Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family did not give us anything. Let alone enough cash.

I think the point of this thread was gifting conventions in India, which is the topic I have tried to address. Of course this will include generalizations and things that are not true in 100% of cases. I have a hard time believing that gifts are not expected at weddings in the US, especially since it is a gift obsessed culture in general.

Parsing posts word by word is not something I want to do and I'm really not sure what it achieves.

Get a job and make your own cash. Welcome to the U.S.!

[Anonymous]

Snarkiness aside, would one generally not expect gifts from close family in the US? I'm genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Snarkiness aside, would one generally not expect gifts from close family in the US? I'm genuinely curious.

No one should expect anything from anyone for any occasion. Period. It's rude and tacky. You accept what is given to you with a smile and a thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family did not give us anything. Let alone enough cash.

I think the point of this thread was gifting conventions in India, which is the topic I have tried to address. Of course this will include generalizations and things that are not true in 100% of cases. I have a hard time believing that gifts are not expected at weddings in the US, especially since it is a gift obsessed culture in general.

Parsing posts word by word is not something I want to do and I'm really not sure what it achieves.

Perhaps it was because they felt that "no boxed gifts" (meaning gifts should be in cash) was tacky and offensive. I would react the same way as they did. Let us not talk about "the gift obsessed culture" in the US when you are heralding how you think it is fine for a wedding to be a cash grab when it comes to gifts.

BTW, giving gifts at a wedding in the US is the norm. Asking for gifts as part of the invite and then actually specifying that it needs to be in cash is not; yes, it is "social convention" in the US not to do this and we know how you place a lot of store on social conventions ..... when it suits your purpose.

[Anonymous]

My husband's family was consulted fully on the wording of the invitation. We actually did not say "no boxed gifts" on our invitation bc I agree that it can come across as a bit gauche. I just expected a gift from them on the ocassion of our wedding and I don't agree that I was wrong or out of place in that expectation.

[Anonymous]

Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snarkiness aside, would one generally not expect gifts from close family in the US? I'm genuinely curious.

No one should expect anything from anyone for any occasion. Period. It's rude and tacky. You accept what is given to you with a smile and a thank you.

Of course you expect gifts from close family. You have no right to be miffed if you don't receive them, but you expect them in the way that you expect rain when storm clouds gather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".

P



I think they're both tacky. If guests want to inquire about a registry let them. Or if you must, put a link discretely on your wedding web page if you have one.


And don't invite anyone whose presence is not enough of a present to you.

[Anonymous]

I think in our case their non-gift giving has affected our relationship. Even my husband thought it strange. It's a whole host of things really, but the lack of wedding gift was one of the more egregious. It's a bit sad, I had hoped to have a very close relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



I think in our case their non-gift giving has affected our relationship. Even my husband thought it strange. It's a whole host of things really, but the lack of wedding gift was one of the more egregious. It's a bit sad, I had hoped to have a very close relationship with them.

How is the lack of wedding gift preventing you from having a close relationship with them? I don't understand this requirement of no money for wedding = no future relationship. I would guess the in-laws probably see your greedy ways and decided not to waste money on someone that they will never have a relationship with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous



I think in our case their non-gift giving has affected our relationship. Even my husband thought it strange. It's a whole host of things really, but the lack of wedding gift was one of the more egregious. It's a bit sad, I had hoped to have a very close relationship with them.

How is the lack of wedding gift preventing you from having a close relationship with them? I don't understand this requirement of no money for wedding = no future relationship. I would guess the in-laws probably see your greedy ways and decided not to waste money on someone that they will never have a relationship with.

+1000 They can see right through you, wife-zilla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".

Mentioning registries in an invite is tacky as hell, but seems about one degree less offensive than stating cash only, or, excuse me, "no boxed gifts." Mentioning registries in a baby or wedding shower invite - when thrown by non-family - is correct.

[Anonymous]

I sort of see your point about a registry being less tacky than saying cash only. We were invited to a wedding where the registry only had outrageously expensive items and that also ruffled many a feather. I truly think giving cash is the way to do it, that way a couple can just use it any which way they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know it even used to be considered tacky to enclose RSVP cards and envelopes? It implied that you thought the invited person was such a yokel that she wouldn't know to reply or have her own stationery. Now it's considered helpful. I believe the notes about registries and gifts are now considered "helpful." That doesn't mean you have to follow it, or consider it tasteful.

Times change. I think the days are gone when everyone you knew followed the same rules and knew the standard places couples registered.

When I go to a wedding, if money is the gift they prefer, money is what I give them. I know in a lot of cultures it's the polite custom. Who am I to say my culture is superior?

Just don't get me started on people who have big all-out weddings when it's not their first marriage. Now that's tacky.

Please pardon my shouting, but IT IS STILL IS TACKY TO MENTION REGISTRIES ON A WEDDING INVITE. Whether on the invitation itself or a separate little card, you're asking for loot. And it's not helpful. If guests wish to buy you something from your registry, they'll ask you. No one should be getting married for the gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in our case their non-gift giving has affected our relationship. Even my husband thought it strange. It's a whole host of things really, but the lack of wedding gift was one of the more egregious. It's a bit sad, I had hoped to have a very close relationship with them.

Did your husband's family host any sort of pre-wedding party or pay for bevridges or any other part of the reception? Did they host a get-together the next day? Many families consider paying for some part of the wedding festivities their gift to the couple,

In any case, I hope you can get past thinking about whether a gift was given or whether it was a good enough gift and just enjoy a good relationship with both sides of your family. It will make your life much nicer and more enjoyable all around to just not keep track of that sort of thing.