Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really believe a few "quality" moments can make up for absentee parenting?

Please remember that "parenting" is a DOING verb, not just a biological relationship or a cuddly feeling you may have.

Too bad all those working dads who pay for the SAHMs' ability to stay home are nothing but sperm donors and not actually parenting their children according to this troll.

You should try to understand that parenting (under preferable circumstances)
takes two parents:

One parent to bring home the bacon

and the other parent to provide the actual care of the children,

or any combination of the two.

Clear?

Don't bother, this poster shows up on every thread acting deliberately obtuse that women aren't actually men with breasts stuck on them and can't fathom any differences. It's so boring

It doesn't seem you have a clue what you're babbling about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really believe a few "quality" moments can make up for absentee parenting?

Please remember that "parenting" is a DOING verb, not just a biological relationship or a cuddly feeling you may have.

When you aren't doing the parenting of a baby or toddler, you need to pay someone else to do it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really believe a few "quality" moments can make up for absentee parenting?

Please remember that "parenting" is a DOING verb, not just a biological relationship or a cuddly feeling you may have.

Too bad all those working dads who pay for the SAHMs' ability to stay home are nothing but sperm donors and not actually parenting their children according to this troll.

You should try to understand that parenting (under preferable circumstances)
takes two parents:

One parent to bring home the bacon

and the other parent to provide the actual care of the children,

or any combination of the two.

Clear?

That is such BS it's laughable. How is making money "parenting" by your definition. If parenting isn't a feeling, but a doing, how is going to work as dads have done for eons "parenting"? It's not. By YOUR definition.
For the record, obviously I don't agree with your definition, and think working dads are just as much parents as stay at home moms are.
And no, I'm not that poster who points it out all the time, but this person clearly needed to hear that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really believe a few "quality" moments can make up for absentee parenting?

Please remember that "parenting" is a DOING verb, not just a biological relationship or a cuddly feeling you may have.

When you aren't doing the parenting of a baby or toddler, you need to pay someone else to do it for you.

No, when you aren't doing the physical, immediate care of a baby or a toddler, you need to pay someone to do it for you (or ask a relative, etc.). Only parents parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really believe a few "quality" moments can make up for absentee parenting?

Please remember that "parenting" is a DOING verb, not just a biological relationship or a cuddly feeling you may have.

When you aren't doing the parenting of a baby or toddler, you need to pay someone else to do it for you.

No, when you aren't doing the physical, immediate care of a baby or a toddler, you need to pay someone to do it for you (or ask a relative, etc.). Only parents parent.

We may wish that *only* parents parent, or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really believe a few "quality" moments can make up for absentee parenting?

Please remember that "parenting" is a DOING verb, not just a biological relationship or a cuddly feeling you may have.

When you aren't doing the parenting of a baby or toddler, you need to pay someone else to do it for you.

No, when you aren't doing the physical, immediate care of a baby or a toddler, you need to pay someone to do it for you (or ask a relative, etc.). Only parents parent.

You keep saying that word, "parent." I do not think it means what you think it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I've SAH and worked part time. The rub for me is that you can't predetermine what the hours you spend with your child will actually be like. That is, how can you "plan" for "quality" time? Usually, the best hours with my kids happen randomly, or during our unscheduled time, or for 30 blissful minutes before someone does a 180 and starts to have a meltdown. I think it's a BS study. But I think all of the studies and books are BS. If you are a researcher or have your PhD in child psychology, I'm sure you will tell me I'm wrong. But I don't care. I know my kids and I know that our quality time is totally unpredictable and precious. Which is why I try to be around them as much as possible.

I think you can plan for quality time, the same way you plan a date night with your spouse. I take my oldest to an interactive kids sport/parent activity every weekend and we always have fun. There are lots of ways to create quality time with your children.

+1. My dad worked a lot when I was young, but we had season tickets to local basketball games and he made all my gymnastics meets on the weekends. We had our special traditions and whatnot. We are incredibly close and I don't feel like our bond suffered just because he had a demanding job. In fact, now that I'm older I really appreciate how hard he worked and that he was able to pay for my undergrad and grad school (the part not covered by scholarships) so now I'm not in massive debt like a lot of my peers. I have been able to study abroad, participate in all sorts of activities, and my parents helped me with a down payment for a house. His hard work has given me opportunities in life I wouldn't have otherwise had.

My mom was a SAHM. I feel equally bonded to her too and appreciate the time I spent with both of them.

I honestly do not feel my relationship with my parents has been effected by their working status. It just seems that moms are vilified more than dads for working and that's a shame.

[Anonymous]

*affected

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really believe a few "quality" moments can make up for absentee parenting?

Please remember that "parenting" is a DOING verb, not just a biological relationship or a cuddly feeling you may have.

Too bad all those working dads who pay for the SAHMs' ability to stay home are nothing but sperm donors and not actually parenting their children according to this troll.

You should try to understand that parenting (under preferable circumstances)
takes two parents:

One parent to bring home the bacon

and the other parent to provide the actual care of the children,

or any combination of the two.c

This is ludicrous. If you had an anonymous sponsor sending you "the bacon" long distance so you could stay home that person would not be a parent. He would be a sponsor, or patron, or any other synonym you choose but not a parent. My husband is an actual parent even though "the bacon" he earns does not allow me to stay home.

Clear?

[Anonymous]

The saddest part about this thread is that some of the SAHMs who are so intent on making WOHM feel bad about themselves have daughters of their own, and will teach these daughters that they cannot both have a fulfilling career and be a good mom. Such a false choice. And when some of these daughters do try to maintain careers they've worked their entire lives for and also have children, these women will do their best make them feel awful about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really believe a few "quality" moments can make up for absentee parenting?

Please remember that "parenting" is a DOING verb, not just a biological relationship or a cuddly feeling you may have.

When you aren't doing the parenting of a baby or toddler, you need to pay someone else to do it for you.

No, when you aren't doing the physical, immediate care of a baby or a toddler, you need to pay someone to do it for you (or ask a relative, etc.). Only parents parent.

You keep saying that word, "parent." I do not think it means what you think it means.

See 17:31. Precisely what I was getting at. I wonder what's happened to you to make you so rude to people in an effort to make your life choices acceptable to you? You don't need anyone's approval. If what you're doing is working for you, great. What other people are doing works for them, and it's so unbelievably unnecessary for you to take this stance. No one is going to change their family structure here, certainly not to appease the likes of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The saddest part about this thread is that some of the SAHMs who are so intent on making WOHM feel bad about themselves have daughters of their own, and will teach these daughters that they cannot both have a fulfilling career and be a good mom. Such a false choice. And when some of these daughters do try to maintain careers they've worked their entire lives for and also have children, these women will do their best make them feel awful about it.

Sorry, but you are wrong. I'm the nanny and most of the children I care for, are neglected by their parents. Just sharing my observations here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The saddest part about this thread is that some of the SAHMs who are so intent on making WOHM feel bad about themselves have daughters of their own, and will teach these daughters that they cannot both have a fulfilling career and be a good mom. Such a false choice. And when some of these daughters do try to maintain careers they've worked their entire lives for and also have children, these women will do their best make them feel awful about it.

Sorry, but you are wrong. I'm the nanny and most of the children I care for, are neglected by their parents. Just sharing my observations here.

Well I'm very sorry you've decided to nanny kids with shitty parents. But generalizing your experience to all WOHMs makes you a simpleton. Do you make other generalizations about large groups of people based on a handful of your own observations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The saddest part about this thread is that some of the SAHMs who are so intent on making WOHM feel bad about themselves have daughters of their own, and will teach these daughters that they cannot both have a fulfilling career and be a good mom. Such a false choice. And when some of these daughters do try to maintain careers they've worked their entire lives for and also have children, these women will do their best make them feel awful about it.

Sorry, but you are wrong. I'm the nanny and most of the children I care for, are neglected by their parents. Just sharing my observations here.

If you're the nanny from above, your "observations" are suspect, based on your unbelievably clouded and bitter mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The saddest part about this thread is that some of the SAHMs who are so intent on making WOHM feel bad about themselves have daughters of their own, and will teach these daughters that they cannot both have a fulfilling career and be a good mom. Such a false choice. And when some of these daughters do try to maintain careers they've worked their entire lives for and also have children, these women will do their best make them feel awful about it.

Sorry, but you are wrong. I'm the nanny and most of the children I care for, are neglected by their parents. Just sharing my observations here.

Btw, of the handful of nannies I've known, all but one were complete idiots who I would never leave my children with. I would not, however, purport to generalize my limited anecdotes to all nannies, because that would make me an idiot.