including you and your DH in activities and are a welcomed member of the family, I have no problem with them wanting to do something 'special' with the grandkids - and just them. However, if your ILs have a practice of excluding you or condescending, you have an IL problem and I would never encourage a relationship with someone who is disrespectful to me. And, in the case of the latter, you just don't have an IL problem, you have a DH problem.

I would also do as a PP suggested and ask:

"I'm curious, Bert/Bertha, why you never invited me all this years, yet now you want to invite the children? You know I grew up around polo, don't you?".

OP here, this is really it for me. It has nothing to do with the sport, although for whatever reasons they mind their manners in most scenarios, with this particular activity they are strangled with conceit. It does not have to do with class differences, many members of their extended family struggle financially and are quite coarse.

For the record, I have asked that question. They have never been able to respond. It's just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. She started the thread with a vague complaint about being excluded and then when it was clear nobody sympathized with her she came up with a very sympathetic story that is completely at odds with her "generally gets along" narrative and has nothing to do with her original reasons for not wanting the kids to participate.

It's an attempt at rehabilitation-- not real.

If I were OP's in laws I wouldn't want to spend time with her either. She sounds nuts.

There are some falsehoods being told here. Story is going off the rails.

Well, if she is making this whole thing up I salute her for keeping me intrigued for a couple of days. (Although I did notice that having to hike to a pay phone in the "they left me in the stables" story seems a little weird if this has been going on for only about 10 years--didn't everyone have a cell phone by 2005?)

didn't she say 14 years at one point? so this could have been even earlier. Were the in-laws even there for this diss? but yeah, how you don't call your spouse for a rescue right away, I don't get.

Barns have phones. True fact.

Omg, it was raining people!! I did not take my phone, I did take a small keyhole wallet with one card and $15, thank god.. Someone else had dropped us off there and drove away. Yes, stupid of me to not take a phone. But WTF it was a bad call on my part, and if I had made any kind of fuss about it, they would have been sooooooo quick to point out that it really was my fault.

This barn CLEARLY did not have a phone or I would have used it!!!

You remember the wallet and the exact money amount you were carrying. Interesting.

No, actually I dont. It was something along those lines, as that is what I typically carry when i go without a purse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. She started the thread with a vague complaint about being excluded and then when it was clear nobody sympathized with her she came up with a very sympathetic story that is completely at odds with her "generally gets along" narrative and has nothing to do with her original reasons for not wanting the kids to participate.

It's an attempt at rehabilitation-- not real.

If I were OP's in laws I wouldn't want to spend time with her either. She sounds nuts.

There are some falsehoods being told here. Story is going off the rails.

Well, if she is making this whole thing up I salute her for keeping me intrigued for a couple of days. (Although I did notice that having to hike to a pay phone in the "they left me in the stables" story seems a little weird if this has been going on for only about 10 years--didn't everyone have a cell phone by 2005?)

This story happened either right before or right after we had gotten married. I avoided this whole issue from then on. It's only cropped up again bc of the kids ages.

I had to get up the courage to call my husband bc I couldn't believe what had happened and was trying not to get angry at him. The parents weren't there, but a sibling of my husbands was. Relationship has never recovered. I despise them.

Wait a minute- now are you saying that your husband's parent's were not present for the snub?? I thought them snubbing you was the whole source of your problem with them, and now they were not even present??[/quote.]

The parents have never invited me, period. Even when I have suggested it. This was the one time. I told the story, which does not involve the parents, when someone asked how I could be mocked if I hadn't gone with them. That's how.

[Anonymous]

My votes are:
water polo
Friendship bracelet making
China tea cup collecting

[Anonymous]

OP, do you feel like your inlaws think you are not "good enough" for their son? Has this issue played out in other areas regarding your husband and children? You really need to talk this over with your DH and have him shut this down with his parents. If I understand this correctly, your DH does not want to have anything to do with this activity, so why would he want his children involved? Does DH stand up for you with his family? Did he give his rude sibling a verbal lashing for leaving you in the barn all those years ago?

[Anonymous]

Squash?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you feel like your inlaws think you are not "good enough" for their son? Has this issue played out in other areas regarding your husband and children? You really need to talk this over with your DH and have him shut this down with his parents. If I understand this correctly, your DH does not want to have anything to do with this activity, so why would he want his children involved? Does DH stand up for you with his family? Did he give his rude sibling a verbal lashing for leaving you in the barn all those years ago?

To be totally honest. I am not sure. Who is to say what they think privately. Publicly, they treat me well and are caring.

This issue aside, of course. I have managed to be gracious about it, I don't have to be part of "their" main hobby, if they want to be weirdly possessive of it. But don't exclude me, act wierd, and then want to include my children.

Turns out Dh's sibling has a host of mental health issues. I was still getting to know then, but in any case, no he didn't reprimand them. I agree that it wasn't handled in the best possible way, but again, had I brought my phone, things would have been different.

While we could have taken that approach, I also appreciate seeing them operate naturally and adjusting our relationship based on that. I was getting to know the ecosystem of the family, and I felt strong enough on my own to make it through without making a huge issue. Fast forward a few years, and it is more significant to adjust our relationship as a family to them, versus just mine. I needed a spot check. I also think I am going g to find a therapist to help me negotiate healthy boundaries if there are future issues.

So what I have resolved as a result of this thread is that we will ensure this hobby doesn't have the time / support from us as a family to be anything more than an occasional fun thing. It should allow special memories to be made, with grandparents, without giving light or air to the bad mojo in the mix.

[Anonymous]

Sailing or fox hunting ??